AIBU - she told her employer I'd worked for her

[Dibbydoos]

So friend - met through work 10yrs ago - started a new job. I'm self employed. She said she told her employer about me and try wanted to interview me. I said salary is low side - about £30k less than I earned in my last proper job - but OK. Had the interview, my friends on the panel. She asks me a question, I start to think about an answer and she starts answering it for me. I let her finish and then say, yes that's an example but I was thinking about ... and give my example. I'm a bit perturbed. Then she says we'll you did work for me and I say, we reported to different directors, my director was an exec and your directors boss. They tell me they're going to make me a job offer. I catch up with my fried for lunch with another mutual friend. As mains are served she says and you'll be working for me. Our mutual friend says, that's not going to work. Don't ruin your friendship over work. I agree, it won't work as they're going to pay me more than you and in any case it'll get in the way of our friendship. She says we'll I didn't going it would be a problem as you've worked for me before and I tell her politely but straight that I've never worked for her. Finish lunch, me and mural friend are car sharing and she says wtf. I say wtf I'm so pd off. We were the same level but I reportedto an exec director she reported to his direct report how could I have worked for her. Well it seems that's what she told them. Someone a couple of years earlier said to me that I'd worked for her and I put them right. So how long has been saying this? I've always been on a higher salary than her and outside of consultancy held more senior roles than her. Anyway I told her to correct it cos it wasn't untenible otherwise and she aired me for 5 days, so I told her to do one. Our mutual friend said I'm being reasonable, she's obviously upset and I found myself a great contract so all's good workwise, but she's fd up my options with that consultancy now and has clearly been somehow using me to big herself up at work. I feel bad cos she lost her daughter 2 years ago and her mum's just died too. I don't know she has many friends who are balanced and reasonable like me, but she crossed a line imo. First time I've cut a friend off in my life. What do you think? AIBU?

[TonytheDog]

I couldn't understand your post but if you write for a living then I might change career. Can you post the name of the consultancy - where you turned down the job - I might apply.

[ellyeth]

What a strange post and what strange behaviour.

[DixonD]

@ThinWomansBrain

I don't think I'd have completed the interview if a member of the panel answered the questions on my behalf - I certainly wouldn't have left them with any understanding that I'd even condier the role.

There again, at the salary level implied, I wouldn't have bothered interviewing someone with no comprehension that paragraphs in a long peice of text can be useful.

Sorry OP.

Your post is really hard to follow due to lack of punctuation and some of the sentences make no sense. Some of your typing has autocorrected and you’ve not checked it before posting. It makes it really hard to read.

That’s why I voted YABU.

[DixonD]

@WandaVision2

Gee thanks. I have a bachelors and masters degree and write for a living - didn't realise the English police would be reading my post

Do you really though?

You do not write for a living.

[Tooembarrassingtomention]

@Waterfallgirl

Really ? - I have a bachelors and masters degree and write for a living - didn't realise the English police would be reading my post....

Not in the Uk.
Terminology is wrong

[Jaguar77]

Who cares ?

[Kanaloa]

I found the post relatively easy to understand.

OP’s friend was on the interview panel, spoke over her when she was answering questions, then said op had worked under her in a previous job. OP corrected this as it wasn’t true.

At a later date, friend said now OP would be working for her as she had done before. OP felt uncomfortable with this as in her view she had never worked for her and didn’t want to.

Anyway, you have other options so I wouldn’t bother with this. She sounds like she’d quite enjoy you working for her and could be difficult to work with.

[Kanaloa]

Not sure why so many people are jumping in to pretend they don’t understand the op at all. If you truly find it incomprehensible you could just click back and ignore it. Although I’d imagine most of us could understand it if we read it through rather than just echoing ‘can’t understand no paragraphs.’

[1forAll74]

What has a bachelors degree got to do with anything here. I write quite a lot. Not a degree in sight. My learning days were in the 1950's era, and one of the most important things in English lessons, was to write really well, spell really well, and to be able to compose letters and essays ,written down perfectly, as they should be written.

[chaosmaker]

@Dibbydoos

So friend - met through work 10yrs ago - started a new job. I'm self employed. She said she told her employer about me and try wanted to interview me. I said salary is low side - about £30k less than I earned in my last proper job - but OK. Had the interview, my friends on the panel. She asks me a question, I start to think about an answer and she starts answering it for me. I let her finish and then say, yes that's an example but I was thinking about ... and give my example. I'm a bit perturbed. Then she says we'll you did work for me and I say, we reported to different directors, my director was an exec and your directors boss. They tell me they're going to make me a job offer. I catch up with my fried for lunch with another mutual friend. As mains are served she says and you'll be working for me. Our mutual friend says, that's not going to work. Don't ruin your friendship over work. I agree, it won't work as they're going to pay me more than you and in any case it'll get in the way of our friendship. She says we'll I didn't going it would be a problem as you've worked for me before and I tell her politely but straight that I've never worked for her. Finish lunch, me and mural friend are car sharing and she says wtf. I say wtf I'm so pd off. We were the same level but I reportedto an exec director she reported to his direct report how could I have worked for her. Well it seems that's what she told them. Someone a couple of years earlier said to me that I'd worked for her and I put them right. So how long has been saying this? I've always been on a higher salary than her and outside of consultancy held more senior roles than her. Anyway I told her to correct it cos it wasn't untenible otherwise and she aired me for 5 days, so I told her to do one. Our mutual friend said I'm being reasonable, she's obviously upset and I found myself a great contract so all's good workwise, but she's fd up my options with that consultancy now and has clearly been somehow using me to big herself up at work. I feel bad cos she lost her daughter 2 years ago and her mum's just died too. I don't know she has many friends who are balanced and reasonable like me, but she crossed a line imo. First time I've cut a friend off in my life. What do you think? AIBU?

