Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 10 11

Original poster

To think childfree weddings are pretty normal now

256 replies

LeVole · 23/09/2021 05:02

We got an invitation for a wedding and the couple specified no kids. This didn't surprise me at all but DH and my mum were both surprised by it.

AIBU to think it's very normal nowadays to exclude children? Personally I didn't as we had a lot of close family with young kids and very few friends with kids but it makes sense if you're in the opposite situation. I think we payed £20 per head for toddlers!!

OP posts:

Scottishmarigold · 23/09/2021 07:40

Yes, I think you are right.

londonrach · 23/09/2021 07:42

Totally agree. Weddings are boring for children. Yanbu.

DappledThings · 23/09/2021 07:58

Certainly not unusual but I wouldn’t say normal either. Probably about 50/50. Wpuld always prefer to bring my DC personally but wouldn't everake any kind of fuss about it or question a childfree invitation.

TractorAndHeadphones · 23/09/2021 08:03

They are! Probably because of the relative ages of people marrying and whom they’re inviting.

The first of my cousins’ to marry (fresh out of uni) had very few children at the wedding. Same people 10 years later would have included at least 10 extra guests on the family side (not counting their friends)

Royalgalas · 23/09/2021 08:06

Child-free does seem pretty normal now but I've just been invited to a wedding where even babes-in-arms are excluded (and as a consequence, I can't go - my baby will only be two months old and I'm not prepared to leave him/her for two days) and I'll admit to being a bit .

I can understand child-free but I personally think banning tiny babies from weddings is a bit of a dick move. Hey ho, not my wedding!

han2020 · 23/09/2021 08:10

I think it probably is more common now than previously. We didn’t have children at ours mostly because of the additional cost (we were on a budget and it was a small wedding). For context though we didn’t have young children in the family and most friends understood our financial circumstances. 2 years on though and with our own babies arriving imminently, I wouldn’t be upset by kids not being allowed either personally.

user7012893145776 · 23/09/2021 08:12

I think it's normal now but I also find that the couple getting married usually don't like it when you say you can't attend because you don't have childcare.

A family member fell out with myself and my husband because we couldn't attend as we had no childcare. We heard from a different family member that the mother of the bride was crying on the wedding day saying we had ruined her daughters wedding and now none of that side of the family speak to us.

JorisBonson · 23/09/2021 08:13

Yep. I've been married twice, both child free.

If a friend couldn't make it for childcare reasons I wouldn't hold it against them.

Hellobeeee7 · 23/09/2021 08:14

I think they’re mostly child-free now because weddings aren’t family events in the same way anymore, they’re performance events now - like dress up and feel like a famous person for a day (and probably spend money you don’t have).

Can you tell I feel cynical about them?

AFuturisticalSound · 23/09/2021 08:15

Based only on the number of threads about them on here child free weddings are quite normal

In fact it's almost reassuring after covid that the regular postings are now coming back

All is getting better with the world, wedding changes are back en masse

Parker231 · 23/09/2021 08:17

We got married 26 years ago - big family wedding but child free. We had all our friends and family with us but it wasn’t the place for children.

elenacampana · 23/09/2021 08:20

I think it’s normal yeah. Mine was childfree, my sister’s was and the two I went to this summer were. We couldn’t have had our venue or invited as many of our friends if we’d invited kids (most of whom we don’t know) as well. I see women here are often accused of wanting a social media wedding when they don’t have kids, not the case for me, I’m not on social media - I just wanted an adults only day! 4 years on and no regrets :-)

JorisBonson · 23/09/2021 08:21

Same here @elenacampana. In fact, the majority of my friends with children were looking forward to a night away on their own.

PuppyMonkey · 23/09/2021 08:23

They’re normal in as much as very commonplace but I don’t think they’re “the norm” or anything and you’d still have to specify it in the invite imho.

Don’t agree either that weddings are boring for children. Us kids all had a ball at the weddings we went to, big Irish shindigs with everyone running riot. Bloody brilliant.

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 23/09/2021 08:25

Our wedding was awesome and definitely child included!

We married when dc were 8 and 4 and fully included. Loads of our friends had small dc too. We planned it so all the children eat first and then then booked a magician to entertain them in another room whilst the adults meals were served.

We all joined in the disco after and had a blast! Plus mil stayed in the hotel with us and kids had a sleepover in her room. Was fabulous.

I get it you're 20 odd and child free but for us we loved having kids there!

