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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what on God's green Earth possessed my 'D'H

341 replies

Lagomtransplant · 23/09/2021 22:01

So we're having a nice quiet evening, winding down towards bedtime. Suddenly my DH jumps up as if bitten by a flea, walks over to the hallway and starts fiddling with the newly purchased photo shelf. I ask him to leave it be, as I'm tired, and we'll sort it over the weekend.

Nope, on he goes about the waterpipes. OK, I kind of get that, it doesn't matter, if it can't go, the shelf is only a fiver, I'll put it into a charity box or something. No, suddenly I have to come over and give my opinion on the various positions on the wall. I give up and go back to my cuppa.

Next thing I turn around and he's eyeing the radiator suspiciously. I TELL him, beg and plead with him to leave it alone. No, off the wall it comes and apparently it is SOOO heavy I ABSOLUTELY MUST come over and help him put it back up. For the sake of clarity, this is a bog standard small radiator that CANNOT weigh more than a stone if that. I lift it during seasonal big clean with ease and put it back.

Now he's screaming the house down that I must come and help him. I put my foot down, I told him not to mess with it, now put it back up and stop being a crybaby. He goes on about having to call his elderly dad over to help him put the sodding thing back up. I tell him to pack it in.

Next thing he's on the floor, writhing like a bug, claiming the radiator fell over him. I told him I'm not having any of it, put the radiator back and stop being a fool. All of a sudden, he drags the slipper basket over, puts the radiator on it and starts following me around the house saying he's got horrible cramps and what am I going to do about it.

By this time I am royally passed off by his behaviour. I told him to pack it in, this time using some phrases I'm not going to repeat here. So he stomps off, puts the radiator back on (Suddenly it's not that heavy after all Hmm ) and cue more screaming. I simply eyeroll as he barges into the kitchen carrying a pebble sized piece of plaster, claiming I made him break the wall down.

Now he's off to draw himself a bath to cure his humongous crams that miraculously don't stop him from stomping up and down the stairs. Apparently I'm the most selfish person alive.

I'm sitting down, trying to cool down and wondering what Dr Who monster possessed my husband tonight, as this is utterly out of character for him. I am considering making him think over his behaviour on the sofa tonight.

So AIBU to have put my foot down and demanded he cleaned up the mess of his own making???

OP posts:
Twilight7777 · 23/09/2021 23:02

I’m thinking it’s either some sort of breakdown, or he’s feeling incredibly guilty about something and is deflecting. My dad used to do things like this that did not need mending at that point in time. He was cheating on my mum throughout the marriage

MarieKlepto · 23/09/2021 23:02

Ok, I started reading this thinking, "Oh, that's my husband, gets a bee in his bonnet, will not rest until it's fixed - no matter how fucking annoying he's being" (and yes, my radiators do come off the wall for cleaning and no, we don't have a slipper basket but we do have a hats, scarves and gloves basket so kinda get it) but that sounds quite extreme. I've had a couple of weeks of stress induced low-level dickish behaviour due to husband changing jobs - anything else happening in your lives?

KurtWilde · 23/09/2021 23:03

If it's out of character then I'd be worried by that kind of erratic behaviour. Can you have a quiet chat now he's calmed down?

Original poster
Lagomtransplant · 23/09/2021 23:05

@MarieKlepto

No, nothing extremely so, both of us had companies going through restructure, but both of us came through OK, things are calm now.

OP posts:
LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 23/09/2021 23:06

Keep a close eye on him.

Sn0tnose · 23/09/2021 23:07

I’m still confused. Why did he put the radiator in the slipper basket?

And where did the cramps come from all of a sudden?

Throwntothewolves · 23/09/2021 23:09

Is he ok mentally? Sounds like the behaviour my DH can exhibit when he is particularly stressed. He suffers from depression and this is one way in which it displays. He can be guilty of focusing on and catastrophising things that are nothing to anyone else. It's basically attention seeking, but more complex because of the mental health aspect. Paying attention to the madness only makes it worse though. Best to acknowledge then play down the craziness, ignore his behaviour and and walk away. Dont try to understand or rationalise it.

sloutside · 23/09/2021 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Original poster
Lagomtransplant · 23/09/2021 23:11

@Sn0tnose

He put the radiator ON the basket (propped on it and broke it) when he realised I wasn't buying the crap about him needing my help to lift the radiator back on. Then he started pretending he's got cramps to make me feel guilty. But you don't get a cramp and then follow people around the house.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lagomtransplant · 23/09/2021 23:13

@sloutside pack it in, nobody does that.