This is very confusing. Not a job you have to be literate in then!

[Rangoon]

I don't see what's wrong with the OP saying to some people that she never worked for this person. This person has obviously told and convinced a lot of people that this is true when it's not. Presumably in her industry this reflects on the OP. If not, then I wouldn't bother. I have managed people who once managed me and vice versa with various jobs and that's not a problem for me. The fact that somebody was once your manager doesn't mean that you are ever afterwards subordinate to them.

[backtolifebacktoreality]

Were you drunk when you wrote your initial post? 😃

[Kanaloa]

You know I always found it unrealistic how all the girls in ‘Carrie’ suddenly join in pelting her with tampons and yelling ‘plug it up’ but it seems that some people really will jump on as long as someone else has pointed it out first.

It has already been mentioned for about six pages that the spag in the opening post isn’t great. It doesn’t make you look clever to point it out again. If you honestly don’t understand the post at all why bother replying?

[Catflapkitkat]

Everyone bigs themselves up when applying for jobs. For most of the 90s the only true things on my CV were my name and telephone number. Sounds like your friend exaggerated a little and then started to believe it.

I think I would have made a joke about it in the car though - not worth loosing a friend over it.

[Itsallok]

@Catflapkitkat

Everyone bigs themselves up when applying for jobs. For most of the 90s the only true things on my CV were my name and telephone number. Sounds like your friend exaggerated a little and then started to believe it.

I think I would have made a joke about it in the car though - not worth loosing a friend over it.

Well you would not get far with our company. You have to sign a stat dec that your CV is true and correct

[daisychain01]

@BobLemon

I can understand the post fine, what I can’t understand is how people with such childish mannerisms earn so much money

I agree.

She says we'll I didn't going it would be a problem as you've worked for me before

It isn't about "the English police", it's about creating a post in which the OP is expecting people to fathom out a load of word salad!

What isn't clear from your OP @Dibbydoos is whether you even wanted the job. You say you're self-employed and in the next sentence you say your friend said they would get you an interview, but no indication you even wanted to work with her.

[daisychain01]

@Kanaloa

You know I always found it unrealistic how all the girls in ‘Carrie’ suddenly join in pelting her with tampons and yelling ‘plug it up’ but it seems that some people really will jump on as long as someone else has pointed it out first.

It has already been mentioned for about six pages that the spag in the opening post isn’t great. It doesn’t make you look clever to point it out again. If you honestly don’t understand the post at all why bother replying?

It just adds to the big picture that if someone posts a scenario that is a struggle to understand, but claim they worked for an executive and the job being offered is £30,000 less than they used to earn, it doesn't tally with someone who struggles to write a few sentences that even make sense,

[Seeleyboo]

Do you write for the Daily Mail?

[londonrach]

Sorry really struggled to read and understand the post ...can someone explain please..do op get interview ed by someone she worked with who be her boss but she doesn't want to be her boss as they used to work at same level. In which case yabu as things change. Sorry op I really struggling to read your post

[bigbaggyeyes]

Surely your friend shouldn't have been on the interview panel, or have a decision making role for the position either, it's a conflict of interest (of sorts) if she's a friend. Maybe she said told everyone you worked for her so it didn't come across as favouritism towards you, as in your relationship is 'work related' rather than friendship?

[TheWatersofMarch]

I can't follow this at all. It's like a stream on consciousness.

[Passthewinebottle]

@Scandicc

If she’s airing you for 5 days I hope she’s taking you in at night. We wouldn’t want you to get darked on.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[KikiBobby]

scandicc
If she’s airing you for 5 days I hope she’s taking you in at night. We wouldn’t want you to get darked on.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

I don't really think she should have sat on your panel, in all honesty - and certainly shouldn't have answered questions for you!
That does rather suggest the way she's going to be if you were to take this role, so I'd definitely refuse that in your place.

Re. the rest of it - if you don't work for her, then I think you can probably salvage the friendship but she does need to stop saying she's more senior than you. You might need to have a row with her over that to get it to stop - I had to do this with a friend once who constantly made untrue digs about a personal situation, until I put her straight in no uncertain terms, when she stopped.

[KaptainKaveman]

It's clear that the OP does not write for a living.

Nothing else is, however.