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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that the school nurse shouldn't have sent me this letter...

394 replies

emkana · 06/12/2007 21:33

which has a programme in it how to deal with dd2's "bedwetting" WTF? She doesn't do "bedwetting", she's only 4.4 and still in pull-ups, which I thought was widely accepted as quite normal?

OP posts:
BahHunkerBug · 06/12/2007 22:23

MD - the truth hurts is what an irritating male classmate used to say to me to try to get a rise out of me when I was 11

yurt1 · 06/12/2007 22:24

oh god most of ds1's schoolfriends are in nappies during the day- it's not a big deal, especially at night- unless the child is embarrassed by it (having friends to stay perhaps?). Perhaps that's why they say post 7 is a problem because of the social side of things.

having done a year of wet beds every day with ds1- I was overjoyed when he started wearing nappies again. Wet beds every night is a PITA problem, a soggy pull up? nah.

hatwoman · 06/12/2007 22:24

I have no problem with md's opinion or advice - but as I said before, md, you are delivering it in a way that is coming over as really rather preachy.

moondog · 06/12/2007 22:25

There are a lot of things my children don't or didn't do naturally.
Speaking for example which is rather odd as I am a speech nad language therapist.
My response to this is to do all I can to aid what should be a natural process.

Oh, and incidentally,my 3.5 year old isn't yet dry at night.

edam · 06/12/2007 22:25

MD, you really are an extremist on this topic, aren't you? "They just get rich as you lot get lazier and lazier."

Patronising and rude.

smeeinachristmastreeinnit · 06/12/2007 22:26

yurt, "oh god most of ds1's schoolfriends are in nappies during the day" really? school friends? how old are they???

hatwoman · 06/12/2007 22:27

no the truth doesn't hurt. being spoken to like I'm a slacker or an idiot by someone who seems to know all about a topic on the basis of their own experience, does. well, it doesn;t "hurt" but it does piss me off.

orangehead · 06/12/2007 22:27

Where has all this notion of normal come from? Each child is different and they all do it when ready, some have specific problems and need help. But 4 and five years its still earlier days. I wet the bed till 11, my mum did all sorts of things and nothing helped. Ds1 was still wetting in day till five, I was at the end of my teether. I didnt even try training him at night as it would be stupid to expect him to be dry at night when cant do it in the day. The week he turned five he stopped wetting in day and was dry at night. After noticing his nappy dry for 3 mornings in a row, previous nights they were completely soaked, I no longer put a nappy on and he been fine ever since. It was like something just clicked with him, he was ready. Now having probs with ds2, seems like it might be hereditary

edam · 06/12/2007 22:27

Right, your 3.5yr old isn't dry at night, but somehow I'm lazy because my 4yo isn't either? And part of some derogatory 'you lot'?!

yurt1 · 06/12/2007 22:27

yes agree ems mum. The kylies (one washed every day) took up half a load by themselves. Then if the drying one was still damp at bedtime it would have needed a quick tumble dry. ds1's pull ups are environmentally more friendly.

incidentally there is an environmentally friendly alternative,. I did get real nappies made for him once but getting covers is hard. lollipop do eenies incontinence pants which can be stuffed with a disposable biodegradable pad. Ds1 refuses point blank to wear them, but they are a greener alternative.

suwoo · 06/12/2007 22:28

I really think it must depend on the child. DD was completely dry in the day by 22 months- she is clearly pictured legs akimbo at her 2nd birthday party in her hot pink knickers! At night, it was just before full time nursery so about 3.6 which I actually thought was late . I think every child has his/her 'thing' some might be crap at spelling, some might get tonsillitis all the time and some may find it difficult to be dry. I now have a DS and I'm sure he will be a lot later at being dry than DD and its great to know I'm in good comapany.

BahHunkerBug · 06/12/2007 22:28

Yes, I aided a natural process with DS1 (his daytime training) - by stepping back and letting him do it in his own time, because not having a nappy on was distressing him so much.

One size doesn't fit all with this issue. I would hardly tell any of the children you see that they're being lazy and their mothers obviously can't be arsed to speak to them.

moondog · 06/12/2007 22:29

Well, by that token I am lazy too.
I know what needs to be done but with a f/t job, a business, an MSc and two children to raise single handedly while dh away for weeks on end,neither can I face the inevitable wet bedding.

