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AIBU?

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Original poster

Royal Mail delivery man just warned DH I'm spending his money!!

384 replies

VitalsStable · 26/09/2021 10:42

I know not a huge issue in the grand scheme of things but just had a parcel delivered. DH opened door as I was busy heeding the call of nature.

The delivery man handed over the parcel to my husband and then mentioned in a strange voice that it had my name on it and he needed warning that I'm spending his money.

DH was a bit WTF and didn't say anything but was quite cross when he shut the door and said it was completely inappropriate.

The delivery was Christmas presents which I actually paid for from money I earned and although DH is the higher earner in our household the bloody Royal Mail guy wasn't aware of that. DH could have been my brother, a SAHD or had bought something on an account with my name on, I could be the higher earner and DH could be blowing my hard earned cash on frivolities.

Gggrrrr, sad that this idea of women still prevails in 2021.

OP posts:
crowisland · 27/09/2021 18:18

It’s clear that the vast majority in this chat agree that it was totally inappropriate amd anachronistic as well. So how can we initiate change so our daughters don’t experience this? Why not lodge a formal complaint each time we see/hear this sort of thing. Until these wankers are called to account how can the society change ? Oh- and it starts at home with our sons- what explicit and implicit messages are we and our partners passing on?

RachaelN · 27/09/2021 18:18

It is completely inappropriate and I would report him for sexism. These comments are no longer funny and have no place in modern society.

Mummadeze · 27/09/2021 18:21

My partner (Male) received a few parcels which I collected from the front door because I was working from home. The postman said ‘Lady of leisure, eh?’ to me as I was at home and took them in. I was also annoyed because I am the breadwinner and earn a lot more than my partner. I said “hardly”. But I still don’t think he got it.

Leedsfan247 · 27/09/2021 18:23

Get over yourself it was a joke

AnnieSnap · 27/09/2021 18:25

If he is your regular postie, I’d call him out on it next time. Make the idiot squirm. If he isn’t and you are unlikely to see him again, I’d complain to his employer. He won’t face serious consequences for it, but I’d hope he’s been warned about his sexism and lack of professionalism.

BlueMongoose · 27/09/2021 18:27

@nyktipolos

I think they are trying to be funny. Not be insulting. But it is really shit.

We had the same from a tiler this week. He was asking some questions about the floor. I made the decision, because I own the house and I am doing it up to sell in a few years. I out earn dp by alot and I I paying for it all. There was a 'oh your money but her decision eh? Hahhahaaa' I just looked at him.

Dp laughed and said 'are you kidding mate?...she earns tons more than me. Its her money, her decision'

I am guessing because I am at home in my joggers all week, it must has escaped his tiny little mind that I was wfh, because he was here. 🙄

I was buying a (very expensive, mark you) SLR camera body for my work. The young lad in the shop - much younger than me- did all his sales talk to my brother, who just happened to be with me at the time. Brother get fed up with this and eventually said outright- look, she's the one who will be using it, she's the one who's paying for it, talk to HER. The lad looked at him as if he was from another planet, then started again, talking to him, ignoring me altogether- even ignoring me when I said I wanted a Minolta not a Canon. We left, they lost the sale, and my brother was astounded by the way the lad had behaved. That was many years ago, but it can still happen.
AuntMargo · 27/09/2021 18:31

So what !!

TeeBee · 27/09/2021 18:33

I now have stock answers for this type of crap.
'You're joking sweetie. He couldn't afford my lifestyle, he's only a postman'.

Pixxie7 · 27/09/2021 18:35

It was a joke.

