People who claim to be empaths are narcissists

[Justreadingtheforum3]

I know a couple of people who claim to be empaths. They say things like "I was crying I feel their pain so deeply". This is normally in response to someone telling them their problem. Everything has to be about them and their feelings.

I'm pretty sure everyone is empathetic bar a few sociopaths, but other people don't have to make other peoples trauma about them?! In fact I think its insulting to the person experiencing the trauma to have person who believes they feel their problems deeper than them.

I'm assuming we all know at least one of these "empaths".

Are people claiming to empaths narcissist?

Yabu no they're not

Yanbu they are

Why you'd claim to be an empath is beyond me. It is shit. There is absolutely no advantage to having a hypersensitivity to the mood of the room - as PPs have said, it's a natural reaction to trauma, not some wonderful coveted gift.

Show-offy arseholes will always find some label for themselves to flaunt - it's just that "empath" is the current fad. Could also be "spiritual" or "body dysmorphic" or whatever they think is going to get them attention. It's not the label that's at fault, it's the show-offy arseholes misappropriating it that's annoying you.

I don't think you can generalise about this, @Justreadingtheforum3. I'm sure some people who claim to be empathetic are narcissistic instead, but equally, I'm sure there are people who are being accurate and honest when they say they're empaths.

I think 'empath' one of those labels you should not give yourself, a bit like 'eccentric' or 'honest'. If you are any of those things, you would not need to declare it as it will come through automatically from your personality and the way you are naturally.

I think people often mistake who they want to be with who they actually are though. I had a boss once, who was incredulous that I didn't go to her with some issue I had, she told me 'I just don't understand why you didn't tell me, I am APPROACHABLE!" I personally didn't find her particularly approachable, with but she was clearly convinced she was.

Never thought about it before, but I think I agree. It’s very needing of attention, isn’t it? Claiming to feel everything so very deeply.

I'm sure there are people who are being accurate and honest when they say they're empaths

But there aren't. as it's not actually a thing that exists. It's like if I claim to be a psychic....they don't exist. I can't accurately claim to be something that doesn't exist.

Empath = drama llama who hoovers up all the attention.

If you have to tell everyone how nice, kind, thoughtful, feeling etc you are then you probably aren’t.

As someone who studies psychology in her spare time and did a few courses on child psychology and dealing with ASD kids.

the entire idea of empaths is BS to me you can have sympathy and understanding but unless you have lived in someone elses shoes you cant feel anything also crying is BS and achieves nothing except maybe making the person feel bad for opening up to you because now you are upset, unless thats your intent to shame them into shutting up about their problems. but narcissism is a big word which has a very exact criteria, those whom you think are making it about them are very likely not narcs but could be all many of things from ASD to depressives to nothing at all, ASD for example will tend to use personally experience to impart solidarity (i.e they say about their experience to show they understand). narcs are not stupid when it matters in terms of manipulation they tend to let you speak and fake concern rather then as you put it make it all about them, they know when to turn on the charm etc thats why they tend to be highly successful in jobs.

@Angrymum22

My cousin believes that her son is a “star seed” because he is so special. She’s also an antivaxxer and seriously narcissistic. A prolific social media poster who lives her life on Facebook and Insta. I think she is an unhappy soul constantly looking for affirmation and attention. She also is an amazing empathy.

What the fuck is a 'star seed'?!

Deanna Troi was an empath. But she was an alien...

If I ever meet one in real life, I'm going to take great delight in totally over-egging how sorry I feel for them having this great burden and how much empathy it evokes in me etc.

@KittenKong

Deanna Troi was an empath. But she was an alien...

I knew it was a Star Trek thing!

@KittenKong

Deanna Troi was an empath. But she was an alien...

She was excellent at sensing deception. Like, every episode.

I remember our psychology lecturer telling us in the first class - 'and no, I cant read your mind...'.

"Captain, he's hiding something"

I just don't understand this increasingly prevalent trend for labelling oneself. Empath / pansexual / non binary / seer of unicorns; this ravening hunger to be more, to be special, to be "this particular thing and everyone must know and acknowledge it". Often becoming a different thing the following week.....I sort of get teenagers doing it, as navel gazing is part and parcel of that age, but it seems wider. Is it purely social media driven? Do we actually have a population who is so devoid of sense of self that they must endlessly articulate it externally?
One of the lovely thing about getting older (I am mid forties) is the realisation that no one cares. Which doesn't mean no one cares ABOUT you (hopefully), but we're all dealing with our own lives. Don't be a dick, be a decent friend and family member, and crack on. Stop identifying and just be.

