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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I going to have SS involved because of this?

308 replies

Sillyoldelfbacktoself · 19/09/2021 19:19

DD is 7, year 3.

She usually has a hot lunch at school but doesn’t like any of the options tomorrow (Pizza, Jacket Potatos and Curry she doesn’t like any of them). She will not eat the cold option of a wrap either – sensory issues around food, she can be very fussy with food - is fine everywhere else, even school have commented on her food.

I went to my dads today on my pedal bike, went shopping for lunchbox stuff (pasta, tomatoes, some fruit and some kitkats) and other stuff then dads dropped me, plus bike home (he has a bike rack on the car) but I’ve left the bags in the boot of the car. I’ve got DD back with me now (she’s been to her dads for the weekend) and dad lives an hour away anyway, there’s no way she could cycle that far. No public transport on a Sunday, no local shops open – nearest shop to me is a Tesco Metro, no corner shops or anything as I’m basically in the town centre.

I don’t own my own car as I can’t afford to (single parent). I walk and cycle everywhere and use public transport if I can’t get there under my own steam.

Dad won’t drive out to me (understandably) and I can’t get to the shop before school starts. I might be able to get there before lunchtime tomorrow but it really depends on my morning meeting and whether I can get back to my town in time.

If I email school whats likely to happen? SS report? It’s the first time it’s ever happened, usually DD will eat at least 1 of the 3 options offered by school or I can get to the shop to get stuff to make it ok.

Lesson learnt, never shop on a Sunday always do it the other days when the Tescos shut at 10pm so I can at least throw something together.

OP posts:
SpikeyFloof · 19/09/2021 20:06

If you're in the town centre do you not have a Greggs, Costa, Coop, coffee shop, cafe or bakery? They're usually open before 8am. Ive had to do an emergency co-op run many times after forgetting some component of the kid's lunches. Just leave a little earlier.

Mollymalone123 · 19/09/2021 20:06

In a one off situation like this our school kitchen would be happy to put together something for your DD- when u drop to school ssyyou’ll book a dinner but any possibility she could have a banana and something else easy they might have in.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 19/09/2021 20:07

@Gilmorehill
Hmm
but help would be given
that is what

Original poster
Sillyoldelfbacktoself · 19/09/2021 20:07

@MolkosTeenageAngst

If she eats a school dinner at least 3 times a week then her diet doesn’t sound completely restricted, surely there will be something available as part of the school dinner that she will eat even if it is only one of the sides or pudding or fruit.

Will she eat a salad? Baked beans? Cheese? Veg? At my school these are usually available every day.

Even if she won’t eat curry will she eat plain rice? Any sort of fruit?

Even if she only picks at the bits she likes and leaves most of the meal and just manages the pudding or some fruit alongside it she will be fine, give her a big breakfast before school and make sure you have a snack ready when you pick her up. Of course the school aren’t going to call social services because she’s refused to eat most of her school dinner, I’m a teacher and it’s a regular occurrence for some kids not to eat much.

She eats beans and cheese. She likes Apples, Bananas and Oranges. Vegetables she will only eat peas which are only available once a week as school as they're the least liked option apparently.

She won't eat rice so she couldn't eat any of the curry dish at all.

OP posts:
AdriannaP · 19/09/2021 20:07

Is this made up? How can you not have any food in the house? Not even some fruit, or a yogurth or worst case even a biscuit or something? You have absolutely zero food for tomorrow that your DC can eat?

Lex345 · 19/09/2021 20:08

From the food you have in OP there are lunches you could rustle together, meatballs/chicken stirfry/mince kebab/chicken goujons-I dont know if you have things like flour in but if you do even a little cold pie.

I am bewildered that your dad would leave you without food.

If a child goes to school and normally has school dinners, which are paid for and the child refuses to eat it, this wouldnt be a red flag. Children can be extremely fussy without sensory issues! My eldest was the same with potato (Aspergers) due to texture. He will eat it in small quantities now he is 15 as long as I drown it in gravy. But when he was younger he would have gone hungry rather than eat mash, so I get the worry.

1happyhippie · 19/09/2021 20:09

Lots of good suggestions already @Sillyoldelfbacktoself
What sort of things does your dd usually take in her packed lunch?
Can you ask a neighbour for a few bits to make one up?
I wouldn’t mind if a neighbour knocked and asked me, you could always say your shopping was delayed.

Choicesgalore23 · 19/09/2021 20:10

I don't think you actually realise the threshold for children's services to get involved.. It's ignorant, but in a good way. You're lucky.

Original poster
Sillyoldelfbacktoself · 19/09/2021 20:10

@SpikeyFloof

If you're in the town centre do you not have a Greggs, Costa, Coop, coffee shop, cafe or bakery? They're usually open before 8am. Ive had to do an emergency co-op run many times after forgetting some component of the kid's lunches. Just leave a little earlier.
There's a Costa and an indie bakery, I never thought to check out those.

Thank you for the helpful suggestions. I literally just panicked when I realised I'd left my bags in the car and couldn't think straight, I just kept wondering if i was going to lose her over it.

Calm now.

