AIBU to think MN is a different universe to the real world

[FourteenSixteenTwentyTwo]

Reading a post about someone who is worried about money. Answers:

Take in ironing - honestly, I know very, very few people who give a shit about ironed clothes let alone outsource it. Plus you’d need a half decent iron to do it efficiently which costs money. And it’s usually suggested to a single mother who’s already burning the candle at both ends to survive.

Rent out your mortgaged home and rent elsewhere - ignoring the legalities of renting out a home you live in, where are all these houses where rented is cheaper than mortgages? Certainly in my area the only thing I could afford for the SAME as my 3 bed detached mortgaged would be a 1 bed rented studio or otherwise moving 30 miles away and needing to commute back to school and work.

Take it a lodger - great idea in theory and especially if single/ child free couple - but are most of you really okay with that if you have small children? I wouldn’t be comfortable having a stranger living in my home and having potential access to them whilst I’m asleep/ distracted, whatever.

I appreciate people are trying to be helpful but it just sounds like mimicked sound bites without a lot of thought about practicality.

So AIBU to think MN trope responses are an entirely different universe or do I just happen to live in a vacuum where these things are really considerable?

Buttons,
re home cooked food for a price, delivered to customer's door.
sounds a good idea, but technically illegal without being registered with the local authority as a food producer premises.
there are issues of food safety, hygiene and traceability.
also labelling re possible allergens.
and fairness to other traders who are subject to inspection by env health officers.

@SophieHMS
Me too sometimes 😳
I'm not sure when things changed.
OTOH there were times when it was a bit of a parody of itself.

MN has definitely got a lot shitter in the last couple of years. Covid chat just about finished it off but overall its just really depressing now isn't it? hardly any threads are funny or worth reading, its just all a bit shit.

yes yes I'm waiting for the 'why don't you just leave', blah blah. I mostly have to be honest.

To be fair @Waxonwaxoff0 it does depend on your disposable income and where you live, my dh has a low income and we get tax credits so im not judging anyone but we. Also live i the northwest in social housing an income of £50,000.in an expensive area of the south east wont go far and depending on outgoings a person on a much lower income with tax credits etc may have similar or even more disposable income.

@BoredZelda

So overall in my opinion - to me it seems the demographic of MN is mostly lower earners.

This is my view too. There are way more “I’m struggling on a low wage” posts than “I earn a decent wage”. And the sheer amount of bile against anyone who dares have a decent salary and notes they are having a problem, the utter disbelief that anyone actually earns more than the average wage. Someone upthread said people exaggerate their life, I believe this happens just as often with people exaggerating how bad their situation is as it does with people pretending they live the high life.

Yes I agree.

There is a thread at the moment where a woman has saved loads and was asking the money forum what to do with it (investments etc).

The amount of shit she got was unreal. People saying she was tone deaf, showing off etc. It's amazing how bitter some people are.

where are all these houses where rented is cheaper than mortgages?

I think the point is that by letting your house, the rent you pay is supposed to be lower than the rent you get.
So, mortgage 600, let 1200, rent 1000.
So, you get a net 600 on your house, and housing ends up costing 400. But, yes, there are other expenses associated with letting and the lender may increase the mortgage payments.

@x2boys

To be fair *@Waxonwaxoff0* it does depend on your disposable income and where you live, my dh has a low income and we get tax credits so im not judging anyone but we. Also live i the northwest in social housing an income of £50,000.in an expensive area of the south east wont go far and depending on outgoings a person on a much lower income with tax credits etc may have similar or even more disposable income.

Yes, that's understandable and it is all relative. I think with the recent NI and gas prices though anyone who doesn't have to choose between heating and eating should count themselves lucky at the moment and I include myself in that.

*NI increasements.

I think advice on lodgers might work well if you were in a city which acquaintances would occasionally commute to, for a day or two's work, per week. I think it is not a suggestion to reject out of hand as it could be tweaked to make less daunting and less of the stranger vibe.

It could be that you are in London and an old uni friend would like to come down for a day or two a week to do a shift. If you keep an open mind, you might be able to get an acquaintance you trust as a Monday - Friday lodger, for example. A cousin; a nephew.

Sometimes, it can be liberating to look at an idea with fresh eyes, and an open mind. Same with the idea of one of you working night shifts, the other day. If you've never even considered it, you might have missed out on a temporary option for yourself.

I think in the case of the OP posting about hubby's job loss, being pregnant has really added extra pressure and I hope she's looking after herself. Hopefully, some of the suggestions can be tweaked to be useful to her.

I don't even own an iron!

Sounds like you need someone to do your ironing!

The amount of shit she got was unreal. People saying she was tone deaf, showing off etc. It's amazing how bitter some people are.

Yep, considering how middle class MN is supposed to be, it sure does hate anyone with money.

It's the relationship ones I find either sad or hilarious. Like women wondering how to make minor improvements to a man who sounds so revolting most women would cross the road to avoid him.

"DH is mostly lovely, but occasionally he gets into a real pickle about dinner. He says he'll only eat chicken nuggets, he hates me, hates our children and wishes he were with his ex. He doesn't work and is always stoned. Does anyone know a better brand of chicken nuggets? Thx huns"

I feel really sorry for posters trapped in relationships with abusive partners. What baffles me is when they then go on to say that they are TTCing

I agree @MyPatronusIsACat. Lots of virtue signalling on here and some posters clearly love to tell others that their lived experience isn't real.

@AnneElliott

I agree *@MyPatronusIsACat*. Lots of virtue signalling on here and some posters clearly love to tell others that their lived experience isn't real.