Which was somewhat off topic. Re empaths, I don't know anyone who describes themselves as such but I'd lean to the emotional vampire or trauma explanations.

@ClumpingBambooIsALie

"Captain, he's hiding something"

Fnarr fnarr

@Alconleigh

I just don't understand this increasingly prevalent trend for labelling oneself. Empath / pansexual / non binary / seer of unicorns; this ravening hunger to be more, to be special, to be "this particular thing and everyone must know and acknowledge it". Often becoming a different thing the following week.....I sort of get teenagers doing it, as navel gazing is part and parcel of that age, but it seems wider. Is it purely social media driven? Do we actually have a population who is so devoid of sense of self that they must endlessly articulate it externally? One of the lovely thing about getting older (I am mid forties) is the realisation that no one cares. Which doesn't mean no one cares ABOUT you (hopefully), but we're all dealing with our own lives. Don't be a dick, be a decent friend and family member, and crack on. Stop identifying and just be.

Which was somewhat off topic. Re empaths, I don't know anyone who describes themselves as such but I'd lean to the emotional vampire or trauma explanations.

This is my line of thinking too. Nobody gives a shit.

Emotional tourists...

You can put yourself in the position of someone who has just lost their mother, but if your mother is still alive you cannot possible empathise. Your reaction will be totally different to someone whose mother has died.
Experience gives us the ability to empathise not some perceived gift.
I would not know how it feels to lose a child but I can be supportive. However if someone has lost mother/father/had a miscarriage I can empathise.

@VelvetChairGirl

As someone who studies psychology in her spare time and did a few courses on child psychology and dealing with ASD kids.

the entire idea of empaths is BS to me you can have sympathy and understanding but unless you have lived in someone elses shoes you cant feel anything also crying is BS and achieves nothing except maybe making the person feel bad for opening up to you because now you are upset, unless thats your intent to shame them into shutting up about their problems. but narcissism is a big word which has a very exact criteria, those whom you think are making it about them are very likely not narcs but could be all many of things from ASD to depressives to nothing at all, ASD for example will tend to use personally experience to impart solidarity (i.e they say about their experience to show they understand). narcs are not stupid when it matters in terms of manipulation they tend to let you speak and fake concern rather then as you put it make it all about them, they know when to turn on the charm etc thats why they tend to be highly successful in jobs.

I think you actually have a very shallow understanding of ASD, based on this evidence. ASD in women is often a very different ball game.

I do consider myself an empath. I don’t go round telling people this though because I don’t necessarily think it’s a good thing. It causes me so much anxiety.

Narcissistic people call themselves empaths because they think it’s a good thing or makes them a better person.

Oh Yes!

I have a 'friend' like this- she's always claiming she was crying- she even cried when Prince Phillip died!

I’m fairly sure my ex MIL was a narcissist. When they sent their kids to military boarding school ( which they all hated ) she cried so much about them being unhappy that they comforted her, and then made a pact not to complain anymore as it upset her so much. When she went to her step fathers funeral she was crying like the rest of the family but made the point to her kids that she was crying because she was upset that she didn’t feel anything about him dying. Putting them in the position of having to comfort her because she didn’t care their grandfather was dead. She was a real piece of work.

@chocolateorangeinhaler

I agree with you OP. They are like vultures waiting to latch on to someone else's misfortune. There is being nice and helping someone in need. And then there are the virtue signaling brigade that like to help just to get the likes on whatever social media platforms they use.

Very insecure shallow people is what they are.

That's not the case. That's like saying 'It's always obvious when somebody's wearing a wig'

There are many empaths who go about being empathic, and deal with their own sensitivities quietly. Just because you don't know them, doesn't mean they are not there.

It always surprises me how much loads of posters on MN are convinced they know other's inner thoughts from small actions and facial expressions. These people invariable assign bad faith to others but excuse themselves.

I think it shows a deep lack of empathy and wisdom to be so sure you are right about others without listening first.

I've never met an 'empath' but I imagine them as just one step worse than that.