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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - she told her employer I'd worked for her

259 replies

Dibbydoos · 19/09/2021 18:46

So friend - met through work 10yrs ago - started a new job. I'm self employed. She said she told her employer about me and try wanted to interview me. I said salary is low side - about £30k less than I earned in my last proper job - but OK. Had the interview, my friends on the panel. She asks me a question, I start to think about an answer and she starts answering it for me. I let her finish and then say, yes that's an example but I was thinking about ... and give my example. I'm a bit perturbed. Then she says we'll you did work for me and I say, we reported to different directors, my director was an exec and your directors boss. They tell me they're going to make me a job offer. I catch up with my fried for lunch with another mutual friend. As mains are served she says and you'll be working for me. Our mutual friend says, that's not going to work. Don't ruin your friendship over work. I agree, it won't work as they're going to pay me more than you and in any case it'll get in the way of our friendship. She says we'll I didn't going it would be a problem as you've worked for me before and I tell her politely but straight that I've never worked for her. Finish lunch, me and mural friend are car sharing and she says wtf. I say wtf I'm so pd off. We were the same level but I reportedto an exec director she reported to his direct report how could I have worked for her. Well it seems that's what she told them. Someone a couple of years earlier said to me that I'd worked for her and I put them right. So how long has been saying this? I've always been on a higher salary than her and outside of consultancy held more senior roles than her. Anyway I told her to correct it cos it wasn't untenible otherwise and she aired me for 5 days, so I told her to do one. Our mutual friend said I'm being reasonable, she's obviously upset and I found myself a great contract so all's good workwise, but she's fd up my options with that consultancy now and has clearly been somehow using me to big herself up at work. I feel bad cos she lost her daughter 2 years ago and her mum's just died too. I don't know she has many friends who are balanced and reasonable like me, but she crossed a line imo. First time I've cut a friend off in my life. What do you think? AIBU?

OP posts:
HypocriteHunter · 20/09/2021 17:08

Mumsnet was brill when it first started it now seems to be filled with people who are so fat up their arses they can see for shit.

Still snarky then.

Shame that your insult doesn’t quite hit the mark.

Although it is on par with your OP so at least you are consistent.

Seeleyboo · 20/09/2021 17:10

So fat up their own arses they can see for shit........WHAT

nyktipolos · 20/09/2021 17:11

@PixieLaLa

If you genuinely can’t understand something because it is written in one paragraph and not broken down then I think that says more about your own intelligence.

OP your ‘friend’ sounds like a bit of a dick who has lied to make herself feel more important. Have you asked her outright why she lied?

I commented early on. I think people need to drop that they couldn't read it.

But this really winds me up. Nit being able to read without paragraphs doesn't mean you need to question your intelligence.

People who are dyslexic fund it really difficult to read a wall of text and being dyslexic doesn't mean you are unintelligent.

That's just bigoted bullshit.

KaptainKaveman · 20/09/2021 17:17

I'm quite slender, OP Wink

Janaih · 20/09/2021 17:18

I got the gist of the OP. Poor spg doesn't usually bother me but if you mention your high level of education and earning power then you can expect a pile on.

Kanaloa · 20/09/2021 17:18

People who are dyslexic fund it really difficult to read a wall of text and being dyslexic doesn't mean you are unintelligent.

If all the posters picking up spag are dyslexic (which I doubt) they could have said ‘sorry op, any chance you could repost with paragraphs? I struggle to make sense of long passages but would like to help if you could clarify a bit.’

Not hahahahah you WRITE for a living! Look at this gibberish, it’s incomprehensible blah blah blah. I’m sure someone who is dyslexic, and understands how it feels to struggle with written communication at times, wouldn’t do that.

girlmom21 · 20/09/2021 17:18

Mumsnet was brill when it first started it now seems to be filled with people who are so fat up their arses they can see for shit.

Come on, if you want to throw insults around while trying to convince us you write for a living you could try a little bit harder... you're just embarrassing yourself.

nyktipolos · 20/09/2021 17:22

@Kanaloa

People who are dyslexic fund it really difficult to read a wall of text and being dyslexic doesn't mean you are unintelligent.

If all the posters picking up spag are dyslexic (which I doubt) they could have said ‘sorry op, any chance you could repost with paragraphs? I struggle to make sense of long passages but would like to help if you could clarify a bit.’

Not hahahahah you WRITE for a living! Look at this gibberish, it’s incomprehensible blah blah blah. I’m sure someone who is dyslexic, and understands how it feels to struggle with written communication at times, wouldn’t do that.

Ffs, but that's not what I am talking about. Yes people could have been kinder. As I said, it needs to stop.

But I was posting specifically about people who say that finding reading something without paragraphs means you should question your own intelligence.

The fact that people have been shitty about the op, doesn't mean its ok to be shitty to people who are dyslexic.

Its a shitty thing to say. Regardless of people being shitty to the op.

Chikapu · 20/09/2021 17:44

who are so fat up their arses they can see for shit

Wut now? You really are the gift that keeps on giving.

PixieLaLa · 20/09/2021 17:50

@nyktipolos

At what point did I say unintelligent = dyslexic? I am dyslexic myself and managed to grasp the concept of the OP so your talking out your arse.

