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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Drinking in pregnancy

463 replies

PurplePizzaCake · 22/09/2021 21:24

AIBU in thinking it's OK to have the odd glass of wine while pregnant? Maybe 2 very small glasses a week?

Yes = YABU and shouldn't drink that much/anything at all

No= it's fine to have the odd glass

OP posts:
ohfook · 24/09/2021 07:46

@TheKeatingFive

All those things you've mentioned offer nutrition. Alcohol is bad for you full stop. Pregnant or not.

To be honest, having read up on the impact of obesity on pregnancy and baby outcomes we should be a lot more worried about sugary processed carbs than we are.

I fully agree with this. Obesity is a known risk factor but a lot of people aren't ready to address this at all.
arield · 24/09/2021 07:48

People address obesity in pregnancy all the time. Midwives check weight at every appointment and those with high bmis are considered higher risk.

yungnsexy · 24/09/2021 07:57

@arield

Are the people that drink in pregnancy also fine with smoking in pregnancy?

Any addiction is bad. Alcohol or cigarettes. Nobody here is talking about addiction though

I couldn't get worked up about somebody smoking the rare cigarette or joint although I'd not good

Brokensunflower · 24/09/2021 08:13

Firstly, I do think it's selfish to be obese and pregnant. Secondly though, you can't use the defense that there are other bad things to do so this bad thing is ok. That's like saying shoplifting is ok because murder is worse.

arield · 24/09/2021 08:14

@Brokensunflower

Firstly, I do think it's selfish to be obese and pregnant. Secondly though, you can't use the defense that there are other bad things to do so this bad thing is ok. That's like saying shoplifting is ok because murder is worse.
Exactly my point
TheKeatingFive · 24/09/2021 08:14

I think the difference with obesity is cultural. I’ve never heard anyone be called selfish for getting pregnant while obese.

ManifestDestinee · 24/09/2021 08:25

@arield

People address obesity in pregnancy all the time. Midwives check weight at every appointment and those with high bmis are considered higher risk.
I don't see countless threads here berating women for being overweight and pregnant. Where is the "you're so selfish, if you can't get thinner for pregnancy why even have a kid?" or "Better safe than sorry, why risk the consequences of being overweight for your kid, you're not minimising the risks"
ohfook · 24/09/2021 08:26

@Brokensunflower

Firstly, I do think it's selfish to be obese and pregnant. Secondly though, you can't use the defense that there are other bad things to do so this bad thing is ok. That's like saying shoplifting is ok because murder is worse.
I'm not sure if this is in response to my post, but if I'd was then you've misunderstood my point.

I wasn't saying drinking is bad but obesity is worse. I was saying in credible, peer reviewed studies, drinking 2-3 glasses of alcohol a week has shown to be fine, obesity has not been shown to be fine.

Although for FWIW I do think in some circumstances shoplifting is also fine!

Brokensunflower · 24/09/2021 08:30

Although for FWIW I do think in some circumstances shoplifting is also fine!

I hate to derail the thread but do tell!

YourFinestPantaloons · 24/09/2021 08:31

Seriously folks, so many of you claiming one drink does harm but 300 comment sun and not one single link to prove this.

Didn't your mum tell you it's wrong to tell lies?

YourFinestPantaloons · 24/09/2021 08:31

@arield

Well I hope you're not eating hummus, cashews, melons, carrots, cucumber or any other fruit or veg that can carry listeria. Listeria is very bad news for a foetus - far more so than the odd glass of wine and you know better safe than sorry.

All those things you've mentioned offer nutrition. Alcohol is bad for you full stop. Pregnant or not.

Not if you enjoy a glass. Which many people do. Remember the woman, the person gestating? Her wants matter too
YourFinestPantaloons · 24/09/2021 08:34

@arield

Who are all these people that can't go without alcohol for 9 months? It's so weird to me.
Ugh I hate this obtuse passive aggression of the faux-dippy "I just don't undy-stand" that women do. Fucking grow up, and say what you mean
WoozySnoozy · 24/09/2021 08:35

Not if you enjoy a glass. Which many people do. Remember the woman, the person gestating? Her wants matter too yes she matters too but why is the glass of wine so important? That's what I don't get. Why is it so essential to drink.

TheKeatingFive · 24/09/2021 08:36

why is the glass of wine so important?

