Partner violent when sugars are low.

[Badlytornfrube]

My good friend has recently had a baby with her partner. He is a type 1 diabetic and has had trouble stabilising his sugars since a recent injury.

He has very verbally aggressive and has pushed her. Two weeks ago he bit her on the arm. Each time he has blamed it on a sugar low and has gone to the GP to ask for help with this. My friend thinks this is not a reason to leave and not his fault because of the sugars. He has never been violent towards his kids from a previous relationship or the new baby.

I think the blood sugar excuse is bollocks and she should run for the hills. The fact he has never hurt the kids proves he can control himself. She is financially fine and has a flat to go to.
Has anyone had any experience of low sugar causing violence? Is he responsible? Should she leave?

YABU not his fault
YANBU she should leave

[mikeyboo]

At the start of this thread I thought @Badlytornfrube had other suspicions that her friend was being abused and that’s why she was querying if the hypoglycaemia was being used as an excuse, but the more I’ve read (there’s absolutely no previous suspicion of abuse whatsoever, he’s suffered a significant injury which could absolutely send his glucose control haywire, and the fact that he’s seen a GP) the more likely it seems the hypos are the cause of his behaviour.

I stand by what I said about OP’s friend having no obligation to stay in the relationship regardless, but if the friend wants to support her partner because she understands her partner’s behaviour wasn’t within his control and he is seeking medical help, I wouldn’t worry about her remaining in the relationship provided her and the baby aren’t at risk of harm whilst the partner’s control improves.

[TintinIsBack]

I think the blood sugar excuse is bollocks and she should run for the hills. The fact he has never hurt the kids proves he can control himself.

I'd to adress that comment from your OP @Badlytornfrube.

As you said yourself, the DH has had some problem controling his diabetes since his injury. This is a NEW situation right? So the fact he has never been violent before means nothing because he wasn't in a situation where his blood sugar was all over the place and had an impact on his mood.

[Lucifersleeps]

The op clearly says this has only been happening since his accident, it’s not a long term thing he’s not fixed.
Blood sugar levels can be hard to balance, particularly with any big changes to the body (such as a broken bone).
He’s not ignoring it, it’s not been going on for years, and he’s trying to seek help which is hugely hard at the moment due to covid and many many diabetics haven’t been able to see their diabetic nurse or have their yearly check up for almost 2 years.

[BedTed]

I have a friend that gets violent with hypo’s. Genuinely lovely otherwise and it’s difficult to treat as you can’t give him meds as he will stab you back. But if she’s unsafe with the baby with him then she needs to move out whatever happens and he needs to try and sort his control, get a continuous monitor with hypo alarm before he gets to that state etc

[ReviewingTheSituation]

The Libre is not widely available on the NHS, sadly, so it's not just a case of being able to get hold of 'free' kit to help manage his condition.

As the partner of a T1 diabetic, I would find this behaviour very alarming. Behaviour change definitely goes hand in had with hypos, but this seems very extreme. I can see how a broken leg would affect his control, but it sounds like he needs to see his diabetic consultant/nurse ASAP if his hypos are causing such an extreme change. He should want to get things under control. If he doesn't, then that says something in its own right.

[MissLucyEyelesbarrow]

@iwillalwaysloveyou

severe hypos can absolutely cause diabetics to become violent, I’ve seen it happen with various people (im a HCP).

You said yourself you don’t know much about type 1 diabetes

Agree. A lot of PPs on this thread are talking out of their arse. In a genuine hypo, the diabetic is not in control of his actions and can be violent without intent.

Having said that, I do agree with PPs that it is suspicious that these hypos only seem to occur when he is with his partner. I'd want to know if he checked his blood sugar and if he showed other signs of being hypo. Usually, if you're hypo enough to be violent, you need urgent help (glucagon injection or sugary drink/gel) - you don't just snap out of it.

[GoodnightGrandma]

I wonder if this ever happened with the previous partner, or if it’s purely since the injury ?

[HolaAmigoz]

My db was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes as a child - insulin dependant. He can get very aggressive when his sugars are low and at his worst has sworn, shouted, pushed and bitten into a glass and cut his tongue. This is, unfortunately, very common behaviour for diabetics during a severe hypo. Db never has any memory of what he’d done after the fact, even the doctors and ambulance crew agree he didn’t know. All those saying they know diabetics who don’t act like this, it doesn’t mean they never have. Often a severe hypo, which causes this reaction, happens in the middle of night. Also, monitoring Is a lot easier these days, which prevents a lot of these reactions. When db was young, we didn’t have the kind of monitoring devices that we have now so it was harder to detect when his sugar was going low and he would go very low without realising.

Maybe ask a medical professional for their opinion rather than people on here who clearly have no idea what they’re talking about. That’s not to say your dp isn’t faking it, he could be, but it is a common reaction to a diabetic hypo.

[thenewduchessofhastings]

So if his blood sugar was low at work;would he bite one of his colleagues?

I bet the answer is no!

[TatianaBis]

How long has she actually been with him though?

Aggressive is one thing, violent is another.

[TatianaBis]

@thenewduchessofhastings

So if his blood sugar was low at work;would he bite one of his colleagues?

I bet the answer is no!

Quite.

[Chaotica]

Hypos can cause aggression and sometimes violence, as various people have already said. I grew up with a Type 1 diabetic who was like this.

In this case, the fact the DCs are safe may just be because they are not trying to persuade your friend's partner that he needs to eat something.

That said, she shouldn't be under any obligation to stay in an unsafe situation.

[Spidey66]

I'm a mental health nurse. During my training I was on a medium secure unit. We had a young man in who committed a serious assault while he was psychotic. It was then discovered he had type 1 diabetes. Once started on insulin, his psychosis went.

