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AIBU?

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Original poster

Royal Mail delivery man just warned DH I'm spending his money!!

384 replies

VitalsStable · 26/09/2021 10:42

I know not a huge issue in the grand scheme of things but just had a parcel delivered. DH opened door as I was busy heeding the call of nature.

The delivery man handed over the parcel to my husband and then mentioned in a strange voice that it had my name on it and he needed warning that I'm spending his money.

DH was a bit WTF and didn't say anything but was quite cross when he shut the door and said it was completely inappropriate.

The delivery was Christmas presents which I actually paid for from money I earned and although DH is the higher earner in our household the bloody Royal Mail guy wasn't aware of that. DH could have been my brother, a SAHD or had bought something on an account with my name on, I could be the higher earner and DH could be blowing my hard earned cash on frivolities.

Gggrrrr, sad that this idea of women still prevails in 2021.

OP posts:
DrRamsesEmerson · 26/09/2021 12:07

EasyJet, by contrast, can manage to send an email addressed to Dear Dr Emerson. It’s not rocket science.

itsgettingwierd · 26/09/2021 12:08

@goawayalcg

Absolutely not overthinking. U less we start overthinking a bit, this crap will never stop. It permeates the minds of the children of people who say this stuff. It needs to be addressed.
Perfectly put.

If we allow inappropriate comments as humour change will never happen.

I get that older people don't realise it's inappropriate and dated but those older people may have grandchildren who pick this attitude up.

GoodnightGrandma · 26/09/2021 12:09

It just sounds like a bloke joke. Just roll your eyes and carry on.

Yummymummy2020 · 26/09/2021 12:10

This happens to me constantly so annoying as I have paid for it myself!!!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 26/09/2021 12:11

@Schoolsucks

Yes bloody frustrating. I remember when I went to get a new car and the sales guys kept talking to OH even though I was buying the car and i was paying for it. Eventually OH turned to the guy and said it's her car mate speak to her.
It’s not just men, though, is it? We once had a 30 ish double glazing saleswoman to quote. She addressed every single remark to dh, while also batting her eyelashes at him. Might add that she also wore a very see-through blouse with a lot of cleavage on show. It was so bloody obvious.

We’d had a virtually identical quote from someone else. Dh of course wanted to go with Ms Obvious. I said no way and when he asked why, I told him.

StarfishDish · 26/09/2021 12:12

@toomuchlaundry

What about jokes about women’s work and how they should be the ones doing housework, parenting? Are they ok?

See plenty of examples on here where men think it is fine for women to do everything in the home. Is that a funny joke?

@toomuchlaundry You're basing that comment on what you've seen on here?
Saladovercrispsanyday · 26/09/2021 12:12

@DrRamsesEmerson

Bollox that YOU are the lead passenger and YOUR email and yet they address correspondence to your husband

Pure fiction

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 26/09/2021 12:12

@BessieFinknottle

I got this too - when a number of parcels were delivered last Christmas the postWOMAN told DH he'd better take his card off me and mind it. It was meant to be a joke, I think, but fell very flat.
In a relationship with financial coercion it could also lead to a disastrous outcome.

A passive-aggressive crack for one person and harm for someone else.

starfishmummy · 26/09/2021 12:13

I couldn't get worked up about this.

toomuchlaundry · 26/09/2021 12:14

@StarfishDish I am basing it on many threads on MN

Mountainpika · 26/09/2021 12:15

I complained once about a postman who was very rude when I told him there was no need to bang repeatedly on the door.
But Royal Mail also has a page for compliments which I used a couple of weeks ago to praise one of our ;postmen who goes out of his way to give good service. He was sent a letter telling him what I'd said. My name wasn't given but he worked out from the postcode that it was me and asked me if I'd done it. He was so pleased.

Simonjt · 26/09/2021 12:17

Complain, and next time avoid royal mail when buying goods to be delivered.

