Boyfriend wants me to pay ‘rent’ on his mortgaged house.

[Beachshell]

I’ve been with boyfriend for 2 years, we both have a child from a previous relationship. He has a mortgage on his house and has done for a number of years. Currently I rent.

We’ve got to the stage where we’d really like to live with each other. The most logical move is for me to move into his mortgaged house, then we would look to buy together once we know that our blended family works.

We got into the discussion of finances and I said I would be happy to pay half of all the bills + I would buy all of the food, toiletries, cleaning products etc. I’d also be doing the majority of housework and cooking due to the nature of our jobs.

He thinks I should pay half of the bills, but also pay him half of what I’d be saving from not renting anymore. I don’t feel comfortable with this for a few reasons. I don’t think I should be contributing towards his appreciating asset that I have no stake in. By moving to his house, it’s much more risky financially for me and my child should things not work out. I am going to need to find storage for some of my furniture (or sell it) which won’t fit in his house. I’ve got a longer commute for the school run and work. He think his suggestion of paying him bills + ‘rent’ shows we are a team and working together, that I should want to help him out as much as possible. I’ve said if he wants everything 50/50, including what I deem as mortgage contributions, we should be properly committed e.g. married!

AIBU?

[Talktalkchat]

@CatsArePeople

Of course you should pay. And I think a contribution on half your current rent when you are moving from a flat to a four bed house is more than reasonable. Why do you think you should live rent free?

Because its not exactly rent. Its paying for the privilege to be his live-in lover and housekeeper.

Which she negotiated.

The man is already doing all of that, he doesn’t need a live in whatever,

Remember he’s on a decent income, will have a decent house - he’s massively putting himself at financial risk.

[CatsArePeople]

Of course you should pay. And I think a contribution on half your current rent when you are moving from a flat to a four bed house is more than reasonable. Why do you think you should live rent free?

Because its not exactly rent. Its paying for the privilege to be his live-in lover and housekeeper.

[flippertyop]

Of course you should pay. And I think a contribution on half your current rent when you are moving from a flat to a four bed house is more than reasonable. Why do you think you should live rent free?

[Talktalkchat]

@aquashiv

Buy your own joint property.
Ofcourse you should contribute. What happens if house prices go down.

Nothing because she’s only paying him half of whatever she paid in rent at her current place. She’s massively saving.

[Dillyjones72]

Oh, and why are you suddenly doing all his housework? That should also be 50/50. If you can afford it get a cleaner now. And split the rest of the chores like cooking, dishes, laundry etc

[Dillyjones72]

Pay half of the rent, split the bills food etc.
Why are you expecting to live somewhere for free?
Or wait, and get a place for the 2 of you, together.

[CatsArePeople]

Finance aside, moving in will massively affect both children. Is it worth it, without proper commitment, assuming it'll be short-term only?

[chicken12]

You pay rent or rethink relationship I don't think your ready if you are already thinking that way are you thinking more about money if you don't have joint mortgage you make an agreement

[AICM]

Present a chart with chores on it

Will he get stickers if he completes a task?

[Ashitaka]

@Mamanyt

@Comedycook

Half of bills and all food is a great deal for him imo

That was my thought.

Tell him that if you pay half the mortgage as "rent," you will expect him to pay for half of the food and toiletries (except makeup, etc), and to do half of the housework, and present a chart with chores on it.

And this is the fairest way
She can't live there for nothing, but shouldn't be doing all the work, or food shopping

[TemptedToSleepInTheShed]

Of course you need to pay him rent if you’re moving into his house. He doesn’t owe you a roof over your head. What sort of world are you living in thinking otherwise?

[aquashiv]

Buy your own joint property.
Ofcourse you should contribute. What happens if house prices go down.

[sue20]

@Beachshell

He wants me to pay half of what I’m ‘saving’ so in effect that’s already £700, plus half of all the bills… some of which I would not have in my own home (expensive sky tv package, much, much higher bills and council tax). I currently live in a flat and him a 4 bedroom house.