True dat! ^

@Buttetflybookkeeper

I definitely do not live in the land of MN. I rent my home. It's in a rough estate. I shop in Iceland. DH and I have a joint income of circa £50k. I don't have a cleaner, I do my own ironing. I fully expect some people on here have a mental picture of me looking like something out of Oliver Twist as I write this.

OTT, I have worked with the uttermost vulnerable, people who are on the bones of their arse and have to decide between buying food for their kids or topping up the electric meter with ten quid. I think I am privileged in comparison.

I think what has annoyed me on MN since covid is people's attitudes towards staying at home. Most people who have been able to stay at home throughout lockdown have been privileged enough to have their seclusion facilitated by those who have no choice but to go out and work. There are people who say it's too dangerous to go into an office of ten people. Try being a police officer or nurse being sworn at and spat at and tell me how dangerous your job is then.

Brilliant post! ^

Yes, but you do have to cut your cloth accordingly sometimes. Some people take out the biggest mortgage they can afford and then end up struggling.

People’s circumstances can change very quickly. A mortgage that was affordable last year can be unaffordable this year. I’m sure you can pat yourself on the back for being oh so sensible with money, but the next person will have different needs, different circumstances, different pressures. Ten years ago we had little option but to stretch ourselves to a mortgage I was less than comfortable with at the time. I’m not going to explain the reasons to you, but the alternative would have severely impacted our daughter and our ability to properly care for her. We knew it would be really tight for a couple of years, but we also knew pay-rises and promotions would bring us back to a comfortable level. It paid off and we are back to having a good cushion in the bank if anything happens.

People’s lives aren’t always as clear cut as you want to pretend.

I think there's always an element online where people like to bullshit about how well they're doing, mainly FB and Instagram, but I suppose some migration to here.

I also think, people sitting at home with the ability to scroll and post on MN all day, are not at work, and think everyone else is not working for the same reason, so get suspicious otherwise. For example, you might be at home because you're retired. You might be at home because you're a SAHM, and frequently this is where DH has an income to comfortably support this. You might be at home, but at the other end of the scale, out of work and on benefits. I know this doesn't cover everyone, but that's a pretty big cross section.

So when someone asks for advice about cleaning, and they're told "just get a cleaner" I assume this is because that's what that poster would do, and it sort of doesn't occur to them that the OP might be on benefits and can't do that.

Or someone on UC sees someone posting about their gardener, and then it equally gets my goat that they make out OP is faking her circumstances. All that does to me is highlight that particular poster is in very different financial circumstances, and bitter about it, to be nasty to a stranger on the internet like that.

I do appreciate more will exaggerate their status. It doesn't mean everyone that posts is faking.

If your husband earns more than you, he's financially abusive. If he's older, he's all kinds of abusive and a predator and a nonce

yea men are portrayed as the enemy on this and often get pile ons for doing/saying things that nothing would happen to a woman for. According to mn every white male is living in living in a penthouse in notting hill and have the life of David Beckham.

100% agree
Nobody cares enough to outsource ironing and if they do,they need a dose of reality,ridiculous notions

The only proper way to make extra income is offer your services to do school drop offs or pick ups

After school homework club, where u pick kids up from school and get they homework done before parents collect, obviously cash in hand and parents would need to be comfortable that you are not registered but believe me, plenty of people will jump at this

Also, doing errands for the sick/ elderly people in community such as going to the post office for them,completing forms, help show them the basics of computers, google and so, do their shopping

Things I find weird on MN:

• telling someone to LTB when someone's DP hasn't taken the bins out.

• thinking a toilet brush is the worst object in the universe.

• telling someone off for drip feeding when someone has no way of knowing all the crazy shit that they will be asked.

• correcting grammar.

• failure to understand people's financial positions, and thinking that actually lots of people will be much richer or poorer than you.

@douliket

100% agree Nobody cares enough to outsource ironing and if they do,they need a dose of reality,ridiculous notions

The only proper way to make extra income is offer your services to do school drop offs or pick ups

After school homework club, where u pick kids up from school and get they homework done before parents collect, obviously cash in hand and parents would need to be comfortable that you are not registered but believe me, plenty of people will jump at this

Also, doing errands for the sick/ elderly people in community such as going to the post office for them,completing forms, help show them the basics of computers, google and so, do their shopping

It’s clear that some people do care enough to outsource ironing, but to be able to earn a decent amount of money from this isn’t likely.

Surely in all seriousness though, you are not actually suggesting people set up illegal and unregistered child minding businesses in their homes?

Or offer some sort of casual ‘home help’ service for elderly people without any qualifications or insurance?

In comparison, the ‘taking in ironing’ and ‘get a lodger’ suggestions are better. Posters won’t end up in the courts!

@MyPatronusIsACat 'OP claims to be earning £70K for her work-from-home job, and her DH is on 3 times more money, and she has a gardener, a nanny, and a cook. It's a laugh reading them though'

Don't know who the OP is but I earn a bit more than that and wfh, my partner earns way more, AND we have a gardener. A lot of people have the same set up...

Do you feel even more bitter now?

@BlueberrySugar

Yes 100%.

A lot of people exaggerate about their lifestyles too I think.

How pathetic would that be? 'I drive a Ferrari but in reality it's a Corolla'.

I think only a person with mental issues would do that. It's like using a model's photo on your dating profile. You're only fooling yourself and outlining the things you don't have.

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

Does anyone else on MN live in an average 3 bed house (2 big, one small) with one bathroom while sending their kids to the local school, which gets normal results and a reasonable Ofsted rating?

Definitely not! You are either penniless and scrabbling in the gutter for discarded turnips because you spent your last £10 on a data top up to answer questions on here about parking, or a self-made multimillionaire who strangely also seems to have heaps of time to post on MN.