Partner violent when sugars are low.

[Badlytornfrube]

My good friend has recently had a baby with her partner. He is a type 1 diabetic and has had trouble stabilising his sugars since a recent injury.

He has very verbally aggressive and has pushed her. Two weeks ago he bit her on the arm. Each time he has blamed it on a sugar low and has gone to the GP to ask for help with this. My friend thinks this is not a reason to leave and not his fault because of the sugars. He has never been violent towards his kids from a previous relationship or the new baby.

I think the blood sugar excuse is bollocks and she should run for the hills. The fact he has never hurt the kids proves he can control himself. She is financially fine and has a flat to go to.
Has anyone had any experience of low sugar causing violence? Is he responsible? Should she leave?

YABU not his fault
YANBU she should leave

@CurzonDax

Should T1 diabetics not have children? Or any family or friends, in case we unexpectedly go dangerously low one day, and kill them, as @Cadent* seemed to imply above he may next time?

I didn’t imply that all. But I agree with the op who said ‘Intimate relationships are not about equal opportunities - even if his aggression is being caused by a disability out of his control, there is also no obligation whatsoever to remain in a relationship with him.’

@Simonjt

Imagine if a MNer posted a thread stating her husband chucked her out the house during a life threatening medical episode and wouldn’t let her back in.

I’m sure her husband would be fully supported in his decision…

No one has said chuck him out. People are saying he should leave for the safety of his wife and dc whilst he gets this under control.

@MujeresLibres

Haven't read the full thread, but I am a type 1 diabetic.

She and the baby are so vulnerable at the moment and unfortunately it is common for intimate partner violence to start while a woman is pregnant or has recently delivered.

People can sometimes become violent during low blood glucose episodes, but that doesn't make it acceptable. If he is struggling, he needs to move out until it's under control. A decent man would do this.

💯 agreed. I suspect your post will be ignored though.

I get incredibly snappy and rude when having a hypo. I can't control it any more than I can control my spine, which means I can't walk more than 100m without intense pain.

When the low sugar alarm goes off, she needs to take the baby and keep both of them away from him for 30 minutes or so. Now that he has a CGM he should slowly get better control of his glucose levels so he has fewer nighttime hypos.

There's no need to lock him in Broadmoor.

She should leave until her sorts his blood sugar levels out. It is his condition that is causing him to loose control over his actions but it will be about time when a child gets hurt by him. She also has a right to protect her self and her children.

I thought last night that this thread should stand and hopefully educate some people about Type 1 diabetes. It seems though that many here just don't want to learn and see only what they want to. There's so little comprehension here of what is actually happening to this man and his partner when trying to help him it's just terrifying. This isn't a dv episode at all. Not in the slightest. If you read the thread fully you might see this isn't a black and white case, and just to be clear I have zero tolerance for any form of dv. There seems to be little point in explaining to people what is happening and why though. Too boring and complicated to try and understand I guess?
I thought a lot of mumsnetters were so much smarter than this. What on earth has happened to you all?

Nobody leads to leave. They literally have an alarm that warns them he might get aggressive and gives them time to move away from each other before anything can happen.

@CatJumperTwat you are being deliberately obtuse.

No one is suggesting he is locked up anywhere.

I was teasing because you made a silly analogy, no harm meant!

@CatJumperTwat

Nobody leads to leave. They literally have an alarm that warns them he might get aggressive and gives them time to move away from each other before anything can happen.

But that doesn't fit into everyone's opinion of him being a danger, and he should leave his partner and child alone (despite the fact that the OP even said herself in the OP that he has never been violent towards any of his children - not that his partner should be harmed either, but many of us have explained that the reason for this, could be as she was the one getting near enough to him to assist).

I also love the fact that many are telling OP's friend to leave, yet the friend herself clearly doesn't want to (based on what the OP has said), and wishes to stay and support her partner.

At the end of the day, she would have weighed up the 'risks' to her child and herself, and has decided to stay and help and support her partner. Her choice, and good on her!

I completely disagree with Cadent & MujeresLibres.

