AIBU to think MN is a different universe to the real world

[FourteenSixteenTwentyTwo]

Reading a post about someone who is worried about money. Answers:

Take in ironing - honestly, I know very, very few people who give a shit about ironed clothes let alone outsource it. Plus you’d need a half decent iron to do it efficiently which costs money. And it’s usually suggested to a single mother who’s already burning the candle at both ends to survive.

Rent out your mortgaged home and rent elsewhere - ignoring the legalities of renting out a home you live in, where are all these houses where rented is cheaper than mortgages? Certainly in my area the only thing I could afford for the SAME as my 3 bed detached mortgaged would be a 1 bed rented studio or otherwise moving 30 miles away and needing to commute back to school and work.

Take it a lodger - great idea in theory and especially if single/ child free couple - but are most of you really okay with that if you have small children? I wouldn’t be comfortable having a stranger living in my home and having potential access to them whilst I’m asleep/ distracted, whatever.

I appreciate people are trying to be helpful but it just sounds like mimicked sound bites without a lot of thought about practicality.

So AIBU to think MN trope responses are an entirely different universe or do I just happen to live in a vacuum where these things are really considerable?

The average reader may be a mum with young kids but quite often I feel like the average poster is an older lady (age 65+) based on some of the advice given.

I’m “an older lady (age 65+)” and have lived through many different circumstances in my life, some good, some bad. I think I’m as well qualified as any younger person to offer advice (and as I would rather poke hot needles in my eyes than go on a spa day, I certainly wouldn’t be recommending one to someone else!).

I wasn’t born at the age of 65+ so please try not to be so patronising (though that definitely is a trait typical of Mumsnet).

The salary threads make me feel like total shit to be honest. The numbers don't reflect the world I know (black country, midlands).

I honestly feel shit when I type this. It says the UK average salary for women was 33K in 2020. I don't know anyone who lives here who earns that. And the figures quoted on mumsnet are always way higher than that.

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

Does anyone else on MN live in an average 3 bed house (2 big, one small) with one bathroom while sending their kids to the local school, which gets normal results and a reasonable Ofsted rating?

Yes I do

@Nayday

I truly believe that only someone who has bloody well done the advice they give should post it. Take in fecking ironing?! Yeah, don't worry about whether your iron is good enough, you can do it well enough to a paid standard, insurance for damages, advertising your services etc etc. I work in a pretty sensible job and can iron my stuff, trust me noone would bloody well pay Mt to do theirs, I'd lose more in good will payments 🤣. And yet it's trotted out on here like it's the ticket out of poverty! Has anyone on here actually 'taken in ironing?!'

Stands by for avalanche of mumsnetters who have 'taken in ironing' and are now posting from their private jets...or not!

I’ve taken in ironing. Why, I don’t know, since I hate it and I’m shit at it - in fact, it cost me money rather than making me any!

One item I was given to iron was a king size white borderie anglaise duvet cover. By the time I’d tried to iron it properly, it had dragged on my floor so much it was dirty and I had to wash it and dry it! And then call my friend for help.

Then there was the load of ironing that had things like pleated skirts and cargo trousers in it - I ended up taking that one to someone else who took in ironing and paying them to do it!

Not one of my better schemes and certainly not the answer to my financial problems!

@skybluee

The salary threads make me feel like total shit to be honest. The numbers don't reflect the world I know (black country, midlands).

I honestly feel shit when I type this. It says the UK average salary for women was 33K in 2020. I don't know anyone who lives here who earns that. And the figures quoted on mumsnet are always way higher than that.

People are most likely to respond if they have a high salary, someone lower paid is more likely to read through and move on.

So it seems like there are mostly highly paid people, but that is just a skewed perception.

@LizzieMacQueen

Ah but the renting out your house to then rent a cheaper/smaller house is a good suggestion if you can find a tenant. That's simple arithmetic surely.

You pay tax on full rental these days as a landlord

I sometimes think that people don’t have much concept that others’ financial situations could be different to their own. There seems to be incredulity at anyone who doesn’t drive, lives at home after age 21 without actively saving for a property or can’t just drop everything and leave their relationship despite having no income. There also seems to be an expectation that most emotional difficulties could be solved by ‘therapy’. The range of perspectives on different topics is really interesting though.

