DH is sulking over sex

[erin48]

This is so embarrassing to post as I feel like I'm in the wrong here but I need some opinions.

DH loves blowjobs, I don't hate them, don't enjoy them but I will do it because he enjoys it.

The last few months have been difficult. I had an early miscarriage (DH was nothing but supportive during this time). Then he has been completely wiped out with covid for the past 2 weeks.

Due to being double vaccinated, I am still working, my boss and colleagues are aware he has it. He's been sleeping in the spare room and contact has been minimal.

Then, my uncle died unexpectedly Monday night, I received the sad news on Tuesday morning.

Today, on our temperature check upon entrance into the office mine was a little high and I'd woke up with a headache. My boss told me to keep an eye on my temperature and 2 hours later, it was flashing amber with a temperature of 38.7. My boss sent me home and asked for me to have a test done ASAP. I went straight to the local drive through test centre and I am waiting for results.

His first reaction to this was "you can't not work for 10 days, we can't lose the money". Then tonight he's got out of the shower and asked me for a blow job knowing that since about 5pm I've had a sore throat and feel shivery. I said no, now he's sulking and has ruined our evening catching up on a couple of tv shows we watch together.

I said to him "I feel rough" and he said "we don't have to have sex we can do other things you know" in a shitty tone.

My uncle has passed away unexpectedly, DH has had covid so I've been doing everything whilst he has been wiped out with it and now I suspect my test is going to come back positive, I feel fluey and do not want to have sex or give him a blow job! I'm not in the mood and I feel shite, mentally and physically.

He does this every now and then as I suspect he's not happy with the amount he gets.

How do I handle this? He always has a smart arse response ready for when I try and defend myself.

@MrsTesfaye

*And besides what grown man asks for a BJ?*

Most of them? If my partners didn't feel comfortable enough to ask for oral sex I'd be concerned. You sound like fun in the sack, lol !

No need for you to be rude to the OP is there. What do you get out of that.

Frequency of blowjobs/BJ's-on-tap does not make your partner obedient/loyal. I sucked my ex's dick every fucking day for four years and he was still a cheating, smelly cunt. You're a fool if you think that's all it "takes to keep men loyal". And also there is more to life than men's sexual satisfaction and fulfillment. Thankfully.

@skodadoda

OP, if you have children with this excuse for a man this behaviour will get worse because he will resent the attention you have to give to a child.

This OP.

This is NOT a man you want to have children with.

This is a nasty sex pest who sulks.

Sulking for not getting sex is abusive.

Do not just drift on in this relationship, he is NOT a decent man.

His reaction to your illness speaks volumes.

He's scum.

Get well and dump him.

Don't bring a child into your relationship.

I am sorry but he sounds like such an arse I would not stay with him. His worse crime is not sulking about it - its a complete disregard and respect for you. Does this transfer through to other parts of your life? Regardless if he has this attitude to you regularly then you must strive for something better. I think you are so used to it now you think its OK but its not how other people live.

Does he just whistle you in and ask for blow jobs??

Not sure if you have children with this man but my advice would be to stop trying and get shot of him.

He sounds revolting and he is not about to change.

@MLMbotsno there's always one on threads like these aren't there? 🙄

@MrsTesfaye was not saying that to the OP!!!!!! She was replying to the person who said it is not normal to ask for sex, when of course it's bloody normal. My DP will occasionally ask for a random blow job or say 'fancy a shag my gorgeous sexy woman' whenever, maybe in the middle of a meal. I love it. She was replying to someone saying it is not normal FFS.

Anyway, it is quite clear that the OP has a sexually abusive (I would say wanker, but clearly he is incapable of doing it himself) bastard and should LEAVE HIM. OP do yourself a big favour and leave his sulky arse behind. He is not worth it and you are worth more unless you really do think he has more right to your body than you do.

@timeisnotaline

I’d tell him your new decision, after looking after him for two weeks, your uncle dying, now you’re not well, you have two things to tell him. 1. You’d like to remind him that the past two weeks have taught you that people with COVID can do no housework at all, and 2. You are so done with his sulking because you feeling sick means you don’t want to give him a blowjob and have realised you never ever feel like giving him one again, so you won’t.

Agree with this advice.

@MrsTesfaye

**Thanks. I have.

Bye bye posts..**

Have you? Well my posts are still there, so
..

Are they though?

Really?..

and that if his desired sexual partner doesn't give him what he wants sexually then she is being unreasonable. This is the mindset of a rapist.

This. It’s a very slippery slope with this stuff. Especially on a day like today we should be vigilant about how men in our lives are acting and what they might be capable of. I would be very worried about your DH.

Buy him Karma sutra for one and tell him to fuck off and to learn how to suck his own dick!

My ex husband used to be like this but please not he was not a rapist 😬, he would have never forced me to do anything and never laid a finger in me without asking but he was great at sulking and asked for sex often. I find it a huge turn off being pestered so he ended getting nothing. I think it’s a bit strong to say OP’s husband is a potential rapist. I’m wondering how people would react is OP’s post was a reverse and it was her asking for something sexual? Would you accuse her of being an abuser?

