Page 9 | do people who got married young feel envious of people who got married older 35+?

Rozziie · 19/09/2021 22:27

@MyPatronusIsACat I'm embarrassed for the poster who is so arrogant that she thinks HER opinion that travelling alone is the same as travelling with a partner is correct, despite THREE different posters saying they feel otherwise.

That poster dismissed another poster's view as 'tosh' while simultaneously calling her arrogant....lack of self awareness or what?!

Annoyedanddissapointed · 19/09/2021 22:30

Travelbun fiiiight

RickySpanishhh · 19/09/2021 22:30

*I feel like if I was going to advise someone, I’d say the best age to start dating would be 28+ years old. Then get married between 29 - 34. Then start having kids 36+ years old. (Fertility thing is a myth I’ve read up on it and plenty women I know manage to easily get pregnant late thirties anyway.

I would tell them leave 26 and below for yourself, travel, education and establishing your career*

Who’s asking for your advice? Butt out of other people’s lives. As the mn saying goes, “you do you, Hun”

ManifestingJoy · 19/09/2021 22:31

I suppose the right partner allows you to grow and find your self but it's so rarely that way for women.

They fall in to the supporting role more easily especially when they're younger.

I think a woman 35 ish is less likely to fall in to that role of blowing smoke up a man's ass so he meets his potential.
I dumped my early 20s bf at 26. Couldn't stand it.

I ended up with an abusive man though!
Single now. Still feeling kind of relieved I'm not with the first ''nice'' guy though because he really stifled me. But NICELY

Brightbluebell · 19/09/2021 22:32

I’ve been with my husband since I was 19. I am now 48. I adore him and I just love that we have had so many years and shared experiences together. Some of these have been good like the birth of our daughters and some have been terrible like cancer in my late 30s. I can’t imagine life without him and I feel so fortunate that we have been together for so long.

Lincslady53 · 19/09/2021 22:32

Met my husband at 20, married at 23, now 68 and love the shared memories and everything we have built up together. We had our kids when I was 28 - 31, started a business together at 33, and worked together for over 30 years before retiring at 66. Wouldn't change my life, it has not all been roses, but that is what life is.

Jaxhog · 19/09/2021 22:33

Nope! Got married at 22 and am still married to the same man more than 40 years later.

MyPatronusIsACat · 19/09/2021 22:34

How funny you knew I was talking about you @Rozziie

I said it's TOSH that you spout your views and opinions as FACT Rozziie But you knew that. You're arguing for the sake of arguing now. I cba with you anymore. I am done with you. You may be enjoying constantly arguing, refusing to listen to anyone else's views but your own, and insisting only YOUR views are correct, but I am bored with it now. And I am bored with you. Now run along....

ApplesinmyPocket · 19/09/2021 22:34

@Notjustanymum

If you meet your soulmate at 18, and they’re still your best friend 40 years later, then definitely nope!

Absolutely this, except I met DH when I was 16 (then he went away for two years.) We married when I was 19 and have been happy for 46 years. Never had a serious disagreement, and not many minor ones. Nursed each other through one serious illness each. Had two children, one married, one not and are a close, happy family but I like DH's company more than anyone's and always have - which doesn't mean we don't both also enjoy our separate times doing our own thing.

didn’t give you a chance to develop your interests as an individual - we certainly have developed our interests as individuals, we have totally different hobbies! I don't know why one would have to do everything together including choice of hobbies just because you're married.

But it doesn't work out so well for everyone who marries young, of course. I hope you are moving into a new, good phase of your life now, OP, and find happiness in it.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 19/09/2021 22:40

@DeepaBeesKit

It's not remotely the same travelling alone as travelling with someone else. Absolutely nowhere near the same level of growth and learning.

Bugger growth and learning, I'm after a good holiday. DH is good for a laugh shag. Be dull without him

Yes but a holiday and travelling are worlds apart. Two entirely different things.

