AIBU - she told her employer I'd worked for her

[Dibbydoos]

So friend - met through work 10yrs ago - started a new job. I'm self employed. She said she told her employer about me and try wanted to interview me. I said salary is low side - about £30k less than I earned in my last proper job - but OK. Had the interview, my friends on the panel. She asks me a question, I start to think about an answer and she starts answering it for me. I let her finish and then say, yes that's an example but I was thinking about ... and give my example. I'm a bit perturbed. Then she says we'll you did work for me and I say, we reported to different directors, my director was an exec and your directors boss. They tell me they're going to make me a job offer. I catch up with my fried for lunch with another mutual friend. As mains are served she says and you'll be working for me. Our mutual friend says, that's not going to work. Don't ruin your friendship over work. I agree, it won't work as they're going to pay me more than you and in any case it'll get in the way of our friendship. She says we'll I didn't going it would be a problem as you've worked for me before and I tell her politely but straight that I've never worked for her. Finish lunch, me and mural friend are car sharing and she says wtf. I say wtf I'm so pd off. We were the same level but I reportedto an exec director she reported to his direct report how could I have worked for her. Well it seems that's what she told them. Someone a couple of years earlier said to me that I'd worked for her and I put them right. So how long has been saying this? I've always been on a higher salary than her and outside of consultancy held more senior roles than her. Anyway I told her to correct it cos it wasn't untenible otherwise and she aired me for 5 days, so I told her to do one. Our mutual friend said I'm being reasonable, she's obviously upset and I found myself a great contract so all's good workwise, but she's fd up my options with that consultancy now and has clearly been somehow using me to big herself up at work. I feel bad cos she lost her daughter 2 years ago and her mum's just died too. I don't know she has many friends who are balanced and reasonable like me, but she crossed a line imo. First time I've cut a friend off in my life. What do you think? AIBU?

@Spidey66
My English Language professor is highly educated in various subjects including, clearly, linguistics. She also happens to be dyslexic. The two are not exclusive.

@Derbee

The friend ignored her for a set period of time (5 days). The op is asking if she’s unreasonable to have ignited the argument/disagreement and to end the friendship. Honestly if you found it so incomprehensible then realistically you have nothing to offer the op so why bother?

And for the altruistic kind souls who just want to improve the world’s literacy, if it’s been pointed out once there’s no use in a pile on. If one person has highlighted the bad grammar then op already knows. A hundred more people doesn’t improve it any.

I say that as someone who studies literature but frequently makes mistakes when texting/messaging or posting on online forums. I don’t think my professors frequently check on my online activity, if they do it’s never affected my marks.

You're all really bitchy
Its not that difficult to understand.
Do you talk to people in real life like that or just when you're sat in your 'naice' homes on your iphones behind a shitty screen name
Hideous

And of course you aren’t being bitchy at all.

And shitty names? Pot and kettle

Yes I was being bitchy. However, I wasn't behaving like a flock of vultures, piling on a woman who is upset and asking for advice, in the process hijacking her post.
Totally uncalled for but I hope it makes everyone feel better about themselves. As I say, is this how you all speak to people in real life? It's embarrassing if so.

Did you read the OP’s replies crouton?

They were not sweetness and light either.

There was something most odd about some, if not all of their posts.

It must be bloody draughty in that glass house of yours.

I suspect they were on the defensive!

@Butchyrestingface

Gee thanks. I have a bachelors and masters degree and write for a living - didn't realise the English police would be reading my post....

I struggled with parts of your post too. This part, for example:

Anyway I told her to correct it cos it wasn't untenible otherwise and she aired me for 5 days.

How did the airing go?

Yes none of the Op made sense. Sorry Op. I often find these threads amusing and deliberately provocative.

Op comes on outraged by something, writes illegible op.
Mumsnet ask what on earth.
Op declares 20 degrees, 3 post grads and earns and writes for living.

Nonsense

OMG who are all these weirdos commenting on the “colloquialisms and poor paragraphing” of the original post. I read it no problem. Clearly there were a few autocorrects, and the OP has obviously dashed it out quickly just as she would speak it.

Can’t believe the number of eejits pouncing on this and claiming the OP can’t possibly have a masters or write as part of her work.

It’s a casual Internet forum not the rucking Society for Editors and Proofreaders. Twats.

@FancyLampshade

OMG who are all these weirdos commenting on the “colloquialisms and poor paragraphing” of the original post. I read it no problem. Clearly there were a few autocorrects, and the OP has obviously dashed it out quickly just as she would speak it.