OP. Of course he was wrong to expect you to give him a blowjob, I guess it’s ok for him to ask but he shouldn’t be sulking because you said ‘no’. I would ignore his shitty behaviour and concentrate on everything else you have going on. He’s just being a twat.

What a horrible man to do this to you when you’re ill with possible Covid. Selfish is not strong enough a word

Sulky DH throws a tantrum because he can't get what he wants sexually. Selfish, selfish, selfish. Sorry but this behaviour (which is nearly always male behaviour) really gets up my nose. It's so childish. And totally self-absorbed.

I think a lot of married men do this, they sort of expect regular attending to like it's their right. And fuck how you're feeling, from their perspective you married them so they're entitled to it. And at that point it just becomes another thing on the "to do" list for you.

Really pisses me off

@FourEyesGood

There’s nothing less sexy than a sulker.

This! Resonates so much. OP YANBU

There's a really good article on coercive control on the Telegraph website: www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/coercive-control-how-can-you-tell-whether-your-partner-is-emotio/

Unfortunately, the article is behind a paywall - but here are the relevant bits for you OP:

4. A one-way street In a healthy relationship, equality is present. If one person has particular needs, they accept that their partner will also have their own needs.

But an abuser will not think about their partner, and generally puts themselves first. “It doesn’t go the other way,” explain Women's Aid. “There’s no consideration that you’re upset.

“Perpetrators of domestic violence do it because they feel entitled to behave that way. They think their partner is there to meet to their needs and they’re entitled to take whatever they want.”

5. Nothing ever happened ‘Gaslighting’ is when someone exhibits abusive behaviour and then pretends it didn’t happen – or even switches blame on to the victim. It’s also common among psychological abusers.

“It can be very confusing,” say Women's Aid. “It can cause serious problems when a woman starts to doubt herself. That’s very difficult to get your head around as a survivor. It takes a woman a long time to recognise that the nice behaviour and abusive behaviour are both a conscious decision on the behalf of the perpetrator.”

6. Unhappiness doesn't matter In a healthy relationship, if one person tells their partner just how unhappy they are with their behaviour, they may be upset, annoyed or both. But they will eventually get over it. An abuser will not react that way.

Say Women's Aid: “A perpetrator is unwilling ever to listen to why you’re unhappy and will often minimise what has happened. If they’re not willing to do any work towards your relationship that would be really concerning, as would being too scared to talk about it in the first place.

“All of us in relationships mess up sometimes and don’t behave appropriately. If you're frightened and worried and feel like you have to give up on the things that are important to you in order to make your partner OK, and to avoid his bad behaviour, that’s where the line is."

@Lovemusic33 a man who sulks when he's told no, and continues to argue and push his spouse/partner until they give in, is a rapist.

Coersive sex is still sex without consent, and therefore, legally, rape.

DH loves blowjobs, I don't hate them, don't enjoy them but I will do it because he enjoys it.

WTAF?!? How did you marry a man you were not sexually compatible with?!? Surely before the wedding he must have at some point said he liked blow jobs and you should have told him you didn't like blow jobs?!?

He's manipulative. He sulks because its how he gets his own way and he'll make you feel like crap until you give in. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life like this? I've never dated a man who did this. You can and do deserve better

Good luck having the serious chat with him OP. He sounds a lot like my ex-h, and as pp have said, it got a lot worse once we had a child and I didn't have as much time for him. Hopefully your h can recognise this coercive and selfish behaviour and sort it out.

Sulking anytime over sex does nothing for either party.

Doing it in the circumstances you described is pretty awful and sad. As a guy I have been sometimes frustrated but do realise the total pointlessness of that approach.

I see this as a red flag tbh, but at the very least id tell him exactly what I thought of his demands when im ill. Tell him what youve told us.
You do not have to do anything sexually that you dont want to do. You dont even need an excuse, but the fact he even asked when you are feeling so ill, let alone sulked when you said no, shows how selfish and entitled he is.

I would find it quite unattractive for a partner to just ask for a blow job anyway. Surely a blow job you wait till its freely offered since theres not much in it for the giver

I had one that did the shower thing to me. We were having a relatively serious conversation/I was chatting to him about something and he replied 'that's good now sck my cck' and I did, when I really should've told him to fuck the fuck off, but wanted him to like me.

It preyed on my mind after I dumped him, that I should've told him to fuck off. I hope I do if I have anything like that off a man again. But he's put me off men.

LTB but clearly you’re muddled up in ur own delusions to understand

I haven’t read the full thread but the correct response to that is to say get your things, get out, fuck off and never come back.
The very fact that you have to ask the question whether or not you are wrong for not giving him a blow job when he clicks his fingers is very telling that he’s probably done a very good manipulative abusive job on you already. No you do not owe him blow jobs. In any circumstance. Whether you are feeling on top of the world or like shit. Just no.
These creeps need to be recognised, stop being given second third and however many chances, we need to stop even consider that their bullshit might be right. Do not put up with this.