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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to suddenly develope a case of tourettes in M&S cafe!!!!!!

176 replies

littleboo · 05/12/2007 13:33

Went into M&S for a coffee today..... my day off with no children, 2 in school, 1 in nursery.....!
In the queue ( always a queue) about 5 people in front and about 10 behind. Looked round and saw that most of those behind had an other with them , ie hubby, frien etc, then about 6 of " the others" all went and found tables.
So there we are with at leasy 6 people sitting at tables (waiting for the other halves- who are way back in the queue behind me)
The people at the front couldn't find a seat
it really drives me mad.... why can't people just wait until they have at least ordered their food or drink. i only had a coffee, iif i'd been able to find a seat I'd have been gone before some of these had even ordered.
Sorry long rant, but really p..... me ... off!!
Sorry, sorry...... just wanted to stand up in the middle of the shop and shout at all the numpties!

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadowOfYuleTide · 05/12/2007 22:30

yes, that is why I got so taken aback!

I am starrystarrynight btw, if you remember me...

jinglebells2shoessmells · 05/12/2007 22:31

i was wondering who you were. friends againg>

QuintessentialShadowOfYuleTide · 05/12/2007 22:33
nappyaddict · 05/12/2007 22:43

ok so those people with tremors .... if you can get someone to save a seat for you, surely that person could just carry the tray for you??

would it also annoy you if there wasn't a shortage of tables and people did this?

ok i can totally understand why saving a cubicle while in the pool is wrong, but what about after you've come out of the pool and gone in the showers?

SpiritualKnot · 06/12/2007 06:36

Saving a cubicle whilst you're in the showers is fine, because at that point you've emptied your locker and need to put your stuff ready for getting changed. But at our pool they have swimming lessons , as does my daughter, so when I take my daughter for her lesson, every single cubicle is full of clothes (there's only 10 of them) so my daughter has to get dressed in the locker area which is unisex. She's 8 and is very shy about these things...she usually has her costume on underneath so that's not too bad.

When she gets out the cubicles are still full and the whole changing rooms are empty. We went in one once and 5 mins later a lady started banging on the door wanting HER cubicle. We had to get out for her. Again we ended up in the unisex bit. There must be around 100 lockers, no need for this hogging business.

When I arrive now, I go into the cubicles and throw the clothes around in a random way as if a child had done it . But the staff should take the clothes out and put them in lockers.

Whgat else could I do I wonder...swap all the clothes round? Pour water on them?

SK

needmorecoffee · 06/12/2007 08:58

nappy, quite often people with tremours can't stand well either. I have tremours. I'd go sit down and let my PA queue for me. Then probably have to listen to someone moaning on about poeple saving seats and making offensive titles about disabilities.
I rea;;y can't believe how lazy non-disabled people are in so many ways. Igf there's a long queue and no seats then find somewhere else. And also write a letter to M&S saying how slow they are (and overpriced) so maybe their service will improve for everyone.

Peachy · 06/12/2007 09:37

I would love to know what checklist poeple use to assess those who are 'entitled' to a seat and who are not, could I have a copy please? Someone left me off the mailing list.

If I post ehre saying Ah sometimes DH does this when we have both ASD boys with us (very rare dh and I out together thugh hence my original post), I know i'll geta flurry of 'Yes but we understand with you'- but how do you know its me? How can you see ASD? DS3 (4.5) looks and behaves like a NT 3 year old, you'd think how cute but get off that atbel. DS3 would seem a bit uptight but in a 1950's stamp collector sort of way, who would know he's about to crawl under a table and screech for an hour if we are not careful?

Sometimes its o muche asier to just not assume, and just let it be. Life is too short

Kewcumber · 06/12/2007 09:53

well I'm going to buck the trend and say
a) I didn't find the title hugely offensive. Perhaps not the best choice but I didn't think the OP was "making fun" of Tourettes. I know you don't agree so I'll leave it there.

b) the OP was grumbling about something which annoys her. It annoys me too. I'm often in M&S and have had to stand with a tray and a wriggling DS looking at all those who are keeping an empty table for the people behind me. Whilst I take your point that some of them may have legitimate reasons - I find it extraordinarily hard to believe that 2/3rds of M&S cafe have children with ASD, parkinsons, are too infirm to stand for more than a few minutes etc etc. And frankly even if they all were, I would still feel annoyed because understanding why doesn't make the balancing of your tea and tray and handbag and toddler any the less irritating.

ggirlsbells · 06/12/2007 09:54

here here kewcumber

well said

mummyhill · 06/12/2007 09:59

My kids are NT my friend has 2 nt and one asd you wouldn't know that there was a problem if you saw us all standing there either but we tend to get 1 adult sat with the 5 kids whilst the other adult gets food and drinks sorted. a) because we need a large table, b) kids of any age get restless and chasing 5 kids between 1 yr and 10 round a cafe isn't fun c) asd kids do some very peculiar things sometimes which are easier to deal with if they are sat with familiar people than if you are standing in a long queue with people watching you.

mummyhill · 06/12/2007 10:01

On the other hand if all the tables look full and there is a queue we tend to find somewhere else because either way the kids will have to wait and they aren't good at that, better to keep the little blighters on the move till you find somewhere you can sit down with them easily.

