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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I nasty?

155 replies

hettysfeathers · 27/09/2021 11:11

DP and I live 100 miles apart. Last night on the phone, he asked me to text him today.

I posted a photo for my friend's birthday at 9am, he then text me calling me a dick head for not texting him and telling me to go away when I replied.

He then said he didn't want to speak to me and I said "ok, don't expect me to reply when you've finished having a tantrum".

He said that he was doing the healthy thing and that I was punishing him for not wanting to talk either. I said, no, I wasn't punishing him, I just wasn't marching to the beat of his drum.

He has now said "I think I'll go for the unhealthy route in future, laugh at what you say and tell you to fuck off". This is what he does a lot during arguments, which he knows is a problem and upsets me.

He has said I am being unreasonable and nasty.

AIBU?!

OP posts:
DahliaMacNamara · 27/09/2021 13:08

I wouldn't have put up with shit like that in primary school, never mind from a fully grown adult. Bin this one.

Notaroadrunner · 27/09/2021 13:10

Why don't you want to end things? He's a fucking asshole and thankfully lives far enough away that you never have to see him again. Save yourself more stress from him and just dump him.

Original poster
hettysfeathers · 27/09/2021 13:10

He is only living away temporarily, we share a lot of friends here at home. He is my best friend, I have other friends but I get very lonely and like having someone there. I'm scared to be alone/without him

OP posts:
Original poster
hettysfeathers · 27/09/2021 13:11

And it's not all bad. He has good qualities

OP posts:
VeganCheesePlease · 27/09/2021 13:11

Yabu to stay with someone who treats you this way!

Peaplant20 · 27/09/2021 13:11

Ummm massive red flag alert

BlueSussex · 27/09/2021 13:12

Mate! Where's your self esteem?

He's pathetic and childish. What on earth would possess you to continue in a "relationship" with such a precious wanker?

Dillydollydingdong · 27/09/2021 13:13

Stop trying to convince yourself Hetty. The man's a loser, controlling and manipulating you. Don't let him.

Chikapu · 27/09/2021 13:14

@hettysfeathers

And it's not all bad. He has good qualities
And there it is. You're going to stay with him and put up with this immature crap because he's better than having no one, that's entirely your choice of course but don't make threads on the internet about his appaling behaviour if you're not going to take the advice.
littleloopylou · 27/09/2021 13:15

@hettysfeathers Hitler had good qualities! That didn't make him a good person.

Bobsyer · 27/09/2021 13:15

With friends like these who needs enemies @hettysfeathers

He’s behaving at best like a petulant teenager.

misskatamari · 27/09/2021 13:15

Having some good qualities doesn't make up for this ridiculous behaviour. It shows a complete lack of respect for you, and is immature and childish.
Dump him and work on figuring out why you feel better staying with someone who treats you this way, instead of being okay on your own.

Bimblybomeyelash · 27/09/2021 13:17

You deserve better. You deserve better. You deserve better.

nachocheese · 27/09/2021 13:19

You do realise there are men out there who have all the good qualities without the dickhead ones too? Seriously, chuck this one back in the sea.

Learn to love yourself, realise you're worth a lot more than this shitty behaviour, raise that standards bar a whole heap higher, and go find a better one. I'd rather be single forever than with a twat like him.

girlmom21 · 27/09/2021 13:21

He has good qualities but also handles (or strops instead of actually handling) arguments in ways he KNOWS upset you. If my 'best friend' did that I would end the friendship.

BoredZelda · 27/09/2021 13:21

I don't want to end things with him but if he can't even see that he's wrong I don't know what I can do

He speaks to you that way and you want to continue with that?

Ellie56 · 27/09/2021 13:21

I don't want to end things with him Why ever not? Hmm

He sounds a complete knob head. He won't change so stop wasting your time and set your sights higher!

LittlefairyMum · 27/09/2021 13:23

Look up trauma bonds on you tube.

Pull your friends closer and get rid X

Ellie56 · 27/09/2021 13:26

He is my best friend, I have other friends but I get very lonely and like having someone there. I'm scared to be alone/without him

Best friends don't treat you like shit like he does.

You're better off on your own than staying with a twat who shows you no respect and upsets you on a regular basis.

Original poster
hettysfeathers · 27/09/2021 13:28

Chipaku it's not that I'm not taking the advice. Multiple posters have asked why I am consequent staying with him, so I answered

OP posts:
Derbee · 27/09/2021 13:33

Awaiting the drip feed that explains why your bar is set so low for expectations from a relationship.

HappyDays101010 · 27/09/2021 13:34

I think a lot of people come onto mumsnet saying that the OP should break up with someone, but maybe the OP has some serious personal flaws herself, and this is the best she thinks can do.

Most people would prefer to be single, but again, perhaps the OP would prefer to be with someone who is mean to her, and just wants to vent on mumsnet occasionally.

Derbee · 27/09/2021 13:34

Also, he’s got into your head and made you question yourself unreasonably. Your OP should be called “is my boyfriend a dickhead?” not “am I nasty?”

FatJan · 27/09/2021 13:34

"he's my best friend."

he's not mate. you're confused.

Megistotherium · 27/09/2021 13:36

Meh. Just sound weird.