Violinist64 · 27/09/2021 18:37

@hulahooper2

I’m sure it was a jocular comment , you are overthinking this
It might have been this man’s idea of a joke but I would not have found it funny either. Can you imagine any postal worker in the land making such a “joke” about a man to the man’s wife?
HesterShaw1 · 27/09/2021 18:42

@hulahooper2

I’m sure it was a jocular comment , you are overthinking this
No she isn't.
PjsOn · 27/09/2021 18:46

My husband's gran said to me one day that I should be doing all the cooking and housework as my husband is the breadwinner, so I must take care of him 😆. I stupidly didn't correct her out of politeness and did an awkward laugh instead. I earn MORE, we both work full time, so why the hell would I be doing everything for an able bodied fully grown man?! Bizarre!! I've had the same buying a car, this weird 1950s thing where my husband must be earning the bacon and I'm the silly little woman spending it. We actually walked away from a sale and got the same new car somewhere else. The salesperson kept ringing my husband to chase the sale up, in the end my husband told him we went elsewhere as his sales patter was outdated and awful.

lachy · 27/09/2021 18:46

When I went to view a house we were interested in buying, I asked the estate agent if I could come back later that day to view again with my husband.

He said "Of course you can, but most of the time women are the decision makers"

He was an absolute pleasure to deal with.

purplebunny2012 · 27/09/2021 18:50

I think that's an absolute disgrace. Like you, all my packages are bought with my own money that I earned in my FT job. I would be livid at the sexist implication that I am a kept woman in this day and age. It's not funny or a joke

HesterShaw1 · 27/09/2021 18:56

We were buying a kitchen in Homebase years ago. Well I say we, it was more like "I" because I was the one who was forking out. When it came to settling up, the guy waved me away and said this bit didn't need to concern me. Stupid ExH just grinned awkwardly and didn't put him right, and I said firmly "I'm paying for it".

I wish I had added the word "dickhead", then put in a complaint with the manager.

toxic44 · 27/09/2021 18:58

I bought myself two pairs of shoes recently. The saleswoman smiled at DP and said, Is she allowed two pairs? DP shrugged, said, Her money, her shout. The woman looked stunned. You can't expect much from men when women join in like that.

Mckmck123 · 27/09/2021 19:02

Just a bit of banter , can we not have a laugh now. , everyone is so sensitive

LaDamaDeElche · 27/09/2021 19:23

Tell him the 1950s called. They want him back.

33goingon64 · 27/09/2021 19:40

Years ago I met a friend of DH's for the first time - we were just dating then. He said, straight over my head to DH, 'look out she'll be wanting diamonds soon'. This guy had just met me, knew nothing about me (he didn't ask me anything) and talked over me, claiming something for me based on a stereotype. I was livid. DH didn't say anything then but if that happened now he'd speak up.

Weemovitchski · 27/09/2021 19:58

Ha! That's nothing. I answered the door to sign for a parcel. I had got out of bed after a late, late night and the postman said "Who dug you up...?"
I know I looked a bit rough but...

lilstarr99 · 27/09/2021 20:07

@Seeline

It's amazing that people are still out there thinking all women are SAHMs.

This is just as bad! Women are SAHMs for all sorts of reasons. It doesn't mean that they are entirely reliant on their DPs. And even if they are, they are still doing their bit for society, and are entitled to make their own decisions, and spend money from the household income. They are not second-class citizens! Dads who stay at home are still put on a pedestal as being wonderful for giving up work to look after their kids. Women just get looked down on.

This 100%.

SAHMs (from experience) are looked down upon and a section of society we need to “get back into work”. SAHDs are angels that have “sacrificed so much” to be the one to look after the children.

The only thing I do feel is wrong for SAHDs is how they get treated and parent/toddler groups. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. The cliques closing ranks and not speaking to the man!!

Sexism is utter shit and should always be called out.

LidlMiddleLover · 27/09/2021 20:23

Just a joke Don’t get so wound up!

Chumleymouse · 27/09/2021 20:41

What an utter horrible thing for him to say !!!! I would contact Royal Mail and get him sacked !!!!
I would never say a sexist remark to a woman I was delivering too, I’m always too busy staring at her breasts 🤣🤣

Yespresh · 27/09/2021 20:41

Goodness me. Really? I am amazed this offends you. Everyone seems to be offended at everything these days. Yes why not make a formal complaint and ruin the poor man’s life. He’ll get suspended. He’ll go through hell mentally and worry about providing for his family. He may even get sacked.

BadNomad · 27/09/2021 20:51

Why would he get suspended, go through mental hell and maybe get sacked if he hasn't done anything wrong?

Or maybe he was wrong to make a sexist remark to people he doesn't know eh.