I think putting the rent amount you would have paid into a savings account for possible joint future use a really good idea. Don’t understand why you aren’t sharing all food and bills and you saying you will do more than fair share of housework? Maybe I’m cynical but money should be separated from emotional set up so think how you protect against possible relationship failure.

[TatianaBis]

👌🏼

[AICM]

Not stooped... just shit.

[TatianaBis]

@AICM

You're wasting your time TalkTalk

People have read the facts, ignored them and plunged headlong into a the classic Mumsnet narrative of nasty man, poor women. No amount of logic and intelligence can fight against.

Mumsnet is shit.

Yes we’re all stoopid women overwhelmed by your stunning logic. 😂

Ironically this is the least intelligent post of the thread.

[AICM]

A cocklodger is the most hated type of man on MN. The are guilty of the heinous crime of moving in with a women and not paying her any rent.

Vile.Vile. Vile.

No women would ever do such a thing.

[Fanakerpan]

@Shirleyphallus

If this was the other way around and a man wanted to move in to a woman’s house without paying rent then he’d be accused of being a cocklodger

I think it’s perfectly reasonable to pay him rent, however you shouldn’t be out of pocket so the amount you pay on the extra commute etc should be taken in to account.

I don’t think I should be contributing towards his appreciating asset that I have no stake in.

Do you resent paying rent to your landlord for the same reason?

What's a 'cocklodger', please?

[AICM]

You're wasting your time TalkTalk

People have read the facts, ignored them and plunged headlong into a the classic Mumsnet narrative of nasty man, poor women. No amount of logic and intelligence can fight against.

Mumsnet is shit.

[Talktalkchat]

@MammaSchwifty

so he's getting a housekeeper, a cook, a cleaner, childcare, free food, free toiletries, free cleaning products, a live-in lover, half off his bills....

and also wants half of his mortgage paid.

meanwhile you get a whole heap of extra work, longer commute and school run, an extra child to care for, storage bills, and no security.

hmmmmmmm......

and you get

She and her daughter gets a roof over their head at a much reduced rate (she’s saving 50% of her rent, he’s not asking for 50% of his mortgage).

[MammaSchwifty]

he's either so bad at maths and reasoning that he's a diagnosable idiot, or he knows what he's doing and is an avaricious user. Neither is a good choice in a life partner.

[MammaSchwifty]

so he's getting a housekeeper, a cook, a cleaner, childcare, free food, free toiletries, free cleaning products, a live-in lover, half off his bills....

and also wants half of his mortgage paid.

meanwhile you get a whole heap of extra work, longer commute and school run, an extra child to care for, storage bills, and no security.

hmmmmmmm......

and you get

[Emmylouisa]

I did the same and pay half the bills and mortgage from the outset but that was only £300 p/m. We haven't reviewed it for nearly 7 years. We buy food on a rota basis, one week him, one week me. I do most of the cooking but not every night. He does his own washing. We split the housework. We've each got our own car. If we go out, he pays one time and I pay the next. We don't really talk about money, but just 'know' when it's the other's turn to pay. If I go on holiday, which I do alone, I pay for myself. We haven't got a written agreement but he did seek prof financial advice about receiving payments from me and whether he would have to pay tax and was told not, that it was OK to receive monies for living expenses from someone you live with. Hope that helps x

[WineAndMassage]

@PassTheDutchyUpYrLeftBackside

It doesn't sit right with me, OP.

You currently live in a flat. He wants you to move into his house, and halve his living costs.

This is an increase in spend for you and it sounds like you're the one making the sacrifices.

In a romantic partnership, the partner in better circs should be supporting their other to make the change - not splitting the finances down to the last penny.

Your suggestion of splitting (higher) bills and paying food costs , plus the additional challenges moving to a different area with no security, are enough.

Doesn't make him sound like a keeper, I'm afraid.

Exactly this. Don't do it.

[FindingMeno]

Hmmm.
I'd be wary of the whole doing the lions share of the housework and cooking part in amongst all this.
The cynical part of me says that a live in cleaner and cook who also pays a good chunk of living costs and contributes to rent is a bloody good deal for him.
Stay put and keep your independence and be in charge of your own security.