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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH is sulking over sex

443 replies

erin48 · 29/09/2021 22:05

This is so embarrassing to post as I feel like I'm in the wrong here but I need some opinions.

DH loves blowjobs, I don't hate them, don't enjoy them but I will do it because he enjoys it.

The last few months have been difficult. I had an early miscarriage (DH was nothing but supportive during this time). Then he has been completely wiped out with covid for the past 2 weeks.

Due to being double vaccinated, I am still working, my boss and colleagues are aware he has it. He's been sleeping in the spare room and contact has been minimal.

Then, my uncle died unexpectedly Monday night, I received the sad news on Tuesday morning.

Today, on our temperature check upon entrance into the office mine was a little high and I'd woke up with a headache. My boss told me to keep an eye on my temperature and 2 hours later, it was flashing amber with a temperature of 38.7. My boss sent me home and asked for me to have a test done ASAP. I went straight to the local drive through test centre and I am waiting for results.

His first reaction to this was "you can't not work for 10 days, we can't lose the money". Then tonight he's got out of the shower and asked me for a blow job knowing that since about 5pm I've had a sore throat and feel shivery. I said no, now he's sulking and has ruined our evening catching up on a couple of tv shows we watch together.

I said to him "I feel rough" and he said "we don't have to have sex we can do other things you know" in a shitty tone.

My uncle has passed away unexpectedly, DH has had covid so I've been doing everything whilst he has been wiped out with it and now I suspect my test is going to come back positive, I feel fluey and do not want to have sex or give him a blow job! I'm not in the mood and I feel shite, mentally and physically.

He does this every now and then as I suspect he's not happy with the amount he gets.

How do I handle this? He always has a smart arse response ready for when I try and defend myself.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 30/09/2021 09:17

Do you want to stay with him? Ask him why he's happy for you to give him blowjobs when he knows you don't like it.

MrsTesfaye · 30/09/2021 09:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Regularsizedrudy · 30/09/2021 09:22

It’s so sad that women think they have to live like this, that because he is nice most of the time that excuses him being sexually abusive. That’s what this is, sexual abuse. You can do so much better than this sad little man.

Feelingoktoday · 30/09/2021 09:23

Dear OP. You were very young when you met him. This is not how nice men behave. You do not have to put up with it. You do not owe anyone sex. Read up about consent. You can say no to him. You can say no to providing oral sex, anal sex, any sex.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 30/09/2021 09:24

@MrsTesfaye

*And besides what grown man asks for a BJ?*

Most of them? If my partners didn't feel comfortable enough to ask for oral sex I'd be concerned. You sound like fun in the sack, lol !

Nope. Not most of them. Most men like them and want them during sex but that's completely different to randomly walking up to your partner apropos of nothing and asking for a blowjob. That's gross.
Brokeandtired3 · 30/09/2021 09:24

OP. Can I give you an example of a healthy relationship in this scenario: it would go something like
Man - wants a bj
Woman - not in the mood and expresses this
Man - respects his parents decision and doesn not persist because at the end of the day the man would only want to receive any intimate act if it is from a place of wanted to be given. he gets NO ENJOYMENT or PLEASURE in knowing he has effectively forced his partner to do something she doesnt want to do.

His pleasure comes from her pleasure.

That is a healthy relationship.

Also I feel like maybe as a coping or defense mechanism you have unintentionally identify this abusive behaviour and the behaviour your partner has towards you outside of the bedroom as two seperate people when in fact as pps have pointed out this is who is. You cant pick this apart from the other. I think you need to face up to whole truth and reality of who the man is that you are with. People show you who the real them is .... believe it for what is.

MrsTesfaye · 30/09/2021 09:26

This reply has been deleted

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CloseYourEyesAndSee · 30/09/2021 09:27

[quote MrsTesfaye]@CloseYourEyesAndSee

that's hilarious. It's completely normal to ask for oral sex, or any kind of sex 🤣🤣[/quote]
Is that contribution really appropriate on this thread?