I don't see why you are comparing a diabetic hypo to dv. What about children, and also adults, who fit? Who hurt others. Febrile convulsion. Epilepsy. Many parents are hurt. Many of these conditions are protected under disability discrimination laws.

Good job my mum didn't leave me when I had hypos, aged 1. And when older. She could've left me.
I hurt her physically during hypos.

@Oblomov21

Good job my mum didn't leave me when I had hypos, aged 1. And when older. She could've left me. I hurt her physically during hypos.

False analogy.

@CurzonDax

FFS - some of the comments on here have honestly broken my heart, and had me in tears. Some of you are clueless; some of you also seem to be confusing T1 and T2. Those of you who just feel sleepy and docile when in a hypo - good for us. But as T1s yourselves, I'd expect you to know better.

My story - Type 1 diabetic. Diagnosed at 7 years old, 28 years ago.

Some hypos I am more than aware of, and able to just slip a couple energy tablets in my mouth.

Some hypos happen so suddenly, I have no chance to deal with it myself.

Some hypos, I am shattered and begging those attempting to help me, to just let me close my eyes.

Some hypos, I am a perfect little angel, very submissive, and do anything my helper asks me to do. Sip my orange juice? Okay. Eat the carbs that you are passing me? Of course.

Some hypos, I get defensive.

Some hypos I have no idea who I even am, let alone who my husband, my mum, my sister or work colleague is. I don't even know how I am! Therefore, I am at my most vulnerable, and like any vulnerable person, I do not want a supposed stranger (yes, it is a family member, but I don't know that) coming at me with food. Why are you telling me what I should do? Who the hell are you? What is that in your hand? Are you trying to poison me? You're trying to kill me, aren't you? Get away from me.

Once, when I was a teenager, I did hit my own mother when she tried to help me. Only happened once, but it still happened.

Every hypo is different!

I'm sorry your friend was hurt, but everyone saying he has control over it as he bit her, and not the children - I guessing, it was his partner, and not the children, who was attempting to get close enough to him to help.

It's definitely not bull*t, and it breaks my hear that people have suggested it is.

For the record - my diabetes is considered in the excellent control band - I have a Hb1Ac of 5.8%. My sugars can still become uncontrolled through no fault of my own - there are a whole list of things that can change them on a daily basis (including the weather, so a broken leg would definitely affect it).

For those of you who supported us T1 throughout this thread, and gave accurate and sensible responses - thank you.

This is a fantastic post 👏👏👏👏 All hypos aren't equal. They can feel very different. If you're having a hypo because your BG is crashing at speed from being way above target, you can feel the effects more severely. There is a lot of ignorance on this thread. Think about how much ignorance we have to endure from the "should you be eating that?" Brigade on a regular basis. It's likely he is having more hypos because he is less active and his basal rate and insulin to carb ratios are different as he's laid up & inactive due to his leg injury. Do you know what has an impact on blood glucose? Everything. It's not just about what you eat. Even the weather impacts on it. It's an extremely difficult life long chronic condition to manage.

I'm sacking off all NHS and diabetes groups advice, deferring to mumsnetters for future info on what hypos are like (based on their uncle's friend's experience), and preparing myself for Broadmoor...

Hypos CAN cause aggressive behaviour, I've seen it first hand from two different type 1 diabetics.
That being said she shouldn't have to put up with it and should make him leave until he has it under control.

@HumourReplacementTherapy and @CurzonDax
Excellent posts! And to others who don't understand diabetes; please listen.

I have visited many diabetics who have low blood sugar who have been both violent and/or abusive.
I know one lady who is diabetic who tells her husband he's a shit shag when she's having a hypo!

@CatJumperTwat

Nobody leads to leave. They literally have an alarm that warns them he might get aggressive and gives them time to move away from each other before anything can happen.

It's not as easy as that. He'll die.

God this thread is depressing.

I'm not surprised by the level of ignorance in the general population but some of the comments from diabetics, family of diabetics and medical professionals are disgraceful. Such a woeful lack of understanding.

This man has several things going on that will make his diabetes more difficult to control.

-A serious injury which will have affected his mobility and may also require medication which can disrupt blood sugar control.

