To think childfree weddings are pretty normal now

[LeVole]

We got an invitation for a wedding and the couple specified no kids. This didn't surprise me at all but DH and my mum were both surprised by it.

AIBU to think it's very normal nowadays to exclude children? Personally I didn't as we had a lot of close family with young kids and very few friends with kids but it makes sense if you're in the opposite situation. I think we payed £20 per head for toddlers!!

we had a small wedding that was child free. I had been to too many weddings where the kids shouted out during vows or very young babies started crying. Not their fault but the parent made a big thing out of having to leave the church and in one situation the service had to be stopped. The Mother than stood outside with crying baby and you could still hear it crying.

It really isn’t all about the guests. And no - I would never complain if the guest didn’t come.

I have just added it up, we have grandchildren coming x 6, fine all catered for.

If we had the rest that would be another 9 x £12.50 =£112.50 extra plus the evening meal so about £200 extra

We just don't have the capacity to add those on, I would rather more adult guests

@Oldandcobwebbed

Oh we totally understand that some guests might not come based on that, we just couldn't work it another way

I genuinely feel it would have been different 5 years ago when very few of our friends had children but once you hit your 30's the numbers explode

Yes, I got married late 20s when none of my friends had kids so it wasn't an issue. Tbh now we're early 30s and still none of my friends have kids but I think over the next 5 years that'll change!

Kids ruin weddings imo. I didn't have kids at mine nor have there been any at the last 3 I've been to. So yeh I think you are right.

They were normal when I got married 20+ years ago too. Ours was both small and child free.

When I got married in the late 90's childfree was pretty normal, possibly 50/50. I had child free - apart from nephews and nieces and one tiny baby. We wanted an adult day. We didn't want distractions during the ceremony. We didn't want kids sliding around the dance floor in the evening. It was great.

i know that I'm an old gimmer but to me getting married is about families coming together and children are a major part of that. We had a bouncy castle for the children and adults were allowed on for 5 minutes once an hour

@LeVole

I think often people talk about it like its just an extra 5 people or something. But for some people it's hugely more. I wouldn't class myself as a big family but...

Every member of our bridal party except one has children. Just between out siblings there's 7. Our close cousins have at least 15 between them so by just inviting our bridal party, siblings and some of our cousins (not even all cousins!) we would have close to 30 under 14 yrs old. That's no wider friends, colleagues, relatives other than cousins.

Even venues that don't charge per head, or have capacity limits every head costs something for food, chairs, cutlery etc

My mum was also under the impression that children didn't count or were free

Child free weddings are brilliant, no fractious, screaming tantruming children to put up with. You can let your hair down and relax. I don't have kids

@user7012893145776

I think it's normal now but I also find that the couple getting married usually don't like it when you say you can't attend because you don't have childcare.

A family member fell out with myself and my husband because we couldn't attend as we had no childcare. We heard from a different family member that the mother of the bride was crying on the wedding day saying we had ruined her daughters wedding and now none of that side of the family speak to us.

This is what really irritates me, and what I'm anticipating when I decline a wedding invite because of my relative's baby-ban.

If you decide not to allow tiny babies at your wedding then fine but, assuming that baby is breastfed, you should at least understand that you're effectively uninviting their mothers as well.

[quote Oldandcobwebbed]@LeVole

I think often people talk about it like its just an extra 5 people or something. But for some people it's hugely more. I wouldn't class myself as a big family but...

Every member of our bridal party except one has children. Just between out siblings there's 7. Our close cousins have at least 15 between them so by just inviting our bridal party, siblings and some of our cousins (not even all cousins!) we would have close to 30 under 14 yrs old. That's no wider friends, colleagues, relatives other than cousins.

Even venues that don't charge per head, or have capacity limits every head costs something for food, chairs, cutlery etc

My mum was also under the impression that children didn't count or were free[/quote]
This. I think people really underestimate how many kids the couple would end up having to pay for if they allowed them all. And with friends more so than family, they may have never met them, which really doesn't fit with the "weddings are about family coming together" line people always use on here. Kids of old friends and colleagues are not family to the bride and groom, that's an unrealistic expectation.

I prefer chid free weddings especially for the evening do. It's not so much the children as the parents Some parents think that their child is so perfectly precious that it's just so cute and funny if they scream, sing, cry, play/bleep on a phone or whatever. So what if it wrecks someone else's wedding? It should be normal to invite dc to a wedding if more parents were reliably less indulgent and more in charge and whisk noisy children outside.

