People who claim to be empaths are narcissists

[Justreadingtheforum3]

I know a couple of people who claim to be empaths. They say things like "I was crying I feel their pain so deeply". This is normally in response to someone telling them their problem. Everything has to be about them and their feelings.

I'm pretty sure everyone is empathetic bar a few sociopaths, but other people don't have to make other peoples trauma about them?! In fact I think its insulting to the person experiencing the trauma to have person who believes they feel their problems deeper than them.

I'm assuming we all know at least one of these "empaths".

Are people claiming to empaths narcissist?

Yabu no they're not

Yanbu they are

Most people are a bit self centered I think.
It's not always a bad thing. Most of the most self centered people I know seem to win at life!
It is complex. A genuine narcissist really is hard work ; most people are not like this though

We're all a little self-centred, but being SO self-centred that you not only make other people's pain about you, but claim to actually feel it, whilst also claiming you're more tuned in to other people than non "empaths" is... breathtaking.

They are both terms people are fucking frothing at the mouth to use.
I do think some people are a bit more empathetic than the average person, I don't generally think they're the same people that bleat about being an empath though.

I find myself very affected by things that others are going through, or been through, but I generally feel like a twat for feeling things quite so deeply. People tell me all sorts. My husband and I work together sometimes, he sometimes catches parts of conversations, and he often says "ah Gators stripping you of your secrets too?!" It's usual for him to have known people for years and not know the things about people that they've told me on meeting me a few times.

@CatJumperTwat

We're all a little self-centred, but being SO self-centred that you not only make other people's pain about you, but claim to actually feel it, whilst also claiming you're more tuned in to other people than non "empaths" is... breathtaking.

But maybe some people do. It’s not because it’s not part of your experience that it’s not the reality for. others.

@Sunshinealligator, Yep me too.
People tell me all sorts and always have. And yes I can feel things too.
I don’t feel like a twat though. It’s not as if I was choosing to feel so much. But it makes things harder.

@rhonddacynontaf

I'm autistic, but lots of people think I'm an empath because, contrary to the general view that autistic people are incapable of empathy, I absorb the emotions of those around me.

That's just my weird brain, I've never thought of it being anything magical or anything. I certainly don't announce 'I AM AN EMPATH' to all and sundry on social media and such. Weird behaviour.

I'm also autistic, but I can only do that with children.

@CatJumperTwat

We're all a little self-centred, but being SO self-centred that you not only make other people's pain about you, but claim to actually feel it, whilst also claiming you're more tuned in to other people than non "empaths" is... breathtaking.

If somebody is making somebody else's pain about them, they're not an empath. That's not what it means, and they, and you, have misunderstood the term.

rhonddacynontaf and TheLovelinessOfDemons when I read the title I immediately thought of people I know on the spectrum who could be considered empaths in some ways, or at least have a somewhat disordered and hyper-sensitive reaction to what other people are feeling... that is overwhelming and/or confusing... and then looks like a lack of empathy. Some of the these people can also sometimes appear narcissistic for the same reason: their reactions are overwhelming.

@TheFoundations

I think it's more a case of 'Some narcissists have found that they can play the 'empath' trick'

Just like they find they can play the 'kindness' trick and the 'victim' trick.

Everybody who is kind isn't a narcissist.
Everybody who claims to be a victim of something isn't a narcissist.
Everybody who claims to be an empath isn't a narcissist.

Narcissists play tricks, genuine empaths won't.

Yes, I agree with this explanation. You nailed it there.

I find it bizarre that anyone thinks feeling others’ pain is unique to them.

What an incredibly arrogant thought process. Reading people on this thread claiming it for themselves is quite nauseating.

My own experience is that people claiming to be unusually or even uniquely sensitive tend to mean they are very sensitive to their own feelings, and demonstrably less so to the feelings of others.

Truly empathetic people do not feel the need to constantly tell people that they are empathetic.

My brain usually converts other people's emotions to anxiety. Maybe there's a word for that.

An 'empath' is not about being an empathetic person, even though the words are linked.

Like:

Other person is angry. Quick, get anxious about what they might do to you!
Other person is sad. Quick, get anxious about what you should do to comfort them!
Other person is flirty. Quick, get anxious because ARGH.