Plumtree391 · 26/09/2021 12:19

It was probably meant as a joke, no doubt he had a grin on his face when he said it. A silly, misogynistic thing to say of course.

Wow, I'm impressed at you having mail deliveries on Sunday. We haven't had that for a few years now.

PuppyMonkey · 26/09/2021 12:21

Very annoying if said in a jokey way but OP’s assertion that it definitely WASN’T said in a jokey way is adding another level of intrigue I think. Confused

WildfirePonie · 26/09/2021 12:21

What a noob. Need some good comebacks for next time.

FurzeMinister · 26/09/2021 12:22

I'd report it (that is, your husband should report it, as you didn't witness it first-hand).

If it were a neighbour or a random stranger I'd either challenge at the time or let it go. But this is a service worker who clearly has had no benefit of any kind of training in dealing with the public. He's probably not the only one; they need to be aware of the issue in order to fix it. Civic duty, really.

As for "getting worked up" - you and your husband obviously are both bothered by what happened. It'll take a few minutes to make a report and you'll probably feel better able to put it behind you.

StarfishDish · 26/09/2021 12:23

[quote toomuchlaundry]@StarfishDish I am basing it on many threads on MN[/quote]
@StarfishDish Perhaps you should look off Mumsnet too.

My DH does his fair share.

toomuchlaundry · 26/09/2021 12:25

So because it doesn’t happen to you @StarfishDish you don’t think there are any sexist men out there, and if there are we should laugh it off?

godmum56 · 26/09/2021 12:28

@AuralSpecs

I once had a similar experience. I was in a shopping centre and an acquaintance saw me and said, 'Out spending his money again?'. I responded, 'I'll spend my own money, thanks' and she told me I was lucky having my own money to spend! I am a very restrained person usually and it is not in my nature to snap back like that, but I was surprised at the strength of my reaction. I suppose it was understandable up to a point because I was a SAHM at the time but I was the one with the capital and it was abundantly clear my ex could not have supported our lifestyle on his income.

She also thought men should put the bins out Hmm

well at least thats even handed sexism :)
Twolostsoulsswimminginafishbow · 26/09/2021 12:33

This attitude is so pervasive and has no place in society. We need to stomp on it wherever we can. They think they’re being funny but it’s everywhere.
I walked out of a garage last year because the salesman insisted on talking over me, addressing only my husband, despite him saying he knew nothing about cars and it was me that was buying. This is not a humble brag but it was a fairly expensive Volvo SUV (much maligned on MN) but I had spent a very long time researching exactly which car and spec I wanted. It would have been an easy sale if it wasn’t for him being a dinosaur.

EchoNan · 26/09/2021 12:33

@Generalpost

People are so snow flakey theses day no one can take even a little joke. We will all be waking around with blank faces soon With no sense of humour what do ever incase we offend anyone with the slightest thing said. I don't even know what your DH told you
An obvious case of demonic possession by the spirit of Bernard Manning.
toomuchlaundry · 26/09/2021 12:35

I’m assuming most people would have called the postie out/reported them if they made a racist joke, so why is a sexist joke okay

StarfishDish · 26/09/2021 12:39

@toomuchlaundry

So because it doesn’t happen to you *@StarfishDish* you don’t think there are any sexist men out there, and if there are we should laugh it off?
@toomuchlaundry I'm not saying it doesn't happen but what I'm saying is you need to look further than Mumsnet!

And yes, the posties comment should be laughed off.

catfunk · 26/09/2021 12:39

It needs pulling up every. Single. Time.

Couple of years ago DP and I were matress shopping in a well known bed store. I laid on one to rest it- sales manager said to Dp 'excuse me I'm going to touch your wife' and proceeded to put his hands on me and push me into the mattress.
Not sure why he was apologising to DP he wouldn't say boo to a goose, I however went fucking ballistic and made an official complaint and told the story on every review site I could find.

catfunk · 26/09/2021 12:40

To *TEST it