To ask what age you think is too young to pass away

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I say under 80

It's an interesting thread

My nana died aged 87 which surely is objectively a good innings but for a brief while I did emotionally feel that it was too soon even though quite clearly it wasn't.

She had all her marbles, didn't need any care, a bit slowed up walking and she didn't travel anywhere far anymore but she still baked delicious cakes and to most intents and purposes she seemed very well. She'd just moved into a lovely sheltered flat that she had really enjoyed choosing things for. That made me think couldn't we have had a few more years with her?

When I thought about it a bit more though it was exactly the right time. She would have hated to need care or be in a home. She had seen her grandchildren grow up and have kids of their own. My mum had already been diagnosed with the cancer that later killed her and I know she would not have wanted to bury her own daughter. She died peacefully at home in her own bed.

Basically by the time it seems like the right time it's probably already too late. We have to accept people dying whilst they are still 'good' or accept that they will suffer in the last years of their lives.

I hope I have a death like nana's.
My mum was barely 70 when she died of cancer but she had a good death too in many ways. She was still active and well to the last few weeks/ months of her life.
I miss her every day but that's selfishness really. I would not have wanted her to carry on but to suffer.
My other granny was in a care home with dementia for a number of years and her death was long drawn out and very hard.

You're right about the crumblies in care homes. Fuck 'em, who cares?

No. I think you'll find its rather 'fuck the minimum wage arsewipers' actually.

You're right about the crumblies in care homes. Fuck 'em, who cares?

I don't think anyone thinks that but death is the only certain thing we have. We will all die. Death is sad on a personal level....but in terms of society, we'd be screwed if people stopped dying

@ZednotZee

You're right about the crumblies in care homes. Fuck 'em, who cares?

No. I think you'll find its rather 'fuck the minimum wage arsewipers' actually.

Not quite getting my point, which was the utter callousness of the poster.

And no having concern about the elderly does not mean not having concern about their carers.

My mum being diagnosed with a terminal illness in her 60s has focused my mind though.

I feel like I may only have 20 or so good years left and I am not going to waste them all at work. I am actively planning to retire early and travel the world whilst I still can.

My dad is really fit and well in his 70s but I don't take him for granted at all either. I make sure we see him a lot and spend quality time. I am acutely aware we may only have a few years left that he could still come on a foreign holiday or drive down to see us here.

@Comedycook

You're right about the crumblies in care homes. Fuck 'em, who cares?

I don't think anyone thinks that but death is the only certain thing we have. We will all die. Death is sad on a personal level....but in terms of society, we'd be screwed if people stopped dying

But that's not what I said.

As for the hypothesis that somehow we'd be fucked if people stopped dying is bizarre.

@ZednotZee

You're right about the crumblies in care homes. Fuck 'em, who cares?

No. I think you'll find its rather 'fuck the minimum wage arsewipers' actually.

Surely, the vaccine also protects the minimum wage arsewipers and their families? They might not die of covid, but could be ill with it/need hospital treatment. It's a win-win. Not a sacrifice that the staff are making to save the residents.

@echt

No, it just means that the hypothetical health of the elderly supercedes that of the care workers.

[quote ZednotZee]@echt

No, it just means that the hypothetical health of the elderly supercedes that of the care workers.[/quote]
No it doesn't.

As for the hypothesis that somehow we'd be fucked if people stopped dying is bizarre

Well we would be.

Of course, it objectively sadder when someone very young dies.

'As for the hypothesis that somehow we'd be fucked if people stopped dying is bizarre.'

I think that's true actually. If people continued to age, but never died we'd have a care crisis much bigger than the one we have now. We'd have to start killing people, then the what age is reasonable question would really come into sharp focus!

Hopefully the person who said anything over 30 is good isn't in charge at that point!

@NuffSaidSam

The vaccine isn't safe for everybody.

My mother suffered a prerenal AKI and neurological symptoms following her second dose.
Had she been a care worker and had the vaccine under mandation or else lose her job there would have been no company sick pay, private medical insurance or liability admitted from the pharma company.

This shouldn't be mandated. Much less to 'save' a person who would die from any respiratory virus due to age and comorbidity.

