To think childfree weddings are pretty normal now

[LeVole]

We got an invitation for a wedding and the couple specified no kids. This didn't surprise me at all but DH and my mum were both surprised by it.

AIBU to think it's very normal nowadays to exclude children? Personally I didn't as we had a lot of close family with young kids and very few friends with kids but it makes sense if you're in the opposite situation. I think we payed £20 per head for toddlers!!

@PurpleDaisies well considering they were sat with church friends who usually swap children during the service just leave her with one of those for maybe 2 mins instead of subjecting the whole congregation to her child? It was so pointless.

I’ve been to ‘childfree’ weddings and they just come across as cold and unfriendly in comparison.

With comments like this, I always wonder if the weddings really were ‘cold and unfriendly’, or whether a distaste for child-free weddings colours the person’s view - to the point where they, perhaps subconsciously, are looking to find fault. Would the same wedding be ‘cold and unfriendly’ if you didn’t know the bride and groom actively hadn’t invited children, but it was simply a case of none of their friends or family having small children?

What was that couple supposed to do with their baby? Presumably the bride and groom asked them to do the prayers knowing that could happen. It’s one thing staying in the church with a screaming kid but if you’re at the front of the service actually doing something, where are you supposed to stuff your child?

Could someone not have taken it out? Presumably there was someone there that knew the people who were praying and could have looked after it when the parents went up to pray?

That sounds hideous, Particularly the screaming by the microphone.

Some people are just selfish so it's better to ban all children to take account of that

Our wedding party included children from our immediate family only {Our nieces and nephews}
We loved having them there, they were all having fun outside playing in the field and dancing with us on the dancefloor, as were their parents.

The only reason we didn't invite our friends children etc is because it would have added about another extra 15 guests. I did feel bad as one of my friends had a 4 month old baby and a 2 year old, I personally would not leave my baby that young to go to a wedding , so I understood when she said she couldn't come as she didn't want to leave her dc. We just felt we couldn't have one rule for everyone and not for someone else though.

Some of our friends said they would have arranged childcare regardless of whether their dcs were invited or not.

I also imagine a wedding is a long day for smaller kids, if you were the parent, you would probably want to leave early so they can get to bed.

[quote HagridHair]@PurpleDaisies well considering they were sat with church friends who usually swap children during the service just leave her with one of those for maybe 2 mins instead of subjecting the whole congregation to her child? It was so pointless. [/quote]
It’s pretty common in some church weddings for whole families to get up to pray. This could just have been the culture at that church.

It's a while since I've been invited to a wedding and I don't know if it's a very N Irish thing, but every single wedding I've been to has involved gazillions of kids running around - none of them mine though! Since I have had DC, we've only been invited to one wedding and we weren't close enough to the bride or groom for our children to be invited. That was a great day

I should have said listening to a screaming baby through a microphone sounds painful though!

Even if they couldn't leave the baby with anyone, could one of them not have just removed it?

@PurpleDaisies it was so painful and the mum just kept going trying to drown her out but instead of moving the microphone just started shouting. The vicar stepped in after 5 excruciating minutes. 'Well that was lovely wasn't it thank you very much xx' 🤦‍♀️ her husband could have taken the baby when it was her turn but just stood there like an actual lemon and let it continue whilst
patting his child's head

Anyway, I've spoken to the bride and the videos of the speeches and the ceremony are useless and they are upset about it.

I can honestly say I would have had to leave as I have ASD and would have found it really distressing

And actually the first child who was breast feeding is part of a larger friendship group of ours and this was the first of 6 weddings in the next year and all of them have now decided that they'll invite the parents but will stipulate that she can't bring her child because of how little she did to stop him screeching and it was a screech: you know when babies are excited? It was that just constant. So it's impacted on other people, it's a shame because if she'd taken him out it would have showed that she cared about the people getting married but just sitting there beaming at everyone whilst her child was screeching and disrupting the ceremony has made the other soon to be bride and grooms decide to tell her she can't bring her child ie have a child free wedding as she's the only person in our friendship group who has a baby so far.

