AIBU - she told her employer I'd worked for her

[Dibbydoos]

So friend - met through work 10yrs ago - started a new job. I'm self employed. She said she told her employer about me and try wanted to interview me. I said salary is low side - about £30k less than I earned in my last proper job - but OK. Had the interview, my friends on the panel. She asks me a question, I start to think about an answer and she starts answering it for me. I let her finish and then say, yes that's an example but I was thinking about ... and give my example. I'm a bit perturbed. Then she says we'll you did work for me and I say, we reported to different directors, my director was an exec and your directors boss. They tell me they're going to make me a job offer. I catch up with my fried for lunch with another mutual friend. As mains are served she says and you'll be working for me. Our mutual friend says, that's not going to work. Don't ruin your friendship over work. I agree, it won't work as they're going to pay me more than you and in any case it'll get in the way of our friendship. She says we'll I didn't going it would be a problem as you've worked for me before and I tell her politely but straight that I've never worked for her. Finish lunch, me and mural friend are car sharing and she says wtf. I say wtf I'm so pd off. We were the same level but I reportedto an exec director she reported to his direct report how could I have worked for her. Well it seems that's what she told them. Someone a couple of years earlier said to me that I'd worked for her and I put them right. So how long has been saying this? I've always been on a higher salary than her and outside of consultancy held more senior roles than her. Anyway I told her to correct it cos it wasn't untenible otherwise and she aired me for 5 days, so I told her to do one. Our mutual friend said I'm being reasonable, she's obviously upset and I found myself a great contract so all's good workwise, but she's fd up my options with that consultancy now and has clearly been somehow using me to big herself up at work. I feel bad cos she lost her daughter 2 years ago and her mum's just died too. I don't know she has many friends who are balanced and reasonable like me, but she crossed a line imo. First time I've cut a friend off in my life. What do you think? AIBU?

[EspressoDoubleShot]

Seating point, well that’s unintentional. I meant searing and autocorrect jumped in. Totally fd it up

[QueenBee52]

She sounds like she NEEDS to tell people you worked for her, when in fact you didn't..

No loss.. cut her out of your life, you don't need fantasists in your life....

[ManifestingJoy]

So your ego cost you this job???

[FudgeFlake]

I'm not sure what OP's Bachelor's or Master's university degrees might be in but neither of them sound like they tested her or him for actual literacy in English.

[Sandinmyknickers]

Tbh sounds just like a case of ego...in which case your other friend is right, you two working together would be a disaster. Sounds like you're pretty hung up on seniority and salary levels, and generally that doesn't bode well for producing good work when you're constantly trying to get one up on each other

[cittigirl]

@EspressoDoubleShot

Seating point, well that’s unintentional. I meant searing and autocorrect jumped in. Totally fd it up

maybe that's what happened in the OP and they didn't have time to proof read.

You're not the only one on this thread that's done it but I find it strange people putting others down. I can only assume it's to make them feel better about themselves or they have nothing better to do. None of us know what is going on behind that keyboard...can't we just be nice 🤷‍♀️

[EspressoDoubleShot]

Yes that’s right. Op posted a stream of consciousness and immediately came back to address the typos. That’s exactly what happened I see the immediate parallels

Btw, Can’t we just be nice🤷‍♀️ is just an asinine sentiment. It’s like a hallmark card or #BeKind it doesn’t mean anything

[listentomydeclaration]

I'm confused

If you are being contracted by her company and she was on the interview panel deciding whether to issue you a contract, then that means working for her/them doesn't it?

[Dibbydoos]

@Cocomarine

It’s not about the English police - parts of that we’re getting genuinely hard going.

Sounds like for whatever ego or career advancing reason she’s made up that you worked for her. If a very good friend did that to me when there was no easily predicted risk it would come back on my own career - I might forgive them. To lie about it in an interview like that? Fuck her! I’d absolutely distance myself, if not actively tell her the friendship was over.

That's exactly what our mutual friend said.

And yes sorry about post I was making tea whilst typing it. Obvs multitasking isn't my strength

[Scandicc]

If she’s airing you for 5 days I hope she’s taking you in at night. We wouldn’t want you to get darked on.

[PassTheDutchyUpYrLeftBackside]

Alright everyone, stop tearing the OP to pieces - geez, talk about jumping in to give her a kicking 😒😒😒😒


It's clear what the OP means.

Her friend has been portraying herself as senior to her, and has implied / blatantly told lies about being OPs line manager or more.

OP, i can certainly see how that would make you feel angry and bemused with your friend,

It sounds like she has issues, and if she's lost her daughter - how awful - then she may be trying to portray herself as more successful than she is, has achieve more than she has, and/or just generally be wrapped up in grief.



If she's been a good, long-standing friend, you might want to offer her some support.
Sounds like she does need it.

[Chloemol]

I think it sounds exhausting

Do what you want it’s a free country

[Mammaaof]

I'm fucking struggling to follow 🤣🤣

[Dibbydoos]

@listentomydeclaration

I'm confused

If you are being contracted by her company and she was on the interview panel deciding whether to issue you a contract, then that means working for her/them doesn't it?