MrsTesfaye · 30/09/2021 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 30/09/2021 09:29

@MrsTesfaye

*that's completely different to randomly walking up to your partner apropos of nothing and asking for a blowjob. That's gross.*

I find it a huge turn on and would be happy to oblige. And so do my partners when I ask for oral Wink feel sorry for some of your husbands on here, no wonder so many men are sexually unfulfilled living with such prudes who recoil at the thought of spontaneity. No wonder so many men cheat 🤣

Once again, is your contribution really appropriate and helpful on this thread? We aren't discussing what you like sexually, we are discussing a sexually coercive man.
MrsTesfaye · 30/09/2021 09:30

Read my first message, it was directed to the person who asked what kind of man asks for oral? Well, loads of them!

MakingM · 30/09/2021 09:30

@FourEyesGood

There’s nothing less sexy than a sulker.
+ 1,000

Why do they do that? Presumably they are aware of how to woo a woman into bed…I mean they clearly knew when we first met them. I’ve never even gone on a date with a sulker.

It’s like they expect us to turn into Fanny Uber just because we’ve been in a relationship for a while.

They need to remember to woo - basic wooing.it’s not rocket science.

Hankunamatata · 30/09/2021 09:31

My answer 'you know your being a bloody selfish twat right now' followed by a dramatic door slam.

speakout · 30/09/2021 09:32

. No wonder so many men cheat 🤣

Did I read this correctly?

cittigirl · 30/09/2021 09:35

@TeachesOfPeaches

Tell him to piss off and have a wank
This!
WormYourHonour · 30/09/2021 09:35

Men cheat for 1 reason and one reason only.
It has nothing do with how regularly their cool girl partner services their cock to save them exerting their wrists. Nothing to do with how often they expect their partner to satisfy them.

They do it... because they want to.
That's it, plain and simple.

UndeadSlut · 30/09/2021 09:35

[quote MrsTesfaye]@CloseYourEyesAndSee

that's hilarious. It's completely normal to ask for oral sex, or any kind of sex 🤣🤣[/quote]
Just ignore it. It's also an anti vaxxer so we can safely say it's a troll who wishes to derail important threads. Let's not give it the attention it craves.

OP I hope your talk with your husband goes well and he actually realises his behaviour is not acceptable.
I don't hold much hope though...

MrsTesfaye · 30/09/2021 09:37

So unvaccinated people are all trolls now? Feel free to report me to MNHQ, lol

WormYourHonour · 30/09/2021 09:38

@MrsTesfaye

So unvaccinated people are all trolls now? Feel free to report me to MNHQ, lol
Thanks. I have.

Bye bye posts..

Brokeandtired3 · 30/09/2021 09:38

@MrsTesfaye oh come off it you wouldnt happily oblige if you had covid and was grieving someone.

She isnt a sex doll she is a person. Someones mood for sex is affected by their health, mental state, what's going on day to day.

And yes love its completely "normal" to ask for sex.

But its not normal to hold it against someone if they turn down that request.

There is a difference. Ugh.

MrsTesfaye · 30/09/2021 09:40

I was not talking to op in my first message I was replying to the person who asked what sort of man, in general, asks for oral. Comprende?

Brokeandtired3 · 30/09/2021 09:42

Why so threads of this nature always end up like this? Some troll or wind up of a person comes along and has to post something they know is wrong then completely over takes the thread and it becomes all about them.

Can people please be mindful that the op is a real human being and everything you say can make the op question what is happening and influence her to believe the abuse she going through is right. Unless that is your intention....then you a disgusting human being.

I'm sick of women that have horrible partners get swayed by stupid posters that they are in the wrong

MrsTesfaye · 30/09/2021 09:42

**Thanks. I have.

Bye bye posts..**

Have you? Well my posts are still there, so
..

Brokeandtired3 · 30/09/2021 09:43

these women are clearly vulnerable enough as it is

Regularsizedrudy · 30/09/2021 09:46

@MrsTesfaye

**Thanks. I have.

Bye bye posts..**

Have you? Well my posts are still there, so
..

Is your life really that shit and unfulfilled that you get kicks from derailing someone’s thread about their partners abusive behaviour? Get a hobby you pathetic weirdo.
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