Boyfriend wants me to pay ‘rent’ on his mortgaged house.

[Beachshell]

I’ve been with boyfriend for 2 years, we both have a child from a previous relationship. He has a mortgage on his house and has done for a number of years. Currently I rent.

We’ve got to the stage where we’d really like to live with each other. The most logical move is for me to move into his mortgaged house, then we would look to buy together once we know that our blended family works.

We got into the discussion of finances and I said I would be happy to pay half of all the bills + I would buy all of the food, toiletries, cleaning products etc. I’d also be doing the majority of housework and cooking due to the nature of our jobs.

He thinks I should pay half of the bills, but also pay him half of what I’d be saving from not renting anymore. I don’t feel comfortable with this for a few reasons. I don’t think I should be contributing towards his appreciating asset that I have no stake in. By moving to his house, it’s much more risky financially for me and my child should things not work out. I am going to need to find storage for some of my furniture (or sell it) which won’t fit in his house. I’ve got a longer commute for the school run and work. He think his suggestion of paying him bills + ‘rent’ shows we are a team and working together, that I should want to help him out as much as possible. I’ve said if he wants everything 50/50, including what I deem as mortgage contributions, we should be properly committed e.g. married!

AIBU?

Surely the solution is to buy from the offset, he can rent his house house. At least then you have financial security.

However, for me, I believe rent should be paid wherever someone lives.

My partner lives in my house, he rents his house out.

He pays half my mortgage and 50% of all bills Inc food. He does half the housework and cooking.

We both work different hours but have set chores each day to do (I often do mine before work), he prefers to do his after work.

His house, he keeps all the income bar £100 a month (this is what he used to pay an agent, but I do all that for him so he pays it to me instead)

Our arrangement has worked quite happily for 6 years.

We did get legal papers drawn up though that in the event if a split he had no claim in my house, I had no claim on his, and that we would split any purchases 50/50, example new suite and bedroom furniture, new kitchen appliances

@Justbecauseofit

I think you should be paying rent 💯

You rent anyway?

I think maybe not the full half of his northern payments because it is going towards his own asset, unless you marry but def a fair proportion. You’d be living rent free otherwise

Yes, but as a tenant she has rights in her current home. Living with a partner she won't.

I don’t think it’s fair that you should live rent free. You should pay your half of the bills and contribute something towards the rent.

If you pay him rent then I don't think you should be paying for all the food and you should only pay the extra on bills e.g. his council tax won't double because you are there. If he wants Sky he should pay for that, he can't just decide what to spend your money on.

I don't think this will work if either of you going into it feeling resentful.

@EnidFrighten

I don't think he's being all that unreasonable. Pay half the food and bills, give him half your current rent and agree to review it in a year or two's time, at which point you could decide if you should merge finances properly, whether to put you on the mortgage etc.

I think it would be advisable to put some of what you'd be saving on rent into a savings account in case things don't work out.

Why half her current rent, his mortgage is likely to be less than her current rent. It should be half of whatever his mortgage is

@KirstenBlest yes I understand that it’s risky. There could be room for some sort of rental agreement there

@NorthernDramaLlama

Pay what you would pay in rent into a dedicated savings account. If you split up, you have deposit etc. If you de ide to buy together there is money towards moving costs.

This is the most sensible solution.

I wouldn't live with him. It's irresponsible to give up your child's security and so far all I can see is you giving up things and him gaining with no risk.

I just don't think he has your best interests at heart, OP. He is not able to see this from your perspective (which is very reasonable), and this would concern me.

It is his job as a dad to protect his, and his child's assets. It is your job as a mum to provide security for your child. These things don't have to be in contradiction, but with the current proposal they will be. He is covering himself, but not allowing you to put in sufficient security and safeguards.

Paying rent without gaining a stake in the appreciation of the asset is ridiculous. Sure, that is how a commercial rent relationship works (with all the safeguards and tenancy rights involved), but not a love match. The fact that he is clearly not in need of your financial contribution due to the disparity in earnings, and does not appreciate the practical sacrifices you and your child have to make to facilitate this move as well as the less secure legal position you will be in, adds to this. He is failing to see the bigger picture, and interpreting the situation solely to his benefit.

Perhaps you can park the conversation for a little longer and remain living apart, until there is a deeper commitment and more mutual trust between you two.

I moved in with my boyfriend in his mortgaged house- I pay him rent which is half the mortgage costs, then we split everything else too- bills, food, etc.

We had a document drawn up by a solicitor which states if we ever split and I moved out, I am entitled to get back anything I put in plus anything the flat has made in the time i lived there, and I have no legal claim to the flat or the mortgage.

@Justbecauseofit

I think you should be paying rent 💯

You rent anyway?

I think maybe not the full half of his northern payments because it is going towards his own asset, unless you marry but def a fair proportion. You’d be living rent free otherwise

Then it needs to go in writing that she is contributing towards the mortgage so that she has a stake on it to compensate her for the fact that he could ask her to leave with an hour's notice.

OR

if she is paying rent, she has a proper tenancy agreement drawn up, and tenancy agreements don't usually include skivvying for your landlord.