@milkyaqua

An 'empath' is not about being an empathetic person, even though the words are linked.

Yes. Pretty much everybody has missed this point. A lot of people who relate to/agree with the title of the thread will have clicked on it. Mostly people who think that 'having empathy' is being an empath, it seems.

Ironically, the understanding of being an empath on this thread demonstrates no empathy to empaths. Only an agreement with the negativity of the thread title.

@MotherofPoodles

I think empaths are more likely to be hyper vigilant which is usually caused by trauma.

This is such a good point. Like with everything, there will be many different types who fall in to an "empath" description.

I don't think any who use that description to hijack other's experiences have healthy boundaries or emotional maturity.

Many will have the feelings without making a big deal of it though. For those who have developed hyper-vigilance to attempt to keep themselves safe, it will be exhausting .

@Alconleigh

I just don't understand this increasingly prevalent trend for labelling oneself. Empath / pansexual / non binary / seer of unicorns; this ravening hunger to be more, to be special, to be "this particular thing and everyone must know and acknowledge it". Often becoming a different thing the following week.....I sort of get teenagers doing it, as navel gazing is part and parcel of that age, but it seems wider. Is it purely social media driven? Do we actually have a population who is so devoid of sense of self that they must endlessly articulate it externally? One of the lovely thing about getting older (I am mid forties) is the realisation that no one cares. Which doesn't mean no one cares ABOUT you (hopefully), but we're all dealing with our own lives. Don't be a dick, be a decent friend and family member, and crack on. Stop identifying and just be.

Which was somewhat off topic. Re empaths, I don't know anyone who describes themselves as such but I'd lean to the emotional vampire or trauma explanations.

Completely agree

I fully believe that empaths exist and that they are not narcissists. I know this because I've met people from horrifically abusive backgrounds who spent literal decades of their lives walking on eggshells around abusers and needing to know when the abusers moods changed and what would trigger them in order to avoid further abuse so they developed almost an extra sense because they could pick up on micro cues. None of these people blather on about it or spend time navel gazing like it's some ethereal super power because they hate how it feels and they actively try to avoid all social interaction with people they don't know and trust implicitly not to have raging mood swings.

I've cross posted with many on here but I stand by what I said, hyper vigilance is not some twee romantic identity that people can affix to themselves like a fucking rosette.
Moofolk is completely right too.

@RicherThanYew

I've cross posted with many on here but I stand by what I said, hyper vigilance is not some twee romantic identity that people can affix to themselves like a fucking rosette. Moofolk is completely right too.

Hypervigilance isn't the same as being an empath, either. You sound angry, indignant, and like you don't really know what you're talking about.

I am extremely empathetic and would only admit that on an anonymous forum. It's nothing big or clever. It's often a horrible trait to have and not something I'd want to have others know.
People who go round spouting off about it aren't genuine because they would know it makes others feel exasperated or worried. Those people are self centred idiots.

@Bluntness100

This site is obsessed with narcissists. Apparently every other person is one.

Yep, this ☝️

A narccisist I dated told me he was an empath. He was very demeaning towards me and gas lighting. When we finished he said "everyone's an empath and narcissist as there is no greater sense than self"
I disagree as I would say I am an empath and feel other people's emotions but don't use that to get sympathy. It just means I have to ensure I recognise and deal the the emotions so they don't get "stuck".

Had a discussion with someone a few months back about this.

I dislike the term, people that describe themselves this way IME tend to be people who want to be seen as special or different because they have low self esteem. They actually vary in empathy from not very at all to how most people are - sometimes they can be and other times less so.

It seems to be the new fashionable term people use for just old fashioned putting yourself in someone else's shoes or having similar experiences that make you relate to someone.

I'm empathetic and it's awful. I am definitely not a narcissist.

When strangers are upset or angry in public, it upsets me to the point I have to leave.

If I can't, it leaves a lasting impression and I avoid places.

I couldn't manipulate anyone if I tried - I'd love a Machiavellian streak, but it's beyond me.

I hate it and have been the victim of a narcissist in the workplace.

TheFoundations - I'm not angry, I just like to fucking swear. You need to work on your empathy.