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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I nasty?

155 replies

hettysfeathers · 27/09/2021 11:11

DP and I live 100 miles apart. Last night on the phone, he asked me to text him today.

I posted a photo for my friend's birthday at 9am, he then text me calling me a dick head for not texting him and telling me to go away when I replied.

He then said he didn't want to speak to me and I said "ok, don't expect me to reply when you've finished having a tantrum".

He said that he was doing the healthy thing and that I was punishing him for not wanting to talk either. I said, no, I wasn't punishing him, I just wasn't marching to the beat of his drum.

He has now said "I think I'll go for the unhealthy route in future, laugh at what you say and tell you to fuck off". This is what he does a lot during arguments, which he knows is a problem and upsets me.

He has said I am being unreasonable and nasty.

AIBU?!

OP posts:
georgarina · 27/09/2021 11:45

He sounds controlling and horrible. Does he really make you happy?

CecilyP · 27/09/2021 11:47

So he was jealous that you thought of your friend before you? What a Dick! Not only ridiculously jealous but punishing you but claiming you are punishing him! And if that’s not bad enough, claiming that what he is doing is ‘the healthy way,. Do you really need this man-child in your life. Seriously, have a good think about it!

PrimaryMumma · 27/09/2021 11:54

@hettysfeathers

Thank you for your responses. He's adamant I'm in the wrong, I don't want to end things with him but if he can't even see that he's wrong I don't know what I can do
You’re not in the wrong. He’s behaving in a way that makes me want to run a hundred miles further away and he’s not even my fella!

The way I think about it, is would I want someone treating my daughter or my best friend or my mum like this? If the answer is no, then it’s time to think seriously what’s keeping you in the relationship. He doesn’t sound very emotionally mature and that’s a dealbreaker for me… but obviously only you can decide what is it or isn’t a dealbreaker for you.

CecilyP · 27/09/2021 11:55

Thank you for your responses. He's adamant I'm in the wrong, I don't want to end things with him but if he can't even see that he's wrong I don't know what I can do

Can’t think of anything you can do apart from end things. Especially as he’s now introduced pseudo-psychology of the ‘healthy way’ into this controlling mix.

Getyourownback · 27/09/2021 11:59

@hettysfeathers

Thank you for your responses. He's adamant I'm in the wrong, I don't want to end things with him but if he can't even see that he's wrong I don't know what I can do
How can you not want to end things? He’s awful, OP. Awful. He’s irrational, deeply unpleasant, abusive in the way he behaves and frankly fucking stupid. It was 9am and he kicked off because you hadn’t text him, a demand he’d made the night before?

What age are you both?

Spindrifting · 27/09/2021 12:00

@Stuckhere2021

YABU even to even ask OP. This sounds like the sort of drama my DC got involved in in their teens. I could not accept this in my life from anyone.
Yes, exactly. This kind of teen spat has no place in adult relationship. I’m surprised you even have to ask, OP. I’d be moving on swiftly.
Gncq · 27/09/2021 12:02

I don't want to end things with him Shock
Why the fuck not he's a cunt

gamerchick · 27/09/2021 12:04

If you don't want to end it with him then carry on doing what you're doing. Tell him to get back in touch when he's finished his tantrum and don't engage with it at all.

Hopefully you'll tire of it and dump him eventually.

ChargingBuck · 27/09/2021 12:11

Why are you dating an unpleasant 12 year old?

Especially one who lives 100 miles away & likes to control you via text.

Get a map out.
Draw a 100 mile diameter circle around your address.
Imagine how many grown up men who don't need to play mind games live in that circle.
Find one, & date him.

Cookingbynumbers · 27/09/2021 12:12

Dear God, is he a teenager?
I could not be dealing with this nonsense.
Ditch him, he’s showing you his true colours here.
Nothing so unattractive as petulance…

MitheringMytryl · 27/09/2021 12:13

He sounds like a stroppy 13yo.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 27/09/2021 12:15

Run for the fecking hills. Why do you want to stay with him? Come on Op, reality time.

FatJan · 27/09/2021 12:17

🙄

OrangutanLibrarian · 27/09/2021 12:17

What time was he expecting you to text?
Why don’t you want to end things with him? He’s cruel and he “punishes” you. He doesn’t care about you, love you or even like you, op. What do you get out of this relationship?

SunnyLeaf · 27/09/2021 12:19

Sorry but your bar is on the floor here. Do you really think you don’t deserve someone who is just minimally nice to you? Reasonable? He sounds very controlling and I doubt it’s the only red flag. This is the best it gets if you’re in a long distance relationship too, imagine how shit it would be when physically together long term too.

ButterflyAway · 27/09/2021 12:19

He’s actively told you he’s going to treat you like shit in future and you actively want to stay with him….? Why?

vampirethriller · 27/09/2021 12:19

What? He's angry because you were on Facebook before you text him?
He's a knob, immature and you deserve a lot better than that.

Chikapu · 27/09/2021 12:20

You should want to end things with him, he's emotionally manipulative and exhausting. Is that how you want to live your life? Relationships are meant to add something to your life not make it a fucking misery.

OhGiveUp · 27/09/2021 12:21

I'd text him in the morning with
' goodbye ' followed by block.
Then I'd have a nice stress free life while waiting for a decent adult man to show up.

coffeeisthebest · 27/09/2021 12:21

@ChargingBuck

Why are you dating an unpleasant 12 year old?

Especially one who lives 100 miles away & likes to control you via text.

Get a map out.
Draw a 100 mile diameter circle around your address.
Imagine how many grown up men who don't need to play mind games live in that circle.
Find one, & date him.

This is brilliant! Yes absolutely get that map out!
LittlefairyMum · 27/09/2021 12:23

He's a manipulative child.

How old are you OP ?

Plumtree391 · 27/09/2021 12:24

What an arse! At least he's shown his true colours.

Move onwards and upwards and don't look back.

BeggarsMeddle · 27/09/2021 12:24

Would you treat him like he's treating you? No. And he's told you this is going to be his default mode going forward... He sounds like a real Tuesday job.

ddl1 · 27/09/2021 12:27

Well, he is nasty at any rate!

TintinIsBack · 27/09/2021 12:28

He clearly has an issue with you holding your own boundaries and is doing his best to walk all over them (see him telling you to fuck off when he knows it’s an issue for you).

Are you sure you want to stay with him?
What does he bring to your life when he is pleasant?

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