Partner violent when sugars are low.

[Badlytornfrube]

My good friend has recently had a baby with her partner. He is a type 1 diabetic and has had trouble stabilising his sugars since a recent injury.

He has very verbally aggressive and has pushed her. Two weeks ago he bit her on the arm. Each time he has blamed it on a sugar low and has gone to the GP to ask for help with this. My friend thinks this is not a reason to leave and not his fault because of the sugars. He has never been violent towards his kids from a previous relationship or the new baby.

I think the blood sugar excuse is bollocks and she should run for the hills. The fact he has never hurt the kids proves he can control himself. She is financially fine and has a flat to go to.
Has anyone had any experience of low sugar causing violence? Is he responsible? Should she leave?

YABU not his fault
YANBU she should leave

On the fence here......Low blood sugar does effect people and can make them violent. However if he has regular low blood sugar he should be revisiting the diabetic nurse to adjust his medication. But he could using his diagnosis as an excuse to physically hurt his partner... First thing is get his medication overall done asap...if he unwilling to do that your friend needs to leave!

Some shocking levels of ignorance around diabetes on this thread.

There certainly is @eyeslikebutterflies.

Tbh even if it’s “not his fault” your friend a) doesn’t have to put up with that, she’s not obligated to and b) for her own safety and that of the children she needs to not be with him. I hope she got the bite checked out?! Human bites can be nasty. I have been bitten before and needed antibiotics because of risk of infection.

I’m type 1, every diabetics hypo awareness is individual to that person and even that changes from month to month or year to year, drugs for his leg could also cause issues for him. He is aware of it and has seeked help.

@Annoyedanddissapointed yes, of course, that would be sensible. Your post seemed to suggest that the person could remove themselves at the time of the episode. Depending on how they experience hypoglycaemia that might not be possible (as people do react to it differently - my son only gets angry when he goes high, when he's low he just goes pale, floppy, slurs his words and falls over).

So yes, sorry to misunderstand you: if he seeks more support, gets some of the amazing kit he's entitled to, or even waits until his leg gets better outside the home, he will see an evening-out of his highs and lows and be safer to be around.

For any type 1s on this thread: empathy and sympathy. It's really hard to manage and until my son was diagnosed I shamefully had no idea (and thought it was a quick injection here, and a sugar tablet there, and that was it).

@Annoyedanddissapointed

you are assuming that the person having the hypoglycaemic episode is in control of themselves enough to remove themselves from the situation. They very well might not be.

I am asauming they would be aware outside of the episodes. If you have a wife and young child and you cannot control yourself to a point you physically attack someone, then the only logical action when lucid, is to remove yourself until you get it back under control. Few weeks in parent's house or similar.

My father often has very little memory of a hypo if he goes low enough. Their brains are starved of sugar , so their brains are not functioning normally at all. He may have a very hazy recollect or non at all. A hypo is actually a very serious medical emergency, an untreated hypo can leave someone in a coma. I believe there is actually a thread here at the moment where the posters partner is on a ventilator after a very bad hypo. Diabetes can be very difficult to control , hypo awareness takes time to build back up . The man is attending his gp and hopefully he can formulate a plan with his medical professionals.

Yes, the FSL 2 is being funded by the NHS - I help run patient training for it along with the Abbot Rep.

Hypo's certainly can cause unusual behaviour and aggression, as a HCP specialising in diabetes, I have seen it many times. Sometimes it has been difficult to administer hypo treatment due to a patient lashing out ( I once had to chase one out of my clinic and round the hospital with security in tow ).

Fractures can also affect glucose control, as many variables may be affected. I spend a substantial amount of time attending surgical wards helping patients to manage their labile blood glucose post surgery/ fractures.

@ConstantlySeekingHappiness

Does he also bite his

Boss?
Colleagues?
Friends?
Parents?
Siblings?
Postman?

I dare say he can control himself when it suits him.

I have a relative who has occasionally got violent due to his blood sugar being too low. When like that he would get violent with whoever was there. Including paramedics and police.

Other than these occasions I have never seen him violent.
Thankfully he hasn't had an episode like that for some time.

Have also seen people at social events get, what at the the time was thought to be really drunk and aggressive with random people. Turned out they were stone cold sober and having a hypo.

It does happen, and probably more than you think.

@eyeslikebutterflies that’s really good news - my partner pays somewhere in the region of £200 a month 😬 for sensors that enable his (NHS-funded) pump to become a hybrid closed loop system (as close to an ‘artificial pancreas’ as is currently available) because the libre models aren’t compatible.

The tech available now is incredible and improving faster than I could ever have imagined but it is so very far from cheap.

It doesn’t matter whether his violence is caused by his low blood sugar or not, no one should have to put up with violence in a relationship. End of.

Low blood sugar absolutely can cause aggression, and it can be difficult to control blood sugar levels if there are other issues going on (lack of mobility due to broken leg for example).

He could just be an arsehole but the fact he’s been straight to the GP to get help would indicate he’s not making excuses for his behaviour.

My ex was type 1. I’ve seen him rigid on the floor looking exactly like he’s having a fit due to hypo I’ve seen him switch from normal to grumping to raging in a v short space of time due to hypo. I’ve seen him going from watching tv to unconscious due to hypo. Normally well controlled blood sugars but these incidents caused by flu, lump at injection site that was leaking insulin, and a hangover after a pretty moderate night out.
The idea that it’s so easy to control blood sugars and age should throw him out for this is fairly depressing. He’s not pretending it didn’t happen and he’s not pretending it’s not a huge problem - he’s already been to seek help.

