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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - she told her employer I'd worked for her

259 replies

Dibbydoos · 19/09/2021 18:46

So friend - met through work 10yrs ago - started a new job. I'm self employed. She said she told her employer about me and try wanted to interview me. I said salary is low side - about £30k less than I earned in my last proper job - but OK. Had the interview, my friends on the panel. She asks me a question, I start to think about an answer and she starts answering it for me. I let her finish and then say, yes that's an example but I was thinking about ... and give my example. I'm a bit perturbed. Then she says we'll you did work for me and I say, we reported to different directors, my director was an exec and your directors boss. They tell me they're going to make me a job offer. I catch up with my fried for lunch with another mutual friend. As mains are served she says and you'll be working for me. Our mutual friend says, that's not going to work. Don't ruin your friendship over work. I agree, it won't work as they're going to pay me more than you and in any case it'll get in the way of our friendship. She says we'll I didn't going it would be a problem as you've worked for me before and I tell her politely but straight that I've never worked for her. Finish lunch, me and mural friend are car sharing and she says wtf. I say wtf I'm so pd off. We were the same level but I reportedto an exec director she reported to his direct report how could I have worked for her. Well it seems that's what she told them. Someone a couple of years earlier said to me that I'd worked for her and I put them right. So how long has been saying this? I've always been on a higher salary than her and outside of consultancy held more senior roles than her. Anyway I told her to correct it cos it wasn't untenible otherwise and she aired me for 5 days, so I told her to do one. Our mutual friend said I'm being reasonable, she's obviously upset and I found myself a great contract so all's good workwise, but she's fd up my options with that consultancy now and has clearly been somehow using me to big herself up at work. I feel bad cos she lost her daughter 2 years ago and her mum's just died too. I don't know she has many friends who are balanced and reasonable like me, but she crossed a line imo. First time I've cut a friend off in my life. What do you think? AIBU?

OP posts:
EspressoDoubleShot · 19/09/2021 22:15

I do not believe that whatevs and 🙄falls into,the my little pony be nice#
Op in not being bullied. It is not bullying to make a legitimate comment about composition on an online forum

ColorMagicBarbie · 19/09/2021 22:17

wouldn't have bothered interviewing someone with no comprehension that paragraphs in a long peice of text can be useful.

If you’re going to pull somebody up on their grammar you better be sure not to make any silly mistakes yourself while giving them a peice of your mind. 😂

But in fairness I was also a bit sceptical about the OP’s claims of being a bigshot consultant. Inflating the salary for mumsnet quite possibly!

ColorMagicBarbie · 19/09/2021 22:18

But why is OP taking a job on £30k less than last one anyway if she has own business?

Cakeofdoom · 19/09/2021 22:24

An incomprehensible jumble of words - that was 4 years study well spent then !

ColorMagicBarbie · 19/09/2021 22:29

🤭

ThePlumVan · 19/09/2021 22:30

The spelling mistakes on posts having a go about spelling are the real winners here Grin

cakewench · 19/09/2021 22:33

Moving past the original post, yes absolutely YANBU. I’d even be inclined to clarify that if I had the opportunity to give feedback on the interview.

EspressoDoubleShot · 19/09/2021 22:36

Written feedback please

Saoirse82 · 19/09/2021 22:38

@Derbee

Too long, no paragraphs, too many spelling and grammar errors. Can’t work out the AIBU
I couldn't follow either.
EspressoDoubleShot · 19/09/2021 22:43

@cakewench

Moving past the original post, yes absolutely YANBU. I’d even be inclined to clarify that if I had the opportunity to give feedback on the interview.
Yes,most Definitely give the interview panel written feedback, especially given the op erudite style and composition. Op Maybe tell them you said wtf,and your friend said wtf. Then you said it’s fd up
UnchainedMemory · 19/09/2021 22:46

she aired me = she blanked me.

m00rfarm · 19/09/2021 22:48

You REALLY do not write for a living!

SpindleWhorl · 19/09/2021 22:54

@Scandicc

If she’s airing you for 5 days I hope she’s taking you in at night. We wouldn’t want you to get darked on.
Yes, darking terrifies Mumsnet like spiders do. This is some serious scary shit going on here.
Rangoon · 19/09/2021 22:55

I understood your initial post. Your friend is obviously delusional as she's telling you the lie - you who knows the truth. I would have nothing more to do with her. It's the most dreadful thing to lose a child but you dont need to have your career harmed by her. I would also make an attempt to spread the word in the industry. Tell a few people - not in an attacking way - I'd try for a bewildered tone as to why she'd say this and not labour the point.

I would consider telling the other interviewers at the consultancy that there had been some misunderstanding as you'd never worked for the person. I think you were right not to take the job given that she works there and you'd have to report to her and she's unbalanced.

LalalalalalaLand123 · 19/09/2021 22:59

Your opening post is incomprehensible, so I can't even imagine how you get any interviews or jobs with such communication skills.

justasking111 · 19/09/2021 23:01

@Anothermothernamegame

No you don't write for a living !Grin
Well she may write technical jargon as my friend does.
justasking111 · 19/09/2021 23:03

@Rangoon

I understood your initial post. Your friend is obviously delusional as she's telling you the lie - you who knows the truth. I would have nothing more to do with her. It's the most dreadful thing to lose a child but you dont need to have your career harmed by her. I would also make an attempt to spread the word in the industry. Tell a few people - not in an attacking way - I'd try for a bewildered tone as to why she'd say this and not labour the point.

I would consider telling the other interviewers at the consultancy that there had been some misunderstanding as you'd never worked for the person. I think you were right not to take the job given that she works there and you'd have to report to her and she's unbalanced.

Wow you really think trashing people in your own field is a smart move??
Takesonetowriteone · 19/09/2021 23:10

You write for a living? Are you actually shitting me?

Holskey · 19/09/2021 23:13

If a friend, for whom I never worked, suggested I was their subordinate, I would correct them (as you did) and laugh about their eccentricity. Why is this such a drama? Sounds like she thinks you actually did work for her, and whilst that's incorrect, why does it offend you so much?

Sounds like you're not really friends.

Holskey · 19/09/2021 23:13

Also, I agree with others: nobody who writes for a living would submit that OP. Some might say that's mean, but I think being genuinely confused by your claim to professional writing credentials is perfectly valid. Perhaps English is a second language and you write wonderfully in another?

sweetgingercat · 19/09/2021 23:34

Honestly, OP I didn't understand your original post at all, and your follow-up post had been shortened to the point where it was also almost unintelligible. Your friend might be lying through her teeth about managing you in the past, but if these posts are examples of your writing ability, then either you are also lying through your teeth about your skills, or you should go back to primary school and start out all over again.

Hawkins001 · 19/09/2021 23:35

All the best op, although more detail is better

LagunaBubbles · 19/09/2021 23:37

Gee thanks. I have a bachelors and masters degree and write for a living - didn't realise the English police would be reading my post

It doesn't really matter how many degrees you've got, I found your original post practically incomprehensible

Spidey66 · 19/09/2021 23:59

Sorry your post was totally confusing. I'm currently posting things that are full of typos. My excuse is I broke my arm on Thursday and am posting using my non dominant hand.

I have O and A levels in English and while posting on an internet forum is informal in comparison to an essay, i think I'm able to make myself understood....at least when my arms not in a sling.)

montysma1 · 20/09/2021 00:08

Then you should know how to write readable prose.