To think childfree weddings are pretty normal now

[LeVole]

We got an invitation for a wedding and the couple specified no kids. This didn't surprise me at all but DH and my mum were both surprised by it.

AIBU to think it's very normal nowadays to exclude children? Personally I didn't as we had a lot of close family with young kids and very few friends with kids but it makes sense if you're in the opposite situation. I think we payed £20 per head for toddlers!!

They've been around for years - I remember my parents going to a wedding in the 70's of my brothers godmother and us not going.
And I don't really care either way tbh, and understand how children inflate the guest list. But FGS don't tell me its to let me 'let my hair down' or similar. We don't, and have never had, the ability to leave ds with anyone overnight, and childcare/supervision is always what we pay for. So if your wedding needs an overnight stay and is childfree, we won't be there. If its not an overnight stay, then we'd come, but it won't be an all out relax and will have cost us £££

The vicar was trying hard not to laugh to be fair until he saw me crack up .. and he did clarify that Susie wasn't marrying either the bride nor the groom and that the extra 3rd " I Do " wasn't legally binding as he didn't have any teddy bear licenses ...!

Meh, whenever we go to a wedding the partner who doesn't know the couple takes the kids out during the ceremony and speeches. I don't think people really want my baby or toddler shouting over their vows.

I agree - kids being noisy and doing aeroplanes on the dance floor were standard but weddings are all about the Insta now. Po-faced choreographed perfection beats the idea of bringing two families together and all the glorious messiness that involves.

You know that it doesn't have to be either of the two extremes. How about a wedding with no kids (so less noise and no aeroplanes on the dance floor) and no insta - just some people getting together to celebrate.

The worst kind of wedding is the insta type with wanky food etc. But ordinary weddings are better without the noise and potential obstacle course of over excited children.

We went to one wedding where not only were children welcome, but they had organised for some local friends to run craft activities between the ceremony and the food being served. That was great, because we could catch up with friends we hadn't seen for ages without the tugs on our arms, and the children didn't have to sit through the speeches either. Of course, things were made simpler because the reception was in the church hall, so they weren't being charged a bomb for every child.

@LukeEvansWife

Recognise that a 2 month old baby is very different from a strapping 15 year old

Well yes because a strapping 15 year old is more likely to be invited - a potentially screaming puking baby, less so

Which is absolutely fine as long as you accept that it's very unlikely that both parents of the two month old will come, and that it's not some failure of duty on their part if they 'won't' leave a newborn.

I agree - kids being noisy and doing aeroplanes on the dance floor were standard but weddings are all about the Insta now. Po-faced choreographed perfection beats the idea of bringing two families together and all the glorious messiness that involves.

This is bollocks though. None of the child-free weddings I've been to have been miserable or po-faced or full of Instagram posing. In fact all of them have been child-free precisely because the adults want to party harder and have MORE fun than they could do while trying to look after children.

And many people don't HAVE extended families, or even small families, that they are close to and wish to bring together. For many couples I know, the wedding was very much based around friendship groups.

Honestly every childfree wedding thread involves people swearing that the B&G are kicking off that they won't come. In the nicest possible way, most people would just say okay then and ask someone else.

I agree - kids being noisy and doing aeroplanes on the dance floor were standard but weddings are all about the Insta now. Po-faced choreographed perfection beats the idea of bringing two families together and all the glorious messiness that involves.

I've found the opposite
Every wedding I've been to in recent years has included an announcement at some point for guests to NOT post any pictures on social media

I can't think of a single social gathering that is enhanced by noisy kids doing aeroplanes. It is tedious enough at kids parties, but no right minded person is going to find it endearing at a wedding, and I'd be a bit mortified if my DCs behaved like that

@LukeEvansWife

Honestly every childfree wedding thread involves people swearing that the B&G are kicking off that they won't come. In the nicest possible way, most people would just say okay then and ask someone else.

I guess I'm a bit sensitive because my friend was utterly incredulous that I wouldn't come to her wedding without my four month old baby - apparently I should have 'just pumped some milk and put it in the freezer'. She also sort of implied that it was a feminist failure that I wouldn't leave him with DH for the two nights I'd have needed to be away - even though I'd said I'd happily leave the three year old but not the breastfed baby she was 'just really surprised that [DH] can't parent on his own for a couple of days', as if he should grow boobs in order to smash the patriarchy!

We had child free, it's the norm in our group, unless the couple marrying have children themselves. For us our guest list of 98 adults would have had 50 children, we were okd getting married, so a completely different kind of wedding to the evening meal, booze up and trip down dance music memory lane we had.