You could say that about anything. Why’s the piece of cake, chocolate, ice cream important? Why drive to see friends?

YourFinestPantaloons · 24/09/2021 08:36

It goes beyond the remit of this thread, but I find it absolutely fascinating that we’ve been culturally conditioned to massively downplay the risks of driving. We should all be much more mindful of what our society ‘nudges’ us to think and why.

Yes indeed. Point of the safety of rear facing car seats - as forward facing is a genuine risk - and you're being judgmental. Want to have the odd glass of wine in pregnancy (harmless, nothing to suggest it's a risk), and you're a selfish alcoholic who isn't fit to be a mother

YourFinestPantaloons · 24/09/2021 08:37

@arield

Are the people that drink in pregnancy also fine with smoking in pregnancy?
Given there's actual evidence that even a small number of cigarettes can do harm, it's a bit different.

But personally I try not to judge anyone and I certainly don't make blanket judgements. You never know what's going on in a person's life

WoozySnoozy · 24/09/2021 08:38

@TheKeatingFive

why is the glass of wine so important?

You could say that about anything. Why’s the piece of cake, chocolate, ice cream important? Why drive to see friends?

But cake and driving isn't as controversial or advised against. Maybe they need to put labels on the cake of pregnant women shouldn't eat it.
WoozySnoozy · 24/09/2021 08:39

I think its up to individual women to make their own choice. But I don't understand why it's a focus. No one goes on about eating pate. They just don't do it.

YourFinestPantaloons · 24/09/2021 08:41

This is copied from NHS website. There is no confirmed safe amount of alcohol

There's no confirmed unsafe amount either except 'excessive'.

There's no confirmed safe amount of bananas to eat in pregnancy, and this is relevant as potassium can be dangerous to pregnant women and their baby. Maybe have a think about why the government don't put out statements about bananas

TheKeatingFive · 24/09/2021 08:42

But cake and driving isn't as controversial or advised against.

Interesting choice of words.

The cake and the driving are actually more dangerous (well the cake isn’t in isolation, but in the context of being obese or heading that way).

It’s important to scrutinise advice for ourselves and consider the cultural context of why we’re being given the advice we are. I really do recommend Ostlers book, it’s excellent on this.

WoozySnoozy · 24/09/2021 08:43

Maybe have a think about why the government don't put out statements about bananas I think it's because fewer people consume bananas in large quantities. But maybe they could put a sticker on them with the crossed out pregnant lady.

YourFinestPantaloons · 24/09/2021 08:44

@TheKeatingFive

All those things you've mentioned offer nutrition. Alcohol is bad for you full stop. Pregnant or not.

To be honest, having read up on the impact of obesity on pregnancy and baby outcomes we should be a lot more worried about sugary processed carbs than we are.

Agree with this. Obesity is a huge problem for pregnant women. I wonder if anyone on this thread is gonna tell a fat woman she's disgusting and doesn't deserve to be a mother
WoozySnoozy · 24/09/2021 08:45

@TheKeatingFive

But cake and driving isn't as controversial or advised against.

Interesting choice of words.

The cake and the driving are actually more dangerous (well the cake isn’t in isolation, but in the context of being obese or heading that way).

It’s important to scrutinise advice for ourselves and consider the cultural context of why we’re being given the advice we are. I really do recommend Ostlers book, it’s excellent on this.

Thank you, (genuinely not sarkily) you've made me question the official advice we are given when pregnant. I do often just trust what I'm told by authority figures/government etc.
WoozySnoozy · 24/09/2021 08:48

Agree with this. Obesity is a huge problem for pregnant women. I wonder if anyone on this thread is gonna tell a fat woman she's disgusting and doesn't deserve to be a mother

Haven't read whole thread but if someone has said that about someone drinking in pregnancy that's awful.

No one "deserves" to be a mother anyway. It is just a biological thing that happens.

YourFinestPantaloons · 24/09/2021 08:49

@PartyPotato

the nhs has to advise not to drink alcohol during pregnancy because they can’t determine a safe amount. So it’s blanket advice that makes it applicable to everyone without individual assessment.
This advice does not indicate that small amounts of alcohol are harmful though. The advice is given because the government probably have to draw a very hard line with these things to protect the most vulnerable people who, if they see official guidance on "a glass a week is ok" will push the boundaries WRT their alcohol intake.