I do think you should be paying toward a roof over yours / your child's heads - I wouldn't be happy if I was him if you expected to move in without contributing at least some of the money you were saving by no longer renting. You've listed lots of disadvantages to you of moving into his house, but no-one is forcing you to move in - if you do decide to then I don't think it's unreasonable of him to ask you to pay towards housing yourself and your child - you should both benefit financially from the arrangement in some way, rather than you being able to keep all of the savings you would be making just in case it doesn't work out.

Sounds to me like perhaps you're not really ready to move in together if you can't agree on this. I like PPs suggestion of renting out his house and both renting together - again there though I would expect you to contribute a share of the rent (not 50% though!), rather than him paying it all because he's the higher earner.

Can no one on this thread read??? The OP said she will be doing all of the housework- so he wins. A male cocklodger does not do the housework or cooking.

OP, do not move in with him. Honestly you are not gaining anything. Stay where you are until you are more committed or you split. Either solution is better for your child. You would be crazy to put yours snd your child’s security in the hands of a boyfriend.

If you really want to move in together, rent together, then but if it works out.

Buy

@Mummyoflittledragon

Why would he expect you to pay £700 and give you no security in return?

What no one else has mentioned in their telling you to pay half the mortgage is that part of the mortgage payment is capital repayment. No way on Earth should you pay capital in. A contribution toward the interest element at best.

House prices are rising, if he actually cared about you, he’d want you to work tooth and nail to get on the housing ladder. Not paying his mortgage.

If you pay, £700 instead of £1400, you’ll not be much better off when factoring in the on costs, easily £200 storage on your furniture, £100 in fuel plus £100 wear and tear on the car. Not to mention your time. Then there’s removal costs, costs or time to clean your flat to a professional standard and potential loss on your deposit on your house. That will add a minimum of another £100 a month over at least the next 12 months but would need to be paid up front and therefore for the first 2 months, you’d be paying out more than 1.4K.

Even if you spread that over a year, you’d be saving £200 at best with zero tenancy rights when he’d be saving £700 plus owning his own asset in the location of his choosing, with a woman prepared to act as cook, cleaner and childminder.

And is his mortgage even that much?!

He'd be more than £700 better off, the bills won't double because she is there, he won't pay double for his TV licence, his Sky package, his council tax and she's buying all the food. I should think he will be over £1,000 a month better off.

It's true that it's not the same security of tenure as renting elsewhere. You could maybe argue for 5% to 10% lower rent to compensate. Asking to live rent-free is asking for 10 to 20 times a reasonable discount though. Perhaps a better way to do it, is ask for the first 3 months rent-free, then if you do get kicked out, you will have had 3 months more accommodation than you paid for.

On the other hand, don't pay for bills for things that you don't intend to use, like Sky. And agree that you will pay each other minimum wage for any labour contributed, if you can be arsed to keep track of it.

@valnevavaxx

I moved in with my boyfriend in his mortgaged house- I pay him rent which is half the mortgage costs, then we split everything else too- bills, food, etc.

We had a document drawn up by a solicitor which states if we ever split and I moved out, I am entitled to get back anything I put in plus anything the flat has made in the time i lived there, and I have no legal claim to the flat or the mortgage.

Fro your boyfriend's point of view, would surely have been easier then for you to put it into savings, rather than him then having to fund all your contributions back plus whatever his flat had made!

[quote minatrina]@Veronika13 eh to each their own. I'm very sure it would put some men off and that's their prerogative, but I've not encountered that problem myself, and I wouldn't want to be with a man who begrudged subsidising someone he viewed as a life partner if he earned over triple my salary. [/quote]
She's not a "life partner". What is she, his wife of 10 years? Is she a mother of his 3 Children? Not even being snarky - I'm a gf myself. Not a wife or mother to his kids.

So he earns $100k, she earns $30k.
She contributes $0.
His outgoings are $30k + $30k of hers.
He's left with $40k he puts into savings. She ends up with $30k that she doesn't spend - into savings.

Nice little arrangement for her, isn't it?

If I was a man, I'd never marry

And it shouldn't be half the rent on the property you're giving up, it should be half the rental value of the property you're moving into, assuming you have equal use of all of it.

Why should you pay half bills when youre on a third of what he is earning

I would start with half of everything-so half of his mortgage figure, half food, half bills... that's fair.

The appreciation of the asset is a red herring I think... you'll still be saving on your previous Rent and bills and you so will he so a win win...

@HarrietOh Perhaps, although nicer for him to have been able to save money since I've lived there as his mortgage and bills have effectively halved. We've just had the kitchen done with savings he never would have been able to get together otherwise.

@Beachshell

I earn significantly less money. He earns 100k+ and I am on £30k.

Good businessman. Shit boyfriend by the sound of it.

Does he expect 50/50 when you go out?

So you move into his house, take however the houswork, cooking and childcare for his child I am assuming and pay half his mortgage. Win, win for him. I wouldnt ever place myself or DC in this position. What happens if you separate..your DC is left homeless. I wouldnt be doing it.... its a winner for your DP but not for you or your DC.

I have no idea why moving in means you become a housekeeper for him. I am open mouthed

@RandomLondoner

And it shouldn't be half the rent on the property you're giving up, it should be half the rental value of the property you're moving into, assuming you have equal use of all of it.

That could be more than op’s take home pay!