Am I going to have SS involved because of this?

[Sillyoldelfbacktoself]

DD is 7, year 3.

She usually has a hot lunch at school but doesn’t like any of the options tomorrow (Pizza, Jacket Potatos and Curry she doesn’t like any of them). She will not eat the cold option of a wrap either – sensory issues around food, she can be very fussy with food - is fine everywhere else, even school have commented on her food.

I went to my dads today on my pedal bike, went shopping for lunchbox stuff (pasta, tomatoes, some fruit and some kitkats) and other stuff then dads dropped me, plus bike home (he has a bike rack on the car) but I’ve left the bags in the boot of the car. I’ve got DD back with me now (she’s been to her dads for the weekend) and dad lives an hour away anyway, there’s no way she could cycle that far. No public transport on a Sunday, no local shops open – nearest shop to me is a Tesco Metro, no corner shops or anything as I’m basically in the town centre.

I don’t own my own car as I can’t afford to (single parent). I walk and cycle everywhere and use public transport if I can’t get there under my own steam.

Dad won’t drive out to me (understandably) and I can’t get to the shop before school starts. I might be able to get there before lunchtime tomorrow but it really depends on my morning meeting and whether I can get back to my town in time.

If I email school whats likely to happen? SS report? It’s the first time it’s ever happened, usually DD will eat at least 1 of the 3 options offered by school or I can get to the shop to get stuff to make it ok.

Lesson learnt, never shop on a Sunday always do it the other days when the Tescos shut at 10pm so I can at least throw something together.

I dont think its understandable either-youve left all the food in his car and noone noticed till he was all the way home? and you cycled there how long was that

If so i would drive back to my daughters so they wernt without food

I think it’s a little mean of your dad not to drive back with the shopping. So when is he planning to bring it over as it can’t stay in his boot for long. If it takes him 60 mins to drive, that’s about 40 miles. How did you cycle there? Did you cycle that distance as it’s amazing.

I have a child with sensory issues. Sometimes people don’t understand the lunches I send with her, but they work for her.

You have cereal and long life milk. You have the core of a lunch right there. Even if you didn’t have the milk you could send in the cereal along with some other little bits of things she will eat. It doesn’t have to be a MEAL. It just has to be something she will eat that will fuel her properly for learning. Sometimes I send my dd with cheese cubes, crackers and applesauce. Other people might not call that lunch, but it is for her.

Social worker here. No assessment would be carried out on this issue unless there were other factors.

Ps - your dads really taking the piss refusing to bring your shopping, I'd be going mad at him

Either pick the meal she is most likely to eat any part of or cook up the chicken bits from the freezer and send in cold with some cold cooked veg. Unless of course she is allowed a flask in which case hot beans will be fine.

You wont get reported for neglect in either scenario as you've provided lunch and it's up to your DD to eat it.

However, whilst I know you might be on a tight budget, it's a bad idea not to have some extra bits of food in even if that is just some pasta or rice especially when there seems to be a bit of an issue getting shopping in. You could also freeze a few slices of bread which wouldn't take up much room or a keep a pack of those part baked rolls if she would eat those.

You pay for school dinner for her tomorrow and if she chooses not to eat then that’s on her. The school will not think badly of any aren’t who makes sure their child has access to food.

@Feelingoktoday

I think it’s a little mean of your dad not to drive back with the shopping. So when is he planning to bring it over as it can’t stay in his boot for long. If it takes him 60 mins to drive, that’s about 40 miles. How did you cycle there? Did you cycle that distance as it’s amazing.

It's dark and late on a Sunday night - he'd have to drive both ways so it would take hours....

So an hours drive would be what? 50 miles? And you cycle this regularly, and were going to do it with bags of shopping. Something isn't adding up.

Could you cook some of the chicken then if you have pasta, cook the pasta.
Cool both down & mix with whatever veg you have plus some mayo or salad cream, salt, pepper or other seasonings?
Or even just send her in with some roast chicken & salad if you have it?