I have been to about 30 weddings only a couple were child free. Most of those wedding were at least a decade ago though. I think child free weddings are becoming more common but I personally think it’s a shame. I was fine having my reception in a village hall in the middle of nowhere, it wasn’t super fancy but I could invite everyone we wanted to .

@Royalgalas

Child-free does seem pretty normal now but I've just been invited to a wedding where even babes-in-arms are excluded (and as a consequence, I can't go - my baby will only be two months old and I'm not prepared to leave him/her for two days) and I'll admit to being a bit .

I can understand child-free but I personally think banning tiny babies from weddings is a bit of a dick move. Hey ho, not my wedding!

Yeah I agree with this. It's such a shame you're missing out. I was BF last summer so wouldn't have been able to go to any of the weddings I was invited to, covid stopped them going ahead. Hundreds of small humans running around really changes the atmosphere of an event but a baby being passed round a bit doesn't cause that much fuss (unless they cry all day, and I think any sane parent would take them away if they did).

Probably 50% of the weddings I’ve been to in the last 15 years have been selective in the children invited, such as children of close family and newborns only. I don’t think I’ve been to a single completely child free wedding.

I have no issue with child free weddings, I have a big issue when you decline due to no childcare and they get shitty with you for declining! Especially when it's a family wedding and your possible childcare is going to the wedding so you have no one. Or they are getting married abroad and expect you to leave your kids for x amount of days and spend £££ flying off somewhere.

I now refuse all childfree weddings and evening only invites. It's a lot easier that way!

@ReeseWitherfork

What age would you have that newborn cut off though? There's lots of threads recently about people breastfeeding 1- 2 year olds and needing them to be invited to weddings because of that

I agree in principle, we just couldn't find a cut off age that people felt was fair.

It’s up to the bride & groom. My friend got married in a city centre church, then the meal/reception/disco was in a city centre hotel. Nothing for children to do and would have been very boring for them. She wasn’t going to hire magicians and bouncy castles for children that weren’t related to her, she has no children herself, why would she pay for children of friends who wouldn’t add anything to her wedding? It’s not like she’d miss them if they weren’t there. AFAIK, no one declined and her friends with kids were happy to have a weekend off!

The only time I’d seen this from the other point of view is when a relative of DHs got married. It was either 27th or 28th December and was no children. Several of her friends declined and she (and DH’s mum - her DGM) were quite offended. I pointed out though, that schools/nurseries/ childminders would be closed. GPs were visiting other family and were unavailable.

@TheUnbearable
Our local village hall works out about the same as the bigger venue. We recently priced up a village hall wedding and the difference was minimal because of prices of importing food, even things like cutlery needing to be hired

It's not the same in every village hall, but certainly ours around here aren't what people always assume

My parents wedding was child free in the 70s and that was normal for their social group. They were gobsmacked when the youngest aunt invited all the family DC to their wedding 10 years later.
They also had a gift list at John Lewis which is apparently another modern grabby obsession according to some on here.

Weddings without children is normal. The only time I've brought my children to a wedding was when it was close family, as in my two sisters weddings and my DH brothers weddings. My children have never been invited to friends weddings which is fine by me.

Yes, I can't decide what would be fair cutoff age for breastfeeding. DS will be maximum six months so still very reliant on breastmilk but hardly a newborn who'll just sleep in a sling the whole time. I'm hoping that he'll take a bottle by then otherwise I'd probably plan to go and feed him between the ceremony and evening reception. DD was feeding until 18 months but from about 1 year onwards she really didn't need it, it was just something she liked to do.

Yep, It's up to the the bride and groom, quite useful really as their choice tells me everything I need to know about them.

All weddings I've been to haven't excluded children. I'm going to one in January but the groom's children vary in age from 18months to 27 years so it's inevitable they all turn up (groom is on third marriage)

I had childfree and no babes in arms, after seeing my friends' ceremonies ruined by them. Screaming and wailing throughout the vows so no-one could hear, using the aisles as their personal play area, and parents moaning at adults about their drunkenness or language around kids who should have been in bed hours ago. I didn't want to spend my wedding day nagging people to be considerate and take their kids home.