AIBU to think MN is a different universe to the real world

[FourteenSixteenTwentyTwo]

Reading a post about someone who is worried about money. Answers:

Take in ironing - honestly, I know very, very few people who give a shit about ironed clothes let alone outsource it. Plus you’d need a half decent iron to do it efficiently which costs money. And it’s usually suggested to a single mother who’s already burning the candle at both ends to survive.

Rent out your mortgaged home and rent elsewhere - ignoring the legalities of renting out a home you live in, where are all these houses where rented is cheaper than mortgages? Certainly in my area the only thing I could afford for the SAME as my 3 bed detached mortgaged would be a 1 bed rented studio or otherwise moving 30 miles away and needing to commute back to school and work.

Take it a lodger - great idea in theory and especially if single/ child free couple - but are most of you really okay with that if you have small children? I wouldn’t be comfortable having a stranger living in my home and having potential access to them whilst I’m asleep/ distracted, whatever.

I appreciate people are trying to be helpful but it just sounds like mimicked sound bites without a lot of thought about practicality.

So AIBU to think MN trope responses are an entirely different universe or do I just happen to live in a vacuum where these things are really considerable?

I actually have outsourced cooking and housekeeping. But to my cleaner who I pay 300% more than he earned in his last job as a chef in the MEand he is using his salary to build a hotel in Nepal. I also pay school fees. The world isn't perfect and equal but I agree it can't be done if you are already struggling and it's horrible to say get a better job. Life just doesn't work that way
Unless you have already been invested in my your family to earn.

[quote Twilightstarbright]@DragonDoor as crazy as it sounds, DH had that exact thing happen as a child! Au pair in one room, everyone else in the other.[/quote]
I can believe this scenario could have happened 20/30 years ago, particularly if the purpose was for a genuine cultural exchange.

But there is no way an agency or individual au pair would agree to providing a significant amount of childcare in return for living on top of a family these days, unless misled. Au pairs terms and conditions have changed quite a bit over the years.

@Elephantsparade

I'm outsourcing my cooking to the kebab shop later

I suppose what’s realistic for some people is completely the opposite for others

"My husband just spent our last £300 on a stag do, we don't get paid until 2 weeks time, he was away all weekend leaving me with 3 kids under 3 and I'm 8 months pregnant, we are barely scraping by as it is"

"Book yourself a spa day, if he gets a weekend away so should you"

WHERE THE HELL IS SHE GETTING THE MONEY FROM 😂😂

"Ugh I wouldn't even have one child with this person, you shouldn't have got pregnant multiple times"

WHAT IS SHE SUPPOSED TO DO NOW, PUT THEM ALL BACK? 😂😂

You're right op, it's like a parallel universe on here at times.

When my dc were younger I approached an ironing shop who were advertising.

They gave me a large canvas bag of ironing to do as a trial. It took me the best part of a day to finish, I folded it carefully, hung the shirts on hangers in cellophane as I was instructed, hauled it into my car, and drove it to the shop.

The manager called later to explain I'd failed the test and my ironing wasn't up to standard. I wasn't going to be paid for the trial.

That was my experience of taking in ironing.

The problem is that people feel that they have to give practical advice, not emotional support.

That’s where MN goes wrong, I feel.

Does anyone else on MN live in an average 3 bed house (2 big, one small) with one bathroom while sending their kids to the local school, which gets normal results and a reasonable Ofsted rating?

There is a wide range of ages on MN and some of the comments, like you mentioned about getting a promotion, really emphasise the generational divide (there have always been generational divides of course, even between boomers and the War generation but social media makes every feel under the microscope) The modern world of work is so far removed from even twenty years ago as to be unrecognisable to many when trying to explain the new reality

Does ‘take a spa day’ originate from cheesy nineties romcoms with those executive, high waged women who look like Eva Mendes and spend half their time sipping martinis or at the gym? I don’t know anyone in real life who thinks ‘oh shit! My husband is bastard and won’t look after our three children, I have no support network and money is non-existent - I know, I’ll take my mind off it by heading to the spa alone!’