However, his glucose levels would have been high, and while it can happen mmm it's rare.

[eyeslikebutterflies]

@mikeyboo I'm with you: it does sound like the injury has caused a change in his glucose levels and management, and to me as someone with actual experience of type 1m, it also sounds plausible. The man does however need help and I also agree with other posters that it's worth him asking to see his consultant or diabetic team again. As well as getting the best technology he can!

On a separate note @mikeyboo, I really hope your partner gets their CGM on the NHS, they are horribly expensive. We're now choosing insulin pumps and the one recommended by the consultant is a different make of CGM I believe, but it is closed loop, i.e. links via an app on a phone to the pump. Only downside of that is that it has to be an Android phone ... and we just bought an upgraded iPhone for our son as that was the only one compatible with the Libre 2!! So yeah, expense expense expense (but makes my son's life so much more liveable).

[TooBigForMyBoots]

So if his blood sugar was low at work;would he bite one of his colleagues?
Yes, he would. RTT, you might learn something.

[Spidey66]

Sorry for typos. I've broken my right arm so typing using non dominant hand

[TintinIsBack]

@thenewduchessofhastings

So if his blood sugar was low at work;would he bite one of his colleagues?

I bet the answer is no!

How do you know if this guy ever had a hypo at work since his accident?

[junecat]

My friends husband can be aggressive when his sugar is low sadly. He has a monitor now that has really helped as it alerts him before he gets to this stage.

[Simonjt]

Low blood sugar can cause aggression, both verbal and physical, this has caused some diabetics to be denied medical treatment as the police have been called rather than an ambulance, this has resulted in people losing their lives.

When your blood sugars are very low your brain id unable to function correctly, as some posters genuinely saying that if someones brain is unable to function correctly they should calmly remove themself from the situation they are in. How do you expect someone to do that when their brain isn’t functioning properly.

Illness can have a big impact on type one diabetics, I’m often hospitalised when ill as my levels become extremely hard to manage, it isn’t a case of the person not managing their condition, type one diabetes varies hugelt day to day, what works one day can be a disaster the next.

I had covid earlier in the year, I was hospitalsed as I just couldn’t keep my blood glucose at safe levels, I had my arms strapped in when in the ambulance as my blood glucose levels increased my chances of hitting the paramedics, I’m also a known thrower when I have a bad hypo, sadly my phone is often the first victim.

If a hypo is slow I know I’m going into and I can sort it out, if its fast I don’t get that warning as the time between good and bad is too short so by the time my levels are low my brain is unable to work properly. The fast ones are more dangerous as the person is less likely to be able to self treat or even alert someone to whats happening, the ones that come on quickly are the ones that are more likely to be fatal.

[eyeslikebutterflies]

@thenewduchessofhastings @TatianaBis quite a few posters have posted here to report that, yes, they or their relatives have lashed out during an episode: at work, with the police, with ambulance staff, nurses and on and on. Read the thread for examples. You are very often not aware of what's happening during an episode like this (and not all diabetics are the same!): please please please educate yourselves on the realities of type 1 diabetes.

It's so distressing to read comments like yours, which I'm sure wasn't your intention. And you could also save a life: many diabetics have ended up in comas due to people walking past them and writing them off as drunk or whatever, when in fact they were in the midst of a hypo or hyperglycemic episode - both of which are medical emergencies.

[Simonjt]

@thenewduchessofhastings

So if his blood sugar was low at work;would he bite one of his colleagues?

I bet the answer is no!

The answer would be yes, when you have very low blood sugar your brain is unable to function properly, just as it can’t function properly with a lack of oxygen or electrolytes.

[ajja2021]

Grew up with two type 1 diabetic sisters, they never bit when they were having a hypo. Bollocks if you ask me.

[TatianaBis]

Having said that, I do agree with PPs that it is suspicious that these hypos only seem to occur when he is with his partner. I'd want to know if he checked his blood sugar and if he showed other signs of being hypo. Usually, if you're hypo enough to be violent, you need urgent help (glucagon injection or sugary drink/gel) - you don't just snap out of it.

Exactly.

More detail is needed as to what was his blood glucose reading, did he have some sugar and recover. How long have they been together before they had the baby.

As much as a hypo can trigger aggression, so can a new baby.

[TheSockMonster]

My friend thinks this is not a reason to leave and not his fault because of the sugars

He doesn’t have to be at fault. If she feels she or their baby is not safe she can leave until a point at which she feels safe to return.

I don’t know much about T1 diabetes, hypos and control. I have read the comments from people who do know and it seems like when some people have a hypo they (a) can be uncharacteristically violent and (b) are genuinely not at fault for this.

If this is true, it may not be his fault but he absolutely cannot be trusted around a baby whilst he is struggling maintaining his blood sugars. I am surprised he’d want to take the risk. Surely he’d be safer going to stay with someone who can keep an eye on him but who he can’t accidentally kill if he loses control?

If this is not true, and he is not a risk to their baby then he must retain some control but deep down feels it’s ok to take it out on her.

[TSSDNCOP]

I am very grateful to the people on this thread posting with actual knowledge.

Everyone on the planet would tell you my husband is the most placid man in the world, but a hypo is often very sudden and the effects very traumatic. Until you see it, it is very hard to explain. The diabetic is literally not in the room as their normal self.

OP you are right to be concerned and he must get the right support for his bloods. This has been extremely difficult during the pandemic.

I am very, very sorry your friend is experiencing this and she shouldn't be.

To the posters who are writing, please read what the people with experience and knowledge are saying. As with many things, not everything is straightforward and particularly the comment about his wife being made of sugar is unimaginably ill-informed.