We didn't have children then, a good friend with a BF 4 month old said she'd bring her DD, she'd be no trouble and she was right, we just didn't think of it. So always worth clarifying I think, cos I'd def not mind a little baby than my friend not coming.

@Hardbackwriter

I think its a sensitive subject all round
People are offended their kids aren't invited

Inevitably these threads turn full of people mourning the loss of a family occasion, saying its selfish, joyless, all for Instagram and somehow is a vanity project. Everytime.

It's a sore subject to me because I've tried to arrange a wedding fairly. Everyone's solutions have left people feeling indignant. Everyone wants the rules to be arranged so its their kids invited.

People always throw out the village hall comparison as if it makes kids free. I'll wager 75% of those people have zero idea about how much renting and kitting out on is.

We didn't have children then, a good friend with a BF 4 month old said she'd bring her DD, she'd be no trouble and she was right, we just didn't think of it. So always worth clarifying I think, cos I'd def not mind a little baby than my friend not coming.

And then there is a flurry of guests taking to MN to complain that X was allowed to take her baby while they had to leave their kids at home

True, I think it is sensitive all round. I don't actually have any problem with child-free weddings at all - I didn't mind not going to my friend's; I went to another wedding this summer where the baby was allowed but not my three year old and I was completely happy to do that. I think a couple should arrange their wedding however suits them best. Their only obligation is to accept it in complete good grace if the way they arrange it means some people don't come.

@SoloISland

I mean here in Ireland.

I'm Irish, have lived here all my life. I have never done this.

@LukeEvansWife sorry, didn't say I contacted all other guests with little babies to say there'd be a baby guest and there's was welcome too. All the rest said they'd rather a night off.

I'm sure we offended someone, I didn't read MN then but we only had close family and wedding party at the registry office, it was an evening do for most people so broke that MN rule as well.

Did have free bar, very nice food, paid for bridesmaids dressing gowns and everything else and no guest list though hehe

[quote needsomesleeppls]@LukeEvansWife sorry, didn't say I contacted all other guests with little babies to say there'd be a baby guest and there's was welcome too. All the rest said they'd rather a night off.

I'm sure we offended someone, I didn't read MN then but we only had close family and wedding party at the registry office, it was an evening do for most people so broke that MN rule as well.

Did have free bar, very nice food, paid for bridesmaids dressing gowns and everything else and no guest list though hehe [/quote]
I didn't know until MN that evening invites were rude. I have been to plenty of friends' weddings with an evening only invite, I thought that was standard. Also means not having to hang around for hours for photos etc

Dd wants two weddings, in around 5yrs, one will have kids, the other most likely won't, but that's because there aren't any kids here, and there are in Australia where the other wedding will be, as she's the eldest of 8 grandchildren and there's likely to be more born.
She's half Australian btw, hence two weddings on opposite sides of the world.

None of the child-free weddings I've been to have been miserable or po-faced or full of Instagram posing. In fact all of them have been child-free precisely because the adults want to party harder and have MORE fun than they could do while trying to look after children.

And many people don't HAVE extended families, or even small families, that they are close to and wish to bring together. For many couples I know, the wedding was very much based around friendship groups.

This exactly.

Personally, I find the wedding obsession bizarre. The need to have a perfect day, however you define perfect. It's a load of misogyny in a very expensive wrapper.

However. I've been to lots of weddings for friends and family, and celebrated with them. It's their day and their choice. If their choices make it impossible for somebody to attend, then they need to accept that. Their choice.

They very often make sense. Some couples would have to invite loads of kids if they invited any at all (or else have the other parents monumentally put out) and costs would soar.

Plus, as a pp said, weddings are very boring for children, unless there’s loads of space to run around and activities laid on.

Babes-in-arms only seems more common - the last we attended was one such.

I never went to a wedding as a child. There's nothing new about it.

The hardest part of our childfree wedding was wording it on the invite. "No snotgoblins please" was vetoed and it was hard to make it extremely clear we didn't want their badly behaved, spoiled kids there without being rude. If their names were just left off the invite they would have turned up anyway.

EatSleep
I'd go for, "I rarely like my own Crotchfruit so I do not want yours anywhere near me"
Ps, no toasters or similar, we prefer cold hard cash.

I'm only half joking!

All of the stories that people have posted here as examples of the cuteness of children at weddings haven't done a single thing to convince me that weddings are better without them (sorry).

Not an insta-glam Love Island contestant type person either - I roughly resemble Kathy Bates in Misery.