When my cousin died his wife kept a roof over their heads by taking in a lodger. My friend is a si glen mum and has always had lodgers to help pay her mortgage. My mum did the same when my dad was in prison. I was a lodger to a single mum and used to babysit her son as part payment for my rent. So that seems like a pretty standard thing to do to me.

When I posted last year because I needed somewhere to get off my chest how in the shit I was with credit card debt people suggested to me that I start an only fans account!

It is a different world, and I know there is a real mix of posters but it does seem to be majority of posters who don’t know the crushing reality of life when you are poor.

I dunno, I have colleagues whose tall tales and estrangement from reality could rival the best Mumsnet trolls. Talking shit is not an exclusive phenomenon.

If you can't chuck money at it, LTB or hire a nanny, according to MN you're difficult and fucked.

If your husband earns more than you, he's financially abusive. If he's older, he's all kinds of abusive and a predator and a nonce.

If you're a SAHM you're definitely going to be divorced and abandoned any day now, so keep your ducks in a row with a get out fund.

If you're not living in a council house on the bare bones of your arse you're an over-privileged show off.

If you're trans and use the right bathroom you're a sex offender, a criminal and anti-feminist.

It's a load of shit on here and so far from the real world. But there are occasionally threads that actually end well and the OP's issue is resolved. Very occasionally. And the diagrams make for good entertainment.

I keep reading about how all of the MN council estates are full of doctors, judges, barristers etc and never, ever have any ASB. All of the problems are caused by the ruffians in the adjacent private housing.

The average reader may be a mum with young kids but quite often I feel like the average poster is an older lady (age 65+) based on some of the advice given.

Some of the advice in here is really great and I love how much general information I learn just from reading posts but you really need to take many posts with pince of salt.

YANBU. My favourite one is "retrain for a better job" as if someone in a low paying job can just afford hundreds of pounds for a training course.

Also no one ever saves all year and goes on a bog standard summer holiday. The "where are you going on holiday" threads are either 15 long hauls a year or someone who comes on to say she last had a holiday 20 years ago 2 miles down the road (which of course she was eternally grateful for, and anything beyond that would be extravagant).

I think it depends on the thread...

The what are you doing today type threads are comforting and very RL like - people are gardening, supermarket shopping, taking DC to swimming lessons etc on a random Saturday.

Same as the "weekday meals" with DC ones, it's nice to know everyone else is stuck in a routine of pesto pasta, scrambled eggs and jacket potatoes.

There's often good careers advice too.

So AIBU to think MN trope responses are an entirely different universe or do I just happen to live in a vacuum where these things are really considerable

I think maybe it’s people trying to help or be polite. In the real world if a friend was having financial issues and wasn’t working or just doing part time most people would suggest more hours or getting a job rather than taking in ironing.

I remember once I made a comment about how I live in a bit of a deprived area where it wouldn't be safe for my 8 year old to go out on his own and someone said "why don't you move?" Genius.

@LizzieMacQueen

Ah but the renting out your house to then rent a cheaper/smaller house is a good suggestion if you can find a tenant. That's simple arithmetic surely.

Not really. Because rental income is taxable, so you lose so much on the trade as to make it pointless for most people. (Obviously, if you let your mansion in Mayfair and rent a one bedroomed flat in Harlow, this will not apply. But a 3 bed house to a 2 bed flat in the same area? Probably doesn’t work after tax.)

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

Does anyone else on MN live in an average 3 bed house (2 big, one small) with one bathroom while sending their kids to the local school, which gets normal results and a reasonable Ofsted rating?

I live in a 2 up 2 down Victorian semi with a postage stamp size garden and no driveway. DS goes to the local primary, will go to the local comp and isn't particularity bright or gifted at schoolwork. Never heard of the 11+ until I joined Mumsnet!

[quote Twilightstarbright]@DragonDoor as crazy as it sounds, DH had that exact thing happen as a child! Au pair in one room, everyone else in the other.[/quote]
Also a friend of mine and her sister. Her parents were junior doctors at the time.

@LizzieMacQueen

Ah but the renting out your house to then rent a cheaper/smaller house is a good suggestion if you can find a tenant. That's simple arithmetic surely.

And if you are already in a cheap small home and can't go any smaller?