Page 12 | do people who got married young feel envious of people who got married older 35+?

lilacdinosaur · 20/09/2021 09:34

No definitely not, we've been together since we were 15 and 16, married at 25 and 26 and now have one DC. I feel like we've grown together and as individuals and we've always encouraged each other to do what's best for ourselves throughout the years so I don't feel like we've held each other back in any way.

aSofaNearYou · 20/09/2021 09:35

Trying to make a relationship last that started that young is difficult and having children young would mean you didn’t get a chance to experience youth by yourself.

I get what you're saying here but on the flipside, am looking forward to getting to experience more on the other end of DDs childhood, and hopefully being alive for more of her life.

MLMbotsno · 20/09/2021 09:40

If you meet and get married really late then too much baggage from previous relationships. It must be nice to have no previous baggage?

PattyPan · 20/09/2021 09:42

I actually think I have to deal with more when travelling with other people @Rozziie because when I’m on my own I just take whatever in my stride it doesn’t occur to me that it might be ‘challenging’ but my DP and friends are more prone to stressing and panicking 🤣 also since I am good with languages I usually end up having to translate for everyone else.

minatrina · 20/09/2021 09:44

@MLMbotsno

If you meet and get married really late then too much baggage from previous relationships. It must be nice to have no previous baggage?

Interesting point - I have enough baggage from a fairly eventful childhood and adolescence. If I hadn't have got married early, God only knows how much extra baggage I'd have had by the time I'm older. Doubt anyone would touch me with a barge pole 🤣

Though I'm sure plenty and plenty of women get through unmarried life with minimal baggage anyway (and good for them!)

thewhatsit · 20/09/2021 09:45

I can see both sides.

I know people who have been together since their teens who probably shouldn’t be and would have had more fulfilled lives had they lived more and dated more instead of settling for the first person. However, one of my best friends is in a great marriage with someone she met and fell in love with at 18. In their case, I think they feel grateful to have spent all their adult lives so far together and feel extra secure in their marriage for that.

If I were advising someone it wouldn’t be to only date in their late twenties at all.. but it would just be not to worry or rush and if you find the right life partner early then great and if you find them later, also great. The only no-no would be settling and rushing into something because you don’t want to be 22 and single.

mummypie17 · 20/09/2021 09:48

I'm in the middle. I wasn't a young bride but neither was I older (I had just turned 30 when I married). I thought the timing was just right. I wouldn't have been mature enough for married life in my early 20s. I do regret having my kids late though (we had fertility issues) and was 33 when I had my first and pregnant with my second now at 37.

ItsNotMeAnymore · 20/09/2021 09:53

I moved in with my DH when I was 18. I’d already had plenty of experience with other boys so don’t feel I havent missed out there.

I love the fact we had a long time together before having kids. We did loads of traveling and partying. We were young and didn’t have proper responsibilities. I finished Uni at 21 and had worked 5 years before we started having kids at 26. I had my last kid at 30 so not an ‘older’ mum. If we had met later on then maybe we would have felt in a rush to have kids. We would have also probably had more responsibilities with mortgages and careers.

I don’t think either is right or wrong though. What matters is working out what suits you although it’s hard to control when you meet the man or women that you want to spend you life with.

user89000005 · 20/09/2021 09:55

One of the biggest pros of marrying young has been how uncomplicated our relationship is. No exes, no hidden past etc. I appreciate for some they will think we are lacking experiences but I love how simple our relationship is, I look at blended families and just can't imagine how complicated it is having to navigate that.

ManifestDestinee · 20/09/2021 09:56

I do because being married young didn’t give you a chance to develop your interests as an individual or sexually because you were too busy pleasing someone else at that age. Trying to make a relationship last that started that young is difficult and having children young would mean you didn’t get a chance to experience youth by yourself

Speak for yourself!

RazorSharp · 20/09/2021 09:57

@user89000005

One of the biggest pros of marrying young has been how uncomplicated our relationship is. No exes, no hidden past etc. I appreciate for some they will think we are lacking experiences but I love how simple our relationship is, I look at blended families and just can't imagine how complicated it is having to navigate that.

So true!

RIPIgglePiggle · 20/09/2021 10:14

Yes I’d agree with this. I met my now partner at 29 and was pregnant by 32 which I think was a good age for me.

However prior to that I was in a relationship for ten years with a man who was utterly emotionally abusive. At the time I lacked the experience and maturity to see that. Although we did a great deal of travelling together and I have done well in my career I think in hindsight I would have made different choices.

Relationships, even happy ones involve some element of compromise and I do think that this is something your life could really do without in your early twenties. All of my friends were in relationships, getting married etc and I suppose it didn’t occur to me that I could just be on my own and do what I wanted to do!

Many of my friends seem happy with their lot but I wonder if any of them regret settling down so soon. To each their own I suppose!

Good luck to you OP. Enjoy your new found freedom May it bring you happiness

theworldsbiggestcrocodile · 20/09/2021 10:14

Yes kind of. I got married at 24 and had two kids by 27. None of our friends were doing those things then and those relationships changed as they were off out and I was in with the babies. By the time I was 35 my marriage was over as we'd both changed so much and we didn't like each other that much anymore. I do feel I missed out on those years where I should have been dating and having fun.
I don't regret my children (plus they are older now and so a few more years and they will be out in the the world whilst some of my friends will still have tinies-plus I had more energy to deal with them as babies when I was young-I wouldn't want to do it now at my age). But i do feel my twenties were wasted a bit!

