Partner violent when sugars are low.

[Badlytornfrube]

My good friend has recently had a baby with her partner. He is a type 1 diabetic and has had trouble stabilising his sugars since a recent injury.

He has very verbally aggressive and has pushed her. Two weeks ago he bit her on the arm. Each time he has blamed it on a sugar low and has gone to the GP to ask for help with this. My friend thinks this is not a reason to leave and not his fault because of the sugars. He has never been violent towards his kids from a previous relationship or the new baby.

I think the blood sugar excuse is bollocks and she should run for the hills. The fact he has never hurt the kids proves he can control himself. She is financially fine and has a flat to go to.
Has anyone had any experience of low sugar causing violence? Is he responsible? Should she leave?

YABU not his fault
YANBU she should leave

What are people reporting the thread going to achieve?

At the end of the day, a woman is getting pushed around and bitten by her partner. It’s irrelevant why he does it, she should be safe in her own home and posters are free to say she should dump him.

No one is owed a relationship.

It actually can be a side effect of low sugars. It's not necessarily bollocks. What's his sugars after these episodes?

@Oblomov21 @TSSDNCOP it would be a real shame to have this thread pulled. I have found it really helpful. I was very ignorant about T1 and the advice on here has been invaluable.

@Cadent

What are people reporting the thread going to achieve?

At the end of the day, a woman is getting pushed around and bitten by her partner. It’s irrelevant why he does it, she should be safe in her own home and posters are free to say she should dump him.

No one is owed a relationship.

Whilst I agree that her partner needs help, and it sounds like he has taken the steps to get it - seeing his GP, been given technology to help notify him when he goes low. The reason why he acted in this way is VERY relevant.

What would you say to someone who said, 'My partner's wheelchair is taking up space in my hallway, should I dump him? I need the space for a coat stand/a pushchair."

As has already been mentioned T1 diabetes is a chronic illness, and therefore is protected under discrimination laws. So yes, in the eyes of the law, the reason is very relevant.

Fortunately for me, my husband takes his marriage vows seriously, and promised to love me in sickness and in health. He is understanding of my diabetes, and that it comes as part if the deal with being with me. He will openly admit that sometimes he finds it hard - I've seen him in tears as he has had to give me an emergency glucagon jab and call out paramedics - the thought of knowing that I could die at any time, without intervention, or suffer long term illness as a result of my diabetes, is something that we have to accept on a daily basis. My specialist asked me what I worried about the most - this was just after my husband and I got engaged, I said, "I'm afraid of leaving him a widow in a few years."

He might not owe me a relationship, but he definitely loves and supports me. Seems like the OP's friend also does her own partner.

Curzon - this thread isn’t about you and your DH. It’s about a man who’s lashing out in a house with a small baby.

A small baby has protected status as much as a disability and the scant regard for the safety of the baby in your post is strange.

If a reaction to a hypo involves behaviour that could endanger a baby then the partner must consider the baby’s safety. Full stop.

@CurzonDax doesn’t sound like you’ve attacked your husband though.

A pp says ‘they’re not rational, they’re not in a state of control, they absolutely cannot think and act with purpose’. What happens if he kills her next time?

Should we just say the marriage vows say till death do us part?

[quote Cadent]@CurzonDax doesn’t sound like you’ve attacked your husband though.

A pp says ‘they’re not rational, they’re not in a state of control, they absolutely cannot think and act with purpose’. What happens if he kills her next time?

Should we just say the marriage vows say till death do us part?[/quote]
Quite. When he has a small baby.

Marriage vows are irrelevant not least as the couple may not be married.

We are not asking for it to be pulled. We've reported it asking for MNHQ to comment on the thread.

Where was the OP statement that baby was in danger?

Some people really get annoyed when their ignorance is exposed.🙄

@TatianaBis

Curzon - this thread isn’t about you and your DH. It’s about a man who’s lashing out in a house with a small baby.

A small baby has protected status as much as a disability and the scant regard for the safety of the baby in your post is strange.

If a reaction to a hypo involves behaviour that could endanger a baby then the partner must consider the baby’s safety. Full stop.

It's also about a man who has taken all the steps possible to ensure this doesn't happen again.