All of the above suggestions work in many circumstances, generally when someone has been living in a big house they suddenly can't afford, so have an asset but little income. Renting out a room to an international students brings in hundreds a month where I live, and bil did it in Australia too. We did it when I was small too. It's hardly a terrible suggestion.

Ironing - obviously only people who are cash rich and time poor would pay for this service but plenty of people do. The cost of an iron wouldn't be extortionate surely.

I do get what you're saying but really, if people post asking for suggestions then they'll get suggestions. Some might be useful, others less so,

As an aside pretty much everyone office based has been WFH for the past year, a lot of these jobs pay significantly. Even when offices open up, hybrid working is the norm. Lots of people at my work commute significant distances from many places in the country but only once or twice a week.

Yabu not to believe posters whose experiences are not yours. This happens a lot on Mumsnet. Is quite eye opening.

The other thing that massively pisses me off, is that you are not allowed to be in shape or attractive, as this makes you up your own arse. If you've done well for yourself, you are deemed to have no idea about having to live hand to mouth, as people can't comprehend you may have been on the poverty line, and know exactly how it is.

I've done many things in my life, qualified accountant, sold helicopters for the most eccentric man imaginable, worked in a sweetie shop, pa for an architect, on benefits for a short time after having my first child. This is all apparently "fine." However the majority of my career and income has been from modelling.

I don't know why so many on MN can't bear this. Instantly "ohhhhhhhhhh yeah right" and real nastiness. Bizarre amount of people who can't accept that you can qualify as one thing, and then turn your hand to something else. Real nastiness. "Pa ha ha, the accountant turned model eh??????" Yes, why is that so difficult for you to hear? There wouldn't be the sneering and bullying for a teacher turned chef. Quite recently on a thread several posters were literally congratulating themselves on their "very pretty faces" but this was all fine because they were a size 14 or more. Another thread where a poster merely said she was a nice looking woman, and someone straight away had to start the "are you though? you're not" And I just sort of read these things, and think, what pricks these people are.

On a very old username, I spoke once about my lifestyle at the time due to a billionaire I used to date. It's actually not that astonishing, a lot more normal than you might expect, he wasn't famous, just rich, although he did move in circles with some very famous people. And that was what a few of us were discussing. Someone had started a thread about wondering what that lifestyle was like, and I popped up, like "Hi! I'm literally dating a guy like this! Ask away!" First and last time I ever spoke about that, because of the absolute nastiness of people essentially bullying and shouting "liar". And I sort it felt like, why be a dick like that? Just because you might not personally know anyone in my shoes, you can't accept that people outside your little world exist, and have to make horrible slurs and accusations? What went wrong in your life to behave like this?

I think there's always an underlying tone that you can't possibly know anything about someone's circumstances unless they mirror your current circumstances. The idea that someone can come from nothing to real success. Or have very good fortune, and lose the lot in 6 months, seems to baffle some people.

I couldn't consider spending £100's on a single item of clothing or outsourcing all the domestic stuff. I sometimes feel like an oddity here among all the six figure salaries, au pairs and exotic holidays.

It’s the designer handbags that get me. Spending a four figure sum on a handbag seems nuts to me.

Agree

Slim and does intermittent fasting = anorexic.
Well paid = liar.
Has more than 1 bathroom = brat.

@skybluee

The salary threads make me feel like total shit to be honest. The numbers don't reflect the world I know (black country, midlands).

I honestly feel shit when I type this. It says the UK average salary for women was 33K in 2020. I don't know anyone who lives here who earns that. And the figures quoted on mumsnet are always way higher than that.

But this is the point isn't it?

In everyday life, you meet people like you - similar location, similar finances.

It's the utter disbelief that someone may earn double, triple etc the average wage. Then people get called liars!

£33k is average. That means some people will be on 3k and some people will be on £300k. Just because you never meet them in real life doesn't mean they don't exist!

It’s the designer handbags that get me. Spending a four figure sum on a handbag seems nuts to me.

And to me, but that is only because I would rather spend that on a holiday (in normal times)

I had my eyes opened the other day on a thread about trainers. I view them as a functional piece of footwear, and own two pairs - one pair for serious walking, and one pair for general wear. Some posters see them as fashion items and have upwards of 30 pairs!

I guess that for my lifestyle (and wardrobe space ) 30 pairs is a bit OTT. We have a no trainers policy at work, and wehn I WFH I wear Birkenstock dupes or slippers.