I remember thinking my mum was at an okay age to die in her late fifties. I was in my early twenties so didn’t really have much perspective I think. I got a bit older and realised that’s quite young. Then got older again and experienced (not personally but through reading and social circles) children dying and realised that to make it well into middle age is really, nothing to complain about.

My heart absolutely aches for people who’ve lost children.

Ultimately it depends on your perception of the person. If they’re sick and wasting away at any age you’ll feel like it was an appropriate time to go, I know I felt like my mum had lasted as long as she could manage (alcoholism). Whereas my dad in his seventies now, if he died tomorrow I’d be shocked and heartbroken. But it wouldn’t mean seventies isn’t a good age to reach.

Depends how the person lives. If you drive like a maniac, drink loads, smoke loads, eat crap, take drugs, then living almost any time at all feels like you've been lucky. If you live healthily and sensibly then popping off before 75 seems unfortunate.

I think under 75.
My grandparents were 50, 73, 86 and 92 when they all died. So very varied.
My parents are 70 and 72 and in good health.

I think 80+ is a good age to die

@BangLyricalBlowToTheJaw

I agree. Lost my beloved dad at fifty three.

I have a friend who lost a child and my loss pales in to insignificance. My Dad lived a good, full life. Saw the world, met his DGC.
Her son was a mere baby.

Seventy is a gift imo.

My death might not be a tragedy for any of you but I'll be utterly gutted if I'm told my time's up at 60. That's far too young to die.

I think 80 seems about right. I base this on my own grandparents. One died around that age and was in excellent health until about two months before he died - just enough time to say his goodbyes and get everything in order. That's how I want to do it when the time comes. My other grandad was in his sixties - that's far too young. My grandmothers were both in their nineties and their final years were spent existing rather than living. It was a horrible slow decline to watch. So 80ish seems like a good innings to me.

I think anything under 80 is pretty young to die. My mum was 52. The older I get the more I realise that 52 really is very young to pass away.

Three score years and ten is it not?

[quote ZednotZee]@BangLyricalBlowToTheJaw

I agree. Lost my beloved dad at fifty three.

I have a friend who lost a child and my loss pales in to insignificance. My Dad lived a good, full life. Saw the world, met his DGC.
Her son was a mere baby.

Seventy is a gift imo.[/quote]
Absolutely.

If you’ve managed to live your life, meet someone and marry if you wanted to, have children, see them to adulthood, see places and have a nice time, then that’s something to cherish. Doesn’t make it any less sad for loved ones. It can be devastating to lose a ninety year old if they’re your family. But I can’t imagine any pain like the pain of losing a child. I found grieving my mother incredibly painful and a really long process, but I’d do that a hundred times over every day of my life if it was a choice between that or something happen to my child.

Under retirement age - you feel like people deserve to enjoy even a little bit of retirement.

Once they've reached their 80's, as sad as it is for their loved ones, they've had a good innings.

I know a young dad who was killed by a dangerous driver and I do feel like he was robbed of the rest of his life and its so sad his children should have their dad with them as they grow up and reach adulthood.

I'd say over 70 but at 50 I'm starting to have friends die (cancer, heart attacks) and have serious health conditions which is sobering. People with children still in FT education it's tragic but once your children are independent in reality it's not, the impact of your death on other people is not the same. My father died at 70, his youngest child at the time was 30. We all miss him desperately and I wish he'd had good health for longer and he didn't want to die but his death wasn't the same tragedy as my friend's father who died when we were teenagers.

@lilyfire I do understand what you mean but I suppose my view is based not on how someone still presents but on how many years they have had on earth, particularly good years so I would still see a younger person's death as more unjust, even if they were very ill. An older person who had all those years of excellent health has been very lucky and therefore it would very much be their time/not too soon.

I lost my own mum when she was 53 and since my dad turned 65 ish, I have been preparing myself mentally for his death. I consider us very lucky to have every additional year with him (he is 75) and the older I get with him still around, the luckier I feel. I would feel exceptionally lucky if he lived till 105, I can't imagine ever feeling that was "too soon".

Under 75