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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what age you think is too young to pass away

218 replies

Youcanbesweet · 19/09/2021 16:50

I say under 80

OP posts:
Miseryl · 19/09/2021 20:22

Under 65

Dmsandfloatydress · 19/09/2021 20:22

Anything over three score and ten is a decent innings.

Davros · 19/09/2021 20:23

@Doggiedementia

24 weeks in utero. 24 hours old. 7. 23. 42. 59. 72.
Very sad Thanks
JustBrowwsing · 19/09/2021 20:24

Any age. We're gonna die? WTF.

ZenNudist · 19/09/2021 20:24

My parents are both in their 70s and much as I'd be upset, you couldn't say they're too young to die. 65 seems short changed but plenty of people do die from then on.

I get a bit irritated if people act like 80 somethings are cruelly taken from us too soon.

Suzi888 · 19/09/2021 20:26
aleC4 · 19/09/2021 20:27

My dad was 76 when he died in January this year and for him this far too young.
He was fit, healthy and had a full and happy life that he was loving.
His death was sudden and totally devastating for all of our family.
We all thought he'd have at least another 10 years.

ManifestingJoy · 19/09/2021 20:28

@JustBrowwsing

Any age. We're gonna die? WTF.
I feel like this.
lilyfire · 19/09/2021 20:28

My grandmother died at 102 but she was active and lively and wanted to come home from hospital. It felt too soon.

honeyisfunny · 19/09/2021 20:30

@NuffSaidSam

I think it's a sliding scale rather than a specific cut-off. The younger the person, the sadder it is generally.
Nobody likes to talk about it but my DD passed away at just 14 hours old. I know someone who's child passed away at 4 years old.

The 4 year old is sadder. It just is Sad

Rummikubfan · 19/09/2021 20:39

I think over 80. I had a grandparent who died in their 90’s. it was absolutely not a tragedy, they had been ready to go for years and we all breathed a sigh of relief for them

tttigress · 19/09/2021 20:40

An interesting question.

I would advise everyone to do everything they want to in live by 55 or 60 (I know easier said than done).

But these days, anything under 80 seems like you have been short changed. (Though dying at 75 is obviously quite different to dying at 25).

Siameasy · 19/09/2021 20:41

65
Once you get to 75 I’m thinking it could happen at any point

I get so irritated by the dramatics around so and so dying in his late 80s and it’s a massive tragedy. We are so lucky now with life expectancy.
My grandad died in his 60s; he sounded like a lovely man but I barely knew him. At the time that wasn’t considered out of the ordinary, however.

dementedma · 19/09/2021 20:42

Lost my best friend in May. She was 57. Too young

Miseryl · 19/09/2021 20:47

It is odd to me that people would find it a surprise that people in their 70s may die and expect them to carry on for years? My dad is 75 and I am very realistic about the fact that we could lose him any day. It would still be a shock and we would all be devastated but I wouldn't think him "too young".

I completely understand overwhelming sadness and an acute sense of loss when any loved one dies but it's an odd dimension to some people's grief that they never expect their loved ones to die (even parents when it's obvious and expected to me our parents will die before us) and the unfairness of losing that person, even when they were elderly. There is generally in our society a lack of acceptance of the inevitability of death which I don't think does us any favours in dealing with it.

Antiquestuff · 19/09/2021 20:47

11 weeks and 4 days is definitely too young Sad

Bagelsandbrie · 19/09/2021 20:49

My mum died of bowel cancer at age 70 and everyone kept remarking how young she was to die. I was a bit Confused because she seemed a very “old” 70 if that makes sense - lots of health conditions, old before her time and very frail (we didn’t have a good relationship if you can’t tell…)! My ex MIL however is 80 and seems about 40. Age is a really funny thing. Generally I think 70 onwards is a good age to get to.

Miseryl · 19/09/2021 20:50

@lilyfire too soon? At over 100? When death is 100% certain for everyone? To me I would absolutely take comfort in a long life lived, with no sense of injustice.

NuffSaidSam · 19/09/2021 20:58

[quote Miseryl]@lilyfire too soon? At over 100? When death is 100% certain for everyone? To me I would absolutely take comfort in a long life lived, with no sense of injustice. [/quote]
It can still feel to soon though, even though we all know it's coming. If someone is well and enjoying their life any age can feel too soon. It's like coming home from holiday.

Ozanj · 19/09/2021 20:59

Under 89

lilyfire · 19/09/2021 21:01

Miseryl - my dad died 20 years younger but had dementia and it was absolutely time for him to go. I guess my point is that it will feel too soon to people who love them if someone has a good quality of life and still has a zest for living. She still had a lot to give as a grandmother and great grandmother. She didn’t feel ‘worn out’. Of course objectively it wasn’t unjust like someone dying in their 30s or 40s or younger feels unfair.

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 19/09/2021 21:12

I think it depends on the person — I still have two DGM's, both 90.

If one died tomorrow I'd feel it was too soon — she still does a lot, and looks forward to things like seeing us all at Christmas, weddings, she'd like to see a great-grandchild etc. She makes plans for things like birthday presents, and what flowers she wants in her garden next summer etc. The other has dementia and doesn't really know us any more and spend a lot of time upset and scared. For her I'd still be sad she'd gone and miss her, but realistically she isn't enjoying her life or looking forward to things.

In general probably under 75 sounds quite young to me (although I've been lucky I suppose — most of the family I can remember have made 85, and a few have been over 100).

JaceLancs · 19/09/2021 21:15

Under 70 but that’s probably because I’m a long way off 70!
Ask me again when I’m 71 😂

ZednotZee · 19/09/2021 21:20

I agree from seventy onwards is a good innings.

Which makes me wonder why care home staff are having vaccines mandated, in order to hypothetically save people who are overwhelmingly in their eighties and nineties, from maybe dying from a virus.

echt · 19/09/2021 21:24

@ZednotZee

I agree from seventy onwards is a good innings.

Which makes me wonder why care home staff are having vaccines mandated, in order to hypothetically save people who are overwhelmingly in their eighties and nineties, from maybe dying from a virus.

I'm 67 soon, and no 70 + is not a good innings. Doctors don't think so either.

You're right about the crumblies in care homes. Fuck 'em, who cares?
Hmm

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