Am I over reacting - controlling SIL

[bagpuss90]

We have a family holiday booked -eight of us going . I’d rather be going away with just DP but his mum died last year ,and he wants a holiday with his family which I’ve reluctantly agreed to. My sister in law - who has rubbed me up the wrong way several times over the years has surpassed herself. She’s announced that she “wants to be organised “ and has asked that we all hand our passports over to her for safe keeping and she will hold onto them for the duration of the holiday. I’ve point blank refused-I’m old enough and ugly enough to look after my own passport thank you. It’s the principle -plus can you imagine if she lost the lot of then. It’s made me dread the holiday- I think she’ll want to run the show - DP thinks I’m over reacting . She’s said I’m a control freak-wtf ?? Having serious thoughts about not going, but under the circumstances it’s not that easy to bail out now

This is next level stuff. What do you think she really wants them for? It canNOT be “organisation”???

When is the holiday?

I think you should say no (and fuck off), but nothing more. Her demands will become more and more outrageous and she’ll eventually show her true intentions.

I'm not as scathing of her as PPs. It could potentially just be because she's excited and wants to keep all the tickets and passports etc together. Still a totally unreasonable request and YANBU.

I'm glad you're going for your DH's sake though, given his family have lost someone.

@Auroreforet

Tell her not to be so ridiculous. And fgs don’t lose your passport or you’ll never hear the end of it!

🤣🤣🤣

How odd.

Goodness not a chance! Why on earth does she want all that responsibility, just plain weird and so bananas that she wants to, and is calling you the control freak!
Next she'll be asking for all your money and giving you spending money each day ... that would definitely be a negative from me!

That would mean you’d have to ask her if you want to buy stuff at the airport as you keep your boarding pass with your passport.

I think just a quick no this isn’t a school trip and I’m not 6 message is sufficient then ignore her.

Was MIL a bit of a family matriarch? Is SIL trying to step in and fill that void?

It's the only explanation I can think of for such a batshit idea.

when is the holiday?
even if it was a reasonable thing to do (which it isn't)- it is even more bizarre to request it in advance!
I'd be tempted just to say something non committal at this stage

Very odd of her! I'd stand my ground. Let her think you're a control freak, if she wants to! Who cares? She's clearly the strange one here.

Jesus no way in hell am I giving my passport to the crazy lady!!!

I wouldn't hand my passport over for the duration of the holiday either, but does she want them in advance so she can check you all in to the hotel or for the flight?

Last time we did a big family holiday, I put it all on my credit card and everyone paid me back. Because I made the booking, all correspondence came to me. I was able to check in online ahead of the holiday but needed everyone's passport number to do it.

I'm just thinking of a reason for the request because 'I'll keep them safe for you' is a bit odd.

I also think your reaction to the request is rather over the top - thinking of not going and so on.

Could she be wanting to arrange a surprise but needs passport details to do so? I live abroad and you neef passport numbers for booking trains, boats, planes, and even attractions. Might be grumpy because you have ruined her plan?

So your DP, thinks it’s a reasonable request?

That’s unbelievably weird and patronising. Given it’s such a transparent display of wanting to be the group’s matriarch/alpha female I think it does smack of grief. However sad that is, as a functioning adult I still wouldn’t give her my passport, but I would moderate how I say “f**k no”. A smile and a firm “no thanks” as opposed to a “obviously not because I’m not 5”.

Couldn’t get worke up about this, she probably just wants to keep all tickets and passports together. It’s not a big deal. I suspect you don’t like her and potentially vice versa.

Not sure where you're going but here, I needed passport number to book a nice boat cruise or a trip to a beautiful mountain resort or even a national park, theme park, etc. Basically everywhere passports are needed (if the locals where you live have I.D cards then this could be what it is as would mean that non-locals would need an equally official form of I.D - basically a passport. Might explain her overreaction (if she's grieving, might mean a lot to her that everything is perfect, goes to plan, etc).

(sorry, this was a continuation of my previous post but like 3 people have posted in between the two of mine so second might not make much sense)

No way would she have my passport BUT Ffs make sure you lock your passport away in a safe and don't give your dh, or anyone the key!!

I don’t think you are overreacting. I think she is batshit. Possibly exacerbated by grief. But I would be keeping my passport too.

Absolutely not. What if she loses them all??
She sounds like my SIL, absolute control freak. Everyone goes along with her for the sake of peace as she freezes out people who upset her, up to and including her own parents and kids.
Had a holiday with her where we had a timetable she wrote out and printed for everyone showed what we where all to be doing every 30 MINUTES.
Wake up times, what we where having for each meal, when we were leaving the villa each day, all up to bedtime.
Mental. Never again. Myself and Dkids went off the plan a couple of times and she yelled and cried and created a right old commotion….
Don’t enable her.

Oh, and what time we would go to bed each night! Again, she made a holy racket when me and DP wouldn’t go to bed a 9pm one night… then night she’d deemed everyone should go to bed early. Nutter.

I wouldnt give her my passport but neither would I work it up into some huge, personal affront. It's clear you dont like her and resent going on this holiday. Are you going to pounce on everything that isnt how youd want it and create drama?

What else is she going to “organise” -
As you know your an adult.
We all have a blind spot about ourselves - look up Johari window.
Doesn’t make it easy to go away with a person like this.

I don’t think there’s any surprise involved - it’s just her. She wants all the boarding passes too.

I'd make sure you have your passport on you at all times. Is she the type of person who might sneak into your room to take it, then when it's "lost", say she told you so...?