• An injury that is likely to be much more serious for a diabetic and so is likely to be very worrying and stressful for him. Delayed healing, especially in the feet and legs, being more prone to infection etc.

• A new baby that will be disrupting his sleep, his routine and causing him stress/worry

He has sought additional help, and the doctor is sufficiently concerned there is a genuine issue that he has been given some very expensive monitoring equipment that is not normally easily available. He hasn't experienced such problems before and has acted promptly to prevent it from happening again.

A diabetic in a hypo doesn't go rampaging around trying to hurt people. They do however reasonably often lash out at those trying to help them, which is what seems to have happened here.

Sadly ignorance of the effects of hypos is often fatal. They are not responsible for their actions, no more than someone having a fit, but they are very dangerously ill and in need of urgent help.

I'd bet this lady doesn't want to leave her husband because she is terrified he will die if he has a hypo and she isn't there.

Cadent. "False analogy." No it's not. Diabetic hurts other.

@SpittinKitten

I'm sacking off all NHS and diabetes groups advice, deferring to mumsnetters for future info on what hypos are like (based on their uncle's friend's experience), and preparing myself for Broadmoor...

I'll join you.

Diabetics can become violent when having a hypo and there was a case about a decade ago where a man murdered his wife and was completely unaware.
That being said, it's still not an excuse. She should leave.

To the posters who think it's easy to control: there are 50 things that can send your blood glucose up or down. As a diabetic, you can control 3 of them (food, insulin, exercise).

Every day, these are the calculations my son does to manage his diabetes. Bear in mind he is 13:

• He is on 10 units of basal / long acting insulin a day. He injects himself with 10 units once per day.

• He eats 4 times a day. No snacks as this makes it harder to keep his glucose stable.

• Each time he eats, he has to calculate the carbohydrate content of his food. Sometimes that's easy, as it's listed, say, on a sandwich packet. Other times we have to weigh food, use apps and books to work it out. There are carbs in everything bar meat, fish and eggs.

• Once we have the total carb content of his proposed meal, we then work out a ratio of 1 unit of insulin for every 15g of carbs. This gives us the total fast-acting insulin he has to administer for that meal.

• His blood sugars have to be in a range of 4-7. If when he eats his glucose is above 7, we then have to work out an extra 'correction' does of fast acting insulin to get him back in range. That ratio is 1:4.

• If his glucose goes above 15 or so, we have to check his glucose levels every 2 hours (even at night), and administer an extra correction dose of insulin. The ratio for this is different; it's based on his average insulin intake over 4 days.

• If he's going to exercise, he checks his glucose; if it's 7 or above he does nothing. If it's 5-7 he takes 15g of slow-release carbs. If it's below 4 he takes 15g of fast-acting carbs (sugar), waits 10 minutes tests his glucose again and then depending on the outcome can start exercise.

• If we're going for a day-long hike, or exercise of over 2 hours, we calculate his meals as above but then halve the fast-acting dose of insulin for the meal before the exercise AND afterwards, as exercise itself can effect the take-up of insulin.

• If it's very hot, his body doesn't absorb insulin very well, so he drinks extra water (or rather I chase him around the house with a glass of water!), as otherwise his insulin spikes very high.

• My son has 5 injections a day and multiple glucose level tests. Thankfully he now wears a monitor in his arm for the latter that he can scan with his phone - before that he was also finger prick-testing around 7 times a day.

This is a normal day for us. To all those who think diabetes is easy, please read this and think about how you would deal with all those self-administered injections, testing, and careful regulation and management of what you eat, drink and how you exercise.

And that day is an easy day. It can be much harder for sometimes no apparent reason, or if he gets ill, or if his growth hormones kick in, or if he gets stressed..... and then occasionally his ratios will change and we'll have to relearn the numbers again.

It is a life-changing autoimmune condition that he didn't ask for but that he will manage for the rest of his life. I hope to god that when he has an episode - because he will, because it is so hard to manage - that he doesn't meet anyone so ignorant and as mean-spirited as many of the posters on this thread.

It’s not ignorance to be concerned about a woman at risk of violence.

It’s possible to understand the challenges faced by diabetics but still be concerned for this woman and want her to be safe.