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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why are women with husbands so jealous and hurtful towards other single women?

527 replies

beigebrownblue · 26/09/2021 19:57

Ok. I'm divorced.

I have absolutely ZILCH desire to hook up with a man.

None. Nil. Nichts. Nada.

I have been taking myself out once a week to eat at a local restaurant. Not cheap, but it is the only break I get.

I have noticed that the woman who is mangeress of the restaurant is really off with me and does not seem to be able to accept my presence.

I dress down. For a long time I've not wanted to be noticed by anyone actually. Often I read a book.

Her other half cooks in the kitchen.

Why is it that she insists on being territorial with me, on this one?

Are women so threatened nowadays?

Yes, perhaps her other half has history, but why blame a customer?

OP posts:
LukeEvansWife · 27/09/2021 08:44

I would also suggest that if a couple split up, it often seems to the woman who spends hours moaning about it which, frankly, can be wearing after a while. So people may naturally gravitate away from her and not invite her everywhere

I say that as a single woman (none of my friends knew me when I was in a relationship)

MzHz · 27/09/2021 08:47

@Allycott

Yeah it's a thing. I'm divorced for ages now. Dint want or even need a partner - but it's amazing how suspiciously you are treated by the wives of guys when you meet a couple lol. I'm like "hello - look at me - what makes you think I want to take one half of this boring set up?"
It’s a thing

I had the same when I was a lot younger, all my female friends would band together and do things with each other as couples and I’d be left out, treated with suspicion

I did actually point out that they spend their time moaning about these blokes and I’d not want anything to do with them!

If you’re a woman’s woman it’s rarely an issue, I’m not a woman’s woman at all, all my mates now are similar to me.

@beigebrownblue Have you seen how that woman treats others? Is it different to how she treats you? I’d not go back, and I’d tell her too.

She’s an idiot.

Generallystruggling · 27/09/2021 08:48

Honestly think this is in your head.

Girlmum89 · 27/09/2021 08:50

I mean this in a genuine and kind way, I’m not trying to be rude. Are you autistic, OP? It seems like you’re misjudging some of the posts on here which could also mean you’re misjudging the waitress’s attitude?

Partyowl · 27/09/2021 08:57

The last line of your most recent post is pretty insensitive OP.

Eleganz · 27/09/2021 08:58

I think it is interesting that OP has leapt to this conclusion. Unless there is more she isn't saying. There could be lots of reasons why the manageress is behaving the way she is towards the OP that do not include mate guarding.

It is interesting that lots of divorced women seem to assume that their married friends are suspicious of them by excluding them, when in fact it could be that your lifestyles no longer gel together that well now you are single.

When I divorced it was a tough time, my husband had cheated on me and it had seriously damaged my confidence, but it gave me some freedoms that I didn't have whilst married, especially and obviously around dating. I found that married couple friends from before the divorce just drifted away during this period as we had less in common. I can understand that, if you are low on confidence, this can be viewed in a range of ways that aren't necessarily the truth.

Of course, I'm sure there are women who view every single woman as a threat to their marriage, but they either have a shitty husband or a borderline personality. I wouldn't worry about them.

LukeEvansWife · 27/09/2021 09:04

@Girlmum89

I mean this in a genuine and kind way, I’m not trying to be rude. Are you autistic, OP? It seems like you’re misjudging some of the posts on here which could also mean you’re misjudging the waitress’s attitude?
What the fuck?
LukeEvansWife · 27/09/2021 09:09

It's possible to think that some random person is threatened by them and that everyone is having a go without ASD. We aren't all paranoid you know

seensome · 27/09/2021 09:14

It's unlikely she's jealous, you said you dress down, read a book and sit on your own, unless you flirt with her husband while she looks on I think you're being paranoid, she probably just a grumpy waitress with customer service skills

seensome · 27/09/2021 09:14

*no

SunshineCake1 · 27/09/2021 09:16

I would go somewhere else to eat. Why give money to someone who needs me to make a living yet treats your rudely

Cas112 · 27/09/2021 09:20

OP you must be deluded! haha

And yes a man would also get dragged if he posted something as batshit crazy as this

TwinsandTrifle · 27/09/2021 09:21

I would go somewhere else to eat. Why give money to someone who needs me to make a living yet treats your rudely

This is the obvious answer. OP responds with things like "so single women shouldn't go out then" which obviously makes no sense, or what anyone is implying.

MeredithGreyishblue · 27/09/2021 09:22

You're better off eating children's cereals than steak once a week for an iron deficiency.
A Rossini a week won't do much to help.
And you need vit. c to absorb it too. So plenty watercress.

If of course this isn't a completely fictitious scenario.

ILoveCheapCrisps · 27/09/2021 09:22

It sounds more like this particular woman is a dick/ has decided to take against you for some unknown reason. Maybe it is because she thinks you’re trying to steal her husband away by seducing him via ordering food from their restaurant. That’s just as logical explanation as she’s taken against you because you smell bad or she’s mistaken you for someone else that she has some unknown grudge against.

You don’t know why it is, you don’t know why it is but for whatever reason this woman doesn’t like you and is making it perfectly clear. Personally I’d just eat somewhere else. Most restaurants have staff that are at least not openly hostile towards their customers. You said it’s the only downtime you get each week, why subject yourself to enduring a meal where the owner is doing her best to make you feel uncomfortable?

C8H10N4O2 · 27/09/2021 09:30

@MrsTerryPratchett

Definitely a male. Who’s probably roaring with laughter and congratulating himself for sending all the silly wimminz on mumsnet into a tizzy

Or angry-wanking in his mum's spare room.

^This

All this "only single parent in the village" stuff is pretty tedious as well.

CallMeNutribullet · 27/09/2021 09:31

Weird. I've been single for 9 years and I've never experienced this, and dare I say it, I'm quite attractive!
What's stranger is you've taken the behaviour of one woman and extrapolated it to "why are women like this"

DrSbaitso · 27/09/2021 09:44

@Cas112

OP you must be deluded! haha

And yes a man would also get dragged if he posted something as batshit crazy as this

I'm now pretty convinced that he did.
LukeEvansWife · 27/09/2021 09:45

If you think it's a troll, report it 💁‍♀️

TwinsandTrifle · 27/09/2021 09:49

Definitely a male. Who’s probably roaring with laughter and congratulating himself for sending all the silly wimminz on mumsnet into a tizzy

If it is, I doubt they're roaring with laughter, because no one's in a tizzy. If that was the plan, it's failed miserably. Just a lot of (in a nutshell) OP, you sound odd.

Ifyoudontlikeitdosomethingelse · 27/09/2021 09:53

This is bollocks.

If you like eating there, and if you're not going to go anywhere else, then just shut up and eat. She's not worried you're going to steal her husband. She's just getting the fuck on with her work.

fournonblondes · 27/09/2021 10:05

Op do you always label women not agreeing with you or your actions misogynists?

user1471538283 · 27/09/2021 10:07

I've had this even from someone I thought was a friend. Some women do not realise that it is not other women that are the problem with a cheating man ...

Darceyhemingway · 27/09/2021 10:08

I'm a married woman and have no problems with single women. I think it's strange you jumped straight the conclusion it has anything to do with her husband

BigFatLiar · 27/09/2021 10:10

I am single, have been for years and years and I definitely noticed this when I split form my ex. The dinner party invites stopped etc. I wouldn't mind but I'm not anything to look at and I very much doubt their husbands would even look at me in that way.

Perhaps it was your ex that they really wanted to socialise with?