Can’t believe the number of eejits pouncing on this and claiming the OP can’t possibly have a masters or write as part of her work.

It’s a casual Internet forum not the rucking Society for Editors and Proofreaders. Twats.

Oh come on. Mumsnet love this. She probably works for them. Sent to wind up aibu.

I understood the op, but it required some effort. That’s why it’s not good writing. I’d normally agree that it’s poor form to make a thing out of spag errors, but the comment about writing for a living piqued people’s interest as it genuinely seems unlikely. Its fine not to write well (well, actually I think it’s a failing of the education system, but that’s for another post), but doubling down and saying you write professionally and posters are just being pedants is annoying.

Pedantic is picking up things like peice v piece, not pointing out that the op is difficult to read because and doesn’t come across as something a professional writer could generate.

On the question itself, I don’t think the op is wrong to be upset with the friend or to correct the misinformation about seniority. I’m surprised to see so many posters suggest that it’s petty to bother about titles and who reports to whom. It absolutely matters in my experience of the corporate world, and letting people think you’re a rung or two below where you are could well have a long-lasting impact on career progression.

I have seen colleagues at my level or below surpass me because they have projected an image of experience and seniority they didn’t truly have. In time I could see from managers’ comments that I had come to be seen as their junior. And then they got the promotions. Lesson learnt.

I also think having a friend as your manager is difficult, let alone one who seems very taken with the idea you’re their subordinate. I’d have to be desperate for a job to take that on.

@GivenchyDahhling

I have a bachelors and masters degree and write for a living - didn't realise the English police would be reading my post....

Yikes

Indeed. I don't know how that can possibly be true, even allowing for the more casual setting of a forum.

@NowEvenBetter

What is ‘fat up their arses’? I think I am fat up my arses , but want confirmation.

Love it 😀😀😀

@CroutonsCroutons

Yes I was being bitchy. However, I wasn't behaving like a flock of vultures, piling on a woman who is upset and asking for advice, in the process hijacking her post. Totally uncalled for but I hope it makes everyone feel better about themselves. As I say, is this how you all speak to people in real life? It's embarrassing if so.

And the award for hyperbole and handwringing goes to….*@CroutonsCroutons*

It’s a casual Internet forum not the rucking Society for Editors and Proofreaders..Twats. ⬅️Genuinely love this,very funny.

The scatology division of Society for Editors and Proofreaders is currently assigned to the people who are so fat up their arses they can see for shit comment

Mumsnet was brill when it first started it now seems to be filled with people who are so fat up their arses they can see for shit.

Not sure why your friend would actually want you working for them, this attitude would put me off employing you.

I do suspect she meant "so far up their arses"

I like the goldie looking chain lyrics "I'd like to see things from your point of view but I couldn't fit my head up your arsehole too"

"...didn't realise the English police would be reading my post...."

It was very difficult to read, Dibbydoos, poor grammar and sentence structure, only one (long) paragraph and it included a greengrocer's apostrophe. You don't need to be 'English police' to see that.

In future, perhaps you will read your post before submitting.

It seems you've decided not to take the job so just forget it and look elsewhere.

I don't know what you can do about your friend, you obviously had your wires crossed. It may blow over.

@donquixotedelamancha

What is ‘fat up their arses’? I think I am fat up my arses , but want confirmation.

OP is a professional writer so it's probably a classical reference. I think it's Homer:

"Sing, goddess, of the anger of Achilles, son of Peleus,
Accursed, which brought countless pains upon the Achaeans,
Hurled to Hades many strong souls of heroes,
Who are so fat up their arses they can see for shit"

This is superb

Brilliant!

@donquixotedelamancha

I have a bachelors and masters degree and write for a living

For the Guardian perhaps?

Or Grauniad?

It's pretty obvious the OP meant far up their arses. Seeing as you all think you're so clever , you would think you'd be able to work that one out.

"You're all really bitchy.
Its not that difficult to understand.
Do you talk to people in real life like that or just when you're sat in your 'naice' homes on your iphones behind a shitty screen name? Hideous"

That is an unbelievably snobbish and defensive post.

Do you talk to people in real life like that or just when you're sat in your 'naice' homes on your iphones behind a shitty screen name?

Just realised PP accused us of owning iphones. There is no need for that kind of abuse. I don't mind being described as having such an obese rectum that it improves my vision (so fat, up their arses, they can see for-shit!) but being called a fucking apple user is too far.

Even my 75 year old mum has an android phone.

I'm an over 70 Apple user and proud!

My 'phone is a little Nokia; my view is if it ain't broke, don't fix it.