RedHelenB · 20/09/2021 17:53

You sound very precious about it all from your post. Definitely best that you don't work for her as you'd obviously not be able to handle it.

nyktipolos · 20/09/2021 17:55

[quote PixieLaLa]@nyktipolos

At what point did I say unintelligent = dyslexic? I am dyslexic myself and managed to grasp the concept of the OP so your talking out your arse.[/quote]
So you didn't say

'If you genuinely can’t understand something because it is written in one paragraph and not broken down then I think that says more about your own intelligence.'

No? Not you talking out of your arse?

Don't give a shit wether you are dyslexic yourself or not. But you think you would know, finding it hard to read something without paragraphs doesn't not mean you need to question your intelligence.

Its not really difficult. You think people who need paragraphs should question their intelligence. Why?

If you are going to talk shit, at least acknowledge it.

PixieLaLa · 20/09/2021 18:08

@nyktipolos
*People who are dyslexic fund it really difficult to read a wall of text and being dyslexic doesn't mean you are unintelligent.

That's just bigoted bullshit.*

I did not say being dyslexic = unintelligent, you randomly made the sweeping statement above and I’m just pointing out that is not the case. And I don’t appreciate being labelled a bigot either.

It’s pretty obvious a lot of the PP claiming not to understand what OP is talking about are doing it to belittle her and mock her. If they genuinely wanted to understand the post they could ask questions but it’s clear they are just trying to make OP look stupid and it’s not on.

nyktipolos · 20/09/2021 18:16

[quote PixieLaLa]@nyktipolos
*People who are dyslexic fund it really difficult to read a wall of text and being dyslexic doesn't mean you are unintelligent.

That's just bigoted bullshit.*

I did not say being dyslexic = unintelligent, you randomly made the sweeping statement above and I’m just pointing out that is not the case. And I don’t appreciate being labelled a bigot either.

It’s pretty obvious a lot of the PP claiming not to understand what OP is talking about are doing it to belittle her and mock her. If they genuinely wanted to understand the post they could ask questions but it’s clear they are just trying to make OP look stupid and it’s not on.[/quote]
YOU made the sweeping statement that people who find it hard to read without paragraphs need to question their intelligence. They don't.

I agree, people have been awful to op. People who get a kick out of being horrible need to question their own values. Not being able to read without paragraphs isn't to do with intelligence. The sweeping statement was yours. Seems you thought about hitting back at the people on this thread, more than what you were saying.

I also think the statement you made is bigoted. You may not appreciate it, but I stand by it.

DoncasterHombre · 20/09/2021 18:37

OP, I've been hung out to dry by a friend before too . . . .

Westerman · 20/09/2021 18:48

Christ, there are some snotty, obtuse replies to the OP on this thread!

OP, it was wrong of her to use you in her lie to big herself up to her current employer. I'm not surprised you don't want to have anything to do with her. I imagine she was hoping that you'd feel too awkward to correct her in an interview setting. Nasty thing to do to someone.

ooft · 20/09/2021 18:57

I'm sorry but I don't really know what you are talking about

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 20/09/2021 19:19

Jeez you lot don't half go on..! Bet you understand that Grin

EmeraldShamrock · 20/09/2021 19:27

Does it matter if it got you a job with a global firm with opportunities to grow and move up?

Thatswhatmamasaid · 20/09/2021 20:09

Christ, the vipers are out on this thread Sad. I've read countless posts with spelling errors etc, generally the errors are ignored. Why are people so mean on here?

billy1966 · 20/09/2021 20:13

No difficulty here understanding your writing or your fury.

I cannot understand why anyone would not be absolutely furious at what she did.

Cutting her loose is the least of it.

Why was she on the panel?

In your place I wouldn't hesitate to contact those that interviewed you and set them absolute straight on her lies.

I wouldn't give her a second thought.

I HATE liars and I certainly wouldn't tolerate it in a friend.

She's batshit and dangerous.

For her to lie so blatantly is batshit and I wouldn't let it go for a minute.

Blacknosugarplease · 20/09/2021 23:55

The OP’s post isn’t really that hard to understand- the main issues anyway…. People really love a pile on don’t they. And OP’s friend is being unreasonable.

Matilda82 · 21/09/2021 00:36

She sounds like she pulled a dick move by trying to big herself up. But to be honest you sound a full of yourself as well. 6 of one, half a dozen of the other.

EspressoDoubleShot · 21/09/2021 08:36

Mumsnet was brill when it first started it now seems to be filled with people who are so fat up their arses they can see for shit
Is that it? That’s your best pithy put down

You see you announced your academic achievements, your work achievements (writer don’t you know!) and chastised those who couldn’t read your incomprehensible post. You’ve compared your own posts to poetry. Risible.

All to the backdrop of a convoluted story of perceived slights and ego.
Best bit of the original post was the classy Finish lunch, me and mural friend are car sharing and she says wtf. I say wtf I'm so pd off straight out off KUWTK.

You’re an industry heavy hitter and writer I’m sure you’ll redeem this fraught situation. Maybe write an email…

Spidey66 · 21/09/2021 13:15

@Thatswhatmamasaid

Christ, the vipers are out on this thread Sad. I've read countless posts with spelling errors etc, generally the errors are ignored. Why are people so mean on here?
Because generally the errors are minor and the post understandable. I've broken my right arm and am typing with non dominant hand and yes there are errors but you can still understand my posts!

And when someone brags about their high level of education in English, I'd expect it to be perfect. If someone had English as a second language, or was dyslexic or something, youd cut some slack.