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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think MN is a different universe to the real world

173 replies

FourteenSixteenTwentyTwo · 25/09/2021 15:33

Reading a post about someone who is worried about money. Answers:

Take in ironing - honestly, I know very, very few people who give a shit about ironed clothes let alone outsource it. Plus you’d need a half decent iron to do it efficiently which costs money. And it’s usually suggested to a single mother who’s already burning the candle at both ends to survive.

Rent out your mortgaged home and rent elsewhere - ignoring the legalities of renting out a home you live in, where are all these houses where rented is cheaper than mortgages? Certainly in my area the only thing I could afford for the SAME as my 3 bed detached mortgaged would be a 1 bed rented studio or otherwise moving 30 miles away and needing to commute back to school and work.

Take it a lodger - great idea in theory and especially if single/ child free couple - but are most of you really okay with that if you have small children? I wouldn’t be comfortable having a stranger living in my home and having potential access to them whilst I’m asleep/ distracted, whatever.

I appreciate people are trying to be helpful but it just sounds like mimicked sound bites without a lot of thought about practicality.

So AIBU to think MN trope responses are an entirely different universe or do I just happen to live in a vacuum where these things are really considerable?

OP posts:
BlusteryLake · 25/09/2021 15:38

I don't know about all of those suggestions but certainly where I live plenty of people care about ironed clothes and pay to outsource that. It probably depends where you live or near to. I guess no suggestion will be perfect, I mean people could suggest sex work or MLM but they have their downsides too.

MyPatronusIsACat · 25/09/2021 15:40

100% true. It IS a parallel universe on here.

I have been on a thread today, where someone thinks i's perfectly normal and regular to have 4 toilets in your house, and anyone who thinks otherwise is a bit thick and badly educated, and is probably a chav who lives in a house with a poxy ONE toilet! Shock

I don't believe half of what I read on mumsnet, but I don't believe 90% of the wealth-brag threads, where the OP claims to be earning £70K for her work-from-home job, and her DH is on 3 times more money, and she has a gardener, a nanny, and a cook. It's a laugh reading them though.

Off to top up my tan in the garden now, but looking forward to reading this thread later. Smile

the80sweregreat · 25/09/2021 15:45

Some things are a bit strange on mumsnet , but in this case it was just people putting forwards ideas to help the op even if some are not practical it may have worked out for some other people before and they are just trying to help
When my niece was a single parent she took in ironing : a few clients were single men who needed their work shirts ironed for work : she doesn't do it now , but it certainly helped her financially when she was on her own. A few people do have lodgers too , it wouldn't be for me , but I know a few people it's worked out for
The ones who suggest a ' spa day ' are a bit meh , but mostly the suggestions come from a good place I think even if the op doesn't end up doing any of them.

BlueberrySugar · 25/09/2021 15:46

Yes 100%.

A lot of people exaggerate about their lifestyles too I think.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 25/09/2021 15:49

It would seem that way only if you think the entire world has your upbringing and life experiences and your perspective.

LizzieMacQueen · 25/09/2021 15:51

Ah but the renting out your house to then rent a cheaper/smaller house is a good suggestion if you can find a tenant. That's simple arithmetic surely.

BasicDad · 25/09/2021 15:52

There's an abundant wealth of experience on here from all walks of life. I've learned a shit tonne on here about parenting, relationships, money, other people's situations, politics and opinions....and there's a lot of disagreement, but it's genuinely valuable as a whole.

Sparklesocks · 25/09/2021 15:56

I think often in those particular threads the ones making suggestions are not the ones who have lived experience of living on the breadline while managing a family etc, even if well meaning, so miss the mark somewhat.

the80sweregreat · 25/09/2021 15:58

@BlueberrySugar

Yes 100%.

A lot of people exaggerate about their lifestyles too I think.

Yes , I think they do on here.
DragonDoor · 25/09/2021 16:00

Is ‘taking in ironing’ even a thing ? I imagine it’s quite labour intensive and not very profitable. Some laundrettes offer that service, but it’s only a small part of their business.

Pre brexit, I saw people suggesting using au pairs to reduce the cost of childcare. To families living in 2 bed houses.