The interview was with 2 directors, that's what HR told me. I was shocked she was on the panel and I asked about reporting lines because my specialism cuts across lots of disciplines. Her director told me it hadn't been decided. Gosh my post would have been pages long had I put all detail in. Maybe this isn't a good forum for matters like this, then eh?

Ultimately the question is if a friend lied about you working for them and used that to further their career and to get you to report to them would it be unreasonable to say go do one?

Please consider in answering that my ex friend is a nightmare, no filter on what she says, can be really harsh and she knows that's what she's like. I think you can guess all that about her cos the above Q is exactly what she did.

[cittigirl]

@EspressoDoubleShot

Yes that’s right. Op posted a stream of consciousness and immediately came back to address the typos. That’s exactly what happened I see the immediate parallels

Btw, Can’t we just be nice🤷‍♀️ is just an asinine sentiment. It’s like a hallmark card or #BeKind it doesn’t mean anything

Whatever! 🙄

[PassTheDutchyUpYrLeftBackside]

@EspressoDoubleShot

The sentiment behind 'can't you be nice' is actually 'please stop being a bully and kicking someone when they're down.

Quite the opposite of asinine, actually.

[HypocriteHunter]

Oh look. A ‘whatever’ and an eyeroll.

That has won that argument then…

#besarcastic

[ThePlumVan]

Why are people being so narky about grammar ?!!

OP - I think your friend ultimately was trying to do you a nice thing. You don’t say if you were even looking for a job but presumably as you went for the interview you wanted the role - You got the role !

I would have thought it would be nice having a friend as a boss, but I can also see how it wouldn’t work (at the expense of your friendship) in which case thank them
ALL for their time but turn the offer down graciously.

Why are you falling out with your friend over something so ridiculous ?

[Kakser]

@cittigirl

I could understand the OP. Why do people get so bloody caught up in the spelling/grammar all the time. If you can't understand it then either move on or ask for clarification. Ffs what is it with MN these days.

I earn 30k a year. My first thought after reading the OP was genuine curiosity (genuinely!) about what job the OP does that she can afford to take a 30k pay cut and the pay still be okay, and yet write in such an unstructured way. I'm surprised someone in such a high salary would write in such a way and it seems others are too.

[PassTheDutchyUpYrLeftBackside]

@Kakser

In many areas / industries (mine included) you can earn significantly more freelancing than by being a permanent employee.

Being an employee gives more in terms on benefits, sick pay, pension etc, but in take-home terms, you could easily go from, eg, a freelance annual of £90k, to permanent salary of £60k.

That's what I inferred from the OP.

[RedToothBrush]

It's clear what the OP means

If it was clear, no one would be complaining.

There is an account on twitter I follow who jokes about when people start insisting something is clear, its undoubtably exactly the opposite.

I genuinely have no idea what the OP is talking about. Thats not being a grammar pedant, its just having no fucking idea whats been said. Its kinda important to a thread, in order to be able to understand it!

Still completely lost.

[PassTheDutchyUpYrLeftBackside]

Sometimes, @RedToothBrush , people post when they are in a state, angry, upset, had a drink, god knows what.

This is Mumsnet - there are hundreds of writing styles, of all different standards.

The OP wrote that she and her friend both work in the same field, her friend got OP
an interview at her company, where OP found out at that interview that friend has dishonestly told people in their circle that she was OPs boss, when she was only ever same level, if not lower,

I can see why that might make you rather pissed off.

[RedToothBrush]

@PassTheDutchyUpYrLeftBackside

Sometimes, *@RedToothBrush* , people post when they are in a state, angry, upset, had a drink, god knows what.

This is Mumsnet - there are hundreds of writing styles, of all different standards.

The OP wrote that she and her friend both work in the same field, her friend got OP
an interview at her company, where OP found out at that interview that friend has dishonestly told people in their circle that she was OPs boss, when she was only ever same level, if not lower,

I can see why that might make you rather pissed off.

Yes I get that, but it still, its kinda not helping yourself if you aren't coherent! No one can give advice / comment etc!

All they can do is go 'eh? what did you say' in response.

The point is people want to respond but are completely baffled!

It doesn't really matter what your educational level is if no one understands you. And saying but I'm educated and do this for a living doesn't really change the incoherence that causes the 'eh what?' Instead it just gets the backs up of people trying to understand.

But yeah ok.

[HalzTangz]

@Derbee

Too long, no paragraphs, too many spelling and grammar errors. Can’t work out the AIBU

It wasn't hard to understand.

Friend told people that OP used to work for her.

This wasn't true and OP raised this both during the interview and at lunch after the interview.

Friend also told other mutual friends the untruth.

Friend ignored OP for 5 days.

OP asking if it's unreasonable to cut off the friend

[QueenBee52]

OP cut her off.. she sounds like a egotistical dick... if she needs to tell people lies about shit like this.. she's embarrassing herself nobody else..

I'm glad you have your own business and it's a success... you clearly don't need these people...