Boyfriend wants me to pay ‘rent’ on his mortgaged house.

[Beachshell]

I’ve been with boyfriend for 2 years, we both have a child from a previous relationship. He has a mortgage on his house and has done for a number of years. Currently I rent.

We’ve got to the stage where we’d really like to live with each other. The most logical move is for me to move into his mortgaged house, then we would look to buy together once we know that our blended family works.

We got into the discussion of finances and I said I would be happy to pay half of all the bills + I would buy all of the food, toiletries, cleaning products etc. I’d also be doing the majority of housework and cooking due to the nature of our jobs.

He thinks I should pay half of the bills, but also pay him half of what I’d be saving from not renting anymore. I don’t feel comfortable with this for a few reasons. I don’t think I should be contributing towards his appreciating asset that I have no stake in. By moving to his house, it’s much more risky financially for me and my child should things not work out. I am going to need to find storage for some of my furniture (or sell it) which won’t fit in his house. I’ve got a longer commute for the school run and work. He think his suggestion of paying him bills + ‘rent’ shows we are a team and working together, that I should want to help him out as much as possible. I’ve said if he wants everything 50/50, including what I deem as mortgage contributions, we should be properly committed e.g. married!

AIBU?

It seems a fairly easy calculation to me. If you want to go ahead, and in your place I definitely wouldn't, then calculate exactly what this set up is going to be saving you. Make sure you consider all the extra expenses for storage of furniture, higher utilities and extra commute etc.

I'd pay him exactly half of that total. Then I'd calculate on that basis exactly what you're saving him by moving in and giving him that amount of money, and he should return you half of that amount.

That way, you both gain equally.

And yes to all those posters who say you shouldn't do any extra child care or housework on top of what you currently have to do.

The rent should be included/part of ‘your half’ of the bills. YANBU

“I don’t think I should be contributing towards his appreciating asset.”

Indeed. Why are you helping him to pay off his mortgage at the expense of having your own flat or home? Relationships are notoriously difficult to keep going in the long term.

You should pay the money you’d save on rent into a savings account, as another poster suggests.

No wonder he’s keen to have you move in —you’d be subsidising all his bills by 50%!

You would be quite mad to move in and pay him rent. And he has a cheek to ask you.

When these sort of threads come up I always think 'what if you were moving into a rented accommodation together?' I bet you would happily pay market rent then even though you would then be contributing to a strangers appreciating asset. So why is it diffident when it us a partner?

You shouldn't be expected to pay for any repairs on the property though just like if you were renting and shouldn't pay half building insurance.

As a boyfriend I think he should pay half of the storage costs if you need to store your furniture for say 6 months while you check if living together works.

You want to be partners but don’t want to pay half…. maybe there should be an offset to reflect you taking on a greater proportion of the chores. Beyond that, you’d be living off him.

And that appreciating asset will be for your benefit if you end up buying a place together.

Tbh, he should run a mile from you.

I don’t think you should pay towards an asset that isn’t yours. Renting somewhere by yourself is totally different and he isn’t your ‘landlord’. If you’re paying towards his mortgage you should have something written up that you get all your ‘rent’ back if you were to move out rather than it going to pay off his mortgage.

There is no way I’d let anyone move into my home without paying. Why on earth do you think you should t have to pay? That’s bizarre.

Surely it would still be cheaper than your current rent?

Would going half on bills, food, housework etc not be more sensible/ less work for you? I don't get moving into his house to take over all the housework tbh- what does he do about that usually? The money you're saving from not renting could go into an account for your future joint house purchase. His costs still reduce, his asset is "safe" from you, you have a safety blanket should everything go tits up in that you'll have some money saved and you could work out an arrangement that he gets a proportion of that money if you split.

ha ha tell him to poke it up his bum, like you say he has to pay the mortgage anyway, I cannot believe the stupid people on here who think its a reasonable request, I know I will get my girlfriend to pay some of my mortgage, half the bills and do most of the household chores, get a life this is the 21st century, he is not your landlord but you could ask for a rent book and ask him if he intends to declare it to HMRC at the end of the Financial year ??. this also goes for the money you intend to give him for bills, see the difference now ?? it goes from a warm fuzzy boyfriend girlfriend relationship to a business arrangement

No don't do it. You get no benefit.

