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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH is sulking over sex

443 replies

erin48 · 29/09/2021 22:05

This is so embarrassing to post as I feel like I'm in the wrong here but I need some opinions.

DH loves blowjobs, I don't hate them, don't enjoy them but I will do it because he enjoys it.

The last few months have been difficult. I had an early miscarriage (DH was nothing but supportive during this time). Then he has been completely wiped out with covid for the past 2 weeks.

Due to being double vaccinated, I am still working, my boss and colleagues are aware he has it. He's been sleeping in the spare room and contact has been minimal.

Then, my uncle died unexpectedly Monday night, I received the sad news on Tuesday morning.

Today, on our temperature check upon entrance into the office mine was a little high and I'd woke up with a headache. My boss told me to keep an eye on my temperature and 2 hours later, it was flashing amber with a temperature of 38.7. My boss sent me home and asked for me to have a test done ASAP. I went straight to the local drive through test centre and I am waiting for results.

His first reaction to this was "you can't not work for 10 days, we can't lose the money". Then tonight he's got out of the shower and asked me for a blow job knowing that since about 5pm I've had a sore throat and feel shivery. I said no, now he's sulking and has ruined our evening catching up on a couple of tv shows we watch together.

I said to him "I feel rough" and he said "we don't have to have sex we can do other things you know" in a shitty tone.

My uncle has passed away unexpectedly, DH has had covid so I've been doing everything whilst he has been wiped out with it and now I suspect my test is going to come back positive, I feel fluey and do not want to have sex or give him a blow job! I'm not in the mood and I feel shite, mentally and physically.

He does this every now and then as I suspect he's not happy with the amount he gets.

How do I handle this? He always has a smart arse response ready for when I try and defend myself.

OP posts:
getsomehelp · 30/09/2021 02:17

Surely you should say:
"No way , I feel like shit... l've been working , picking up after you like a baby, I am grieving due to a death in my family & still expected to have your dick in my sore throat? Fucking no way.
No point in sulking, it will make absolutely no difference.
You are obviously feeling a lot better, bring me tea in bed. Tosser"

MitheringMytryl · 30/09/2021 02:25

He sounds like a really horrible person and I don't think I'd want to be with him anymore.

chaosmaker · 30/09/2021 02:39

@erin48

Thanks everyone.

We've been together since we were very young, teenagers and now early 30s.

We don't have any children, I've had a few miscarriages.

Yes I have been looking after him since he's been ill, I live the house at 7 for work, checked on him every morning, bought him drinks, he hasn't wanted anything to eat. I get home at 7pm and spend 30 minutes cleaning up from the day (apparently when you have covid you cannot put your lunch stuff in the dishwasher or your laundry in the laundry basket).

I just needed a night cuddled up on the sofa tonight, I'm tired, feel rough, grieving and thought it would be nice to catch up on some of the stuff we watch together.

There are lovely people out there but it sounds like your only experience has been with this man. You deserve so much better.

My response to the demand would have been NO with no reasons you don't need to be reasons as other posters have said.

Sending you love and the hope that you'll evaluate this relationship and see that it is very one sided. xxx

1forAll74 · 30/09/2021 02:42

Horrible blow job man, with zilch respect.

AngelDelightUk · 30/09/2021 03:09

Tell him to sod off. I can’t believe he isn’t comforting you

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/09/2021 03:52

What a selfish wanker he is.
His need for a blow job outweighs your sickness, you're upset over being sent home from work because of your sickness and all this compounded with the grief of VERY recently losing a loved one - and he thinks ANY of this is ok?

Nah.

Please don't have children with him. I know you've had MCs and I'm sorry for those, but this is the sort of selfish twat who will want sex within a couple of weeks of a child being born, whinge about having to "babysit", refuse to do anything much in terms of childcare or housework but still expect you to work full time as well as do all of that.

Just not worth it. HOpe you feel better soon. x

timeisnotaline · 30/09/2021 03:57

Could he have intentionally triggered the sulk so that there’s a reason (in his mind) for not offering you drinks and doing the cooking and cleaning while you’re sick? I too wonder if you’ve outgrown this selfish manchild, and it’s time to explain you’re not happy anymore and have decided you need the freedom of being single where no one treats you like crap when you are feeling sick already. Of course no one looks after you when you’re sick but sounds like that’s not going to happen while you’re with him anyway….

HeirloomTomato · 30/09/2021 04:20

Once he is recovered from COVID and not infectious anymore, tell him to go find a hotel to stay at for a couple of weeks. He’ll be welcome back once he knows how to treat you like a full complete human with complex needs, not a walking talking sex doll.