@HagridHair

And actually the first child who was breast feeding is part of a larger friendship group of ours and this was the first of 6 weddings in the next year and all of them have now decided that they'll invite the parents but will stipulate that she can't bring her child because of how little she did to stop him screeching and it was a screech: you know when babies are excited? It was that just constant. So it's impacted on other people, it's a shame because if she'd taken him out it would have showed that she cared about the people getting married but just sitting there beaming at everyone whilst her child was screeching and disrupting the ceremony has made the other soon to be bride and grooms decide to tell her she can't bring her child ie have a child free wedding as she's the only person in our friendship group who has a baby so far.

Serves her right

I'd say more than half of the weddings we attend are child free.

Our own was. We can't have children, didn't want the screeching (one of my cousins had particularly feral children and you can only really ban them all or none of them) and it would have added about 30 to the headcount which would have meant having to choose a different venue.

However, our best man had a childcare issue as his in-laws were unwell so obviously we told him not to worry and just bring his daughter!

Most of MN - 'weddings are shit but if you don't invite my little darling I shall be very cross, even though I don't want to go '

My DH and I didn’t have a childfree wedding. If we had, some of key family and friends (including the best man!) probably wouldn’t have been able to come, as they lived some distance away and had young DC.

Same here @LizzieW1969.

Unlike most mumsnetters we don’t have a large circle of friends or large families, and it never occurred to us to have a child free wedding. TBH I never knew they were a thing because the only weddings I had been to were family weddings, where children were welcome.

I think the issue with badly behaved chidren or crying babies at weddings is down to poor parenting. If your baby cries or your children play up you take them out - and this should be non negotiable

Sitting there smiling at everyone while your babe in arms screams over the vows is a dick move too.

Its not though is it, and you can hardly tell the guest to remove the brat child once they're already there.

I think the issue with badly behaved chidren or crying babies at weddings is down to poor parenting. If your baby cries or your children play up you take them out - and this should be non negotiable

Sadly it often isn't though

@ISpyCobraKai

Its not though is it, and you can hardly tell the guest to remove the brat child once they're already there.

Actually I think the celebrant/vicar should ask politely.

@LukeEvansWife I meant that the fact that the parent doesn't remove the disruptive child is poor parenting. I know babies cry and toddlers/small children get bored and play up, but too many parents just don't deal with it - try to quieten them or if that fails remove them.

It is poor parenting, but then it's easier to ban children altogether so that you don't have to deal with it

The other problem is that you sometimes don't know what kind of parent you're getting - with close family, sure, but you may only have met cousins' children once or twice and it's not enough to go on. You can't put on the invite "children welcome but only if their parents weren't raised in a barn" as everyone would read it and say "of course that applies to me!" (the same way as they read Mr and Mrs Bloggs and decide that the 7 Bloggettes are also invited).

It would be easy, if it didn’t mean that half your closest friends would have to miss seeing you get married if you banned their DC. For me, that wasn’t an option, so it meant that there were quite a lot of young children at our wedding.

Thankfully, they weren’t noticeably disruptive. Not silent, obviously, but no actual tantrums.

I'd just rather children weren't there, however I'm not getting married and when Dd does I'll put on my best fake smile if any kids are hideous as will she no doubt as she doesn't particularly like kids either
We're v family friendly here!

Totally agree that people who don't take babies out when they cry are the worst. At the most recent wedding we went to I almost wanted to go around pointing out that my baby wasn't the one that had screamed throughout the vows while the parents sat there beaming because there were two babies there and I was worried that people who couldn't see them would think I was the rude person! Mine made one grizzle during the speeches and we were out of the room in a flash - I was slightly sad to miss the speech from the groom (my friend) but there was no question of just staying put and letting DS ruin it for everyone!

Just had flower girl at ours years ago. She was 2. I accept people dont have family backup to mind them so we turned down a few invites for that reason. I think brides think everyone has helpful families. Not