Because of course, the au pair can have the children’s room, and the children can sleep in with their parents. Problem solved Hmm

Draggondragon · 25/09/2021 16:04

I am probably rich in the scheme of things as I earn a tax free salary and have corporate free housing. Not so much on MN but I sponsor people and don't mind being asked. I have just lent a friend £3000 so she can pay her bills and buy petrol for work. I pay school fees for my Nepali cleaners children and I give an allowance to neices and nephews who are at university. Having bathrooms and a big house isn't all that, it's what you do with the money you can spare. I am no Saint and spend far too much on holidays and treats but I also think we have a responsibility to the people in our lives if we are lucky enough to have fallen into a situation which makes us able to help

dryasaboner · 25/09/2021 16:08

Lol it's painful at times. A salad feeds 7 people , most overused food phrases are get a cleaner and have a spa weekend. People pay 155 for an ugly yaks hair jumper like one my mother had in 1983 from bhs cost 8 pounds.
The funniest thing I saw yesterday was someone advising a mum who couldn't afford swimming lessons to just get a promotion 😂

Original poster
FourteenSixteenTwentyTwo · 25/09/2021 16:09

Yes, lived experiences are very different but from someone who has been on and off the breadline at different stages of life being told to rent something cheaper or take in labour intensive jobs for pennies isn’t helpful.

If your mortgage is over £1k maybe there is a possibility of something cheaper, but if your mortgage is around £500 you are going to be very hard pressed to find anything liveable for cheaper near towns/ cities with sufficient jobs.

OP posts:
Original poster
FourteenSixteenTwentyTwo · 25/09/2021 16:12

Ugh, I have heard the ‘get a promotion’ thing so often! Yes - I’ll just pop on to my work portal and click the ‘promote me’ button which I’ve just been ignoring all this time.

Realistically my company has a recruitment freeze with severe budget cuts so I’m just lucky to have my job at this moment. I know I’m not the only industry alone in this situation right now.

OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 25/09/2021 16:12

I haven't seen any of the really tropey things like spa days and take in ironing etc for a very long time. I see people taking the piss out of them fairly frequently.

Draggondragon · 25/09/2021 16:14

There are times when lack of money renders people helpless, people who don't deserve it. My happiest link is with a hairdresser in Hammersmith who spends one day a week washing and cutting hair on the streets and shaving etc. She has roped in a dentist friend and the pop up has become a trusted place for people to come. We have amazon subs for toothpaste, soap and general wellbeing items like Neals Yard rollers with lavender, just as an example. We can't change the world but at least someone's day is better

Elephantsparade · 25/09/2021 16:16

I have seen get a better paid job as a suggestion quite often. Which on one level is very sensible but it is quite hard to get a better job quickly. I also find 'move to a cheaper area' similar. It can work but again its not a quick fix. Our house move took a year and you have to find new jobs and new support networks.

But the advice might work for some.

nyktipolos · 25/09/2021 16:16

A few days ago I was told the the vast majority of houses where 2 parents work outsource most of the housework. Cleaning, cooking, gardening etc.

I know no one who does that.

Twilightstarbright · 25/09/2021 16:18

@DragonDoor as crazy as it sounds, DH had that exact thing happen as a child! Au pair in one room, everyone else in the other.

DrSbaitso · 25/09/2021 16:20

@nyktipolos

A few days ago I was told the the vast majority of houses where 2 parents work outsource most of the housework. Cleaning, cooking, gardening etc.

I know no one who does that.

Who outsources cooking? And can I get a recommendation?
dreamingbohemian · 25/09/2021 16:22

What annoys me about this kind of advice is when people clearly DO NOT READ the OP

The OP says they are skint and gets told to get a cleaner or a nanny

The OP says they live in a small 2 bed flat and gets told to get an au pair

The OP rents, gets told to build an extension etc etc

It does make me think it's an alternative world, one where everyone owns their home and has spare rooms and lots of cash and professional jobs and so on.

Tealightsandd · 25/09/2021 16:23

@Elephantsparade

I have seen get a better paid job as a suggestion quite often. Which on one level is very sensible but it is quite hard to get a better job quickly. I also find 'move to a cheaper area' similar. It can work but again its not a quick fix. Our house move took a year and you have to find new jobs and new support networks.

But the advice might work for some.

That's the government's favourite line. They're currently banging on about it whenever asked about the £20 UC cut. Quite aside from the practical issues associated with magically finding a better paid job, it's completely ignoring disabled and ill people, and carers.
Elephantsparade · 25/09/2021 16:23

I'm outsourcing my cooking to the kebab shop later

nyktipolos · 25/09/2021 16:25

Who outsources cooking? And can I get a recommendation?

They meant takeaways and eating in restaurants. Though, are housekeepers a thing anymore? Apparently, where both parents work, the family never cooks for themselves.

JustAnother0ldMan · 25/09/2021 16:30

I have heard the ‘get a promotion’ thing so often! Yes - I’ll just pop on to my work portal and click the ‘promote me’ button which I’ve just been ignoring all this time.

Oh wow, so that’s what the ‘promote me’ button does, all this time I thought it was make me look like the boss on a zoom call, Doh !