Dads is an hour away cycling, so about 25-30 miles in the car. So still a good hour or sos driving for him.

OP posts:
Bythehairywartsonmywitchychin · 19/09/2021 20:10

Is this made up? How can you not have any food in the house? Not even some fruit, or a yogurth or worst case even a biscuit or something? You have absolutely zero food for tomorrow that your DC can eat?

Some people live hand to mouth. This is not unusual at all. Also some people simply don’t have cupboard or fridge storage space to store lots of food.

SequinsandStiIettos · 19/09/2021 20:11

I have a picky child. I also work in a school. When my child left his lunch behind (twice) the school got the kitchen to make them a sandwich. The second time I left work for half an hour.
My child often had a lunch paid for and did not eat much. I was told but not reported anywhere, they know he is fussy.
During lock down, a child came to school with no lunch four times. On each occasion, I ended up making them something/collecting them something. I did report to head of year but it did not go to social services nor was it officially classed as a safeguarding issue. It was unofficially logged as one to watch when our canteen was operative again as two occasions child had forgotten a lunch made, one they did not like what they had, and the fourth they had eaten it early.

Can you get delivery service to deliver subway directly to the school reception for your child to collect.

DressBitch · 19/09/2021 20:11

Something is definitely off re the shops. Tesco Metro will definitely be open before school. I also can't believe there isn't a single other shop near you that's open.

GreyhoundG1rl · 19/09/2021 20:11

I just kept wondering if i was going to lose her over it.
Confused

icedcoffees · 19/09/2021 20:12

I don't understand how you forgot an entire food shop in the boot of your dad's car Confused

Original poster
Sillyoldelfbacktoself · 19/09/2021 20:12

@Lex345

From the food you have in OP there are lunches you could rustle together, meatballs/chicken stirfry/mince kebab/chicken goujons-I dont know if you have things like flour in but if you do even a little cold pie.

I am bewildered that your dad would leave you without food.

If a child goes to school and normally has school dinners, which are paid for and the child refuses to eat it, this wouldnt be a red flag. Children can be extremely fussy without sensory issues! My eldest was the same with potato (Aspergers) due to texture. He will eat it in small quantities now he is 15 as long as I drown it in gravy. But when he was younger he would have gone hungry rather than eat mash, so I get the worry.

I have flour, both plain and SR.
OP posts:
babybythesea · 19/09/2021 20:12

I also work in a school. If someone phoned and explained we’d definitely help - far rather spend two minutes sorting a lunch out than a child going hungry because we didn’t know.
If you can offer a solution that’s even better.
So I would call them, or speak to her teacher, or both (messages can get lost!). Explain what happened and that you are worried about lunch time. Order her a lunch but ask if there is any way that she could be given the toppings off the potato but no potato. If you explain that she has sensory issues and you are having help with it, I’m sure they will help. I would!

MolkosTeenageAngst · 19/09/2021 20:13

Could she have a baked potato with beans and cheese with the beans on the side rather than on top and then just ignore the potato? If there’s tuna as a choice then she could have that to. At most schools fruit & yoghurt are available everyday alongside the other pudding choice so she can at least have a banana and yoghurt for afters. Even if that’s all she eats for lunch she only has to go a few hours before the end of the day, both beans and bananas are fairly filling so she’s not going to go too hungry and you can have a snack ready for when you pick her up to eat on the way home.

JanglyBeads · 19/09/2021 20:13

It sounds like you’ve been through a lot in the past OP. Have you got any kind of professional support fro yourself?

Nicknacky · 19/09/2021 20:13

But you said it was an hours drive earlier? Big difference to an hours cycle.

And why can’t her dad help?

Bythehairywartsonmywitchychin · 19/09/2021 20:13

@GreyhoundG1rl

I just kept wondering if i was going to lose her over it. Confused
Judgmental much! The op sounds traumatised. Give her a break FFS!
toughdaay · 19/09/2021 20:14

Earlier you said your dad lived an hour away, now it's half an hour away. Half an hour to drop off shopping is nothing. Something strange is going on here.

Original poster
Sillyoldelfbacktoself · 19/09/2021 20:14

@DressBitch

Something is definitely off re the shops. Tesco Metro will definitely be open before school. I also can't believe there isn't a single other shop near you that's open.
I was wrong, Tesco opens at 7am, so I can run there. I'd got in a blind panic. There's also a larger sainbury's which opens at 7am as well so I'm ok. It'll be a rushed morning but she'll have something.
OP posts:
FindingMeno · 19/09/2021 20:14

Aaawww, don't worry op.
Do the best you can.
To me, the fact you're worrying about them calling SS over this indicates you're a good and conscientious Mum.
They won't call them.
Give her a good breakfast.

Limejuiceandrum · 19/09/2021 20:14

Op. Have you had counselling for your anxiety.
Have you been to the doctor about it.

Are you receiving free school meals.

Does your daughter have sen.

Or is this you worrying so much you let her have anything she wants because of what her dad had accused you of? Which will lead to difficulty long term…

BewaretheIckabog · 19/09/2021 20:15

OP you said you were going to get bread but in another post you say she won’t eat any kind of bread or wrap. I’m confused.