Page 7 | To ask what age you think is too young to pass away

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 19/09/2021 22:12

My mum died in July aged 81. She was still enjoying life even the day before she died and was loved and gave love in return. She was sharp witted and mentally very with it. Her death seemed premature to her family. Though statistically I know it’s not.

Miseryl · 19/09/2021 22:14

And even though my mum dying at 53 felt so cruel at the time I can absolutely distinguish between her death and that of a child. Your parents will die. That's just a fact of life. My grief was not so much at the loss of her, but the loss of her so soon (I was 22).

Comedycook · 19/09/2021 22:16

@Miseryl

And even though my mum dying at 53 felt so cruel at the time I can absolutely distinguish between her death and that of a child. Your parents will die. That's just a fact of life. My grief was not so much at the loss of her, but the loss of her so soon (I was 22).

Yes, my parents died when I was quite young...both gone by the time I was 25. It was sad but I can continue my life and be happy. It's the natural order of things. If my dc died, I know I'd never be happy again.

RumblyMumbly · 19/09/2021 22:16

@LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood sorry for your Mum's loss, it's always hard to lose a parent as they are one of the only constants you have throughout your life. I hope it's a comfort that she was able to enjoy life right to the end.

NCForthisxox · 19/09/2021 22:18

@LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood

My mum died in July aged 81. She was still enjoying life even the day before she died and was loved and gave love in return. She was sharp witted and mentally very with it. Her death seemed premature to her family. Though statistically I know it’s not.

Sorry to hear about your mum's death, I do sometimes think it's a kindness when someone passes after a short illness. A long illness, decline and caring responsibilities is very hard on family and friends. Working in elderly medicine I hope I die from a short illness rather than a long drawn out decline.

TyotyaKlava · 19/09/2021 22:19

I’d have said under 70 before. But my dad died of COVID aged 72 last month and it is truly devastating. I’d say 80+ but to the clues family it will always be hard regardless the age

TheKeatingFive · 19/09/2021 22:25

I think under 75, but health would have a big impact.

FIL died at 71 and I felt like he was short changed. But a lot of that comes from him being fit and active for his age.

Miseryl · 19/09/2021 22:27

@Comedycook I'm sorry you lost both of your parents by 25, that must've been very tough. And yes, I wouldn't feel like living if either of my DC died before me whereas I never felt like that when my mum passed, despite being absolutely broken at the time.

tunnocksreturns2019 · 19/09/2021 22:32

Oh I don’t know. It’s a hard question.

My DH died aged 37 which was a rubbish age to die because our DC were 5 and 7, and I’m so so sad they’ve missed out on years of wonderful parenting from a fantastic dad. Plus his parents have been grieving him for the past five years too. As for me - he was the love of my life and we should’ve had another 40-50 years together, and I will miss him for all time. He had stuff he wanted to do, too. Just the sort of bloke everyone loved to have around.

So I don’t know. But it’s not 37.

RumblyMumbly · 19/09/2021 22:50

@tunnocksreturns2019 so sorry for you and your families loss. I think that's hit the nail on the head, it's when you know they had a life they still wanted to lead it makes it so much harder to accept. If they were at the point when they'd done what they wanted -and for some people when they've had enough of declining in old age -it is easier to accept their passing.

gofg · 19/09/2021 22:53

Doesn't matter what age really, if you're still in good health and of sound mind then any age is too young

This is the best answer. Young people seem to think that once a person reaches a certain age they are ready to pop off, but if they are still healthy and enjoying life then they no more want to go than anyone else does.

gofg · 19/09/2021 22:59

I agree from seventy onwards is a good innings.

Really? You might think differently once you get to 70. I have friends approaching that age - two of them have only just had their fathers die in recent months, I doubt they are ready to join them just yet!

KT727 · 19/09/2021 23:18

Under 80 but I think it's particularly sad under 75. That said, there's a big difference between a 70 year old dying and a 50 year old.

KT727 · 19/09/2021 23:19

I definitely do not think of 70 as a good innings!

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 19/09/2021 23:24

In the end I think the person themselves probably knows

My dad is early 70s and in perfect health. He wants to go on living. He isn't depressed or wanting to die but equally he lost the love of his life when my mum died, he has seen his children grow up and have children of their own and he watched both his parents die a slow death from dementia.

If he could choose to die now, which to me of course is too early, or in 10 or 15 years with dementia in a care home I absolutely know he would choose to go 'early'. He has a morbid fear of dementia and care homes after his experiences with my grandparents and I would not wish for him to face that.

Unselfishly I hope he gets his wish even if my selfish instinct is to keep him around as long as I can.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 19/09/2021 23:28

My ex was 30, that was too young. I weirdly guilty that I’ve made it to my 40’s. I barely made anyone who made it past 80’s so I can’t say 80 is too young really. If you are not suffering a long decline it’s a shock for everyone, that’s not really the same as too young.

ZednotZee · 19/09/2021 23:32

Really? You might think differently once you get to 70. I have friends approaching that age - two of them have only just had their fathers die in recent months, I doubt they are ready to join them just yet!

Well experiences differ, rather markedly in fact.

My DGP died at 50, 57, 61 and 62.
My DF at 53.

I'll be bloody well cock a hoop to reach seventy.

Guineapigbridge · 19/09/2021 23:36

70

Honeyroar · 19/09/2021 23:37

@DOINGOURBIT

Under pensionable age - without getting a chance to enjoy retirement with family.

Obviously the younger, the more sad it is. Lost family members at 24, 37 and 51, but also 91 and 99.

Yes I think you’re right - under pension age. Or under 70.

vdbfamily · 19/09/2021 23:38

My parents are late 70's and in pretty good health but feel they have had a good run and happy to go whenever their time comes. However, our family have lost a few members too young, including my brother a couple of years ago, which puts it into perspective for them. They also have a strong faith and think that their life here is just the start of greater things so no fear of the end.

KeyboardWorriers · 19/09/2021 23:39

My first boyfriend died age 19, my best friend when I was 23. And a few other school friends had died by time I was 25. I have never taken reaching middle age for granted, let alone old age. I every yea ttyat passes feels like an unexpected gift.

Rinkytinkpanther · 19/09/2021 23:40

My cousin had terminal lung cancer recently diagnosed and was sent home. She died a week later the day before her 60th birthday.

HSHorror · 19/09/2021 23:41

My mum had heart attack around 55 when 1 was early 20s. That was very young. She survived and had a stent. Now 70s.
I do think we need a uk dignitas though for people who want to go or go when they get dementia

HSHorror · 19/09/2021 23:42

Also a friend died at 12 and that was devastating for her mum.

Spidey66 · 19/09/2021 23:47

My parents died young, i think.....my dad was 56 and my mum 67.

I'm 55 now and it's scary how close I am to the age my dad was when he died. (Ps I don't wish to offend anyone but while I'm ok to say my mum died of cancer, the cause of my dad's death is painful even 25 years later and I don't like talking about it so please don't ask.)