To ask what age you think is too young to pass away

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I say under 80

Depends what age you are. When I was young I thought people in their 60s were old.

Under 65 / whenever children are set up

My parents are both still alive at 75 and 78 with various health ailments, nothing serious but all part of ageing. The past 10+ years ive seen how they are, put bluntly, wasting away time without the quality of life that they enjoyed in their 50s and 60s (luckily they retired early and and a happy 2 decades of a '2nd childhood', travelled, welcomed grandkids etc). They are at a stage where they are degenerating quickly health wise and not contributing much to their community. One is going senile.

I don't really want to live past 70 for this reason.

Also agree with the younger the more painful. I lost my boyfriend at 20 and that still hurts more than any other family loss in 40s, 50s.

@NuffSaidSam

I think it's a sliding scale rather than a specific cut-off. The younger the person, the sadder it is generally.

This in absolute buckets. That’s why when children die it’s so much more tragic than someone of say 83.

It’s the years list that they never had the opportunity to live, what they could have done, the families that will spend a lifetime grieving. It’s not the natural order so it’s so so sad

I would say 70

Lost

@Ginger1982

I don't think anything above 70 is 'too young to die.' Yes, it's sad these people didn't live longer but 70 is a good life innings. My dad was 43, my friend's little boy was 6 months. Both far too young

Exactly. This is how I see it. I’m sorry but if I died at 75 Ive still had a good innings. These poor souls haven’t.

I think people should think of it as what the person has had, in terms of years, rather than what they haven’t, when it comes to 70+

I think those suggesting under 70 may quickly change their minds when they reach that age. I'm 76 and despite being physically disabled, have no intention of popping off for a while.

@ParkheadParadise

I remember a lady in the queue outside Tesco asking me what I thought about Prince Philip dying( believe me she asked the wrong person) she seemed shocked that I thought at 99 he was well past his sell-by date. My dd was brutally Murdered at 23 and found by a stranger. I don't have time for people upset about 99-year-olds dying peacefully in their beds with their families beside them.

Aww that’s absolutely horrific. What a cross to bare that must be for you. I’m so sorry. I completely understand why you feel the way you do.

I feel exactly the same. At 99 you’ve lived about 17 years more than the average person. A very lucky person I would, but unlucky.

not unlucky

To me it's not about people wanting to die or not having a good life at an old age age, it's about the fact that we do all die and that the longer you go on, the less unjust it is. Someone in their 70s or 80s in very good health is extremely lucky and should be thankful they've had so long in good health. II'm only 41 but even I can see the difference in someone my age passing to a child. It's curious that people almost feeL entitled to ever lasting life for them and their relatives or that you have to be very ill for death to seem warranted. There are many gravely ill babies out there but you can't tell me their parents feel more at peace when they pass, whereas the death of a "fit and well" 70 year old is so much more fragile because they were enjoying life?

@Miseryl

To me it's not about people wanting to die or not having a good life at an old age age, it's about the fact that we do all die and that the longer you go on, the less unjust it is. Someone in their 70s or 80s in very good health is extremely lucky and should be thankful they've had so long in good health. II'm only 41 but even I can see the difference in someone my age passing to a child. It's curious that people almost feeL entitled to ever lasting life for them and their relatives or that you have to be very ill for death to seem warranted. There are many gravely ill babies out there but you can't tell me their parents feel more at peace when they pass, whereas the death of a "fit and well" 70 year old is so much more fragile because they were enjoying life?

Another post I completely agree with.

So many errors in my post! Terrible! Should say tragic not fragile!

I lost my mam in her 50’s (I was barely an adult) and my dad is nearby 80 now.

I would be sadder and more affected by a strangers child dying than my own dad dying. I was having this radon (albeit) conversion with my friend recently and she was quite shocked. It’s the tragedy of a child’s death that breaks my heart.

@DOINGOURBIT

Under pensionable age - without getting a chance to enjoy retirement with family.

Obviously the younger, the more sad it is. Lost family members at 24, 37 and 51, but also 91 and 99.

Yes, it's sad when people work hard and look forward to enjoying their retirement, then die before they have chance to enjoy a few golden years.

So, considering state pension age is now 66 or 67 for most people, 70 would seem too young to pass away. OTOH, I am not keen on living into my 80s, after what I witnessed my parents go through in their 80s.

The death of someone very young is truly tragic, but at the other end of the scale, there are people living to be very elderly, who have no quality of life due to dementia and/or other severe health problems, and that is a tragedy of a different kind.

I think it's a very hard question to answer.

As pp's have already said, quality of life is a big issue.

That's not something you can always put an age on.

In general terms though, I think people who die before enjoying retirement are "too young".

Obviously the younger someone is the greater the loss of years and sense of injustice at the loss.

Personally the hardest losses IME are people in their 30's with small children.

The impact on their children and spouses is awful.

I was annoyed that my grandmother died at 70. Thinking it was way too young and had at least 10 years in her. She had a stroke and died the next day. I was still a teenager and my cousins son born a month after she died and never got to meet him. I think 80s is a good age to die. My other grandmother died in her mid 80s and I thought that it’s expected, we can’t live forever. The uk life expectancy is currently 81. When an old person dies you’re sad because you miss them, when a young person dies you’re sad for their future they never had.

