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Original poster

Royal Mail delivery man just warned DH I'm spending his money!!

384 replies

VitalsStable · 26/09/2021 10:42

I know not a huge issue in the grand scheme of things but just had a parcel delivered. DH opened door as I was busy heeding the call of nature.

The delivery man handed over the parcel to my husband and then mentioned in a strange voice that it had my name on it and he needed warning that I'm spending his money.

DH was a bit WTF and didn't say anything but was quite cross when he shut the door and said it was completely inappropriate.

The delivery was Christmas presents which I actually paid for from money I earned and although DH is the higher earner in our household the bloody Royal Mail guy wasn't aware of that. DH could have been my brother, a SAHD or had bought something on an account with my name on, I could be the higher earner and DH could be blowing my hard earned cash on frivolities.

Gggrrrr, sad that this idea of women still prevails in 2021.

OP posts:
StarfishDish · 26/09/2021 11:33

@2pinkginsplease

I don’t know why people get worked up with this! He was obviously joking!

I would have laughed! Bigger things in life to get worked up about .

@2pinkginsplease This!!
WorraLiberty · 26/09/2021 11:34

@PlanDeRaccordement

If we let comments like this pass unchallenged, it is as good as agreeing with them.

No it’s not as good as agreeing with them. And why am I obligated to call out sexism when it happens to me? Surely it is my choice if I have the mental energy to address on the spot or not?

It's everyone's job to call out sexism, racism, disablism and any other awful behaviour but only if you want to see an end to it.

Otherwise crack on ignoring it. That's obviously personal choice.

FortunesFave · 26/09/2021 11:34

@2pinkginsplease

I don’t know why people get worked up with this! He was obviously joking!

I would have laughed! Bigger things in life to get worked up about .

Oh right! That's my life sorted out for me now....thanks! Hmm

What a crock of shit you're talking.

toomuchlaundry · 26/09/2021 11:34

@2pinkginsplease it’s the small things that add up. What are we teaching our DC? That men are the providers?

Reallybadidea · 26/09/2021 11:34

@Annaballerina I wish you worked at my kids' school! They once called my (female) friend who is our emergency contact ahead of DH because they "didn't want to disturb him at work" Shock

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 26/09/2021 11:35

Dh gets more deliveries than I do! Next time maybe I shall say to whoever it is, ‘Oh Lord, the shopaholic’s at it again…’

I can’t imagine our lovely postman making such a remark about me, though - if he ever did, I’d have a Stern Word.

StoatMilk · 26/09/2021 11:35

@Jaxhog

Micro sexism. Sadly common.
More like macro sexism
Fluffypastelslippers · 26/09/2021 11:35

@blacksax

Oh, so the Royal Mail deliver on Sundays where you are, do they?

Fancy that.

What? We get Royal Mail on Sundays, have done for about a year Hmm

Saladovercrispsanyday · 26/09/2021 11:35

[quote toomuchlaundry]@2pinkginsplease it’s the small things that add up. What are we teaching our DC? That men are the providers?[/quote]
Give our children some bloody credit
They can SEE their mother working in many many household

YetAnotherSpartacus · 26/09/2021 11:35

I'd complain. Sexist fucker. They must know who was doing the round.

KurtWilde · 26/09/2021 11:36

I definitely think casual sexism is being thrown into offhand conversations more and more often, sadly. I was trying to keep hold of an excitable toddler and carry a 15kg bag of dog food at the pet shop yesterday. I managed it like I always do but bloody hell it's heavy! The guy in front of me at the till looked at me and laughed saying 'oh dear, should've brought hubby!' I responded that I don't have one, and I manage to do this weekly, but thanks anyway.

I also had the same kind of thing with a building firm recently with the guy saying before I committed shouldn't I discuss it with my husband first?

VelvetChairGirl · 26/09/2021 11:36

Complain to royal mail, sexism needs to be stamped out

toomuchlaundry · 26/09/2021 11:38

@Saladovercrispsanyday it’s the attitude though. Many posties can see women working (including posties!) but they still come out with this sexist crap.