Or failing that ring school in the morning & either say she'll either have to chose one of the options or that you'll get something from the shops & drop it into school (working round your meeting)

My DS is a fussy eater - he has school dinners every day and some days all he eats is the beans and cheese off a jacket potato + fruit. He survives!

As a one off this really isn’t a problem. Ask for her to have a school meal tomorrow. Give her as substantial a snack as you can rustle up for morning break.

Are you sure the Tesco opens at 9am? My town centre express one opens at 8am, even the the ones In the middle of no where with no other shops generally open at 6am

Isn't all of your shopping going to go off?

If your Dad lives an hour drive away, how long did it take you to cycle there?

You seem very disorganised and really don’t seem to be prioritising your dd. I struggle to believe that you live in a town centre and there’s no grocery shop open either now or in the early morning.
I work in a school and I would be concerned if a child came into school with no lunch. We’d be on the phone to you straight away. It would be noted and if it happened several times, it would be considered a safeguarding issue.

I'm not exactly old (mid 50s) but i definitely wouldn't be up for driving for 2 hours in the dark when it's not an emergency. I find driving in the dark (especially on unlit roads) gives me a lot of eyestrain nowadays. Maybe OPs dad would prefer to come over in the daylight, especially as he's already done a round trip today.

In future you need to make sure you’ve got more long-life food than you’ll need to last til your next big shop, eg pasta, rice, tinned food. Time your big shops so you don’t actually run out of food in between. I appreciate that this is difficult with limited transport and depending on your finances but you can get bags of pasta for 30p in Tesco so even one or two of those in the back of the cupboard for emergencies is better than nothing.

What was in the shopping that she's happy to eat? You've listed pasta, tomatoes, fruit and chocolate. She can't eat that for lunch every day, surely?

I panicked sorry I have anxiety, ExH took me to court and accused me of all sorts when we first split and I have really bad imposter syndrome so always think I'm going to be "found out".

I'm calmer now and looking through the suggestions and if push comes to shove I'll email school and ask them to give her beans and a yogurt as a one off.

Will check the Tesco Opening Hours right now.

Why can’t her dad help you out?

And you cycled 40 ish miles to your dads and then did a big shop?

If she eats a school dinner at least 3 times a week then her diet doesn’t sound completely restricted, surely there will be something available as part of the school dinner that she will eat even if it is only one of the sides or pudding or fruit.

Will she eat a salad? Baked beans? Cheese? Veg? At my school these are usually available every day.

Even if she won’t eat curry will she eat plain rice? Any sort of fruit?

Even if she only picks at the bits she likes and leaves most of the meal and just manages the pudding or some fruit alongside it she will be fine, give her a big breakfast before school and make sure you have a snack ready when you pick her up. Of course the school aren’t going to call social services because she’s refused to eat most of her school dinner, I’m a teacher and it’s a regular occurrence for some kids not to eat much.

I do think though as a single parent it sounds like you need better support structures in place. Is there no-one (friends, neighbours etc) who could help you out? We’ve just been through an 18 month pandemic - what have your back up plans been if you both have to self-isolate?

Can you make her a lunch box of things she will eat - my DC has sensory issues around food therefore we always have ‘safe’ food in the house, yogurt, fruit cereal bars anything like that and tell the school it’s a one off.

This is beyond odd. I was on the thread where everyone thinks they’re not grown up, and I felt the same.
But this makes me think the most basics are lost on some people.

Your dad really should have brought your shopping back, it's only a one off thing and would have saved you worrying.

@GreyhoundG1rl

What was in the shopping that she's happy to eat? You've listed pasta, tomatoes, fruit and chocolate. She can't eat that for lunch every day, surely?

I make a sauce with the tomatos a bit of onion and garlic puree (which was in the shopping). She has a banana or apple or orange, then a small chocolate bar like a penguin.

It's only once or twice a week, the other days there's 1 option she'll eat something she'll eat, so on Tuesday it's Macaroni Cheese which is one of her favourites so she'll eat that.