To think 36 isn’t that old for a first baby

[Youcanbesweet]

Old school friend has told me that people are saying she’s too old to be pregnant.

I'm early 30s and I feel exhausted with a 2 & 4 year old. I would be shattered at 36.

It's older than average for a first baby and older than is physically ideal, but as she IS pregnant then it's obviously not "too old".

I had my youngest age 40 and sailed through pregnancy, had an easy birth/recovery and found the baby and toddler years easier than I had aged 30+, just didn't seem as
as tiring. However I'm now 47, daughter 7, and I'm feeling my age a bit. Starting to get perimenopausal sweats, insomnia and anxiety. Also back and joint issues (age related deteriotation). I want to retire at 60 but daughter will still be uni age so I'm worrying about what I need to save up for that. My own parents are late 70s with health problems so I worry about them too.

I didn't mean to have a 10 year gap between children (secondary infertility) and its worth it to have my wonderful daughter, but not ideal to have a baby late in life for the reasons I mention.

I'm early 30s and I feel exhausted with a 2 & 4 year old. I would be shattered at 36.
But you're tired because of your children iykwim? First time mother it would be different surely?

Most of my friends started a career / got a PhD / medical degree / worked, and we all had kids in our mid 30.

I couldn't imagine having a baby in my early twenties, I was in full time education then! First at 30 (was the youngest in my NCT class), second due when I'm 36. I probably wouldn't want to be much older but that's just how I feel as I'm tired

I was 36. Most mums I met at the time were in the same bracket, give or take a few years.

I think it's too old but she's already pregnant so it's just nasty for people to say that to her now.

Of course not too old. My friends and family had babies late 30s and 40s I was 39 and 40 myself.

36 with my first, 40 with my second. Not in the slightest bit weird in my friendship group.

36 is ok, not young and definitely not old. People should keep their negative opinions to themselves.

@stayathomer

I'm early 30s and I feel exhausted with a 2 & 4 year old. I would be shattered at 36. But you're tired because of your children iykwim? First time mother it would be different surely?

That’s exactly the case lol. People who already have kids are tired and can’t imagine doing it when they are 10 years older. When your 36 abd childless you generally have few responsibilities and a full quota of sleep, even naps!!!!! Of course now I’m nearly 50 and completely knackered I think of these women who have IVF around my age and think they’re bonkers. Well of course I do, I get woken twice a night and gave a constant bloody cold due to the kids.

@rhowton

I'm early 30s and I feel exhausted with a 2 & 4 year old. I would be shattered at 36.

There isn't a rapid decline in energy levels between early thirties and mid thirties, I can't see why there'd be any difference in the level of tiredness at all.

I had my DS at 44, conceived naturally

I was 36 with my first.
My mother was 30 with her first. 35 with her last (third).

I don't think it's old at all.

I think it's the norm nowadays. But to my religious MIL and SIL, it is ancient though I pointed out to MIL that she had her 4th child at 36 and since most women noway would have 1 or 2, it's not really different to her starting at 28 and having 4 kids in 8 years. After all it's not like she skipped the baby stage at 36, it probably was even more exhausting for her as she had 3 children aged 8,6 and 3!

I am planning to have my child at such an age even though I was married at 22... probably going to stop at one though I think if you are in a good financial situation and can afford a nanny/2 lots of childcare, you can have 1 at 36 and 1 at 38 and it doesn't make much difference.

Tell your friend to join NCT classes it's usually 30 somethings there. It's definitely not too old, I was the youngest out of my antenatal group at 32 when I had DS.

The only time I felt "old" was at the maternity hospital as the other "ladies" really were girls the oldest was 19 out of 5 other mothers! Very sadly 3 out of the 5 were more interested in their phones or visitors then tending to their babies when they were crying or thinking the midwives fed, changed and cared for their babies.... Obviously not all young mums are like this but the ones on my ward were.

All classes, baby groups and toddler groups I have been to have been the same generally age range of 27+ including church run ones of 50p attendance.

There is a wide range of ages

@Dazedandconfused2021

I think it's too old but she's already pregnant so it's just nasty for people to say that to her now.

Can you explain why it's too old?

Is there some aspect of being a mother that is impossible after age 36?

I had my 5th at 36, but I wouldn't say it's old for your first. Seemingly it's becoming more normal.

Honestly these sorts of comments enrage me.

I was 39 when I had my first (and only) child. There are obviously more biological risks for a pregnancy as you get older but 36 is pretty standard. And numerous societal and financial benefits to being an older mother.

People need to keep their narrow minded opinions to themselves.

Bollocks. Virtually every woman I know (and this is no exaggeration) had their kids over the age of 34.

I’d personally hate it. However, I guess if it’s her first then she’s more likely to be financially settled and she’s had the fun of her twenties and early thirties. I’d say a baby at 36, if you’d had your first at 18 would be an entirely different matter as you’d be starting again just as you’re getting your freedom back 😂

@rhowton

I'm early 30s and I feel exhausted with a 2 & 4 year old. I would be shattered at 36.

You don’t suddenly become a decrepit old wreck because you’re over 35!

Biologically it is an older age which carries some risks but it's not "too old" for many and it's rude to say.

@rhowton

I'm early 30s and I feel exhausted with a 2 & 4 year old. I would be shattered at 36.

That's about either you or your children though, I had children that age when I was in my 30s and didn't feel shattered but so what?

Everyone is different and no one should be put off because another person didn't cope well

I think the fact she's pregnant is kind of the proof in the pudding that she's not too old...

I had DD at 35 and my NCT group (as a not very wide benchmark) ranged from about 25 to just shy of 40 so there's a good range locally, baby groups I would say were about the same. I'm glad we waited a bit, it's been easier financially and for going back to work as well as feeling I'd had plenty of 'me' time, but that's just me. I'd have felt differently if it had taken much longer than the four months of trying that it did, I'm sure.