Partner violent when sugars are low.

[Badlytornfrube]

My good friend has recently had a baby with her partner. He is a type 1 diabetic and has had trouble stabilising his sugars since a recent injury.

He has very verbally aggressive and has pushed her. Two weeks ago he bit her on the arm. Each time he has blamed it on a sugar low and has gone to the GP to ask for help with this. My friend thinks this is not a reason to leave and not his fault because of the sugars. He has never been violent towards his kids from a previous relationship or the new baby.

I think the blood sugar excuse is bollocks and she should run for the hills. The fact he has never hurt the kids proves he can control himself. She is financially fine and has a flat to go to.
Has anyone had any experience of low sugar causing violence? Is he responsible? Should she leave?

YABU not his fault
YANBU she should leave

I have known diabetics to become aggressive because of low blood sure. I've seen it more in terms of verbal aggression than physical but yes it can severely affect mood.

I think nowadays you can get automated insulin devices that administer insulin automatically according to blood sugar levels. Maybe something like this would be more helpful as then hopefully the problem is solved before it gets to that level.

Either way she needs to make sure she and her baby are safe in the meantime.

She needs support from someone else right now

She has new baby

She cannot care for an aggressive grown man

While tending to a newborn
Imagine she is breastfeeding and he goes to bite her or is verbally abusive in her face

So
She gets someone to live with them who is strong enough to react to aggressive adult til it settles
She leaves with baby
He leaves til is controlled

Diabetic people have died because people assume that their erratic and aggressive behaviour is due to drunkenness
Yep.
Same goes for hyperglycaemia- IME, the behaviourchange symptoms can mirror those of a hypo. I've been uncharacteristically aggressive when needing medical assistance when my bloods were over 30 (!) in the past.

Yes maybd he needs monitoring
But she has a newborn to look after
Needs more support

I’ve seen someone hypoglycaemic who became uncharacteristically aggressive. It was all such a shock that we all realised his sugars were low. He’d been drinking at a party and had let his usual monitoring slip.

Are there any diabeties charities she can contact for informed advice from people who will get it?

@ConstantlySeekingHappiness

Does he also bite his

Boss?
Colleagues?
Friends?
Parents?
Siblings?
Postman?

I dare say he can control himself when it suits him.

My relative became aggressive and violent when he was defending a client in court. He really had zero control over it.

@Mrsweasleysclock

I have known diabetics to become aggressive because of low blood sure. I've seen it more in terms of verbal aggression than physical but yes it can severely affect mood.

I think nowadays you can get automated insulin devices that administer insulin automatically according to blood sugar levels. Maybe something like this would be more helpful as then hopefully the problem is solved before it gets to that level.

Either way she needs to make sure she and her baby are safe in the meantime.

You’re talking about hybrid closed loop systems; they’re made up of an insulin pump, a continuous glucose monitor, and software that calculates insulin needs based on blood glucose readings. They’re wonderful bits of technology but they don’t prevent all hypos, they’re expensive, and the chance of getting them funded by the nhs (particularly for an adult) is close to nil so they’re really unlikely to help in this situation.

Thank you. Yes I guess it does make sense for it to be used mainly for children. Wondering if anyone knows of cases where they have approved it for adults where they could become a danger to others without it. Maybe as pp said contacting a diabetes charity would be good for advice.

Some shocking levels of ignorance around diabetes on this thread.
This comment was spectacularly ignorant and very hurtful (to me, as the mother of a type 1 diabetic boy): "Why would diabetes make someone bite his partner's arm, she isn't made of sugar."

OP, lots of people on this thread have also confirmed that yes, his glucose may be changing his behaviour. High and low glucose levels can have profound impacts on behaviour, and once you reach a certain point you are out of control (and need help/intervention).

He has been to his GP; if he was genuinely abusive he wouldn't have bothered. It sounds like he has been fitted with a continuous glucose monitor: that should send alarms when he gets highs and lows, helping him address them. All hypos (lows) need immediate attention/treatment. If he doesn't have the alarms on his sensor he needs to go back to his GP and request one that does: my son has a Freestyle Libre 2, which connects to an app on his phone and mine. We both get alerts, which your friend's partner may find helpful. He should also be able to access more support: we have an adult diabetes centre near us, for example. Or try Diabetes UK for advice.

As to the injury causing the spikes: yes this is plausible. According to our diabetic nurse, around 50 different things can affect your blood glucose (making them go high or low), but as a diabetic you are only in control of 3 (diet, insulin, exercise). So when something happens to you that is out of the ordinary it makes it hard to control. My son had a MILD cold a few weeks ago, for example, and had massive lows and highs - nothing much we could do about it apart from ride it out.

Please all those who are being nasty about diabetics: can you stop and think before you type, please? Or read up on the condition first? It's pretty devastating to read some of the things posted here when my little boy has it - will he end up on the receiving end of abuse like yours, just because he has a condition he didn't ask for, and has to live with for the rest of his life?

OP, I hope your friend and her partner get the support they need.

Either he can control himself, in which case he’s abusive and she of course needs to leave him.

Or he absolutely can’t control what he does, in which case she sadly needs to leave him as someone who can’t control their violence isn’t safe to be around babies and children. What it his blood sugar plummeted and he bit their baby, or even worse shook or hit the baby? This could easily happen since he says he can’t control it.

