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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - she told her employer I'd worked for her

259 replies

Dibbydoos · 19/09/2021 18:46

So friend - met through work 10yrs ago - started a new job. I'm self employed. She said she told her employer about me and try wanted to interview me. I said salary is low side - about £30k less than I earned in my last proper job - but OK. Had the interview, my friends on the panel. She asks me a question, I start to think about an answer and she starts answering it for me. I let her finish and then say, yes that's an example but I was thinking about ... and give my example. I'm a bit perturbed. Then she says we'll you did work for me and I say, we reported to different directors, my director was an exec and your directors boss. They tell me they're going to make me a job offer. I catch up with my fried for lunch with another mutual friend. As mains are served she says and you'll be working for me. Our mutual friend says, that's not going to work. Don't ruin your friendship over work. I agree, it won't work as they're going to pay me more than you and in any case it'll get in the way of our friendship. She says we'll I didn't going it would be a problem as you've worked for me before and I tell her politely but straight that I've never worked for her. Finish lunch, me and mural friend are car sharing and she says wtf. I say wtf I'm so pd off. We were the same level but I reportedto an exec director she reported to his direct report how could I have worked for her. Well it seems that's what she told them. Someone a couple of years earlier said to me that I'd worked for her and I put them right. So how long has been saying this? I've always been on a higher salary than her and outside of consultancy held more senior roles than her. Anyway I told her to correct it cos it wasn't untenible otherwise and she aired me for 5 days, so I told her to do one. Our mutual friend said I'm being reasonable, she's obviously upset and I found myself a great contract so all's good workwise, but she's fd up my options with that consultancy now and has clearly been somehow using me to big herself up at work. I feel bad cos she lost her daughter 2 years ago and her mum's just died too. I don't know she has many friends who are balanced and reasonable like me, but she crossed a line imo. First time I've cut a friend off in my life. What do you think? AIBU?

OP posts:
Derbee · 21/09/2021 14:26

Mumsnet was brill when it first started it now seems to be filled with people who are so fat up their arses they can see for shit

I’d love to know what you write for a living. There’s no way it can be true, but it would be interesting to know what you do for a living

Cadent · 21/09/2021 15:46

Mumsnet was brill when it first started it now seems to be filled with people who are so fat up their arses they can see for shit.

What was it like 21 years ago? Before my time.

RedGateWoman · 21/09/2021 16:12

[quote girlmom21]@Cocomarine I love that you googled it 😂 I assumed she'd meant crikey but I'm really concerned that this person writes for a living. I hope it's just magazine articles! [/quote]
Take a Brake?

RedGateWoman · 21/09/2021 16:16

Mumsnet was brill when it first started it now seems to be filled with people who are so fat up their arses they can see for shit

Oh that's positively Shakespearean! 👏👏 No-one actually understands it but suspects it's profoundly poetically ribald.

maddening · 21/09/2021 16:20

@Derbee

"Too long, no paragraphs, too many spelling and grammar errors. Can’t work out the AIBU"

I am dyslexic and understood it just fine, is it your comprehension skills perhaps or is it your pedantry that holds you back?

EspressoDoubleShot · 21/09/2021 16:36

Maybe @Dibbydoos writes for Scatology today given her knowledge & interest in all things arse.

Yesitsbess · 21/09/2021 16:56

Crickey, it's all going on here!

EspressoDoubleShot · 21/09/2021 16:57

Really? It isn’t

Derbee · 21/09/2021 17:00

@maddening yes dear, it’s only me who struggled to understand the garbled and silly OP. Well done you

maddening · 21/09/2021 17:09

@Derbee

"@maddening yes dear, it’s only me who struggled to understand the garbled and silly OP. Well done you"

Ah Derbee, glad to see you are happy to be considered as part of a group of unpleasant pedants. And the unpleasant patronising tone does suit you on that basis.

The OP was perfectly understandable.