Age = she (sigh for no edit button)

"My father often has very little memory of a hypo if he goes low enough. Their brains are starved of sugar , so their brains are not functioning normally at all. He may have a very hazy recollect or non at all. A hypo is actually a very serious medical emergency, an untreated hypo can leave someone in a coma. I believe there is actually a thread here at the moment where the posters partner is on a ventilator after a very bad hypo. Diabetes can be very difficult to control , hypo awareness takes time to build back up . The man is attending his gp and hopefully he can formulate a plan with his medical professionals."

@romdowa that is exactly what my relative says. He's not really aware of who it is he's lashed out at, it's really hazy.

I think there is not a huge amount of awareness about the effects of diabetes, other than the fact it's to do with blood sugar levels

@Allllchange

Low sugar can cause diabetics to become aggressive. It's really positive he has been to the gp to ask for help. I guess I'm wondering whether it was low sugar (did your friend see evidence?) or whether it is domestic abuse. Either way it isn't acceptable for it to happen again. If she stays there needs to be a really clear plan to keep your friend safe. Can he monitor his levels more? What are the warning signs it is getting low as he needs to respond to this sooner? Is he eligible for a monitor and pump to regulate his levels more. It would be beneficial if he were to stay elsewhere until his levels are better controlled if it is due to his diabetes. If domestic abuse and he didn't have low sugar she needs to separate from him.

I guess I'm wondering whether it was low sugar (did your friend see evidence?) or whether it is domestic abuse.

Then there is no hope for you @Allllchange.

This man's violence is escalating from verbal abuse, to pushing, to biting. He has gone to the GP "about his blood sugars" but that has not stopped his violence.

He manages not to do violence to the children, & I'm sure he's not biting his colleagues, or random people on the tube.
He is aiming his violence solely at OP's friend.
That's not low blood sugar. It's calculated, deliberate assault, with a side order of manipulation & bullshit.

My dad and I come from a diabetic line and whilst we're not of the sunniest dispositions when blood sugars are low, we're adult enough to simply become quiet and uncommunicative when we're low. Not snappy and certainly not physically aggressive.

I think the worst part is that he's not horrified with hurting her. Assuming it is blood sugar related he should be monitoring it and controlling it. He bit her?! That's just unbelievable and he should have offered to move out until he was safe, I mean wtf.

@thecatsthecats

My dad and I come from a diabetic line and whilst we're not of the sunniest dispositions when blood sugars are low, we're adult enough to simply become quiet and uncommunicative when we're low. Not snappy and certainly not physically aggressive.

It's an involuntarily thing, caused by lack of glucose/oxygen to the brain. Nothing to do with maturity. It's nice to hear that you and your family have been fortunate enough to not experience it.

Even if its not under his control he is very dangerous if he is biting her!

YANBU. Even if he was telling the truth, and his condition makes him incapable of refraining from hitting her ... is that really better? All that means is that there's no hope of him ever stopping. Either way, she needs to leave.

Agree with PP that any changes to his insulin requirements and dosing following injury and recovery need to be looked at with his diabetes nurse. He needs to be proactive here and be given one chance only over a couple of weeks - after then, no excuses if he fails to put an end to this behaviour.

I think your friend needs to go and see a GP to discuss diabetes nd violence asap. A few people on the internet, ESPECIALLY those who have NO CLUE about diabetes, are not going to give any information worth its salt.

I've also noticed that her dh has taken action and gne to see the GP. He now has a monitor. It's not as if he was just using it as excuse and had done ntohing at all about it (which an abuser would have done). His reaction is out of character. So I would actually give him the benefit of the doubt in this case.

However, I also think she needs to have some boundary there. It could be that she is moving out until his blood sugar is under control again for her and her baby's protection.
It could be that she is willing to try for x number of weeks (after a chat with GP?) but not more.

Because I also agree that even of the issue is his diabetes, this doesn't mean it's OK for her to be unsafe in her own house. So second chance and boundaries for her own safety would be my answer there.

RTFT @ChargingBuck. When a hypo happens it doesn't matter who is around, the aggression and violence are the same.

@chubley

Agree with PP that any changes to his insulin requirements and dosing following injury and recovery need to be looked at with his diabetes nurse. He needs to be proactive here and be given one chance only over a couple of weeks - after then, no excuses if he fails to put an end to this behaviour.

Yep, I agree there.

The fact he now has a mnitor is great but he probably needs more support than that. The diabetic nurse might be agood point of contact but I am wondering if he doesn't need to go back to see his consultant too.

@Badlytornfrube

3 people have voted that I am being unreasonable. Please tell me why. I do not know much about type 1 diabetes.

Low sugars can (sometimes in small number of cases )cause irrational behaviour. I am T1d but have never been physically harmful. I might get snappy and short tempered when sugars run low (and this is something that can happen often)... However if he is not trying to find ways to manage this then thats not helpful. I would suggest the GP needs to refer him to care of the diabetes team at the hospital. They should be better able to help.

Yes, people having a hypo can become aggressive, it is rare but it can happen.

DH has dealt with a few over the years. He occasionally had to resort to the mars bar trick before he could get them to come quietly in the ambulance.