OP posts:
Throwntothewolves · 23/09/2021 23:14

Don't put your car keys on a shelf in the hallway, that's a great way to make it easy for thieves to steal your cars (speaking from bitter experience). I'm guessing the shelf may not be going up now though...

Whattheschitt · 23/09/2021 23:17

Could he have an infection like a UTI? They can really mess with people.

sloutside · 23/09/2021 23:17

pack it in, nobody does that

Well they should. Absolutely disgusting not cleaning behind radiators.
I suppose the non-radiator-cleaning people on here are the same ones who sleep in a bed twice without changing all the sheets and re-use towels.

Original poster
Lagomtransplant · 23/09/2021 23:17

@Throwntothewolves it would have gone behind the doors, so out of sight, but I get your drift. I was just tired of fishing for them in the coat pockets. But you're right, that's out of the window now.

OP posts:
GroggyLegs · 23/09/2021 23:18

Honestly?

I need a diagram.

TimeForTeaAndG · 23/09/2021 23:25

@Throwntothewolves

Don't put your car keys on a shelf in the hallway, that's a great way to make it easy for thieves to steal your cars (speaking from bitter experience). I'm guessing the shelf may not be going up now though...
Preferable to them wandering around looking for them.

Cars can be replaced. You, having disturbed a thief, cannot.

Bounce55 · 23/09/2021 23:28

@sloutside

pack it in, nobody does that

Well they should. Absolutely disgusting not cleaning behind radiators.
I suppose the non-radiator-cleaning people on here are the same ones who sleep in a bed twice without changing all the sheets and re-use towels.

You ok love?🤣
TopBlogger · 23/09/2021 23:29

How was he after the bath? And now?

Heyduggeeeee · 23/09/2021 23:29

One new years eve whilst I was pregnant my dh suddenly had an episode like this. He became quite nasty which he had never been before and behaved very out of character. The next day he was back to normal. It only lasted a couple of hours. Several months later he was diagnosed with MS. Hes a completely different person now. Sadly more like the person on new years eve than the person he was before. At the time it seemed like a strange few hours with odd behaviour. I just assumed he had had a bad day or something was bugging him. It was only after his diagnosis that it clicked.

sloutside · 23/09/2021 23:31

You ok love?🤣

No, I am not ok.
I am horrified at some people's lax attitude to hygiene.
I need to go to sleep soon but I'm worried I'll be having nightmares all night about the squalor some people choose to live in.
If I had any pearls I'd be clutching them.

LukeEvansWife · 23/09/2021 23:37

Agree with other posters. Sounds like some kind of breakdown.

Still, it's made some posters laugh Hmm

NekoShiro · 23/09/2021 23:39

You should probably ask him about it tomorrow, maybe even write it down incase it happens again, how old is he?

CharleyMarley · 23/09/2021 23:45

@grapewine

I'm envious about radiators that come off. That's what I got.
Me too!

Misses entire point of post (utterly odd)

Upset my radiators don't come off the walls.... and mesmerised that this is feasible!

WhoIsPepeSilva · 23/09/2021 23:45

Have you been together long OP? Abuse can sometimes be hidden for a while and then escalates after marriage so wondering if you are recently married.

I'd say spoiling for a fight because you wouldn't do what he wanted. Either that or something serious medical that needs attention.

Not normal behaviour at all and would put me right off (as in LTB put off) if there were no medical reason for such irrational childish behaviour.

ispepsiokay · 23/09/2021 23:46

OP that sounds quite upsetting, especially as it's out of character for him. He's being an arse but I probably would just take him the painkillers and talk to him about it in the morning. The last 18 months have been rough on everyone and he might benefit from a chat to the doctor.

I hope you're alright, some of the replies on this have been ridiculous.

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