Rozziie · 19/09/2021 22:42

@MyPatronusIsACat

How funny you knew I was talking about you *@Rozziie*

I said it's TOSH that you spout your views and opinions as FACT Rozziie But you knew that. You're arguing for the sake of arguing now. I cba with you anymore. I am done with you. You may be enjoying constantly arguing, refusing to listen to anyone else's views but your own, and insisting only YOUR views are correct, but I am bored with it now. And I am bored with you. Now run along....

You run along yourself...I'm sure posters on some other thread will love to hear about all this "enlightening solo travel" you did which somehow wasn't any more challenging than travelling with others....week in Malaga with Ryanair was it?

Rozziie · 19/09/2021 22:43

@AwaAnBileYerHeid this is the point I think most people on here have missed. We're talking about travel, they're talking about holidays.

ManifestingJoy · 19/09/2021 22:43

Wrt travelling alone to be in a good place, brave enough to do it and ENJOY it, that's not a place you get to easily if you're always one half of a couple.

Incywinceyspider · 19/09/2021 22:44

I'm on the other side of this. Met DP at 30, first child at 34. Should have been married at 34 but will now be 36 (thanks covid).

There are pros and cons on both sides. I'd like to have met him when we were younger, as living alone is expensive and it took me longer to get on the property ladder because I was single. I also spent most of my late 20s in a state of despair because all my friends were getting married and I wondered if it would ever happen for me.

On the other hand, we both had decent jobs when we met and knew what we wanted from a relationship. There was no game playing. I once read something that said dating in your thirties is about saying "are we doing this or not cos I've got shit to do" and it's so true. Also we're able to offer our children much more financially than we could have done 10-15 years ago.

Newmumatlast · 19/09/2021 22:45

@Annoyedanddissapointed

I got married at 24, so young by your definition. At 24 you are, or should be very much your own developed person. So no. I don't feel envy. Having kids is a different issue, which I have not had

Agree. I was married before 25. Probably had bumps along the way due to us still growing as people but tbh you should never stop growing and evolving so not sure being young is the sole reason. Wouldnt have missed any of it and actually wouldve liked to have married sooner

Edinvillian · 19/09/2021 22:45

I don't know how to answer this, I married at 39 but we were together since I was 21.

Newmumatlast · 19/09/2021 22:46

@Incywinceyspider

I'm on the other side of this. Met DP at 30, first child at 34. Should have been married at 34 but will now be 36 (thanks covid).

There are pros and cons on both sides. I'd like to have met him when we were younger, as living alone is expensive and it took me longer to get on the property ladder because I was single. I also spent most of my late 20s in a state of despair because all my friends were getting married and I wondered if it would ever happen for me.

On the other hand, we both had decent jobs when we met and knew what we wanted from a relationship. There was no game playing. I once read something that said dating in your thirties is about saying "are we doing this or not cos I've got shit to do" and it's so true. Also we're able to offer our children much more financially than we could have done 10-15 years ago.

Though we met and married young we had kids later so that solved the last sentence haha

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 19/09/2021 22:49

Hiking in the mountains in Bulgaria where I either had to solo camp or find refuges at set points before it went dark, travelling through the Balkans where I didn't speak or understand any of the local language and where a lot of the bars/places were officially or unofficially 'men only', working as a maid at a hotel in France where I was completely excluded for weeks and nobody had patience for my (at the time) weak level of French, to name just a few.

None of these things would have been anywhere near as difficult, challenging, frustrating or infuriating if I'd had someone there with me to make a joke or take on some of the mental load or even the physical one, but that's how the learning and growth happened, slowly.