Also if he doesn’t think you can both get by financially without you continuing to work through illness and bereavement, maybe he needs to move out and get a taste of living on his own. Still no blow jobs, but plenty of time for him to sulk to his heart’s content Grin

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 30/09/2021 05:11

@SneakyCucumberAction

Actually we are only hearng one side of the story in this relationship. And this is possibly intentional on behalf of the OP. Yes the husband appears to be demanding of sexual services at the most inopportune times, but how do we not know that this is a pattern with this couple. How do we know that the OP doesn't enjoy and demand cunnilingus in equal measures? We don't. If you both like to pleasure each other and have a 'pattern' then do it. Otherwise I don't see the point of your post.
Oh behave
Nancydrawn · 30/09/2021 05:33

What in the world does he think sounds sexy about being sick, grieving, and exhausted from caretaking?

And why would he want to have sex with someone who was feeling miserable?

At best, grotesquely insensitive and selfish.

Ellabella222 · 30/09/2021 05:36

Sulking is indirect aggression. It’s horrible behaviour.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/09/2021 06:05

@SneakyCucumberAction

Actually we are only hearng one side of the story in this relationship. And this is possibly intentional on behalf of the OP. Yes the husband appears to be demanding of sexual services at the most inopportune times, but how do we not know that this is a pattern with this couple. How do we know that the OP doesn't enjoy and demand cunnilingus in equal measures? We don't. If you both like to pleasure each other and have a 'pattern' then do it. Otherwise I don't see the point of your post.
What a load of old shite this is.
AliceAbsolum · 30/09/2021 06:14

Does he sulk about other things?

Shoxfordian · 30/09/2021 06:22

Nothing less attractive than sulking
Is he usually like this when you don’t give him a blowjob on demand like some kind of sex doll? He doesn’t value your feelings at all. I suspect you’ve been used to this shit behaviour for so long that you think it’s normal

Isabellabasil · 30/09/2021 06:23

I never normally say this but please leave him. He is a hopeless case. How can you ever come back from this, knowing he thinks so little of you?

BigGreen · 30/09/2021 06:42

Urg, definitely don't have kids with this person. What vile behaviour, I'd struggle to move past this tbh.

Northernsoullover · 30/09/2021 06:44

I'm absolutely speechless at how horrible your husband is I was asked for a bj in a similar fashion once. No foreplay, or even a kiss someone I'd just met (but I was trying to flirt with) I politely told him to fuck off. So yes there are these entitled dickheads out there, sadly you are married to one.

pictish · 30/09/2021 06:49

What about what I want?
It doesn’t matter. There’s no entitlement to blow jobs. Jesus.

HosannainExcelSheets · 30/09/2021 06:53

You said he's normally loving and caring, but I seriously doubt that. Please take a step back and ask yourself honestly about his behaviour and how he treats you. Think any the day to day as well as when you "need" him more, like now. Is he really there for you in the same way that you are for him?

It rings alarm bells that you've been together since you were young. You haven't had a chance to try out other relationships to work out what a truly loving and respectful relationship is like.

I do not normally jump on the LTB bandwagon, but in this case I really think you would benefit from a proper break from him to experience what life is like withy a sex pest parasite to look after. He doesn't respect you, or care about you from what you've said. And you deserve to be looked after and loved.

You don't have children yet (and I'm sorry for your losses) but that makes it much easier to leave now without permanent ties to this man.

Horst · 30/09/2021 07:02

I can’t imagine a time someone coming upto me and asking me to suck their dick/for a blow job would get me like yeah sure right away.

More like nah you go suck a dick I’m busy not sucking dicks attached to dicks.

His an arse op though and though.

DrGoogleSaysSo · 30/09/2021 07:03

He's selfish and uncaring. He know you're not feeling well and has the nerve to ask you for something you don't really like to do and sulks.
Hope you get better soon OP and in the future never do anything that you don't feel like just because you're being pested.

Pancakeorcrepe · 30/09/2021 07:04

Oh darling! He is utterly selfish and disgusting. You deserve so much more than him. Sorry about your Uncle, that must have been a big shock to you.

TrueRefuge · 30/09/2021 07:04

I just cannot fathom how an otherwise nice and kind and supportive man turns THIS awful over a flipping BJ.

He is horrible OP, and I'm so sorry he's being so cruel during a hard time for you.

I don't know what else to say, but I'd be thinking of counselling over this. You can't have this happen every time he wants a blow job, and you can't just do it to prevent this happening.

Id be tempted to send him the law update about coercive sex and that it is now a crime and maybe he wants to rethink his entitled position before he ends up a lonely old pervert.

Ugh, just gross.

pilates · 30/09/2021 07:08

He. Is. A. Bully.

You are ill and also grieving and all he can think about is a BJ. 😲

I’m sure there are other aspects is your life where he is an arse too but you have just got used to it.

MuffinsAreJustCakesAtBreakfast · 30/09/2021 07:08

This sounds familiar!

When I was 17 I had a boyfriend who would do this.

I dumped him obviously.