Wish people wouldn't comment if they don't have type one diabetes themselves (apart from healthcare professionals with a thorough understanding of it, of course)

When diagnosed you are warned by HCPs that hypo and/or hyperglycaemia can cause unusual behaviour, you absolutely cannot control it. Not everyone has hypos that severe, and not everyone has the same symptoms but it does happen and it makes perfect sense - glucose deprivation in your brain is bound to cause bizzare neurological changes like that. Thankfully I've never been aggressive but I have had hypos where I acted like a completely different person, had no sense of reality and tried to give insulin (which would have killed me) - I remember it so clearly but at the time it was almost like an out-of-body experience, I didn't seem to be able to make myself do what I needed to do, it was horrible.

That said, of course he needs to address this (as you've said he's done by speaking to his doctor and getting a monitor) and she has every right not to be with him if she feels unsafe, but it sounds like she is understanding so maybe you should be too.

If it completely out of character and she believes it is due to his hypoglycemic control I doubt she would want to leave her husband alone while he is regularly having hypos which are causing him a change in behaviour and potentially less likely to access the hypo kit that he needs? I would hate to think that she was unsafe at home, especially with a baby but is there anyone else who could stay with him until things are more controlled?

If there had been previous red flags in his behaviour and she believed that it was an excuse for him being aggressive then I would advise her to get out and get safe.

Please all those who are being nasty about diabetics: can you stop and think before you type, please? Or read up on the condition first? It's pretty devastating to read some of the things posted here when my little boy has it - will he end up on the receiving end of abuse like yours, just because he has a condition he didn't ask for, and has to live with for the rest of his life?

While i symphatise, it cannot just be waved kver with "oh well he has a condition and he said he went to a gp for help so all is fine".

No it is not. While glucose levels can absolutely affect mood, what does a sane person do when they became abusive to this level? Temporarily remove themselves from the situation until ghey are not having the issue anymore. It cannot just be "meh it is what it is" tolerated. Frankly, no one should have to be keeping in dangerous relationship for any reason. And even verbal abuse has a strong effect on a victim too.
As much as I loved my father and tolerated his moods, if he ever touched any of us, that would be the limit. Let alone repeatedly.

The latest version of the Freestyle Libre (mentioned by another poster) glucose monitor that you wear, the Libre 2, has alarms which sound when your glucose is going too high or too low. It's a really clever piece of kit, and gives you time to eat something before you actually go hypo. If he's type 1 he should be able to get it funded by the NHS - it might help him, especially if he doesn't have good hypo awareness.

If he's been to his gp about it, he's clearly aware he has a problem, and I hope he's getting help. Type 1 isn't a straightforward condition to live with at all, it doesn't play by the rules and sometimes it can be really hard to keep well-controlled, no matter how hard you try.

No there is truth in this. We had a lovely family member who was an absolute gem until she went into hypo. She was verbally aggressive and sometimes physically aggressive. It was an indication that we needed sugar in her.

@Beseen22 I have know this guy for 12 years. He is a lovely, gentle man but I have always thought that you cannot know 100% what goes on behind closed doors.

@DancinAtTheDisco

Broken leg?? What's that got to do with how his diabetes is controlled?

Illness, infection, shock, medication ~ all manner of things can affect blood sugar.

I am trying to say that until she told me that he had been violent, I would have said that he was the nicest man in the world, however I have read enough about DV that I know outward appearance means nothing.

@abbey44

The latest version of the Freestyle Libre (mentioned by another poster) glucose monitor that you wear, the Libre 2, has alarms which sound when your glucose is going too high or too low. It's a really clever piece of kit, and gives you time to eat something before you actually go hypo. If he's type 1 he should be able to get it funded by the NHS - it might help him, especially if he doesn't have good hypo awareness.

If he's been to his gp about it, he's clearly aware he has a problem, and I hope he's getting help. Type 1 isn't a straightforward condition to live with at all, it doesn't play by the rules and sometimes it can be really hard to keep well-controlled, no matter how hard you try.

Are the NHS routinely funding the libre 2? I know access to the original freestyle libre has increased significantly in the last few years but the fact it was a flash glucose monitor (rather than a ‘true’ CGM) meant it didn’t have certain features so the updated version is a big deal, it would be brilliant if it was widely available.

@Annoyedanddissapointed you are assuming that the person having the hypoglycaemic episode is in control of themselves enough to remove themselves from the situation. They very well might not be.

Past a certain point - bang - you're not in control. And that point is reached very very quickly. Which is why it's essential he gets it under control (if only for himself) as he could then lose consciousness. It can be SO fast when it happens (it is for my son) - we're talking minutes from being fine and normal to being literally out of your mind, slurring words, being violent, losing consciousness.

It is NOT and never should be an excuse for bad behaviour: if it is genuine, however, it is a medical emergency.

OP, I have no idea if your friend's partner is putting it on or not, and I don't take lightly physical and verbal abuse. He has to get it under control, and I have listed some of the 'kit' he can use to make that happen. The new technology that's out there is amazing, and it's free on the NHS. He can change his glucose management so easily, and it sounds like he needs to for the sake of not just his own life, but his family's lives too.

He has never been violent towards his kids from a previous relationship or the new baby.
Was he violent towards his ex-partner(s)?

@mikeyboo yes, they are - my son uses it, it's very expensive and our GP grumbles about it, but yes, the Libre 2 is free on the NHS. Bloody life-changing bit of kit, I have to say.

you are assuming that the person having the hypoglycaemic episode is in control of themselves enough to remove themselves from the situation. They very well might not be.

I am asauming they would be aware outside of the episodes. If you have a wife and young child and you cannot control yourself to a point you physically attack someone, then the only logical action when lucid, is to remove yourself until you get it back under control. Few weeks in parent's house or similar.

@KirstenBlest no. His ex is very vocal about his perceived shortcomings and has never mentioned violence.