Whyevencare · 20/09/2021 11:14

Got married at 19 and just about to celebrate our 31st wedding anniversary Kids are all grown up, still young enough to have loads of energy looking after my granddaughter. Everyone thought we were too young but I have zero regrets. We're 100% soulmates but I appreciate that's not the case for all couples.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/09/2021 11:20

This doesn’t make sense to me. Surely if you wanted to wait to get married, you just would do that? Whereas you can’t really choose to marry early if you haven’t met the right person.

So if anything it might be the other way around.

FourTeaFallOut · 20/09/2021 11:22

I met DH at 21 and married at 23. I travelled solo before I met dh, had plenty of experience under my belt and although I hadn't acquired all my interests by then (is there even a point when that stops?) I didn't feel hemmed in by our relationship.

Perhaps it was because we had a whole bunch of childfree years together when we had plenty of time to pursue travel and interests together and solo and with other friends, that I never felt I missed out on anything for marrying when I was young. I've just been lucky enough to fall in love and grow alongside my DH and almost 20 years later that still suits me fine.

aSofaNearYou · 20/09/2021 11:22

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

This doesn’t make sense to me. Surely if you wanted to wait to get married, you just would do that? Whereas you can’t really choose to marry early if you haven’t met the right person.

So if anything it might be the other way around.

I think for many it's a common mistake made whilst young and naive. You don't necessarily realise the things you will miss out on.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/09/2021 11:28

(I got married at a “middle” age as far as marriages go - 27 - but stil ended up divorced. Was a crap choice of partner to blame.

Noodella18 · 20/09/2021 11:33

@PattyPan

because the younger you meet, the more of your lives you get to spend together which is obviously better if you like spending time together! I’d be sorry if I met DP say in my 40s because we’d have missed out on an extra 20 years of life together.

Well that's a fair point, but I also really enjoyed being with the people I was with in my 20s! Each one brought something new to the table, broadened my horizons and led to me developing as a person - I look back fondly on the vast majority of the relationships, long and short, that I had. I also relished being on my own and being able to do things that I wouldn't necessarily have been able to do if I'd have had to consider the other person's desires/situation. I don't feel at all envious of my friends who married young, but equally I don't expect them to feel envious of me because I know that they are content with their choices and that their situation was enriching in other ways :)

PheasantsNest · 20/09/2021 11:35

No, don't base everything on your personal experiences. Perfectly happy being married at 21.

bookwormnerd · 20/09/2021 11:40

I got married at 24 and been married 12 years, we have been together since we were 19. We have a very happy marriage and have no regrets. He is my best friend so well as husband. For me it was more about being with the right person and that is not directly connected with age. I don't feel I missed out on anything and am glad we got married when we did. We don't stop each other doing things and supportive of each other. I really would not want to be with anyone else. I know people who got married young and divorced but also know people equally who waited and divorced as well all for different reasons. I'm glad I have had my children in my 20s as it was right time for us, that does not mean for everyone. We were more than ready to be settled down. I think it's more important to make sure that the person is right and what you want matches up rather than worry about age and also to make sure it is because you want a marriage rather than wanting the wedding or just thinking it is the expected thing to get married.

RufustheBadgeringReindeer · 20/09/2021 11:44

I just don't understand how having someone at your side can possibly not make everything much easier

Well of course it does, no one is arguing that it doesn’t

Just that you can have fantastic experiences with a friend or friends or partners…or as you say by yourself

Someone i knew went traveling with their 3 year old, for a year, i also know someone who went with their husband and 3 children. All fantastic experiences

MyPatronusIsACat · 20/09/2021 11:49

@RufustheBadgeringReindeer

I just don't understand how having someone at your side can possibly not make everything much easier

Well of course it does, no one is arguing that it doesn’t

Just that you can have fantastic experiences with a friend or friends or partners…or as you say by yourself

Someone i knew went traveling with their 3 year old, for a year, i also know someone who went with their husband and 3 children. All fantastic experiences

This. ^

MyPatronusIsACat · 20/09/2021 11:57

@Whyevencare

Got married at 19 and just about to celebrate our 31st wedding anniversary

Kids are all grown up, still young enough to have loads of energy looking after my granddaughter. Everyone thought we were too young but I have zero regrets. We're 100% soulmates but I appreciate that's not the case for all couples.

MyPatronusIsACat · 20/09/2021 11:57

Have to say it's very refreshing to see so many posters who got married in their 20s (and many who are still happy after 15, 20, 25, 30 years or more...) If some of the threads you read on mumsnet are to be believed, you'd think that most people get married at around 37 and start having children at 41/42...

I have even seen quite rude and unpleasant posts on some threads (from a few posters) suggesting that people who get married in their 20s are usually the lower classes, and the less intelligent, and that you have obviously sacrificed your career if you get married in your 20s.

And the laughable posts saying you cannot possibly have a fulfilling travelling experience if you get married in your 20s are just plain daft, as well as ill-informed and arrogant. As has been said 'NEWSFLASH! You can still travel alone, even when you are married! I know. Who knew right?