@IceLace100 it works the other way as well. Many posters have expressed disbelief that I honestly don't know anyone on a 6 figure salary. We don't have doctor or head teacher friends and we live in an area where the average salary is £29 - £33k.

I really like the salary threads. Even when I was a single parent on a 22k.

Even, imagining some people are making it up. You can see trends. It's helped me refocus on my career

I think just because you don't know anyone who earns over 33k doesn't mean they don't exist or that those that say it on here are bullshitting. I don't know anyone who earns less than 20k who isn't part time. But I'm aware that it is the case for a lot of people.

It's like anything though, if it's your norm it's hard to imagine anything different.

To the poster who said that in the Midlands she doesn't know anyone who earns the average wage: I also live in an area of very low wages, but there are many, many people here who earn above £33,000 - e.g. all of the NHS doctors, many of the senior nurses, most of the pharmacists, radiologists, physios, etc. Plus, all of the senior lecturers and SMT members in the local College, all of the headteachers in the schools and most of the senior staff. Plus many of the local council officials in the council offices, libraries, museums, art galleries, leisure centres etc who are at a senior level. Although poor, my area also has vets, accountants, architects, surveyors, civil engineers and other professionals. There are also successful business people who are doubtless earning above the average wage. Just because we don't know people personally, it doesn't mean they are not there!

I didn't say that people on six figures don't exist. I said that I didn't personally know anyone on a six figure salary. Why is this so difficult to believe?

Most of our friends are retired BTW.

If you are desperate (and of course we don't know how desperate people really are) all of these suggestions might work for your situation. I personally do pay a lady £1 a shirt sometimes, I can afford it, she needs the money (old neighbours) and says she likes ironing. The lodger thing can work even if you have children, might not be feasible for all but it's a way to raise £400 + a month tax free certainly something it's worth investigating, as is Airbnb or similar in the right area

@Porcupineintherough

My experience too, several friends whose h's turned out to be wrong 'uns took in lodgers, one ended up marrying hers!

@DragonDoor

Is ‘taking in ironing’ even a thing ? I imagine it’s quite labour intensive and not very profitable. Some laundrettes offer that service, but it’s only a small part of their business.

Pre brexit, I saw people suggesting using au pairs to reduce the cost of childcare. To families living in 2 bed houses.

Because of course, the au pair can have the children’s room, and the children can sleep in with their parents. Problem solved

We had a lovely lady did our family ironing (and plenty of other people's) for over twenty years, so yes, it certainly is.

So many of these!

The DH/P hasn't done so much as a nappy change - "just leave the baby with him and go away for the weekend with some friends"
Right, yeah and you'd come back to either his mum round doing everything or a case for social services

"Get some counseling" because we all know therapy is easy to access.....

"Can you turn your garage into an Airbnb" and below a thread titled "why Airbnb is the absolute worst thing ever and NO ONE should ever use it"

I do know someone who earns six figures and he is as tight as they come.
They are just normal people , but he lives to work every hour he can and likes having money because his parents had nothing.
I'm sure there are a few around where I live but they don't tend to boast or even look as if they are particularly rich ( maybe a nice car )

I know plenty of people who earn six figures and plenty of couples who bring in near to and over six figures. They are all very normal people in my opinion. Their kids don't go to private school, they live in 3/4 bed houses. It's the norm for my area. Some have a cleaner, none of them have gardeners.

The salary ones will often be skewed because high earners will tend to be more open about it, but there will also be a regional variation as well. Where I am in the South East a household income of £100k or more is not that unusual, but housing costs also match, a two bed flat will cost £350k or more and we are not even in the most expensive town around here. It is also in the commuter belt into London so a lot of older, successful people have moved out of London and live here, having built their careers whilst living in London.

I accept that as a household we have a good income, even with Covid it is around £180k, in the few years before Covid it was around the £300k Mark. However that is only fairly recently, in my twenties I was earning £30k, early thirties £40k, by husband was earning similar until a few years ago and setting up his own business when his earnings shot up well into six figures.

A lot of our income goes on our mortgage and paying onto pensions, my husband drives a 12 year old Golf, my car is six years old, we are not flash at all but I also know that we have a level of comfort and financial security now that many can only dream of. My life view is still shaped by my twenties though, when my husband and I worked 60-80 hours a week (or combined study and work when I was doing my masters and PhD) to set ourselves up for where we are now and where my husband still works 60 hour weeks when at his busiest.