Royal Mail delivery man just warned DH I'm spending his money!!

[VitalsStable]

I know not a huge issue in the grand scheme of things but just had a parcel delivered. DH opened door as I was busy heeding the call of nature.

The delivery man handed over the parcel to my husband and then mentioned in a strange voice that it had my name on it and he needed warning that I'm spending his money.

DH was a bit WTF and didn't say anything but was quite cross when he shut the door and said it was completely inappropriate.

The delivery was Christmas presents which I actually paid for from money I earned and although DH is the higher earner in our household the bloody Royal Mail guy wasn't aware of that. DH could have been my brother, a SAHD or had bought something on an account with my name on, I could be the higher earner and DH could be blowing my hard earned cash on frivolities.

Gggrrrr, sad that this idea of women still prevails in 2021.

This would annoy me too (just like BA sending all booking confirmations to “MR Blank” - even when I have booked and paid for the flights)

I got this too - when a number of parcels were delivered last Christmas the postWOMAN told DH he'd better take his card off me and mind it. It was meant to be a joke, I think, but fell very flat.

It’s not a joke though, jokes are funny.

It doesn't even have to be an angry response. DH could have just laughed and said, oh no it's her own hard earned money.

My next door neighbour says this whenever she takes a parcel in for me. It’s a tiny throw away comment but for some reason gets right under my skin and gives me the rage.

DH and I earn similar amounts & pre-lockdown we both went out to work every day so she knows I’m not a SAHM.

I'm not overly angry. Just peeved. So what if I was spending his money (I do that too, just not on this occasion) and he doesn't care in the slightest.

DH said it most certainly wasn't said in a jokey way. He was just so shocked at the inappropriateness of it that he was speechless.

It's amazing that people are still out there thinking all women are SAHMs.

This is just as bad! Women are SAHMs for all sorts of reasons. It doesn't mean that they are entirely reliant on their DPs. And even if they are, they are still doing their bit for society, and are entitled to make their own decisions, and spend money from the household income. They are not second-class citizens! Dads who stay at home are still put on a pedestal as being wonderful for giving up work to look after their kids. Women just get looked down on.

But on a positive note, we got a letter recently addressed to 'Mrs and Mr chaos' woohoo!

It's a bit like when shop assistants comment on what I've bought too. Makes me feel judged.

More important things to worry about !

Where are you that RM delivers on a Sunday?

I reported a Royal Mail delivery man for saying a racist remark to me. He was vile...I'm white and so was he and he said something about the amount of black people who lived in the block I lived in then.

So I reported him. Report him.

I had someone to come from a well known home renovation company to give a quote (for a window replacement) and demanded to talk to the head of the family to ensure they are OK with it.
I am single (a single parent too).
Then I got - ahhh, aren't you lucky to be able to have all this (abstract hand waving).
No, not lucky, just worked hard.

@sandgrown we shouldn’t be accepting of comments like this. Don’t want DC growing up thinking this is acceptable way to view women.

Jesus wept.

How long is this outdated patriarchal attitude going to go on?

30 years ago I used to get this all the time, but I kinda thought times had moved on as I personally haven’t encountered this for a long time.

@caramelchaos I work in a school and I insist on addressing all school letters to "mrs and mr" and also calling dad first when poorly kid needs to go home/has forgotten PE kit. My daily acts of micro rebellion make me feel better!

He sounds bloody weird.

@Annabellerina surely you phone contacts in order of priority. We had to list ours in order of priority for DS’s school

I think the comment was made in jest and I have heard variations of it over the years, but it is up to your husband to correct the postman, if the comment was addressed to him. 'no its her money, she works' would suffice.
He is equally to blame for not challenging it.

@Dinoroaraus No, you're underthinking it.

I'm so going to steal this!

It's amazing that people are still out there thinking all women are SAHMs

I don't think that has any revelance anyway! I'm planning to be a SAHM soon, for a few years at least, but it angers me the assumptions made on us. I have been the higher earner for most years, I paid more towards our home deposit, I am the money-saving-fanatic half of the relationship etc. It is such a sexist assumption that all women just spend all their husband's money and have never contributed much/equally/more!

Your husband should have said actually it's our money and we both spend it, keeps you in a job doesn't it

[quote Annabellerina]@caramelchaos I work in a school and I insist on addressing all school letters to "mrs and mr" and also calling dad first when poorly kid needs to go home/has forgotten PE kit. My daily acts of micro rebellion make me feel better![/quote]
Love this.

@toomuchlaundry yes when mum and dad are both listed as 1st priority, I phone dad.

@Trinacham get ready to grow a thick skin! You will be on the receiving end of so many comments like this and worse. And sadly not just from men.