Schoolsucks · 26/09/2021 11:38

Yes bloody frustrating. I remember when I went to get a new car and the sales guys kept talking to OH even though I was buying the car and i was paying for it. Eventually OH turned to the guy and said it's her car mate speak to her.

1990s · 26/09/2021 11:40

@goawayalcg

Absolutely not overthinking. U less we start overthinking a bit, this crap will never stop. It permeates the minds of the children of people who say this stuff. It needs to be addressed.
100% this! Sounds like a small thing but this just reinforces sexist bullshit, which creates the inequality between men and women.

Everyone should be getting pissed off at this shit.

Blossomtoes · 26/09/2021 11:40

@hulahooper2

I’m sure it was a jocular comment , you are overthinking this
This. I reckon humour will be extinct in 50 years time at this rate.
WorraLiberty · 26/09/2021 11:40

@Schoolsucks, that's exactly what my DH would've said.

Saladovercrispsanyday · 26/09/2021 11:41

[quote toomuchlaundry]@Saladovercrispsanyday it’s the attitude though. Many posties can see women working (including posties!) but they still come out with this sexist crap.[/quote]
Well yes - some are sexist
But to say “what are we going to be teaching our DC” is daft

Dc can see and experience their mothers working fgs

DinkyDaisy · 26/09/2021 11:43

I have a father in law who is so ingrained there is no hope. Awful.
My MIL dead now but could not accept a cup of tea from someone without deferring to FIL to check ok...

On another note, the other day I was unintentionally sexist to a 70 plus [I think], male delvery driver. Doorbell rang, thought my youngest back from school and said loudly and cheerfully, Hello Sweetie...
He was surprised and I did apologise!
He was laughing back to his van...

Theblackdogagain · 26/09/2021 11:44

The school thing is annoying. When mine were at primary dh did pick ups and drop offs as I worked ft and he worked pt. The school were aware of this. I once got a phone call from school asking me to collect a child and I replied I was in Poland on a work trip, what had dh said, they hadn't tried dh. Dh was number 1 contact and I was no 2 because he was always around. I then had to Co ordinate dh and lovely mil to collect child while trying to get on the plane home (I was on my way anyway,it wasn't an emergency, just a headache).

ShaneTheThird · 26/09/2021 11:44

Yes hopefully sexist "humour" will become extinct.

anonymousanne · 26/09/2021 11:45

I had a company cold call to offer a conservatory roof quote (which I had actually been considering). He asked if my DH was home 🙄🤔 I said no he's at work but I'm happy to receive a quote. Originally they were going to call the next morning but called shortly after to ask if they could come later that evening, he asked on the phone if DH would be there for the appointment too and seemed put out when I said he may be depending on his arrival home from work 🙄🤔
Guy turned up, I dealt with him while DH was running around after 2DCs, he tried to put pressure on me to make a decision there and then or lose out on a 'deal'. Said I needed to think about it. He called the office while I was there to say we needed a call back in a few days as I had been offered a cold call and my DH had just got home from work, knew nothing about it, didn't even know that I had requested a call 🙄🤔
I have no idea why all three people i spoke to were so intent on getting my DH views on it as he will be the first to say I am very much the decision maker in the household and manage all the finances (we earn similar salaries- not that that matters!). They clearly thought it would all be just too complicated for my little blonde lady brain to grasp 🙄🙄
They had terrible reviews anyway and after the appalling 1940s attitude they wouldn't have been getting my money anyway... but I am glad I've got a ballpark figure of what a roof would cost as it's on my list for next year - with another company, naturally!

TheCategoryIs · 26/09/2021 11:45

How old was this person? I could imagine my 86 year old neighbour saying something like this and not sure he is going to change but anyone under 70 should either know or be taught to know better, or this type of inherent sexism just continues. It’s not harmless in any way.

TheCategoryIs · 26/09/2021 11:46

I now complete all forms where gender is clearly irrelevant with Mr as my small battle back, despite being female.

Saladovercrispsanyday · 26/09/2021 11:47

@TheCategoryIs

I now complete all forms where gender is clearly irrelevant with Mr as my small battle back, despite being female.
Totally bizarre