My feelings changed somewhat when my cousin in their early 30s died. That was too young but worse as they did not have any children (no part of them left, just gone forever) Their death was sudden, no warning at all. Death seems to happen young in my family and quickly. My dads father was in his early 40s, mums father was early 30s, mums brother late 40s and dads brother mid to late 50s.

Sounds strange to say but I think people that know they are dying/terminal illness are lucky. They can prepare for their death and their loved ones. When it is sudden, it’s a shock and brings up feelings that you would have never felt. For example, did I spend enough time with them, I never told them this or that, or we didn’t get to do this.

It’s sad when a person dies leaving behind young children but I don’t have that much empathy. Because I now in a heartbeat if people had a choice they would choose to die rather than their child. My cousin died leaving behind his mother and very ill father. They live in another country (parents home country). My cousins sibling lives here in the uk. My uncle passed this year (mid/late 60s) leaving behind my aunt on her own. No grandchildren to keep her occupied.

I don’t have much sympathy for old people dying because it’s expected. We all have to go someday but also because everyone around me dies so young. So I guess it just depends on your personal experience. I also find it hard when people talk about pets death. Realistically dogs have a life expectancy of 10-13yrs so it’s highly likely they will die before you. When people compare it to a family member I just think you clearly haven’t had a young person in your life die young. When a pet dies you don’t think about all the things your pet missed out on. A human, the grief is more complex. Such as they could’ve got married, had a family, etc.

I do feel awfully sad and angry when parents have lost their only child. Especially when the parents are too old or unable to have any more children after the death. I am by no means saying that having other children is replaceable but it does ease the pain. There was a couple who lost all three of their young kids on a plane crash. They were not flying with them. They had another child later on and even said they wouldn’t have had a child if it wasn’t for their deaths.

Losing a young person can make you really bitter but it’s not our fault. I regularly hear and see people on social media go on about their elderly parents or grandparents die. I’m left thinking their 83 why are you so bereft that you can’t cope. I saw a girl on tiktok mention she hasn’t showered in a few days because her cat died.

I think that if you can get through life only experiencing the loss of an elderly person die then you’re winning. Because the grief of a young person is like no other.

“Sounds strange to say but I think people that know they are dying/terminal illness are lucky. They can prepare for their death and their loved ones.”

In my experience I’d say not. I spent 3.5 years knowing my wonderful husband was going to die of cancer. The pressure to live well - make the most of our time together - with our young family, knowing we were going to lose him, was immense. The grief started early and it was one I had to put a brave face on because many people didn’t realise, and you can’t keep pointing it out, plus I was trying to give DH a good rest of life. So much guilt for the times I failed. We’d rather not have known, for sure. You can’t prepare a 5 and 7 year old for losing their hero. It’s just barbaric that it should happen at all.

Maybe you are right for much older people. I don’t know. But not ‘out of order’ deaths.

I think it depends how someone lived their life and how they died - someone I know recently passed away at 70 from lung cancer after being a smoker all their life, so not entirely unexpected. If they'd been healthy all their lives and died suddenly I'd have considered that too soon.

@hellcatspangle

I think it depends how someone lived their life and how they died - someone I know recently passed away at 70 from lung cancer after being a smoker all their life, so not entirely unexpected. If they'd been healthy all their lives and died suddenly I'd have considered that too soon.

I agree with this

I'd say about 85. My mother died at 82 and that seemed too early.

My father was 88 and though his death came as a complete shock (he had a massive stroke) when I tried to think about it objectively I didn't feel that he had been short-changed in the same way I felt my mother had been.

Having said that, three of my grandparents lived until their mid 90s, so I was surprised that neither of my parents made it to 90.

People are old at different ages/ age at different rates/ reach a point at which quality of life deteriorates significantly at different numbers of years old. Its always sad when people die just before retirement age or before having a few years of retirement, especially when they've saved up and postponed enjoying themselves until then.

Of course that will become the norm as retirement age as a universal concept becomes a thing of the past fairly soon and it becomes more normal not to retire because state pensions are no longer realistic for anyone still well enough to work, and work pension schemes are far less generous than in years gone by.

Obviously its a whole different level of too young if a parent of children under 18 dies, and horrific by anyone's standard if a child does.

80 is a good age though - living a full life in good health til 80 then dying suddenly without a long illness is pretty much ideal - better than carrying on for another decade or two after that in pain or with dementia with a low quality of life at any rate.

My parents are both mid seventies. Both very active and fit. My mum does lots of classes a week and. Generally enjoys life. My dad is a bit lazier. They are both far too young to die. I’d say 80/85.

I think under 70, and you've been short-changed.

My dad dropped dead unexpectedly at 62, and I know he'd have been severely miffed. Especially as both his parents lived well into their 80s, and 2 of his 4 grandparents got to late 90s.

I still don't know why a person's health is an indicator that the person's death is less unjust? Not everyone who is ill is to blame for their predicament. How can the death of a fit 80 year old be "too soon" when you have very ill young children dying of illnesses like leukaemia? It's a bizarre logic that death is somehow more palatable if someone is already unlucky enough to be ill, whereas the the healthy should live forever?

Under around 75. Actually having typed that if I hear of someone who has died and was 78 I’d think ‘oh there may have been a specific health issue’.
So I’m changing it to under 80.