Dh will deal with it on his next fortnight at home.

mistletoemiggins · 06/12/2007 22:30

ok both my DC had real nappies until DS just got too big!
they dont do real nappies that fit 5yr olds

so I have done nothing different but DD(3) is dry and DS(5) is not

I cant find real nappies to fit him

the other night about 11pm when Iwas asleep DS woke & came to tell me he had wet bed -that means he completely wet pull ups AND his sheets - what could I do about that?

mumeeee · 06/12/2007 22:30

Monndog some children have trouble with bedwetting. DD3 now 15 was one of them she actually was not comletly dry at night until she was 14. She was under an enuresis clinnic who actually told me that lifting a child at night makes them worse. Because unless you make sure the child is fully awake it actually encourages them to wee in thier sleep.

yurt1 · 06/12/2007 22:30

Hi class 6 to 8ish smee. It's a special school (takes children from 3 to 19). Probably the majority of the children are in nappies. DS1 is unusual in that he's not during the day. It's one reason why I really can't get worked up about pull ups at night. And after a year of wet beds I had a celebratory drink when he started to wear nappies at night again.

The main problem I have is that he'll only wear one brand, so when they change their cover design I'm stuffed.

EmsMum · 06/12/2007 22:30

Anyhow...

I'd like to share a different strand of practical advice for persistent bedwetters. Make sure they are drinking enough. Odd as it may sound, in my DDs case part of her treatment - which took months - was to get her to drink a lot more. Her bladder simply was less than half the size it should have been. When we first tried ditching the pullups she could wet at 10, 2, 4 and then not make it to the loo in time in the morning.... you bet your life we went back to them for a while until she'd got in the habit of drinking loads. But then it was necessary to ditch pullups and have the wet beds a while.

For some of us, MD, pullups are if not a necessary evil then a blumming useful one.

Mincepiedermama · 06/12/2007 22:30

Moondog you are so funny.

I should mention I am the mother of a 5.10 year old who still wears night nappies.

I think you're right about pull ups though. They're a scourge. I'm using them this time for convenience but dd1 and ds2 were in terry nappies and they were both out of them day and night by 2.5.

I think I'll have to dig them out and test this theory.

moondog · 06/12/2007 22:31

Learning to talk is a completely different skill to toilet training Hunker.
They are in no way comparable.

Neverenoughmistletoe · 06/12/2007 22:31

I haven't read all the posts but will just say this:

"around one in six 5-year-olds, and at least one in fifty 7-year-old boys and one in a hundred 7-year-old girls, have nocturnal enuresis (wetting the bed) more than once a week
in some children, the problem can persist, with around 0.8% of girls and 1.6% of boys aged 15-16 years wetting at least once every 3 months "

I'm quoting from a resource I use at work.

I think that the school nurse was probably just offering you help if you want it emkana, and wouldn't expect that she will follow it up.
We wouldn't generally treat til about 7 unless it is distressing to the child.
DH used to lift DD1 at 11 every night well into her first year of school wheras DD2, snapping as always at her heels, greeted me one day when she was 3 with "need wee-wee-FAST"one morning!
Horses for courses-they usually get there!

yurt1 · 06/12/2007 22:32

I got told that hunker when ds1 was 2 (not by a SALT obviously). I was then told by the same person that I must be talking over him

mistletoemiggins · 06/12/2007 22:32

STOP having a go at each other and help us who are genuinely "failing"

I agree with both sides - just saying that Ive tried everything & its not working - I need help/advice not arguements

BahHunkerBug · 06/12/2007 22:33

Doesn't mention laziness

psychomum5 · 06/12/2007 22:33

my DS1 took until he was very nearly 7 to become dry at night, and then he just seemed to click within a week and ever since he has maybe been wet 5 times, and each and every one has been after a birthday party when he has been allowed a fizzy drink.....now he never has them at all, party regardless!

however DS2 seemed to be dry day and night all at once (one week after his 2nd b/day too), making me feel all smug that my child was wonderful at this and after five kiddies I too must be well trained, and then within a month was wet at night.

he is now 5.5yrs and still wakes more night's than not soggy. i am not overly concerned tho as I know he can do it, he just doesn't as often as i would like.

that said tho, he does have a bowel issue so sometimes i think it is the fact that he is so swollen that makes the difference.

hey ho.....all kids do things in their own time, however much we may try otherwise. this is just another one.

mistletoemiggins · 06/12/2007 22:33

and my DS is having Speech therapy so is that a link or have I just got confused