Derbee · 21/09/2021 17:13

If being literate and competent makes me a pedant, then so be it. Far better company than the likes of you. Go and start your own thread if you want to argue with anyone, rather than hijacking. Won’t be responding to you again, but I’m sure you’ll want the last word 😴

EspressoDoubleShot · 21/09/2021 17:15

The OP was perfectly understandable.
No, it wasn’t as illustrated by the huge amount of posts commenting on the impenetrable composition

maddening · 21/09/2021 17:45

@Derbee

"If being literate and competent makes me a pedant, then so be it. Far better company than the likes of you. Go and start your own thread if you want to argue with anyone, rather than hijacking. Won’t be responding to you again, but I’m sure you’ll want the last word 😴"

Disagreeing with your post and then responding to your reply means I need to start my own thread and you accuse me of hijacking! Being that it is littered with your posts shows how hypocritical your response is.

And that there has been a pile on just shows a bunch of bullies, there are often threads that get taken by the bully pile on brigade and this is one of them.

EspressoDoubleShot · 21/09/2021 17:51

Pile on? You mean a majority opinion repeatedly asserting the op was gibberish.
I accept it is harsh to read, has an ouch factor too. Bullying? No
Plus op came back, certainly didn’t hold back and was in no way cowed by the bullies. Heads up fat arses seeing shit was I believe the op summation. Let’s not throw about emotionally charged phrases like bullies It is a bit of hyperbole.

sofato5miles · 21/09/2021 18:00

This is hilariously bad

Binting · 21/09/2021 20:23

The OP was perfectly understandable

It really wasn’t. I had to read it twice and it was only through the next couple of posts from the OP that I understood what she was trying to say.

Kanaloa · 21/09/2021 22:38

@Binting

The OP was perfectly understandable

It really wasn’t. I had to read it twice and it was only through the next couple of posts from the OP that I understood what she was trying to say.

But multiple people did understand it. So if you absolutely couldn’t comprehend the issue at hand from the op, then it’s you. The op obviously was legible to some of us, even if it isn’t written as grammatically as it could have been.
Derbee · 21/09/2021 23:15

But there was so much nonsense along the lines of

I was like wtf and she was like wtf so I was psd and said wtf whatever so then she didn’t even say the mutual friend was pissed so I said wth and then didn’t know whether iabu.

Nobody could reasonably be expected to understand specifically what question she was asking. Was it wrong to interview under false pretences? Was it wrong that the direct line of reporting hadn’t get been agreed, when one friend said it was? Is the mutual friend over stepping by telling her to cut off the one friend? Was it unreasonable to take a salary cut in the new role? Etc etc etc. Tiring

Kanaloa · 21/09/2021 23:18

but she crossed a line imo. First time I've cut a friend off in my life. What do you think? AIBU?

Presumably this is the question op was asking, as stated at the end of the op. Is she unreasonable to cut this friend out given the friend’s behaviour towards her.

Possibly tiring, but not incomprehensible.

Derbee · 21/09/2021 23:25

But @Kanaloa, if you can understand the OP so clearly, you’ll know that the friend had already cut the OP off. So how can the OP be talking about whether she’s BU cutting the friend off?

The point still stands, that this whole thing cannot be written by someone who writes for a living. That idea is ridiculous

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 21/09/2021 23:37

I can't believe at lunch you said it wouldn't work out reporting to her because you'd earn so much more than her..... and then your friendship 😂😂😂

NowEvenBetter · 22/09/2021 00:08

What is ‘fat up their arses’? I think I am fat up my arses , but want confirmation.

LadyMaid · 22/09/2021 00:15

OP

Paragraphs are your friend, not this lady.

donquixotedelamancha · 22/09/2021 00:21

What is ‘fat up their arses’? I think I am fat up my arses , but want confirmation.

OP is a professional writer so it's probably a classical reference. I think it's Homer:

"Sing, goddess, of the anger of Achilles, son of Peleus,
Accursed, which brought countless pains upon the Achaeans,
Hurled to Hades many strong souls of heroes,
Who are so fat up their arses they can see for shit"

CroutonsCroutons · 22/09/2021 00:44

@ThinWomansBrain

I don't think I'd have completed the interview if a member of the panel answered the questions on my behalf - I certainly wouldn't have left them with any understanding that I'd even condier the role.

There again, at the salary level implied, I wouldn't have bothered interviewing someone with no comprehension that paragraphs in a long peice of text can be useful.

piece

You're all really bitchy.
Its not that difficult to understand.
Do you talk to people in real life like that or just when you're sat in your 'naice' homes on your iphones behind a shitty screen name? Hideous

OP yanbu