Kewcumber · 06/12/2007 10:04

and there is only M&S cafe on our retail park since they clsoed the Mothercare one to introduce ELC stuff

Of course if there's a long queue, I could always drag my two year old away crying because he'd been promised lunch/tea in a cafe

bozza · 06/12/2007 10:14

I have been in cafes like this with a crying newborn in a pram, a 3yo and a tray and everyone just ignored me. And in that situation you can't move quickly enough to get a table. And I have been in a cafe at 35+ weeks pregnant with my 3yo and the same thing. I have found it quite stressful.

It is soooo much easier to do these sort of things now they are 6 and 3.

Original poster
littleboo · 06/12/2007 12:44

kew and ggirls, thanks
I wasn't being "offensive" about people with tourettes ( I have actually worked with people with the condition), just a joke ( however any sense of humour is sadly lacking in some people on here more and more.
Was not complaining either about the need for disabled or elderly with tremors, or anyone with a disability of any kind doing it. Was making the point about the " generally fit middle aged ( yes always in matching fleeces!) brigade who grab all the seats.
Was not being "ignorant " at all.

OP posts:
yurt1 · 06/12/2007 12:58

I'm not bothered about the who was standing/sitting thing at all-can see why it would be irritating- although quite take the point that many disabilities are hidden, but I did see the thread title and think 'hmm tasteless'. a) because it's wrong. What is it something like 1% of people with tourettes swear uncontrollably? 99%$ don't and b) because I live with a child with multiple tics and don't find jokes about that sort of thing all that funny. I don't think that constitutes 'lacking a sense of humour". He gets 'stuck' in his tics to the point where it can interfere with what he is trying to do. I also don't find it that funny when people stop to gawp at him when out and about (not in M&S he'd never manage the queue). And really if you've worked with people with tourettes you should know better. I have seen multiple posts and comments on other boards from people with TS who have said they find this sort of 'joke' extraordinarily tiresome.

Ozymandius · 06/12/2007 13:00

If I was standing there with a tray with nowhere to sit but there were 'reserved seats', I would simply sit down, and if someone said, 'that seat's taken', I'd say, and have said, 'I was here first, I'm afraid'
They may huff and puff, but they can't evict you.

FioFio · 06/12/2007 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

jinglebells2shoessmells · 06/12/2007 13:02

well said yurt

yurt1 · 06/12/2007 13:06

Yes I do remember that first film about it- shown when I was 17, so 1988 I guess and I also remember (to my shame) finding it hilarious, I can forgive myself for only being 17 (although ds2 or ds3 would be told off if they did the same as I did then! I kind of hope that having been exposed to a bit more than I was and wouldn't need to be told to behave)

Fio do you remember that video I sent you of ds when he was being queried for seizures- they now think its part of his tic repertoire.

Original poster
littleboo · 06/12/2007 13:11

Yurt - I didn't mean any offence. I certainly wouldn't and don't stop and gawp at your son, or anyone elses for that matter, However, I didn't sit here thinking about which symptoms of which disability I could use to put in my title that would offend so many. I was just really p...off and in my funny sense of humour sitting on my own, just wanted to stand up and shout offensive things. Sorry, my sense of humour is obviously far off a lot of mneter's, but it wasn't mwant to be taken that way, sorry.

OP posts:
newgirl · 06/12/2007 13:17

i sympathise too

but i sort of think that i would be tempted to reserve a table before i buy stuff incase i then cant sit down!

Original poster
littleboo · 06/12/2007 13:20

wouldn't really want to dump my shopping on a table and get back in queue..... never know who's around.
had a bag of shopping stolen off the counter in H&M once as we were paying.

OP posts:
allIWannaBeForChristmas · 06/12/2007 13:30

I?ve seen this crop up in active convos for the past day or so and haven?t opened it until now because tbh as soon as I read the title I thought wtf. .

It really baffles me that people seem to think of certain states of mind in terms of disability. If I wanted to swear at someone, I would say ?I just wanted to swear at?? but to say ?I wanted to develop a case of tourettes? to me, indicates that this was thought through. Not that the op sat and considered what disability she could use, but that she associates swearing and profanity with tourettes. Where is the sense of humour in that, because tbh I fail to see it.

If you wanted to say something to someone and couldn?t find the right way to communicate to them would you say ?oh I suddenly developed a severe case of autism this morning?? if you didn?t know the answer to a question would you say ?oh I think I have learning difficulties today?? (just using these as examples, not to cause any offence ), fact is you wouldn?t, because we don?t use disability to describe our state of mind. Disabilities like autism and tourettes are real disabilities to the people suffering from them and their families, so IMO to associate certain behaviours with certain disabilities and to then apply them to your own situation is both offensive and insulting to those who have those disabilities.

Original poster
littleboo · 06/12/2007 13:35

alliwanna -I think its about time all those being insulted by the title stopped replying and just let the thread go, that would obviously be the best thing. Why people have to jump in and critise the title, that isn't what the subject of the thread is about, my mistake, did apologise.
. Did apologise , didn.t mean to offend. >>>>>> and NO all iwant....... IT WASN'T THOUGHT THROUGH.......if it was why would I apologise to people like yurt.
Don't just jump on the band wagon of having a go.

OP posts:
dividedselfridgesxmaswindow · 06/12/2007 13:38

I sit on 'reservers' laps. Have done it in airports, and coach terminals and sat on a book at a tennis match - not a person.

It works but people think me weird.