A man who never had that sort of reaction before and has a known medical condition that can be made stable again.

What you are saying is that, that man, who is doing all the right things and is in an unusual situation for him shouldn't be allowed to be with his dc or his dw.
Despite the fact his dw is happy with the way things are handled.....

Well this is a lovely thread. Such big opinions, so little knowledge.

It's also about a man who has taken all the steps possible to ensure this doesn't happen again.

Except that it’s not necessarily that easy to control and so he can’t guarantee it won’t happen again.

From the Ops post it seems to violence is coming when his wife is trying to help him during a hypo, and others experiences would suggest that is a likely case too. In that case thankfully it doesn’t sound like it poses a massive risk to the baby just to those who are trying to help him at the time.

Hopefully he and his wife can get the support they need to resolve the problem

Does it really need to be spelt out that if a man pushes or bites a woman with a baby in her arms, harm could result to the baby.

@TatianaBis

Curzon - this thread isn’t about you and your DH. It’s about a man who’s lashing out in a house with a small baby.

A small baby has protected status as much as a disability and the scant regard for the safety of the baby in your post is strange.

If a reaction to a hypo involves behaviour that could endanger a baby then the partner must consider the baby’s safety. Full stop.

It was not my intention to have a "scant disregard for the safety of the baby" , and if my post has come across that way to anyone, then I apologise. Of course, a child's safety should be a number one priority.

My post was not to make this thread about me or my husband, but to highlight how devastating this disease can be for our family members - I'm lucky that my husband supports me, and it seems that the OP's friend feels the same way about her partner.

Should T1 diabetics not have children? Or any family or friends, in case we unexpectedly go dangerously low one day, and kill them, as @Cadent seemed to imply above he may next time?

My husband and I are currently trying to conceive, with the full support of my medical team. Maybe I should just go back on the pill and stop, as I'm clearly at risk of being a dangerous parent, and should never have a small child in my home.

@Porcupineintherough

Well this is a lovely thread. Such big opinions, so little knowledge.

Imagine if a MNer posted a thread stating her husband chucked her out the house during a life threatening medical episode and wouldn’t let her back in.

I’m sure her husband would be fully supported in his decision…

Haven't read the full thread, but I am a type 1 diabetic.

She and the baby are so vulnerable at the moment and unfortunately it is common for intimate partner violence to start while a woman is pregnant or has recently delivered.

People can sometimes become violent during low blood glucose episodes, but that doesn't make it acceptable. If he is struggling, he needs to move out until it's under control. A decent man would do this.

It doesn't matter whether diabetes is a factor the partner and baby need to be safe. There are plenty of people locked up in mental assylums, it isn't necessarily their "fault" but we don't just let them harm others.

@Simonjt don’t be so silly.

I have learnt in this thread that some T1 diabetics are no more responsible for hurting people when they have a hypo than some mentally ill people are when they hurt people. Is this not right?

@Simonjt - Of course, we're all criminals. We are now apparently capable of killing, are unsafe to society and should all be locked up.

Wow. Just wow and where this thread has gone. Imagine saying all this to a person in a wheelchair.

Some of the attitudes on this thread is the reason why some people with hidden disabilities are frightened to speak out.

[quote CurzonDax]@Simonjt - Of course, we're all criminals. We are now apparently capable of killing, are unsafe to society and should all be locked up.

Wow. Just wow and where this thread has gone. Imagine saying all this to a person in a wheelchair.

Some of the attitudes on this thread is the reason why some people with hidden disabilities are frightened to speak out.[/quote]
To be honest MN is so ableist lots of posters would probably say that about wheelchair users, especially when so many are put out that those with disabilities are allowed on public transport.

@Badlytornfrude, I think it is to his credit that he has sought further medical advice. It might be that the head injury has something directly to do with all of this, or it might be that low blood sugars are causing problems and are influenced by the head injury. As I said my AC can get very angry during a low blood sugar. If you have ever skipped a meal and been really hungry then you might have become grumpy or hangry, imagine that multiplied by ooh about a 1000. That is about how awful a person having a hypo feels. Untreated hypos lead to death, it's a very serious condition and many T1's lose the ability to feel a hypo starting. As others have said T1 is so much more than testing, eating and taking insulin, it takes over their life.