Am I over reacting - controlling SIL

[bagpuss90]

We have a family holiday booked -eight of us going . I’d rather be going away with just DP but his mum died last year ,and he wants a holiday with his family which I’ve reluctantly agreed to. My sister in law - who has rubbed me up the wrong way several times over the years has surpassed herself. She’s announced that she “wants to be organised “ and has asked that we all hand our passports over to her for safe keeping and she will hold onto them for the duration of the holiday. I’ve point blank refused-I’m old enough and ugly enough to look after my own passport thank you. It’s the principle -plus can you imagine if she lost the lot of then. It’s made me dread the holiday- I think she’ll want to run the show - DP thinks I’m over reacting . She’s said I’m a control freak-wtf ?? Having serious thoughts about not going, but under the circumstances it’s not that easy to bail out now

[saraclara]

@bagpuss90

No one has any links to where we’re going .

Good grief.

That would do my head in. And she's calling you controlling?

[Standrewsschool]

Why would one person having all the passports be organised? I thought this was going to be about her organising the itinery, , activities etc. I don’t see the logic behind it.

[MitheringMytryl]

Well then... This is going to be quite the holiday. I hope you're mentally prepared for it!

I'd be drinking a lot of wine.

[TokyoTammy]

Just a thought but is she trying to become the matriarch of the family now their mother has passed? so that everything revolves around her?

[Macncheeseballs]

See it/her as a game, enjoy the holiday, and don't let her get to you, she sounds a bit unhinged

[saraclara]

Does she think she's going to be able to check in all eight of you at once? Or is she going to allow you your passports for the few minutes it takes to check in, and then snatch them back?

[Macncheeseballs]

Can't you google where you're going

[Howshouldibehave]

@bagpuss90

No one has any links to where we’re going .

Do you mean that nobody in the family has any ties to the place you’re visiting? Or that none of you have been provided with the web links/information about where you’re staying?

I’m amazed that if your sis is such hard work that she has no friends, that your DH can’t see it!? Normally siblings are fully aware and have borne the brunt of them in the past!

Don’t go-it’ll be awful.

[Plumtree391]

There is no reason for your sister in law to 'guard' your passport, you are quite capable of looking after it yourself.

It sounds like a nightmare holiday; frankly, I would not go and would even lie to get out of it, eg I have dysentery,. or else inflict a minor injury on myself.

When is it?

Good luck.

[godmum56]

I would go for DH's sake. If you can at least pretend to find your SiL's behaviour unworrying and mildly amusing while not going along with it, it will annoy her and maintain the moral high ground....but no I would be holding on to my own passport and boarding pass and politely declining to do anything I didn't want to do.

[jackstini]

@bagpuss90

No one has any links to where we’re going .

What?? You don't know where you are going? Is she refusing to tell you?!
I would not be paying until I knew..

[BrainPotter]

As a mature adult, say no you won’t be handing over your passport. Also ask her why she wants them. Is this something her Mum used to do and she’s trying to connect with that part of her past. Are you prone to losing things etc.

[KaptainKaveman]

Just say the word "No".

HTH.

[bagpuss90]

No i meant no links as in family links

[justmetoday]

I dont understand why it matters who has the passports. 🤷🏻‍♀️
Seems like youre making a huge deal about nothing because you dont like her.
I mean, its a little odd that she would suggest it, but if it makes her happy just leave her to it?
If shes such an organized contol freak its very unlikely that shes gonna lose all of them.

[andyoldlabour]

OP, your SiL is the control freak.
My DW and I went on a week's holiday to France with my family years ago, and my DS was an absolute nightmare. Fortunately my DW and I went on a lot of daytrips and left them to their own devices. I did however drink a lot of wine in the evenings just to keep my sanity intact.

[Brefugee]

I wouldnt give her my passport but neither would I work it up into some huge, personal affront. It's clear you dont like her and resent going on this holiday. Are you going to pounce on everything that isnt how youd want it and create drama?

OP already said that SIL has done more control-freaky things in the past.

In your shoes, OP, i would just say "no" and keep saying no. and no to the boarding card too (and i'd check in electronically anyway so she couldn't have it anyway). I wouldn't be giving "excuses" (like duty free shopping or whatever) i would just keep saying no. And if it got really persistent I'd say "stop asking, you are not getting it" and frankly, all love for your DH, I'd be telling both of them that if she didn't stop I'd be more than seriously reconsidering going with them.

[vdbfamily]

I have said YABU, but only because you just say no thanks, we will look after our own and move on. It is not a reason to cancel. We have lots of different personalities in our extended family. We keep the peace where we can and speak out when necessary. It works ok.

[Gilly12345]

No one gets to keep hold of my passport, she sounds very controlling, this is not a school trip and she is not the Teacher, every adult is responsible for theirs and their own family passports.

[NoSauce]

Just say no. It’s your passport and you will be holding on to it. Job done.

[Confusedandshaken]

There was no need to 'point blank' refuse before you've even got on the plane. Just the wording of it sounds antagonistic. All you need to do is keep your passport tucked in your bag/room safe and if she asks for it smile and tell her you prefer to hang onto it yourself. And for gods sake don't lose it or you will never hear the end of it!

[IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves]

Yeah, give her your passport because it's no big deal and you should be nice and not cause a fuss.

Also, give her your money to look after.

🙄

No. Stand firm. Polite but firm. No. I will be keeping my passport thank you.

[Chickychickydodah]

Don’t give it her, tell you hubby not to pander to her !

[frumpety]

Does she want your boarding passes and passports before you go away ?
What would worry me is if she has taken a dislike to you, what's to say she will bring these to the airport, she might 'lose' your's as a way to exclude you from the holiday. Possibly a bit far fetched, but it is the sort of thing I can easily imagine one of my nearest and dearest doing.

[GillBiggeloesHair]

Passports should always be in the possession of the holder or parent if a child's. Tell her to jog on!