Sounds like you've had amazing adventures! I've done the island hopping in SE Asia where I made friends and travelled and partied with them and I've done the more daring stuff - trekking alone, 12 hour solo bus journeys to the Himalayas from Delhi - definitely the more challenging trips such as the latter were my more enjoyable and memorable, amazing experiences. Not that I didn't enjoy the drinking and partying with new friends but they are totally different adventures. Nothing "grim" about your experiences and the pp saying so sounds like they perhaps missed that amazing part of travelling solo out. Two totally different experiences of travelling.

justasking111 · 19/09/2021 22:49

Men turn into grumpy old gits in middle age. So I'm for getting kids done and dusted when you're young. If I had married my OH when I was in my thirties I don't think the marriage would have survived. You're both more adaptable in your youth

Noodella18 · 19/09/2021 22:56

I've been with my partner since I was 33. Although I love having had the chance to explore the world on my own, go travelling, date lots of people, do ridiculous hedonistic things without any obligation to anyone, both my partner and I picked up scar tissue along the way which impacts our relationship. Bad habits and emotional barriers are more longstanding and harder to shift I think. I think perhaps couples who get together earlier avoid a lot of that? Not sure, as obviously I haven't experienced being in a relationship from early on.

IceLace100 · 19/09/2021 22:57

I dread to think the man I would have picked in my early 20s!!!! 🙈

Rozziie · 19/09/2021 23:00

@AwaAnBileYerHeid

Hiking in the mountains in Bulgaria where I either had to solo camp or find refuges at set points before it went dark, travelling through the Balkans where I didn't speak or understand any of the local language and where a lot of the bars/places were officially or unofficially 'men only', working as a maid at a hotel in France where I was completely excluded for weeks and nobody had patience for my (at the time) weak level of French, to name just a few.

None of these things would have been anywhere near as difficult, challenging, frustrating or infuriating if I'd had someone there with me to make a joke or take on some of the mental load or even the physical one, but that's how the learning and growth happened, slowly.

Sounds like you've had amazing adventures! I've done the island hopping in SE Asia where I made friends and travelled and partied with them and I've done the more daring stuff - trekking alone, 12 hour solo bus journeys to the Himalayas from Delhi - definitely the more challenging trips such as the latter were my more enjoyable and memorable, amazing experiences. Not that I didn't enjoy the drinking and partying with new friends but they are totally different adventures. Nothing "grim" about your experiences and the pp saying so sounds like they perhaps missed that amazing part of travelling solo out. Two totally different experiences of travelling.

Yes...I agree! Also had lots of fun at times meeting people, partying and lots of great food/drinks, but as you say, the real learning and growth absolutely came from the stuff that was challenging and the stuff that went totally wrong. Sometimes the 'grim' times turn out to be the best times in terms of what you get out of them.

Journey from Delhi to the Himalayas sounds incredible..would love to do that at some point!

MyPatronusIsACat · 19/09/2021 23:03

@IceLace100

I dread to think the man I would have picked in my early 20s!!!! 🙈

CaptaNoctem · 19/09/2021 23:04

@RetroMy

Sometimes?

married young I mean 18-24 years old vs over 35 years old.

I do because being married young didn’t give you a chance to develop your interests as an individual or sexually because you were too busy pleasing someone else at that age. Trying to make a relationship last that started that young is difficult and having children young would mean you didn’t get a chance to experience youth by yourself.

Anyone else?

I feel like I’m ready to start my life over again. Now. No longer together and happier.

No not at all. I was married at 22 and am still with DH 35 years later.

I had my children in my 20s and by my 40s had my life back. Before Covid struck we were travelling widely having both the time and money to do so.

No regrets at all.

MyPatronusIsACat · 19/09/2021 23:06

@justasking111

Men turn into grumpy old gits in middle age. So I'm for getting kids done and dusted when you're young. If I had married my OH when I was in my thirties I don't think the marriage would have survived. You're both more adaptable in your youth

LOL! ^

As I said much earlier in the thread, I think the envy is more likely to be the other way around... (ie, people 35+ are more likely to be envious of people who married in the 20s/early 30s.)

Not necessarily always, but it is more likely that people over 35 will be envious of people younger than them who settled down before 35, than the other way around.