Why are women with husbands so jealous and hurtful towards other single women?

[beigebrownblue]

Ok. I'm divorced.

I have absolutely ZILCH desire to hook up with a man.

None. Nil. Nichts. Nada.

I have been taking myself out once a week to eat at a local restaurant. Not cheap, but it is the only break I get.

I have noticed that the woman who is mangeress of the restaurant is really off with me and does not seem to be able to accept my presence.

I dress down. For a long time I've not wanted to be noticed by anyone actually. Often I read a book.

Her other half cooks in the kitchen.

Why is it that she insists on being territorial with me, on this one?

Are women so threatened nowadays?

Yes, perhaps her other half has history, but why blame a customer?

Also if I ever go to a restaurant and the wifes the waitress and the chefs the husband or the other way round I like to know. I like going to family restaurants so maybe she was just making conversation. You're reading so much in to it

So you have projected the fact that she doesn't like you because you talk to her other half? And you're single

Sounds a but paranoid to me

A bit not but

Why is steak the only thing you can eat?

Not RTFT
I eat out on my own and have never experienced any hostility or comments. I'm married but don't wear a wedding ring so no one would know whether I was married or not

I think this restaurant had lots and lots of wine on offer.

Does she even know you're single? (you may have said this but TBH I'm finding your posts hard to follow).

To those sympathising with the OP because they've experienced former friends becoming weird or possessive over their husbands when the PP split from their partner: there is a difference between women who previously knew you as part of a couple changing their behaviour (albeit wrongly) when you become single, and jumping to the conclusion that someone who barely knows you - and allegedly doesn't even know you are single - is being 'off' with you because you're single.

All of these "Mumsnetters are sooooooo misogynistic and I am single-handedly smashing the patriarchy by making it up pointing it out" posts are just pure GF froth-baiting, probably to get screenshots for some MRA forum.

What are you talking about? Why is this one woman acting strangely? Is that what you mean?

Does she even know you're single? (you may have said this but TBH I'm finding your posts hard to follow).

Nope. Restaurant woman has no idea OP is single. But OP knows this is the reason for her uncomfortable experience. OP also can't go anywhere else, (for absolutely no reason), and keeps returning to every week to order the most expensive thing on the menu, wearing scruffy clothes and read her book.

It's almost like it's got nothing to do with an unknown relationship status, the woman just has a bit of a grumpy face, and if OP doesn't like the service, could eat in any other restaurant, anywhere...

Also bleating on about women not being able to eat meat or go out alone is weird. Not a SINGLE person on this thread has said that.

Exactly, a lot of posters have said that they themselves eat alone regularly. I’ve done that myself in the past. It really isn’t a big deal.

What is going on today?

There’s another thread where a woman has come to London for the weekend, encountered a couple of “off” people in a bar and / or in the plane and is now declaring London hates overweight women.

Now this most odd thread where one waitress in one restaurant is a bit off and suddenly .... the world hates single women; internalised misogyny; why can’t women eat out alone rah rah rah!

And I don’t know what the relevance of the husband being the chef is?

This place is bonkers.

Just popping back to ask OP how her head is this morning? 🤔😂

I think she’s engaging in long, intense chats with the husband and knows good and well why his wife doesn’t appreciate it.

So you are going in every week and asking for the chefs specials

I’m not disputing anything the OP says, I just don’t understand it.

The restaurant manager is shirty with you and you think that’s because you are single?

How have you arrived at that conclusion? There seems to be a lot of missing information here, I’ve read all your posts and the only additional bit I can see is that you maybe talked to her husband about a book that you’re reading?

@SomebodysMum

Maybe it’s nothing to do with being threatened.

Maybe it’s just because you’re regularly taking up a table which could be used by 2 people (could be couple, friends, siblings, whatever) so she’s making less money from the table than she would if there were 2 x meals and drinks to charge for?

I mean, that's definitely no better an explanation though.

@CheekyHobson wasn’t suggesting you should apologise for anything, @beigebrownblue - she was suggesting you tackle the issue with the woman directly, so you can find out what her problem is, and let her know she is making you feel uncomfortable.

Instead of tackling the issue with the woman, just don't go to the restaurant

Did she follow you home and press on your buzzer and all the buzzers in your block of flats?

"I want to talk to you. Hello? Don't hang up on me. I want to talk to you. You keep away from my husband, you understand me? Hello? ANSWER ME. I'm going to tell everybody that walks in this building that in 2R, Rossi, you're nothing but a whore. Is this the superintendent?... Yes, sir, I would like you to know that you have a whore living in 2R. Rossi, Janice Rossi... He's MY husband. Get your own goddamn man."

@MaenadsJustWannaHaveFun

Did she follow you home and press on your buzzer and all the buzzers in your block of flats?

"I want to talk to you. Hello? Don't hang up on me. I want to talk to you. You keep away from my husband, you understand me? Hello? ANSWER ME. I'm going to tell everybody that walks in this building that in 2R, Rossi, you're nothing but a whore. Is this the superintendent?... Yes, sir, I would like you to know that you have a whore living in 2R. Rossi, Janice Rossi... He's MY husband. Get your own goddamn man."

Wtf?

It's a Goodfellas reference, @LukeEvansWife .

I've read all your posts, OP. I'm struggling to see what her husband has to do with this? You're not doing anything wrong other than patronising their restaurant which presumably they want you to do?

I'm not at all surprised to see that so many posters have lashed out at you. I don't know if the restaurant lady is territorial but, these posters certainly are. It's a bit pathetic but it's life, some women really are like this, under the misconception that their husband is their property rather than a sentient being in their own right who cannot be stolen...

If the restaurant owner is 'off' with you and you want to give her the time of day then ask her if there's a problem. Listen to what she says and explain - once. If it keeps happening then don't go back there, find another lovely place where you'll be appreciated.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

I've read all your posts, OP. I'm struggling to see what her husband has to do with this? You're not doing anything wrong other than patronising their restaurant which presumably they want you to do?

I'm not at all surprised to see that so many posters have lashed out at you. I don't know if the restaurant lady is territorial but, these posters certainly are. It's a bit pathetic but it's life, some women really are like this, under the misconception that their husband is their property rather than a sentient being in their own right who cannot be stolen...

If the restaurant owner is 'off' with you and you want to give her the time of day then ask her if there's a problem. Listen to what she says and explain - once. If it keeps happening then don't go back there, find another lovely place where you'll be appreciated.

Not sure where you've got the "these posters are territorial and believe their husbands are their property" from? Perhaps you could highlight the actual posts?

Ach, @OP you can't fix other people's low self esteem. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I know the vibe you're speaking about. Some women go through their lives waiting to be "chosen". And any female their husband takes a second glance at could be "chosen" instead, never mind one he strikes up a conversation with. Find a different restaurant.