My partner lives with me. We’ve been together 6 years. Living together for 5. The mortgage is in my name. It was my home before we met. He pays me rent. If the situation was reversed I’d expect to pay him rent too.

Honestly, I’d stay where you are! I know we all have to take risks but what if it doesn’t work out? Your left up the creek without a paddle! I have my own child my partner has his we have a child between us, so we sold our homes and brought a home between us and it’s great. But, there are times when I regret giving my home up, same here he earns 100k+ I earn around 25k, I now have to work twice as much working and at home and I’m worse off financially. It’s nice to live together but financial stress on my part does really get me down. I pay bills and food/cleaning stuff he pays the rent, we share costs of going out wretched but it’s always a real stretch for me now. Why don’t you consider living there a few nights a week and then going home see how you all get on that way. Don’t give up everything in a hurry, your son will always be there, he might not be

@dea56

ha ha tell him to poke it up his bum, like you say he has to pay the mortgage anyway, I cannot believe the stupid people on here who think its a reasonable request, I know I will get my girlfriend to pay some of my mortgage, half the bills and do most of the household chores, get a life this is the 21st century, he is not your landlord but you could ask for a rent book and ask him if he intends to declare it to HMRC at the end of the Financial year ??. this also goes for the money you intend to give him for bills, see the difference now ?? it goes from a warm fuzzy boyfriend girlfriend relationship to a business arrangement

And she has to pay rent anyway, so there you go.

What would be the set up when you eventually buy together- will it be 50/50 on everything?

I’d also suggest if you do move in together, instead of paying him rent save that money for moving home, that way you have a contribution to the deposit etc where as he will have his home as his contribution, I think that’s a much better idea than paying rent!

Fuck him off. If he were really in love with you he wouldn’t make this suggestion.
However, you probably don’t want to ‘fuck him off’ yet, so give it 6 months to a year. Stay in your own place and keep your independence.
I’ve seen this before. Be careful. Xx

You should pay 50% of what you're saving on rent:
Current rent: £1000
Cost of storage & additional commuting costs: £300
Saving you'll be making: £700 / 2 = £350 contribution to you BF
Plus half the bills

No. I firmly believe that no partner should pay rent towards their partner's mortgage. It is not the same as renting, at all. After all, whether or not they live there, their partner will be paying that mortgage, so unless they were otherwise going to rent to a lodger, it's profiteering. 'Ive been glad to not pay rent in this situation, paying for bills and food instead, and I've also been the other person paying the mortgage.

Work out how much you both would pay together living in the new house, including the extras that you now have and divide the total in two.

A high earner wanting half his sky sports bill paid and his houskeeping done by a much lower earner is not someone I'd entrust with my security let alone my DCs'.

Yep. He earns three times what you do but he's happy for you to risk your security and financially benefit from you moving in with him?

Listen to your gut, OP, you know this is a bad deal for you. Once you've given up your good landlord and your independence, it's too late.

Going halves is not equality. It is only equality when you both earn the same amount, have the same outgoings and each other children are costing the same to upkeep.

Personally... I would run. Now is the rent, next how much is your teen eating. In any case, you are financially better off as a single woman with a full time job. You have less work to do for him (sadly, even the most "equalitarian" relationships do NOT have a 50/50 split of the chores and responsibilities).

If he wants rent, and you earn less than him, tell him to put you in the mortgage, otherwise stay were you are.

I would agree to split down the middle if you were in rented accommodation that money would be going towards someone else's mortgage anyway. BUT it's unreasonable for him to ask you to pay half of what you are saving

Some of the responses on here lol.

No wonder more and more guys are quietly just saying Women are too entitled.

Not paying for the roof over ones head is mad, no matter what way you spin it. I assure you, when the looks have gone, the ‘balance of payments’ changes.