PurpleDaisies · 23/09/2021 08:26

They’ve been normal for years, just like evening only invitations.

Shoxfordian · 23/09/2021 08:27

Ours was child free, no screaming babies or disruptive toddlers running around, perfect

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 23/09/2021 08:32

When we got married, there were only five children... only one friend had children, other three were the youngest cousins.

Same set of guests now... about 30 children. We wouldn't all fit in the venue. So less people would be invited to invite other peoples toddlers... So its usually a numbers game.

I agree babies should be allowed though.

SinoohXaenaHide · 23/09/2021 08:36

Our wedding was child free because DH/groom didn't want to be distracted by baby noises during the vows - i wasn't bothered either way but there was only one couple on the guest list who had any children and that was a childhood friend of DH's who I'd never met so my view was that as it's only a friend of his who is affected, it was his call. They didn't come. I don't think anyone minded much either way. We have met them since at bigger group gatherings but aren't particularly close, so i have no idea whether they still bear a grudge about it 20 years later.

If there had been more children and among closer family and friends I hope I would have stood up for including children. I have enjoyed the family friendly weddings i have been to much more than the elegant childfree ones. Its supposed to be a celebration, not a lifestyle photography model shoot.

I understand that part of the issue is the wedding specialist venues that charge ridiculous per-head prices even for little ones. But those aren't the only venue options.

SW1amp · 23/09/2021 08:39

We didn’t set out to have a child free wedding, although we didn’t lay on any children’s entertainment etc

But in the end, every single one of our guests decided to come without children

We asked 4 friends and family if their daughters would be flower girls
2 said a flat out no, because they didn’t want to bring them
1 said yes but arranged for her to be collected straight after the photos, the 4th was my niece who stayed for the meal and then went upstairs to the hotel rooms to watch tv with her big brother

We didn’t have any of the kids-skidding-across-the-dancefloor scenes that some MNers get nostalgic about but didn’t miss it and the parents actively chose to not have their kids there while they had fun

Original poster

LeVole · 23/09/2021 08:41

DD will be 2.5 and DS will be about 6 months. I'm looking forward to an evening having fun with DH and my parents are looking forward to spending time with their grandkids (covid has kept us very far apart) so it's a win win.

I'd find it very odd if a couple specified no kids and were then surprised if people couldn't make it though.

OP posts:

BrilliantBetty · 23/09/2021 08:42

I think it's normal now but I also find that the couple getting married usually don't like it when you say you can't attend because you don't have childcare.

This is exactly what I've found.
I'm supposed to have on tap childcare / leave DH behind with the kids/ use a babysitter I've found online to attend their big party. It's often just completely impractical with the location of venue. I decline more often than not. It doesn't go down well.

Had kids at mine. It wasn't a problem. I budgeted and chose a venue suitable for the number of guests i'd be inviting.

M0rT · 23/09/2021 08:42

My wedding wasn't child free as a philosophy but it ended up child free because the few people we invited where we thought there might be childcare issues and told them their children were welcome managed to get childcare as they wanted an adult event for themselves.
I don't have children so it doesn't affect me but it's common in my family for only the close relatives/friends children to be invited.
It's a practical issue, there's loads of kids and only so much money/space.
My DM was surprised recently when I told her kids weren't free at weddings.

Oldandcobwebbed · 23/09/2021 08:42

We would love to have kids there but probably due to our age, the number of kids would be approximately equal to the number of adults. Including kids for us is about £50 a kids head and halves our capacity (not just money wise but the venue has limited numbers)
Covid delays has given us a chance to float some ideas with family

We initially wanted to have an okay to babies thing but then it became very clear that people felt their 2 year olds would be included, and then the people with 3 year olds felt hard done by (someone also rightly said if a 2 year old can come, why can't my 9 Yr old)

We also tried to do it on closeness eg my best friend could bring hers as she's a brides maid. However once again it became very clear that my mum and aunts expected then cousins kids to be invited etc. We then realised we wouldn't be able to cut many if that was the case and the 5 we could cut would have been annoyed at being told no kids, then seeing lots of kids!

We also thought about non local people but decided that in general if we said no to some peoples kids, we had to say no to everyone's

We didn't want it so black and white but there was no fair way of working it

Oldandcobwebbed · 23/09/2021 08:44

Oh we totally understand that some guests might not come based on that, we just couldn't work it another way

I genuinely feel it would have been different 5 years ago when very few of our friends had children but once you hit your 30's the numbers explode

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 10 11

Swipe left for the next trending thread